And The Crowd Goes Wild!

Posted on April 26, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “How about that?!”     –the great Mel Allen

TB’s been up in Oxford all weekend. I went to see Robert Earl Keen play Friday night and then spent all day Saturday at the Double Decker Festival on the square. Tonight’s post was going to be a recap of our trip, but I pushed it back a day after I accidentally tuned in for the first five minutes of Major League Baseball I’ve seen in years. Some guy I never heard of for the Red Sox promptly stole home against the Yankees. Jon Miller’s call was great–I think he didn’t even see the guy streaking from third until the crowd roared and the dude began to slide. It took ESPN several minutes to even find a camera with a replay, but they finally did from the left field nosebleeds. I’ve seen an awful lot of big league baseball, most of it from 1975 to 1995. I’ve seen a triple play, a no-hitter, a cycle and even a guy on first fall for the old pony league trick of faking to third and spinning to catch the guy on first trying to steal second. But I had never seen anyone steal home on live tv until tonight. Plays like this are a reminder of why baseball is the greatest game even if I still don’t care for the majors any more–you just never know what may happen.

So how about a real debate where you can’t predict the sides ahead of time for once here on TB? I give you the top ten most exciting plays in all of sports:

  1. Stealing home
  2. A sliding triple
  3. Flea Flicker
  4. A dunk rejection
  5. The “Big One” at Talladega
  6. A Grand Slam
  7. A close play at the plate off a double and on a relay
  8. A fake punt from inside your own twenty
  9. Alley oop
  10. Inside the park homer
Posted in Lists, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Shepard Smith and the Bottom Line

Posted on April 23, 2009 by travellinbaen

Many of you know Shepherd is in my extended family by marriage. I’m eternally grateful to him for his Katrina reporting and editorializing and I think it has been moments like those–cutting through the bullshit–that have led him to overwhelming success as the best newscaster in the business. He’s done it a lot through the years, and sometimes I think he’s wrong. But I never doubt his sincerity, something I can’t say for many on tv. I posted the punchlines earlier not knowing I’d come across this tonight, so forgive the dueling and opposite themes coming at you in one day. I’ve heard a lot of back and forth on this all week, but Shepherd is the first person I’ve heard, right or left, who I believe has discussed torture properly. At least he’s come as close as I’ve heard. If this post starts blowing up with talking points that’s fine, but don’t neglect to add your take on the lighter side post as well.  Two videos are below. You can guess what the quote of the day is if you watch carefully in video number 1.

Posted in current events, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 47 Comments

The Greatest Punchlines of All Time

Posted on April 22, 2009 by travellinbaen
  1. Them Sheep Lie!
  2. Don’t go flyin’ off the handle when you’re full of sh*t.
  3. Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
  4. When the fly comes down 3 inches, the p***y gets wet.
  5. We’ve established what you are madam. We’re just haggling over the price.
  6. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
  7. That’s a truck drivin sonofabitch. Pffffft.
  8. Why the long face?
  9. I hardly know her.
  10. Mooooooooo.
  11. The Aristocrats!

Quote of the Day:

(Censored–But if you don’t know “The Aristocrats” and you can handle the most truly vile language you have ever heard, go to You Tube and run a search. I recommend the Gilbert Gottfried version. And if you do check it out, leave your heavily censored thoughts below.)

And now, for something completely different…..

Our friend and classmate J. Walter Hawkes, on the ukelele, sitting in with Van Hayride. A little off season Thursday music for you.

Posted in Humor, Lists | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

SECESSION!

Posted on April 22, 2009 by travellinbaen

Conversation/Legend of the Day:

Southern Belle (with parasol twirling, at the outset of the Civil War)–General Beauregard, do you think we can whup them yankees?

General Beauregard (resplendent in grey Confederate finery)– Honey child, don’t you worry your pretty little head. We can whup them yankees with corn stalks.

–Four years later–

General Beauregard (walking down the same street in patched uniform, hatless and worn out boots)

Southern Belle (sans parasol, in faded, tattered dress)  General Beauregard! I thought you said we could whup them yankees with cornstalks!

General Beauregard  Yes ma’am I did. But them sons of bitches wouldn’t fight with cornstalks.

