Underdog of the Week, Paul Thorn

Posted on September 15, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“The song says ‘Hank Williams was in the darkness when he sang I Saw the Light. I believe there’s good in everyone, I hope I’m doing this right’,” Thorn reflects. “I was talking to somebody the other day about this and they said, ‘As big an alcoholic and a screw-up as Hank Williams was, how did he ever write a song that beautiful?’ And I said, ‘He was able to write it because he was an alcoholic and a screw-up. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have even recognized where the darkness and light were.”

Mojo Nixon interviewed Paul Thorn last week on satellite radio and TB was lucky to be in the car for a long drive where I could enjoy the crazy turns of Mojo fueled conversation. I also got to hear several tracks off Thorn’s newest album “Pimps and Preachers.” XM channel 12 introduced me to Paul Thorn, a Tupelo, Mississippi native, several years ago and I’ve always dug his tunes. After hearing the interview, I got interested in the man, and I decided his story was worthy of recognition as my Underdog of the Week.

Thorn releases his albums under his own label. That can’t be easy. He’s become a major player in the Americana music scene in spite of lacking a big record deal. In addition to his songwriting and performance talents, he is an artist and a modern-day philosopher with a particular talent for insightful observation of the world around us. If that isn’t cool enough for you, how about that he came to an entertainment career only after serving 6 years in the National Guard, then working in a furniture factory, and all the while pursuing a legitimate professional boxing career? He once went 6 rounds with a just past his prime Roberto Duran. The headline in the New York Post read, “Duran Survives Bloodbath.”

It’s not a path in life I’d choose, but this man hasn’t been cheated of his time here so far. It doesn’t look like he’s finished trying new things and getting the most out of his present and future either. I admire what he’s already accomplished and I look forward to hearing more of his music. Mostly I take inspiration from what I see as a fearless pursuit of greatness.

There’s plenty more scoop on Paul Thorn at his website including two free song downloads if you want to get a taste of his music.

Posted in Entertainment, Music, People | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Time

Posted on September 13, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“Time is but the stream I go a fishin’ in.     Henry David Thoreau

The universe, as in the royal universe, the editorial….it speaks to me sometimes in theme, and when it does, TB passes the theme along to you who inhabit the TBU. What other purpose could the universe have in filling my travellinbrain with such nonsense if not to write about it after all? And that’s a rhetorical question by the way.

So lately it seems that I’ve had time on my mind. Specifically, the speed, or lack thereof, at which it passes. The issue began preying upon me Thursday night in the 4th quarter of the State game, then again during “Hot Tub Time Machine” Saturday evening and continued all the way through this morning’s usual ritual of dread and gamesmanship involving my attempt to sleep right up to the point of where the alarm does not sound. I hate a freakin’ alarm clock. Man, that is an unwelcome, ungodly way to start a day and I have a feeling the entire world resents that moment and it starts most everybody off on the wrong foot and one thing leads to another and eventually you have war and plague and Glenn Beck and whatnot. But that’s beside the point.

The point is time is a tricky sumbitch. It keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking into the future, predictably, but at ever-changing, always infuriating rates. Go back to Thursday with me. After falling behind 17-7 at half time, Mississippi State cut Auburn’s lead to 17-14 in the third quarter and began to dominate the game defensively. They were going to win, given enough time, which they were not, in fact, provided. Quite the contrary, the fifteen minute 4th quarter sped past in the span of two and a half. Unfair, I say. Now, if I had been watching, say Alabama and Ole Miss play while waiting for a State game to start and I needed the fourth quarter to finish in an hour so I wouldn’t miss the start of my game, I guarantee you that fifteen minutes would’ve taken three days and forty-five minutes to complete. The great timekeeper in the sky must get bored is all I can think, and gets his jollies whenever the opportunity arises.

Think back to your school days and that same unit of time–fifteen minutes. You just winced didn’t you? Yeah, that fifteen minutes before the bell rang at the end of the day was a grueling test of physical and mental endurance. Yet given fifteen precious minutes before the alarm goes off when you wake too early and check the clock, that minute hand will start spinning like a damn top and you’re lucky if you even get fifteen seconds of true rest before the offending cacophony assaults your ears.

