A Hillbilly Ski Trip Conversation

TB was in (on?) Beech Mountain over New Year’s, as you already know if you follow the blog. As always, I was on the lookout for a conversation worth recapturing in print. On our last evening, FlyinJ and I ordered takeout from one of the hospitable hillbillies in an authentic mountaintop Eye-talian eatery. Here’s how that went:

TB–I’d like to get an order of wings–I can split that order between two flavors, right?

Hillbilly Bleach Blonde–Nope.

TB–(very brief blank stare)

TB–OK, I’ll take an order of parmesan garlic and an order of “Billy Bob’s Blazin Hot”

HBB–(looking down at pad, writing in big curly cursive and very slowly)

TB–(after 37 seconds elapsed) An order of cheesy bread, an order of fries, and a house salad.

HBB–Ok, what?

TB–What’s the last thing you heard?

HBB–(consulting pad) Billy Bob’s Blazin Hot Wings

TB–An order of cheesy bread, an order of fries and a house salad.

HBB–(starts writing again, with Smily faces inside the round letters)–That all?

TB–(suspiciously) What’s the last thing you heard?

HBB–Cheesy Bread.

TB–An order of fries.

HBB–French Fries?


HBB–That all?

TB–A house salad.

HBB–(thinking for about 5 seconds) We don’t got salad tonight.

TB–(consulting menu) Hmmm, I guess if you don’t have stuff to make the salad you can’t make the veggie sandwich either, right?

HBB–We can do that.

TB–(consulting menu more closely) But, aren’t they the same ingredients pretty much?

HBB–(blank stare)

TB–(blank stare)

HBB–(blank stare)

TB–(vanquished) OK, I’ll take the veggie sandwich.

FlyinJ–And I’d like an order of spaghetti and another cheesy bread.

<Thirty minutes later>

Disembodied voice–Travellinbaen, your order’s ready.

TB–(seeing nothing) blank stare

HBB–(studiously looking away from TB for two minutes)

TB–(resolutely staring blankly at HBB)

HBB–Are you Travellinbaen?


HBB–We’re out of spaghetti. We got ziti.

FlyinJ–You’re out of spaghetti? Isn’t this a pasta place?


TB–(still staring blankly at HBB)

FlyinJ–Isn’t that like Taco Bell running out of ground beef?

HBB–(uncomprehending) We got ziti.

FlyinJ–How about fettucine? Bowtie? Macaroni?

HBB–We got ziti.

About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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13 Responses to A Hillbilly Ski Trip Conversation

  1. Zeek says:

    You gotta love HBB’s, don’t ya? Remind me to tell you about a great blank stare moment that involves my wife and a Russian exchange student sales clerk at a surf shop/ tourist trap in Destin. It started my marriage off with a bang I assure.

  2. Jessie Lou says:

    I had a similar experience with a blonde male waiter at the new restaurant downtown called Cabana’s. He was asked what the choice of potato was and he replied “baked”. That was followed up with “ummm, choice indicates two to choose from” and he replied, “yes, baked”.

    Or the wrong number I dialed this week. I was trying to reach a client. The number he gave me rang at the Walmart Eye Center somewhere in Lower Alabama. The second time I dialed and the same young lady (hair color unknown) answered I proceeded to ask her what number I dialed. Her response was “I don’t know it just rings.”

  3. Greeg says:

    Baen, how did the ‘disembodied voice’ pronounce travellinbaen?

  4. sounded a little like Luke Skywalker calling for Obi Wan when he was hanging under Cloud City

  5. sweet says:

    I was watching the one where Luke was in the blizzard and that Bumble hung him up in the cave. The scene where he was lying in the snow and saw Obi Wan, he said “Baaeen” more like the Baen we know. Are we sure we have the right scene when you walked in?

  6. No I’m not sure. Could’ve been the Hoth one. BTW, when are they gonna put the schwa sign on a keyboard so my name can be typed with its official spelling?

  7. sweet says:

    yeah thats difficult to do on here

  8. Smilyj says:

    Haven’t been here in afew days. Want to go skiing again. Thinking about going to Utah and tryn it there. We can get good deals on condos there. Ever been there? If so, is it cool? Also, knelms is gay.

  9. quail09 says:

    Smilyj……Park City is as cool as it gets when it come to skiing….i remember much longer slopes than Colorado…..unbelievable scenery, of course….also, Deer Park?….nearby is equally enjoyable…..have a good time

  10. face says:

    I was in Park City last summer. No skiing, but it was still cool. I don’t how true it is, but the locals claim Utah has the best snow in the world and there are several ski resorts close to Salt Lake City.

  11. I went to Park City on my first trip and loved it. It’s an awesome town too. I’ll be going back. Deer Valley is 5 minutes away and Canyons about 10. DV is high dollar, but probably worth it. One of the best things about Park City and the surrounding ski areas is the easy accessibility via Salt Lake’s airport, which Southwest flies to. God, I wanna go skiing. Might have to be next winter though.

    I met a college kid from Jackson a couple of weeks ago who was on his way to Park City to be a ski instructor for the winter. Smart kid.

  12. smilyj says:

    Damn college kids……………….Wish I was one.

  13. Madd Dawg says:

    I can certainly understand why you would want to relive those 6 glorious years of your college experience which consisted primarily of you and Grigson huddled closely together in the dark every night watching tv and sipping on Appletini’s. Those were the days!

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