—as told by William Ferris, though I’ve heard this story told in several different ways; if I were telling it, I’d have to add a “blank stare” from the Southern Belle at the end

TB has been interested in history from my youngest days. My earliest memories of my Grandmother involve sitting in her dimly lit ramshackle house at night, watching the lightning bugs outside the window and listening to her tell stories of her childhood and repeating the stories she recalled from her own Grandmother. Some of those tales involved the Civil War and of the yankees who marched through and skirmished in Phoenix, Mississippi, as part of the Vicksburg campaign. Since that time I have always been fascinated with the story of the Civil War, and proud of the Quixotic effort of my ancestors and the South as a whole. I still am in many ways. But from the beginning there has been the nagging problem. For all the arguments in favor of the Confederate position,the nuance in causes of the war, for all the abuses one can find in the Union’s treatment of the South, the war boiled down to slavery and on that point the South was wrong. And incredibly freakin stupid. The Civil War was the second dumbest thing this country ever engaged in; the first being coming into existence with legalized slavery in the first place.

As I walked among so many American dead last week at Arlington, former home of Robert E. Lee and now the eternal home of thousands of Union soldiers, I considered silently the legacy of that war and of the incongruity of so many like me who consider ourselves American patriots yet still honor the soldiers and generals of the South more than we can ever bring ourselves to do for the North. I’ll never find a soft spot in my heart for Sherman or even Grant though Lee and Jackson I will always admire. Of course, I’m wrong. I know that in my mind if not my heart. Sherman and Grant fought for the right cause. Lee and Jackson fought not only for the “lost cause” but for a cause that was never righteous.

I have come to understand that the issue of slavery, if looked at in economic terms only can be peeled back an additional layer and viewed as an issue of cheap labor. Our country since the day the last Redcoat departed has been embroiled in turmoil over the appropriate ratio of capital to labor costs. After the Civil War this issue manifested itself in the rise of the unions, the civil rights/Jim Crow era and up to the present day battles over minimum wage and immigration. While the war permanantly settled the moral question of slavery it did nothing to resolve the underlying issue of labor costs. The legacy of this tension is what drives all politics in all places. Trickle down economics vs bottom up economics is simply another way of describing the problem. 

My thoughts on all this were no coincidence. The balance between labor and capital has tilted toward capital for many years with a strong majority favoring that status. But over the last few years, public opinion has begun to shift. The pendulum is near its fulcrum and the possibility that labor is going to gain an advantage over capital has caused political rhetoric to reach levels of hostility not seen in this country in many years. Little did I know as I walked among the dead that down in Texas and on Glenn Beck’s television show the unthinkable word “secession” was reentering our political discourse.

I think its a good idea.

In fact, I think if Texas doesn’t secede, the United States ought to kick them out. Actually, how about this? For ten years we have a national bet. Texas and all the states politically aligned with them–part of the old Confederacy and Arizona I guess–are to operate as a separate, self governing country. The New CSA can write its own constitution, elect its own leaders and determine its own economic future, and if they like what they’ve become after a decade, they can formally become their own country without a shot being fired. Meanwhile, the remaining United States can continue operating under the system developed over the last two and a half centuries.

The New CSA should be given a pro-rata share of the USA’s military to give it security. Other than that, each region will keep what it already has. This gives rise to what surely will be the first major issue over which the southern nation will have to grapple–how to pay for their military. The former red-staters will see new political parties develop, one against all taxes and one in favor of just enough taxes to maintain the greatest military in the world. F-22’s ain’t cheap after all. The good news is there will be no other government intrusion into the lives of ordinary citizens. No more substandard, forced public schooling, no more interstate highway upkeep, no more socialized agriculture or mail. Everything will be privatized. Perhaps the military can even be privatized, thus eliminating completely the need for public funds. Of course, the politicians will still need to be paid, but they can simply serve on corporate boards for pay. Better yet, the South could simply make it official and anoint the CEO’s of their largest companies as a head of state by committee.