And the cruelest time trick of all is looking back at how it has flown. You have a vacation in six weeks? Might as well be another lifetime. Got a big project you need to get through at work? Gonna be a loooooooooong week. Waiting for news from your doc? Forget about it. But review your own life lived versus that remaining, or think of your child as a baby, or try to savor that vacation you finally got to take and you realize the old wheel was greased up and rockin’ when you weren’t looking.

And what’s with a watched pot never boiling? That’s some crazy time trickery for sure. It’s like being in a time machine loop if you need to get that spaghetti on the table fast. Oh, I could go on and on–a whole week it would take me to go into the nuances of airport time shenanigans alone.

I thought “Hot Tub” was pretty dang funny by the way. Just don’t try and figure out the whole time travel thing and inconsistent logic while you’re watching. Trust me, that’s a waste of time.

Posted in Humor, Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Thursday Pickin’ Season III, Week 2

Posted on September 9, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Week:

“ok I think that last post just earned me quote of the week.”     –BW Buzz

It’s been a hard week here at the looms of the TBU. TB’s Mac is laid up with an early season injury, but getting a shiny new (and under warranty) monitor. So I’m relegated to keeping up with the comments on my phone and trying to type out a post on my Tyrannosaurus Dell, which is not quite extinct, but virus addled to such an extent that I am thrown headlong off the web at random intervals, none longer than ten minutes. Yet I persevere. Thursday Pickin’ ain’t for the faint of heart.

My spirits are high, in spite of the muddy windows through which I must view the outside universes today. After all, I hit my week one play of the week (2-2-1 on bonus picks). My Bullies tossed the pill around last week against Memphis so adroitly that my self-imposed exile from Scott Field is being lifted for a trial run tonight for the Auburn game. And for a whole solid year–well, six months, anyway, I don’t expect to hear much nonsense from Zeek and a few others about national championships. A TBU Grand Championship is a different story though. For Zeek has staked his claim as a contender, streaking out to a week one lead with an all-in POTW and a well-received play list. He’s just ahead of novice picker Flyin’ J and perennial doormat BR by virtue of his bonus points.

Here are my picks of the week and here’s your link to the odds. I’m adding a new feature this week, an unscored ‘Dog of the week upset special prediction. I’m going with MY dogs for the first one, to beat Auburn straight up.

  • West Virginia  -12′
  • UCLA  +6
  • Alabama  -11′
  • Tulane  +20′
  • BYU  +1

POTW–Florida  -15

Here are my tunes, dedicated to the Ole Miss Hotty’s and Toddy’s (and I promise to quit reminding y’all about Jacksonville State after today, but honestly, when something like that happens you gotta take your lumps):

  • Loser–Beck
  • Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain–Willie Nelson
  • Man of Constant Sorrow–Soggy Bottom Boys
  • Low–Cracker
  • Musta Got Lost–J. Geil’s Band
  • Poor Poor Pitiful Me–Warren Zevon
  • Say It Isn’t So–The Outfield

SOTW–Vasoline–STP

All told, the TBU went 12-11 on POTW’s last week and 34-33-9 on bonus picks. Zeek and RSR picked up the tunage bonus. Here are the standings:

  1. Zeek (all in plus bonus plus catchup points to FJ)  67
  2. Flyin J (3-1)  62
  3. BR   (all in, plus catch-up points)  62
  4. Coach TJ  (3-2)  56
  5. Fish  (3-2)  56
  6. The Daily Wit (2-2-1)  50
  7. TB  (2-2-1)  50
  8. MD  (0-1)  44
  9. Pitalo (2-3)  44
  10. TD  (1-2)  44
  11. Irv (1-2-1)  44
  12. Face  (0-2) plus make up points to stay ahead of biggest loser–39
  13. Mac  (3-0)  38
  14. Fig (3-1-1)  32
  15. BW Buzz (3-2)  26
  16. JLou (2-2-1)  20
  17. Fraud Larry (2-2-1)  20
  18. RSR  (all in lose plus bonus)  15
  19. Smily  (1-2)  14
  20. Feidt’s Follies (2-3)  14
  21. TKH  (1-2-1)  14
  22. SM  (all in Kansas perma-pick)  10
  23. Sweet  10
Posted in Music, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

Does America Still Love an Underdog?

