Questions That Keep Me Up At Night (the lesser list) vol. ii

Quote of the Day:  from “Stand By Me” (1986)

Gordie: Do you think I’m weird? 
Chris: Definitely. 
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird? 
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody’s weird. 

TB used to spend a lot of time in bars, taverns, saloons, dives, clubs and joints. Not so much any more, but I do enjoy an occasional trip down memory lane. Such was the case this past Saturday. I look at things in these places through a different lens now than I used to. For instance, while standing at the urinal the question nearly overwhelmed me: “Am I the only dude in the world that never thinks to bring a sharpie in here?”

Who was the evil genius who invented escape-proof drive thru lanes? Was there an epidemic of people suddenly changing their minds about which fast food they wanted? Were so many people, like TB, cutting out of line and leaving when the pace of advance was unduly slow? I also wonder why the fact that all-ALL-drive thrus eschew the “o” and the “gh” gives me an unaccountable feeling of warmth on the inside.

Why do hair stylists, mechanics and dental hygienists have the power to get me feeling so worthless? I know this is not an original observation–Seinfeld did episodes on all three. It’s still a lesser question that keeps me up at night. “You don’t use hair gel or a blow dryer?!” “Your car will DIE if you don’t get this fuel injection treatment!” “Your flossing is insufficient and insulting!”  In each of their faces I see the old SNL skit from during the OJ years of F. Lee Bailey sneering at the pathologist who admitted he did not, when in the shower, rinse and repeat, “You dis-gust me.”

Did Mark Twain ever feel the need to repeatedly peruse his own blog tablet, quietly chuckling to himself about a joke nobody else liked or would he have emailed written a buddy and said, “hey man…did you see that thing I wrote about authoritarianism, cliches and hypocrisy my death being exaggerated? It was funny, right?  You’ll stand by me right? ‘Cause I’m not getting much reaction.

Mickey’s a mouse. Donald’s a duck. Pluto’s a dog. What the hell is Yoda.

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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11 Responses to Questions That Keep Me Up At Night (the lesser list) vol. ii

  1. Madd Dawg says:

    Mechanics and computer technical support people are the worst. When your car or computer are giving you enough trouble that you have to call them, those guys can pretty much tell you anything, throw out some fancy jargon and give you a price to fix it. What choice do you have but to give them to go ahead? But you secretly believe that they could have fixed the problem much more quickly, and cheaply, and that they somehow rigged your car or computer so that some other problem would surface in a couple of weeks. I think that most people secretly hate them.

  2. True that. Brings to mind another classic SNL line from years ago–the tech guy skit, probably not memorable to anyone besides me.

    “Move.”

  3. Samsmama says:

    Oh how I love “Stand by Me”. It was on a few weeks ago and I enjoyed it all over again.

    I haven’t been to the dentist in way too long because she makes me feel like such a failure at life. My hair stylist is a friend that I know entirely way too intimately, so I’m cool there. And I’m a girl, so I don’t mess with mechanics.

    I changed my mind at Burger King one time. Threw it in reverse and slammed into the car behind me. In my defense, I was really high.

    Nick Burns, the computer guy? Or older? And, seriously, what is Yoda?

  4. Good list. Great questions/insights. However, regarding jokes, you’re a victim of your own ability. Often, there are too many good jokes to comment on each one without sounding like a sycophant.

  5. I’ll see your sycophant(s) and raise you a patronize.

    SM–I find your defense compelling.

  6. Samsmama says:

    I just had a “Stand By Me” flashback. Years ago a guy said to me, “I don’t shutup, I grow up, and when I look at you I throw up.” Without missing a beat I told him, “And then your mother goes around the corner and licks it up.” He got up and walked off. Another friend informed me his mom had not long ago died from a brain tumor. Good times.

  7. quail09 says:

    ha…that sounds like somethin that would happen to me

  8. Zeek says:

    The very end of Stand By Me has always stuck with me. They show Dreyfuss, who has been narrating the whole time, finishing the story on his Commodore 64, and he finishes with telling what happened to the other three kids. It’s kinda sad, but what he says is true. You never have friends again in life as close or as likely to be friends for life as those you have in early teen adolescence. Good Times.

  9. coachteajay says:

    what does OMAHA stand for? Ole Miss At Home Again!!!

  10. Jessie Lou says:

    Your old dental hygenist in Pgoula always asks about you and tells me what a great guy you are. I switched back to her after the new little hygenist told me my teeth were stained from red wine and made a little noise. I fixed her – I switched back to Tanna and let her know what was said and she told me my teeth were absolutely not stained. As for the hairdresser, I only go about once a year so I couldn’t care less – they always ask am I there for the annual haircut so I know they probably have comments after I leave. I think I am pretty mechanically inclined and had a great relationship with my old mechanic until he died. Fortunately the guy I married is a McGyver and can fix just about anything and he seems to like me a whole bunch so I’m in the clear. The only thing I can completely agree with you on is the tablet thing – I periodically go back and read things I’ve written to see if I could improve upon it.

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