All guns would be legalized in the South and if you wanted to buy a tank to protect your house, by God you could buy a tank. The torture “debate” would be settled conclusively and the need for implementers of torture would create a new growth industry. Torture could quickly be expanded to include all criminal suspects in addition to neighborhood kids in areas with a high incidence of TP’ing. The pro-business laissez faire government non-existent government would undoubtedly attract corporate investment from all over the world and create literally millions of new jobs. These jobs would pay around .50 a day, or whatever the competing wages of Malaysia happen to be on any given day. The fair, internationally competitive wages would serve to solve the immigration problem from Mexico and South America; well that along with the neighborhood tanks and torture techniques thriving in the New CSA. 

The religionists would no longer be plagued by the problem of prayer in public schools, there being no public schools. And the evangelicals could outlaw all the crazy religions that are unable to know the truth as they do. The Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Jews would be expelled, though the question over how to deal with the Catholics would be a little trickier. The problem of tort reform would be settled once and for all by simply banning lawsuits altogether. Gay marriage? Ha!

Pure conservatism, rugged individualism, America as it should’ve been–that’s the New CSA. As for ole TB, being a student of history I will rely upon the example of Robert E. Lee who struggled with whether to keep his oath and serve the United States or whether to cast his lot with his beloved home state of Virginia. History shows that Lee chose poorly. I’ll be hitting the Oregon Trail. It’ll be a story I can tell my grandchildren all about.

Bonus Quote of the Day:

 Does the individual have any rights anymore? Does the state have any right any more? And I know, because I’ve heard it, from all of the conservative, uh, you know, uh, historians…and scholars, and everything else. But you can’t convince me that the founding fathers wouldn’t allow you to secede. The Constitution is not a suicide pact. And if a state says, I don’t want to go there, because that’s suicide, they have a right to back out. They have a right. People have a right to not commit economic suicide…I sign into this Union, and I can never get out, no matter what the government does? I can never get out? Well that leaves only one other option. That doesn’t seem like a good option.     —Glenn Beck, Fox News

Posted in current events, History, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

TB, the Sucker

Posted on April 20, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day (vol. ii):     “Every crowd has a silver lining.”     –P.T. Barnum

When one undertakes to maintain a blog of conversation, observation and instigation, an unspoken underlying assumption must be present in the writer’s mind that TB has a talent for seeing through life’s daily b.s. In fact I do believe myself, rightly or not, to be perceptive on a range of matters from finding humor where others miss it to politics to sports. Alas, my strength in this area is not all encompassing and today I ran headlong into yet another part of life where I am as a babe in the woods. I cannot resist good marketing for food products.

Not feeling inspired for a full grocery run, I opted this afternoon to stop by Fresh Market for a few overpriced but generally tasty selections for dinner. On my way through the bakery section I happened upon a display featuring Fresh Market’s newest product–“cinnamon crisps.” The name alone produced a little drool that I discretely wiped on my sleeve before being noticed by other shoppers. Packaged in a non-descript clear plastic container, I could see that these “crisps” were nothing more than bread scraps toasted and sprinkled with cinnamon and marked up a thousand percent. This weak packaging, in fact served to perfectly counter the name of the new delicacy and I was prepared to ignore them. Then I saw the sign on the display. “These addictive, buttery crisps are delicious on their own, or mixed with a little marscarpone cheese and drizzled with honey for a delightful original breakfast.” 

As you may have already divined, that did it. I paid $2.69 for a pile of crumbs that were being swept onto the floor and gathered for the garbage only a week ago before some evil genius decided some sucker might actually pay for the privilege of carting them out of the store. “Buttery”, “marscarpone” and “honey” were all it took. Now, you might, if you are charitable, be saying to yourself, “hey TB, that was a bad move, but one any of us might have made in your shoes.” So let me add this to the equation–I went immediately in search of “a little marscarpone cheese”. There was none to be found. I asked an employee hovering between the bakery-cheese-dairy triangle if they carried it and got only a blank stare in return. But the damage was already done. Once determined to buy the stale bread, I could not be deterred, my dreams of a marscarpone-honeyed breakfast treat be damned.

I ate a few on the way home. Here’s the scorecard:

  • Buttery–nope
  • Crispy–nope
  • Cinnamonny–marginally
  • Marscapone–unavailable
  • Honey–moot
  • Addictive–uh, no.

Damn, I fell for it again. Oh well, back to reading these old Peanuts comics. Charlie Brown’s getting ready to kick a field goal and it looks like Lucy isn’t gonna pull the ball away this time.