Posted on September 7, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“If there’s one cultural quality we have, it’s that we always see ourselves as an underdog.” –Bill Gates

When better to pose the question above? TB’s been thinking of a new feature, “Underdog of the Week.” Today is the first installment. You may think the choice is obvious, but I have cautioned you, gentle reader, over and again not to pigeonhole me.

Then again, you can half-pigeonhole me on this one. The inaugural Underdog of the Week in the TBU is a shared honor–to the football teams at Jacksonville State University for their incredible upset victory over Ole Miss and to Boise State University for, not only defeating Virginia Tech Monday evening, but for their consistent excellence in the face of the institutional bias of the NCAA and its power conferences.

And really, it was the Boise State victory that convinced me to start the new feature. It was also the impetus for posing the question, “does America still love an underdog.” My sense of the issue is that we, collectively, do not. Oh, we say we do, but our actions belie our words.

Trolling several sports message boards last night, the prevailing attitude seemed to be that people were “tired of the media’s obsession with Boise” and that they didn’t deserve to be in the national title hunt or BCS bowl hunt because they “don’t play anybody.” It’s total bs of course, a worn out talking point. Boise plays who they can play. They are in a low level conference to be sure but they play the best non-conference foes they can find, usually on the road. And they would play more. The power schools are loathe to schedule Boise, certainly not on a home and home basis. So they beat the teams on their schedule, they are grudgingly invited to play in a major bowl and they go home with the trophy as often as not. Truth is, to many, they are no underdog. I doubt they see themselves as such. But because of the insanity of college football’s power conference monopoly on the system for choosing champions, they are an outsider to the elites, and remain an underdog in the system, if not on the field. And that’s the way America wants it, based on the actions of the elites at the NCAA and the internet rantings of the proletariat.

“But wait,” you may be saying. “All I heard from Saturday to Monday was how Ole Miss got upset by little old Jacksonville State.” This is so, but was the focus on JSU’s heroic and unlikely triumph? Not from where I sat it wasn’t. It was about Ole Miss’ abject failure. Analysis focused on “what this means for Ole Miss”, “how embarrassing was this for the SEC”, and “how did the Rebels LET this happen.” Very little credit was given to the underdog.

In the Revolutionary War, the USA was Jacksonville State, even a little bit of Boise. We were not in the club of Euro-nations that dictated world trade and boundaries, like Boise isn’t in the BCS. We had never fought any war at all, much less defeated another nation and we had an all walk-on army vs the Redcoat regulars. Hell the Brits even paid ringers from Germany to come fight. A scenario analogous to that which faced JSU to be sure. We started out as underdogs and for a couple of centuries we fought as one, supported others, in geopolitics and sports and beyond.

But somewhere along the way America became the biggest badasses on the planet. We have gradually become the bully, sometimes in a righteous cause, true, but a bully nonetheless. We once cheered the rags to riches stories of Horatio Alger, but now we watch breathlessly on TMZ for the latest shenanigans of an heiress. We once broke up the monopolistic corporations to favor fair competition for mom and pop shops; now we respond to a financial crisis instigated by the biggest banks in the country by consolidating even more power among fewer banks. We once celebrated Chaminade’s legendary achievement in beating a heavily favored Virginia basketball team led by Ralph Sampson and now we can only laugh at the giant for falling, ignoring the slingshot wielder entirely. We don’t care about Jacksonville State and we are annoyed by Boise’s uppity impudence.

