Quote of the Day “American will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.” –Abraham Lincoln
I realize this is old news, but I couldn’t let a story like this completely disappear before giving you the Travellinbaen take and hearing your own thoughts.
A former KGB analyst and well known Russian professor, Igor Panarin has become something of a TV celebrity in Russia and a brainless laughingstock here in the states for predicting the United States will collapse in June or July, 2010, due to the financial crisis and other causes. He says the result will be civil war and the ultimate division of the country into 6 regional combinations under the protection of western Europe, Mexico, Canada, China, Japan, and of course Russia, respectively. Mississippi gets stuck with Mexico, and vice-versa, as you may have guessed. TB, having studied the article intensely by reading through it once, is unclear if the civil war will be a battle royal amongst the six or a traditional blue-gray grudge match. But if Minnesota’s new country taps Jesse the Body Ventura to lead, look for the Carolina region to answer with the Nature Boy, Ric Flair. I for one think the political rhetoric in what will be the former United States will have been upgraded. Other than oratorical changes, here are some things to look for if Igor turns out to have a brain after all.
- Citizens of Mexico City will start a “Spanish language only” movement in reaction to frustration from diners suspicious their norteamericano waiters are secretly insulting them in English.
- Sarah Palin’s husband will join an Alaskan secessionist group that is anti-Russia and Palin will become a prominent political/tabloid figure in Moscow. One year later, coincidentally she witnesses the collapse of her second country in three years.
- With the United States no longer available to sneer at or hide behind, France will surrender to Germany.
- China gets its turn in Afghanistan. A few years later Chinese families are no longer restricted to one child apiece.
- White Mississippians suddenly become very passionate about civil rights, affirmative action and minority representation.
- George Bush goes to Saudi Arabia for medical treatment. Angry American Texican students seize the Saudi embassy in Midland, Texas. The Saudi population uses the incident to fuel a growing national demand to rid itself of dependence on American movies. There are long lines in Riyadh for screenings of Aquaman II starring Vincent Chase and new box office records are set. The Ayatollah calls for luxury taxes on the theater cabal.
- Mississippi State wins the Sugar Bowl and the New Orleans Saints follow up one month later with a Super Bowl title. The Arctic freezes over.
- Michael Moore does a documentary about how great life was in the old USA back in the 2000’s.
- With no more Great Satan to rally the idiots behind, the Middle East embraces the peace process remains unchanged.
- Former Americans-the cowboys, the hippies, the rebels and the yanks- remember why their ancestors left all those countries in the first place. A revolution ensues. Save yo’ greenbacks boys. The USA will rise again!