Posted in Food, Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

A Spring Afternoon at Arlington National Cemetery

Posted on April 20, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:    

“On fame’s eternal resting ground their silent tents are spread, and glory guards with solemn round the bivouac of the dead.”     –inscription on McClellan’s Gate, Arlington National Cemetery, from “Bivouac of the Dead” by Colonel Theodore O’Hara, CSA (can’t make this stuff up)

TB spent six days in Washington, D.C. last week, my second lifetime trip to the capital. Seventeen years ago I drove up from school with Sweet on Spring Break to hang out with MD. The itinerary for this trip, at least in daylight hours had much in common with that long ago journey, but my appreciation for the monuments and the museums I visited both times was deeper this year. One thing that remained the same was the impact Arlington National Cemetery had on me. On neither visit was I particularly excited about visiting Arlington in planning the trip, but now, as then it turned out to be an awe inspiring and moving experience.

Other than the crowds that surround JFK’s eternal flame and those who come to witness the eternal vigilance at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington is a quiet place. It is also beautiful, not only from the gently rolling hills, springtime blooms and perfectly ordered grave markers, but for its stunning views of Washington’s major landmarks just across the Potomac River. Places like this send my brain on odyssey, for better or worse.

Unlike most of the people who visit Arlington, the lowlight of the day is stopping by JFK’s resting place. It is simply too crowded and too much of a sideshow atmosphere to have an impact on me. That is not to say I would recommend skipping this stop. Because on the way up to JFK, you must pass a corner of Arlington dedicated to many of our greatest, or at least most influential Supreme Court Justices, laid out side by side as if to allow their continuing observations and collective wisdom and debate to continue for eternity, all together in a place where they can look down on Washington, missing nothing that transpires there. A court with Holmes and Black, Marshall and even Burger along with the others, no longer limited to only nine, sitting aside St. Peter and probing the complexities of humanity’s decisions and their accountability therefore I think would be of great assistance to the Almighty and no small benefit to those of us hoping the pearly gates swing open upon our approach.

After the hordes leave the section of Arlington dedicated to JFK, his wife and his brother, they make for either Robert E. Lee’s pre-Civil War home or for the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. My gang headed first for the Lee home located at the apex of the park. After enduring an arduous uphill climb, we were rewarded first with views of the Pentagon, then the Lee gardens, and finally a stunning panorama of Washington with the Lincoln Memorial dominating but also with views of the Capitol, the Washington Monument and the Jefferson Memorial. The Lee home itself becomes something of an afterthought. Other than the view (a snapshot is below) I was intrigued by the burial of Union soldiers along the perimeter of Lee’s flower and herb gardens. These gravesites are the only ones in the Park that I noticed that were not laid out in the orderly rows of which we are all familiar. I couldn’t help but wonder if they were put there as some sort of insult or punishment to Lee and his family or if there was some other reason for their placement in this spot. The vast majority of Union dead are across the way, behind McClellan’s Gate, so there had to be a reason for placing the graves of only a couple of dozen men around the Lee home and garden and space clearly wasn’t the issue. Whatever the cause, I suspect Lee would’ve approved. They give the garden a level of peace and dignity it could never possess standing alone.

Leaving the Lee Mansion, we made our way to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, taking the long way around and having the space to ourselves. I spent a few minutes at the Rough Riders Memorial, the mast of the USS Maine and the monuments to the astronauts killed in the space shuttle disasters alongside the men who were killed attempting to rescue the hostages in Iran. I skipped the Confederate Memorial, because it was in a direction I didn’t want to walk and because the issue of secession and its consequences was weighing on my thoughts. More on that maybe tomorrow. After watching the solemn changing of the guard at the “Tomb”, we began to head for the exits, again taking the long and solitary route. As the shadows lengthened, the Park only grew more beautiful and I regretted I didn’t have more time to stroll and reflect on the history buried in the place.  There is so much to take in. The graves of American icons such as Audie Murphy, Abner Doubleday and Dashiell Hammett (Medal of Honor winner/movie star, credited inventor of baseball and author of The Maltese Falcon, respectively) are just a few of the names to be found there, the famous interspersed freely with the common–the citizen soldiers who used to fight for America who left their farms and offices and families to fight while needed and who I most admire of all our military heroes.