Collectively, that is. For TB loves an underdog, and I will look far and wide to bring you the ‘dog of the week from now on so we can celebrate their achievements together. And if Ole Miss can knock off mighty Boise State next year in their opening game, they just might find themselves an unlikely place of honor, right here in the TBU.

Posted in Life, Philosobaen, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Thursday Pickin’ Season III (The Return of Thursday Pickin’)

Posted on September 2, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“For those about to rock, we salute you.” –AC/DC

Thursday Pickin’ is back. In the grand tradition of the great handicappers–Jimmy the Greek, Leonard Postosis, and of course Waldo–TB is here to help you get rich. Rich I tells ya!

Truth is, two years runnin’ you could’ve gotten rich by grabbin’ holda ol’ TB’s coattails and hangin’ on for the ride. Now, I am not able to guarantee you that past results are indicative of future performance, but for only $500 dollars cash money I will give you every one of my picks and you too can become rich from the millions of dollars that Las Vegas gives away each year to people just like you. Or, you can just check in here at the TBU each Thursday and get the same picks for free and take your chances. But wait, there’s more!

For only an extra one time payment of one hundred dollars I will give you access to the picks of a whole cross-section of people every bit as clueless as Libertarian Presidential Candidate/snake oil salesman Wayne Root. Or, you can just check in here each week and get them for free. The point is, if you take the Picks of the Week from each participant here in the TBU, take your money to Vegas and bet on each one for the same amount of money you will get rich! Rich I tells ya! That is, based on past performance, which is not indicative of future results. But the first two years of Thursday Pickin’ have yielded impressive winning percentages for the overall TBU on POTW’s.

A note on the rules. I really can’t remember them all.

But if you want to look at them, I made them up one day last year and more or less adhered to them. Here’s a link. Basically, the deal is POTW’s count by far the most. If you win your POTW, you cannot receive less points than someone who misses their’s, even if that person goes 5-0 on bonus picks. And if you hit your POTW and go 4-1 in bonus picks, a person who only picks and wins a POTW will get extra points to stay even with you. So if you want to win this game, your best bet is to only play a POTW. That is also the cowardly way out.

Which brings me to Sweet. Reigning Grand Champion of Thursday Pickin’ (vol. 2, verse 3, chapter 4, jackson 5, nikki 6). Congratulations, one last time.

Oh yeah, Thursday Pickin’ is about good tunes too. The weekend comes on the heels of Thursday virtually every time. That’s a good time to forget about–well, all the bullshit. College football and tunage and maybe a cold beer or six are the perfect prescription to my way of thinking for forgetting about all that for a bit. But much as I dig my Waylon, I like to get some new songs on my ipod from time to time, and I’ve found this is a dang good way to get reminded of tunes I’ve forgotten and introduced to some I don’t know. This part of the game is also democratic–vote on your song of the week favorite and if you dig somebody’s theme or list, give that a shout too. Top vote-getters receive a nominal bonus.

One last thing. We use Sheridan’s odds from USA Today. Here’s the link. Let’s play.

My picks this week:

  • USM   +14
  • LSU    -4′
  • Purdue  +11
  • Colorado St +12′
  • Illinois  +12

POTW  Michigan  -2′

My Tunes:

  • Let There Be Rock–AC/DC
  • It’s a Long Way to the Top (if you wanna rock and roll)–Lucinda Williams
  • Let There Be Rock–Henry Rollins and the Hard Ons  
  • It’s a Long Way to the Top (if you wanna rock and roll)–AC/DC

SOTW–Let There Be Rock–Drive By Truckers

Posted in Music, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 69 Comments

Revelations

Posted on September 1, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“Outlined against a blue, gray October sky the Four Horsemen rode again. “In dramatic lore they are known as famine, pestilence, destruction and death. These are only aliases. Their real names are: Stuhldreher, Miller, Crowley and Layden. They formed the crest of the South Bend cyclone before which another fighting Army team was swept over the precipice at the Polo Grounds this afternoon as 55,000 spectators peered down upon the bewildering panorama spread out upon the green plain below.”     –Grantland Rice

