TB was in (on?) Beech Mountain over New Year’s, as you already know if you follow the blog. As always, I was on the lookout for a conversation worth recapturing in print. On our last evening, FlyinJ and I ordered takeout from one of the hospitable hillbillies in an authentic mountaintop Eye-talian eatery. Here’s how that went:
TB–I’d like to get an order of wings–I can split that order between two flavors, right?
Hillbilly Bleach Blonde–Nope.
TB–(very brief blank stare)
TB–OK, I’ll take an order of parmesan garlic and an order of “Billy Bob’s Blazin Hot”
HBB–(looking down at pad, writing in big curly cursive and very slowly)
TB–(after 37 seconds elapsed) An order of cheesy bread, an order of fries, and a house salad.
TB–What’s the last thing you heard?
HBB–(consulting pad) Billy Bob’s Blazin Hot Wings
TB–An order of cheesy bread, an order of fries and a house salad.
HBB–(starts writing again, with Smily faces inside the round letters)–That all?
TB–(suspiciously) What’s the last thing you heard?
TB–An order of fries.
TB–A house salad.
HBB–(thinking for about 5 seconds) We don’t got salad tonight.
TB–(consulting menu) Hmmm, I guess if you don’t have stuff to make the salad you can’t make the veggie sandwich either, right?
HBB–We can do that.
TB–(consulting menu more closely) But, aren’t they the same ingredients pretty much?
TB–(vanquished) OK, I’ll take the veggie sandwich.
FlyinJ–And I’d like an order of spaghetti and another cheesy bread.
<Thirty minutes later>
Disembodied voice–Travellinbaen, your order’s ready.
TB–(seeing nothing) blank stare
HBB–(studiously looking away from TB for two minutes)
TB–(resolutely staring blankly at HBB)
HBB–Are you Travellinbaen?
HBB–We’re out of spaghetti. We got ziti.
FlyinJ–You’re out of spaghetti? Isn’t this a pasta place?
TB–(still staring blankly at HBB)
FlyinJ–Isn’t that like Taco Bell running out of ground beef?
HBB–(uncomprehending) We got ziti.
FlyinJ–How about fettucine? Bowtie? Macaroni?
HBB–We got ziti.