I had hoped to get a glimpse of General John “Blackjack” Pershing’s grave but was unable to spot it in the limited time available. Pershing is hard to find for a reason–he left specific instructions, orders really I suppose, that his grave be marked with a small white stone, identical except for the inscription to the stones used for his men. I know a little of Blackjack’s career, but this small fact makes me want to know more–sounds like a guy TB could respect.

Fittingly, as we left, I spied the Air Force Memorial in the distance. It is three arcs rising skyward assymetrically representing vapor trails like those behind a streaking jet. Flyin’ J was with me and though we joke about the military and our divergent politics a lot, I was privileged to be in this space with a man who has flown into war zones in Afghanistan and Iraq and will do it again whenever and wherever he’s asked. And regardless whether I approve of the politicians that sent or will send him out, I honor his willingness to go. That’s the thing about Arlington I guess. The stones do not tell us whether the man or woman beneath was a Republican or a Democrat. With a few exceptions for foreign allies, there are only Americans. Arlington, more than any other place I’ve been is a reminder that what we have in common far exceeds our differences, even in these times of increasingly hostile political rhetoric. 

Posted in History, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Travellinbaen Goes to Washington

Posted on April 17, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:  “It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a Free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even of his personal services to the defense of it.”     –George Washington

As many of you know, TB has been on hiatus for a week now. I was fortunate to spend most of a week in Washington D.C. covering much of the same ground I did 17 years ago with Sweet, but seeing it with a different perspective altogether. With my girls alongside, and Flyin’ J and the  G girls, we walked to, over and around all the monuments, visited the zoo, toured the Capitol and hiked the grounds of Arlington National Cemetery. The highlight of our trip was an afternoon on the south lawn of the White House attending the annual Easter Egg Roll. We visited with an old, dear friend, and occasional blog visitor RMac, a co-equal highlight of TB’s visit. And we ate enough to outpace the calories burned traipsing all over the District. 

Sadly, I was unable to report on all this during my trip as the Air Force bases we stayed on didn’t offer internet service in the otherwise well appointed, tidy and above all extremely cost effective accommodations procured by Flyin J. I will endeavor over the next few days to post a recap of the highlights and of some of the thoughts that percolated during our walks and visits, especially during our peaceful visit to Arlington. It was purely coincidence that the subject of the South’s previous secession from the Union was on my mind at the same time secessionist rhetoric was being warmed up by various states and news networks. In fact, I was surprised to read about all this foolishness when I got back online at home last night. 

It was quite a week for news, some I was aware of and some more I learned after the fact. Pirates and rescues and Fox and friends’ asinine pre-rescue comments, a sword fight duel in Indiana, a woman leaping into a polar bear exhibit, major Obama policy announcements, the torture memo release, state’s rights declarations and of course Teabaggin. Parenthetically, on Wednesday I was visiting the Air and Space Smithsonian and had to leave at one point to feed the parking meter on our car. I heard chanting from the Capitol building grounds across the way but could see nothing until a bus in the distance moved. Quite pleased to be witness to an historic event, I stopped to watch the Teabaggers and tried to make out the substance of their chanting. Then another bus pulled up and they disappeared from view. I stared blankly, fed the kitty, and returned to the museum to revel in the heroism and sacrifices of the true patriots honored at Air and Space.

A few random thoughts on all this–

Fox television constantly criticized the President in the days preceding the fantastic Navy rescue of the Captain of the Maersk Alabama. I found it patently absurd that they were questioning the President’s resolve to protect Americans in general and of these sailors in particular. It was clear to me that many were hoping the President would “fail” and the hostage situation would prove him to be “just like Jimmy Carter.” Here’s my view. Obama would have deserved no blame if things had turned out differently. But, P.S., I also think he deserves no special credit for the fact it resulted in a rescue, other than that he correctly left it to the professionals to deal with and otherwise kept his mouth shut. And finally, how ’bout those marksmen drilling the pirates in the dark with one shot in heavy seas? Wow.