It’s football week here in the TBU, a welcome development to be sure, especially after having dipped my toe in the treacherous riptide of religion last week. As I think about it, there is much overlap between football and religion–prayer for certain, faith, strange rituals, icons, hope, congregation, fellowship and of course lots of good, clean, old-fashioned hate. And so it came to pass (to coin a phrase), that last night with thoughts of all this kicking about within my head, I fell asleep first and ten minutes later I had a vision of the afterlife, a conversation with God about the most important unanswered questions about life, the universe and everything. Not sure at first if I should tackle another religious post, I eventually decided to run with it:

  • TB: So, I’m dead huh?
  • God: As a doornail.
  • TB:  Isn’t that a little cliché?
  • God:  There is beauty in all things. I created bad puns too, after all.
  • TB:  (blank stare)
  • God:  (blank stare)
  • TB:  Ok, well, I’m sure you hear this all the time, but thanks. I had a good life.
  • God:  You’re welcome, but the line is backing up, so, would you like me to sign your program?
  • TB:  Nah, I don’t go for autographs, but I do have a few questions and as much time as I spent on Earth talking to you and you only deigning to speak out loud to assholes like–
  • God:  Careful boy, you were a borderline call you know. But yes, I do seem to recall hearing from you a lot on test days, especially algebra. Just ask your questions and keep the line moving.
  • TB:  Got it. Ok, just the big issues then. Why is Mississippi State cursed in football?
  • God: I get that a lot. Really, I had nothing to do with it. I don’t dabble too much in sporting outcomes. But it’s a combination of several things. First, maroon and white? Please. Second, Satan had a booming business going in Mississippi in the early to mid 20th century. He picked up a whole bunch of souls and all he had to do was give y’all the blues, and 20 good years for Ole Miss.
  • TB: A rebel fan gave up his soul for two measly decades of success?
  • God: Lots of ’em, actually. They’re a crazy bunch. The bad thing for you is this one dude thought to have him throw in that Mississippi State would always suck.
  • TB: I KNEW IT! But why didn’t Satan head over to Starkville and get some Bulldog souls. Surely he’s not above double-dealing?
  • God: Nobody wants to go to Stark Vegas TB, not even Satan.
  • TB: Yeah, I never could find anything much wicked to get into when I was there. Anyway, is there anything else that’s kept us down all these years?
  • God: Just that it’s never a good idea to build a football field over an Indian burial ground. Ok, that’s enough, time to move on.
  • TB: Wait, I’m not finished!
  • God: Security, could you assist this gentleman?
  • TB: (being dragged away, hollering back to God) But will State ever make the Sugar Bowl??
  • God: Not in your lifetime.
  • God: (chuckling, to the next person in line) I invented smartasses too, ya know?

The Four Horsemen of Notre Dame, 1928


Posted in Blank Stares, Humor, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Roll Call

Posted on August 31, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“After this had the king a large meeting, and very deep consultation with his council, about this land; how it was occupied, and by what sort of men.”     –Anglo Saxon Chronicle, on the order to create Domesday Book

School’s back in. Football starts next week. It’s time for the TBU to get back in gear.

There are several new features I hope everyone is enjoying. First, the Twitter feed is on your right where I’ve been linking articles, personal photos and a few micro-bloggish thoughts every now and again. Also, below the posts are a bunch of buttons that, if some of you will use them, might bring a few new readers into the fold. There is a new “reply” button in the comments that will allow you to direct a comment to a particular person rather than just add your thoughts to the bottom. And the new theme I was forced to move to in an emergency seems to be working out fine. I still have a few ideas kicking around to enhance the place a bit more, including some drastic changes that will, if consummated, will make all your wildest dreams come true. Assuming those dreams involve a bigger and better TBU.

For now, it’s time to get ready for Thursday Pickin, Season III (The Return of Thursday Pickin). If you are new to the TBU since last football season, it goes like this: I pick 5 regular college football winners and one Pick of the Week, then I give you a themed music playlist to both enlighten you and give you a kick start for the weekend. You pick 0-5 regular games, one Pick of the Week and give us your own playlist or simply a song of the week. Then I assign points in a more or less fair and consistent manner according to the results of your games and the popularity of your tunes. It’s a lot more fun than it sounds and its important to participate from week one so you can maximize your chance of winning fantastic prizes. You don’t have to be a big fan or understand point spreads to have fun with this, and it’s free, so please join in.

I thought I’d take this opportunity to recognize, thank, and goof on all of you who make this fun for me. There have been a lot of commenters since time began here, and I may not catch everybody, but I’ll try. Consider this the “getting your name (virtually) spray painted on a water tower” edition of the TBU.

  • Jessie Lou McFaul–a charter TBU citizen and the official “no post should be left uncommented upon savior” of the TBU
  • Sweet–the official defending champion of “Thursday Pickin’–Season II, Thursday Pickin’ Strikes Back”
  • Zeek–Official naysayer of the TBU
  • Quail–Official Captain of the Thursday Pickin’ Peanut Gallery
  • Mad Dawg–Official Drudge Correspondent of the TBU
  • The Daily Wit–Official Comedic Genius/Supercynic/Bigfoot enthusiast of the TBU
  • RockStarRambler–Official Musical Connoisseur of the TBU
  • SmilyJ–Official Bald-headed Unit of the TBU
  • BR and Luscious Larry–Official Southpaw Contingency
  • Hobby–Official Newest Citizen of the TBU
  • Mac–Official Free Thinking Conservative of the TBU
  • Barista–Official Cupcake Queen of the TBU
  • Tiny D–Official Best Thursday Pickin’ Initials of the TBU
  • Kathy P–Official Kindest Private Commenter of the TBU
  • Randy M–Official Oilman of the TBU
  • Harmony–Official Californian of the TBU
  • Stink’s Mom–Officially MIA
  • TKH–Official Worst Picker of the TBU
  • Greeg–Brewmaster
  • Feidt’s Follies–Official Mayor of Folly Beach of the TBU
  • Coach TeaJay–Official Knees of the TBU
  • Fig–Official Outlaw Country Aficionado of the TBU
  • Flyin’ J–Official Pilot of the TBU
  • Fish–Official Shortstop of the TBU
  • Irvine Redd–Official Hipster of the TBU
  • Face–Official Fan of a Worse Football Team than TB of the TBU
  • Alexis de Toadville–Official Best Nom de Guerre of the TBU
  • Little Boy–Invisible Man
  • MDM–Official Baseball Guru and All Time Home Run King of the TBU
  • BW Buzz–Official DickyV Impersonater of the TBU
  • Doc Scoop–Special Guest Star
  • Rosie–Official Most Sporadic Regular Reader of the TBU

Ok, if I missed anybody and you want an official title here, let me know. Look forward to seeing everybody around the place together again!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Alchemy Or Miracle? Why Isn’t This Bigger News?

Posted on August 30, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“Do you believe in miracles?” –sportscaster Al Michaels

An article in the Clarion Ledger newspaper on August 27, 2010, got TB’s attention and I can’t quite figure out why it hasn’t gotten press on a national scale. A Texas company is coming to Mississippi, with a 75 Million Dollar zero interest loan from it’s citizens, to build three plants which will (purportedly) turn timber into crude oil. These biofuel plants will (allegedly) turn wood chips to crude oil in a process taking only seconds. The crude oil produced will (so they say) be cheaper than typical crude oil and it will burn cleaner. Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour said “They’re going to do what it takes millions of years for Mother Nature to do in a matter of seconds.”*

The claims are as astounding and improbable as they are exciting and revolutionary. If this actually works, it could turn Mississippi into one of the nation’s economic powerhouses. Not only is the state blessed with an abundance of timberlands, but the first three plants in the nation–make that the world–are to be located right here. And it only took 75 million dollars worth of big government to make it happen.