Does anyone besides me think its a bit ironic that the Teabaggin tax protests took place in a year when taxes were cut? Yes, taxes on upper incomes are likely to rise in the coming years, but not this year. The teabaggers I think are guilty of, uh, premature jocularity. Then I came home and found out good ole Haley and his gang are on the cusp of letting the tobacco tax die but also allowing the car tag credit we’ve come to know and love to expire. So our taxes here in the sovereign state of Mississippi will be going up, again.

I love the Obama administration’s plan to aggressively implement high speed light rail across the United States. I am hopeful it takes place without undue delay and that it spreads rapidly beyond the ten corridors so far proposed. The proposed route leading from Houston to Mobile will be a huge economic boon to the Mississippi Coast and I was very pleased to see it on the list. High speed rail will cost a lot of money, or to put it more accurately will require a large up front investment. But the likelihood of a highly profitable return on capital makes it a no-brainer in my opinion.

Courtesy of Stone, I bring you news and observations on the fatal fencing duel that took place in Indiana and resulted in the death of a bystander trying to stop the fight. If you are unaware of this, it seems two men, ages 39 and 69 respectively got into a bit of a disagreement and decided to settle the question of honor in the swashbuckling fashion of the 17th century European nobility. They drew swords, crossed them, then began carving up one another not to mention the 77 year old female relative who tried to stop them. Both senior citizens are now dead and the younger man is in custody. Is anyone surprised he favors D’Artagnan just a little bit?

As Stone astutely observed, the gentlemen handled this matter all wrong. In duels of honor it is necessary first to procure seconds. The seconds establish ground rules before the fight commences. Rules such as, no hitting in the face or the groin. No tripping. No hitting girls. First blood drawn wins. It is advisable for seconds to divide the body into thirds–the innards, blood, and the skin–all attacks beyond the outer 1/3 are forbidden. Actually, the longer the seconds discuss the finer, umm, “points” of order, the more likely the umbrage taken by the offending party will begin to fade and the whole thing might be called off altogether. But if not cancelled, the seconds also ensure the fight takes place in a forest clearing and preferably at the crack of the ‘morrow’s dawn. This keeps the girls away. And the seconds give the challenged party choice of weapons. In this case it appears both sides would’ve been better off if they had selected, say, marshmallow guns or water balloons. They should’ve at least had the chance to select something other than samurai blades. Finally (fourth?) such a conflict must never take place until the participants ingest a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon and copious amounts of wine. In addition to fortifying their spirits, the wine can be strategically spilled on clothing to simulate drawn blood or at possibly regurgitated in the heat of battle to the same purpose. In this way, no loss of life is likely to occur while honor can be preserved. If a suitable bottle of wine is unavailable, participants might freely substitute a fifth. 

^   ^

___

                 I’m still pretty worn out after our trip and my office is predictably a mess after a week’s neglect, so that’s all I’ve got today. I’ll have a couple of posts inspired by our trip over the weekend and I’ll post a few snapshots. So who won The Master’s anyway?

Posted in current events, Life, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Master Pickin

Posted on April 9, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “Some people think they are concentrating when they’re merely worrying.”     –Bobby Jones

By special request, here is a Thursday Pickin for The Masters being played today through Sunday. If you pick Tiger Woods you have to pick the number of strokes he’ll win by. I say he wins by 3.  As I understand it, there is a guy from Ocean Springs playing in this year’s event as an amateur, so I’ll be pulling for him to be the low amateur. Other than Tiger and the OS guy, I have only the vaguest idea who else will be present in Augusta. Country clubbers rejoice–here is your chance to rule the TB world for a whole post.

My playlist for travellin to DC where I will not be glued to the TV:

  • The Album Green–REM
  • Easy Money–Todd Snider
  • I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For–U2
  • Add it Up–Violent Femmes
  • Drive–The Cars
  • Rough Housin–.38 Special
  • Head Like a Hole–9 Inch Nails
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Ben Folds Live in Mobile, Alabama

Posted on April 8, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard no horse sing a song.”     –Louis Armstrong

TB ain’t no music critic. But if I was, I’d write all about how good the Ben Folds concert was this past Monday at the Saenger Theater in downtown Mobile. I’d give you his set list, tell all about the instrumentalists, point out the errors and bust out some cutting edge jargon.

Instead, I’ll just tell you I thought he was damn good, better than I expected, which was that he’d be really good. A lot of the folks who inhabit this blog are unfamiliar with him, same as I would be if I wasn’t wed to someone with discerning and eclectic tastes. So I write this with y’all in mind.

Ben Folds leads the band and plays the piano. Alongside are a drummer and a bass guitarist and a couple of utility players who do everything from shaking tamberines to playing the French horn to percussion to keyboards to standing around looking pensive and dour and wry. The band once was known as the Ben Folds Five back when they were only three but apparently dropped “Five” from their name when they expanded to that number. This fact alone is enough to garner him/them respect from TB. All of the talking and most of the singing is done by Ben. He is sort of a combination of Elton John and Jerry Lee Lewis crossed with a mad scientist and that gangly nerdy kid who pitched for the original Bad News Bears if he’d grown up and become Dwight from The Office. Rock Star, in her infinite wisdom, has kindly observed that “he could use a stylist” though TB heartily disagrees, finding his slovenly dress and post-pubescent awkwardness an appealing juxtaposition against his obvious self confidence, talent and leadership skills.

As for the concert itself, I only knew a few of his songs beforehand, and at least one of those I knew he played at a different tempo and deployed a new set of lyrics so that it was really only a cousin of the good tune on my ipod. One of my favorites from his new album is “Hiroshima” which has great lines for crowds to sing along though he surprisingly and a bit disappointinly didn’t perform it in Mobile. In spite of this, I loved every number. The dude bangs on that piano like it slapped his moma, but the sounds he brings forth are pitch perfect. Watching his hands, one could only see a blur of flesh interspersed with ebony and ivory. Virtually all of his tunes are laced with humor, but also with truth and true emotion. The best example I can give is the song “The Bitch Went Nuts” which I’m linking below. It’s damn funny, but its not just a silly gag song because it captures a feeling and a conversation most of us have had at some time. It’s dark humor, the kind you share with your best pals. I’m not posting it, but I have a feeling more than a few of you ARB’s will dig the tune “Bitches Ain’t Shit”, just in case you want to catch it on YouTube. I should also note that he played “Brick” in Mobile, which as his diehard fans know, he rarely performs any more.

The other thing about Ben Folds is that he projects to the audience a genuine joy and excitement in his own performance. This was no stereotypical rock star juicing up to go through the motions at one more stop on the tour. He came on stage about fifteen minutes after his opening act finished and he played until five minutes after the local ordinances required him to cease and desist. He played a set list unique in several ways from his recent shows and he improvised both the order of songs and the choice. There was even a voice vote by the crowd to choose his last pre-encore song when time was running out. One of the highlights of the night for a new fan like myself was when he played a song unique to Mobile. If you’ve ever seen Dana Carvey do “Choppin Bro-co-li”, you have an idea of what transpired. It’s a tradition of his to do this in each city I guess, and he basically makes up a tune in honor of his current tour stop in place of the usual pandering hometown compliments. 

If I had to pick out anything to criticize about the concert I could, but they are small complaints. TB always likes to see a band leader introduce his guys and I always look for the lead to leave himself out of the introductions so as not to draw the applause away from the guys in the trenches. Just a little thing I’ve come to respect over the years and something left out of the show. Second, part of Folds’ schtick is that he cusses in his songs and his onstage dialogue with the audience. A lot. TB ain’t no monk, but as an aspiring humorist I am of the opinion that cuss words are most effective when used sparingly and timed appropriately. He overdoes it a bit. But then again, he kind of overdoes everything else too; all the things that make a concert fun–he bangs those keys, he sweats, he laughs, he runs, he kicks his stool out from under and he thinks about what he’s going to do next to get everybody smiling and dancing. Rock Star says he’s a musical genius and on this point, from what I’ve seen I’d have to agree.

For the uninitiated here at TB, except for maybe MD, you ought to check him out. Here’s a couple of videos to give you a little taste of his work.

Warning–these links are a departure from the usual, PG 13 rated content of this site. For you kids out there….earmuffs, now.