Jesus turned water into wine–impressive, but since he wasn’t in to the whole materialistic thing, the technique never became widely known. In the middle ages, every jackleg with a basement was trying to turn their wench’s tin-pans into gold. Modern magicians routinely turn one scarf into, like fifty, for some reason. But this….this….hell, this is big! Like, miracle big, with an entrepreneurial mind behind it this time!

Hmmm. I’ll believe it when I see it. But, then again, it couldn’t hurt to go out in the back yard and plant a few oil wells–errrr–pine trees, just in case.

——————

*It occurs to me that if Haley’s loan pays off, he may get himself back in the hunt for Prez in 2012. Of course, he’s gonna have to explain the Big Government involvement to the teabaggers and the clear lack of faith in the Huckabee wing’s 6000 year old Earth mythology. But screw all that. We’ll all be rich! Rich I tells ya!

Posted in current events, Mississippi, science | Tagged , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Who Is the Craziest

Posted on August 25, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“Where’s the church? Who took the steeple? Religion’s in the hands of some crazy-ass people.” –Jimmy Buffett

Religion is dominating the news these days to an extent I have never seen. One in four Americans believes President Obama is a Muslim; one in three Republicans believe this. Meanwhile one in three Americans believe evolution is absolutely false. I’m guessing there’s a good bit of overlap in those numbers. Of course, there’s the increasingly hilarious “two-blocks from the edge of Ground Zero community center mosque” debate where Fox News blasted the money man behind the “TBFTEOGZCCM” on one day and then were exposed by Jon Stewart to be co-owned by the same, Fox-annointed, evil money man. Only in America. And never far from the cameras are our friends from Westboro Baptist.

I’ll say this before I go any further. I am a Christian. But I think anybody who tries to tell you they have all the answers about God, heaven, morality, etc., be it the Pope, or Franklin Graham or your best hundred friends on Facebook–they are delusional. I thought I’d look up just a sampling of the crazy in the name of God going on these days for my own, and hopefully your edification and amusement.

Name that religion and a well-known practitioner (answers in comments later):

  1. Practices exorcism to rid the afflicted of demonic possession.
  2. Uses a ritual described as “grasping a live chicken by the shoulder blades and moving around one’s head three times, symbolically transferring one’s sins to the chicken.”
  3. Baptism of the dead, even if they are not present, by use of a proxy live body, even in cases where the deceased’s surviving family objects.
  4. If you spend money in this life, it alleviates the suffering of those in the afterlife.
  5. Mothers should remain silent during childbirth so as to spare the child of bad memories later in life. A classic pyramid scheme and a pay by the hour approach to enlightenment are also characteristics of this group.
  6. This sect of a major American religion advocates taking dominion over the social and governmental functions in the US and the world. They aim to infiltrate and control other Christian religions in what they term a spiritual Civil War.
  7. These people believe a lost tribe of Jews ended up in ancient America and were visited by Jesus. They reject scientific genetic proof that native Americans arrived from Asia, instead keeping the faith in a 14 year old’s find and translation of gold plates on a hillside in 1820.
  8. This group believes one may vocalize fluent, unintelligible utterances or articulate an alleged natural language previously unknown to themselves.
  9. Though often believers in the literal interpretation of the Bible, in a language it was not written in, and in spite of teaching the miracle of Jesus turning water into wine, among other instances of consumption, this group is adamant that drinking any alcohol is a sin, and stands in the way of craft beers’ presence in Mississippi.
  10. “Be excellent to each other.”  A sentiment first uttered in the 1980’s by two innocent prophets. No major world religion has yet accepted this radical tenet.

Now excuse me while I go off and stare blankly into space for awhile. Maybe I’ll get some answers. Shalom and amen.

Check out the Jon Stewart video I referenced on my twitter feed to your right, titled, “The Parent Company Trap”.

And here’s my favorite looney church in the land, Westboro Baptist, taking questions from the media. One last thought….wasn’t it the Romans who killed Christ? Literally, I mean.