Here’s one more that demonstrates the “musical genius” part a little better. I can only link it, sorry.

s2353493.htm

Posted in Music, Music, People | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Peaking too Soon

Posted on April 6, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     

Wrigley: Who are you looking for? 
Miles Massey: Tenzing Norgay. 
Wrigley: Tenzing Norgay? That’s someone she slept with? 
Miles Massey: I doubt it. Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt. Everest. 
Wrigley: And Marilyn knows him? 
Miles Massey: No, you idiot. Not the Tenzing Norgay. Her Tenzing Norgay. 
Wrigley: I’m not sure that I actually follow that. 
Miles Massey: Few great accomplishments are achieved single-handedly, Wrigley. Most have their Norgays. Marilyn Rexroth is even now climbing her Everest. I wanna find her Norgay. 
Wrigley: But how do you determine which of the people on here are… 
Miles Massey: How do you spot a Norgay? 
Wrigley: Yeah. 
Miles Massey: You start with the people with the funny names. 

–dialogue from Intolerable Cruelty 

It’s a common cliche this time of year, often applied to college basketball teams who had great success in February only to come up short in their drive for a national championship. Undoubtedly the Sports Center guys are wearing out the phrase “peaked too soon” in describing teams from the Big East. TB also hears the phrase quite often in everyday life, usually framed as some sort of mild insult towards a person who has not lived up to the expectations of the speaker in some way. I have been home, Pascagoula, for a few days and I’ve seen a lot of friends, old and new, and I’ve had time to surf the Facebook pages of a lot of friends I can rarely see anymore. It occurs to me in these dark days of economic turmoil and uncertainty, that in spite of it all a lot of folks are peaking these days.

The great unspoken logical flaw in the accusation, “He peaked too soon” is that there is only one high point in a life and that everything following the apex must necessarily be a failure since never again can one achieve what once was possible. I think what we fail to realize sometimes is that people can reach the crest of the wave in many ways and at many places. I say this with some small measure of defensiveness, because you see in some ways, I know the phrase can be and probably has been applied to me.

A treasure trove of statistical proof of my glory days appeared unexpectedly this weekend. It was a recap of the 1987 summer league season when my friends and I won the Mississippi Dizzy Dean State Championship and finished tied for third in the World Series held in Pensacola, Florida. I led our team in most hitting categories with a .459 average, 4 doubles, a triple, two home runs and ten RBI’s and only a single strikeout in 35 trips to the plate. Frankly, I was surprised to see these numbers because 1987 was the back end of my athletic life’s peak. I had a much better year in 1986. But after the summer of ’87, weakening eyes and a crumbling shoulder quickly led to the demise of what had been a promising career. I peaked at fifteen and sixteen, there is no doubt. Not much to live for after that, right?

Many of my old friends, the asshole runnin buddies similarly peaked in those years. Some reached their zenith in sports, others in popularity or appearance or a combination of all of those essential high school achievements. A pair of brothers who are new friends had highs in football and the musical scene that are now but sweet memories. Some of the girls have some lofty peaks in their histories as well. World travels, education in the Rockies, the fast life in Jacksonville, stage appearances all part of their respective pasts now. Sad? Hardly.

Those girls I’ve been fortunate to reconnect with through the miracles of Facebook are now living in the capital of the world teaching and constantly smiling, creating art, writing, and reveling in their families. My new friends are raising families, one moving in to a new phase of business life, the other producing beautiful music and finding peace, elusive for many years. The ARB’s are buying houses and losing weight and laughing more. A couple are  brewing excellent beer and brainstorming the perfect names for bottles and the brewery they will one day build. Another is working a job far below education and intelligence level to provide for family, leaving a painful past a little further away with each new day. I’m especially proud of him and I believe in him. And two more generally spending so much time with kids that its difficult to get away for a few hours with TB on a couple days notice. As for old TB, with my two girls as constant companions and modern technology to keep my friends near in heart and mind, I’ve never been happier. Even counting 87, a good year to be sure. It seems like the people I know have finally left the old achievements behind in favor of moving forward to new ones. Everyone seems more interested and supportive of the rest than we used to be. It is making them/us stronger, happier and more successful. Without consciously considering it, we have rejected the idea that we “peaked too soon” and instead have embraced the idea that there is always another peak to reach and so we should get on with the climbing.

Posted in Life, Philosobaen | Tagged , , , , , , | 12 Comments