Posted in Blank Stares, current events, Humor, religion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Chicago Diary

Posted on August 23, 2010 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“Now one and one is two, two and two is four
I’m heavy loaded baby, I’m booked, I gotta go
Cryin’ baby, honey don’t you want to go?
Back to the land of California1, to my sweet home Chicago” Robert Johnson

Friday, August 20, 2011

11:40 am  Landed in Chicago, on time. Hooray for Southwest, the people’s airline!

12:15 pm  Arrived at the Drake via cab and checked in while cab waited to rush TB and RSR to Wrigley Field. Cab cost more than my flight, but we found MD and the Engineer and entered the stadium at 1:05, in time for the Star Spangled Banner. Hooray for Jamaican cabbies, the aspiring Man’s ground transportation!

1:25 pm  I quit following Major League Baseball in 1995. But I love the game and I love the history of the Majors and I cherish my memories of the time I was a fan. Nonetheless, I was surprised that I was rendered verklempt upon my first view of the friendly confines.

1:30 pm  Wrigley Field really is the friendliest sports venue I’ve ever been to, from the fans to the ushers to the ticket takers. Outside the stadium the atmosphere was more akin to a college football game than a professional contest. The hot dog lady did roll her eyes at MD for failing to move fast enough through the line, but I don’t think you can hold that against her.

1:45 pm  I realize for the first time I am watching professional athletes and thinking of them as “kids.”

1:50 pm In an effort to actually talk about modern baseball in lieu of my first three innings of nothing but Babe Ruth’s called shot, Ryne Sandberg and Tinker to Evers to Chance, I recalled something I’d heard about the Braves earlier in the week. They’d won 18 games this season in their last at bat. “Expect to see that today,” I sagely opined to MD, who replied something to the effect of, “yeah, the Babe was the man.”

2:19 pm “BEERMAN!” I shout loudly this time like a local, but with a decidedly (way) southside inflection. Career and for the day, Old Style number 4 goes down smooth, but I don’t think I’ll be grabbing a case to bring home with me.

3:50 pm  The Cubs closer who is some dude not named Bruce Sutter comes in the top of the 9th with a 3-2 lead and loads the bases on walks, yet the Braves can’t drive in the tying run because they are swinging at the first pitch, over their head, in spite of not-Sutter’s wildness and Lou Piniella’s refusal to yank him. Then, with a 2-2 count and two outs, Rick Ankiel, who I have heard of, drives a liner into the right field corner emptying the bases with a stand-up triple. I remind MD that I should get paid for my astute commentary on baseball, vis a vis the Braves winning games in their last at bat. He replies something to the effect of “fine, Andre Dawson deserved the MVP on a last place team.”

5:00 pm The gang settles in at Murphy’s Bleacher Bar at the hallowed corner of Waveland and Sheffield. The local swill was swell.

6:30 pm  We are advised Stone Temple Pilots are in town and tickets can be had for below face value, probably about 30 bucks each.

7:30 pm  Deep dish Chicago Pizza at Pizzeria Due. Yeah, I’m a tourist. I love it.

9:00 pm  Arrive at some amphitheater near Soldier Field and proceed to gate for the STP concert. We are rejected and there is no apparent recourse. The concert has started and no scalpers are around. The ticket takers and security personnel are unable to accept a bribe thanks to this one annoying chick, “Andrea” who is apoplectic that anyone would have the audacity to try and get in to the show at this point.

9:02 pm  RSR declares to Andrea “We are getting in.”

9:04 pm  RSR bangs on the window of a trailer near the gate with lights on inside. Someone comes to see what is going on and a muffled conversation ensues. All I could make out was “we have to get in to see the concert.”

9:05 pm  RSR leads our procession of four through the gates, conspicuously and contemptuously “thanking” Andrea for all her help and ostentatiously slipping the putative bribe money back into her purse.

9:06 pm  STP rocks it out for the next 90 minutes.

11:45 pm  For two-fifty we ride the train back up near the Drake. Hooray for the people’s transportation! TB’s head hits the pillow and sleeps for four hours the beautiful sleep of the overserved. Oh, PS, Love the Drake.

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Posted in Sports, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments