The Greatest Punchlines of All Time

  1. Them Sheep Lie!
  2. Don’t go flyin’ off the handle when you’re full of sh*t.
  3. Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
  4. When the fly comes down 3 inches, the p***y gets wet.
  5. We’ve established what you are madam. We’re just haggling over the price.
  6. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
  7. That’s a truck drivin sonofabitch. Pffffft.
  8. Why the long face?
  9. I hardly know her.
  10. Mooooooooo.
  11. The Aristocrats!

Quote of the Day:

(Censored–But if you don’t know “The Aristocrats” and you can handle the most truly vile language you have ever heard, go to You Tube and run a search. I recommend the Gilbert Gottfried version. And if you do check it out, leave your heavily censored thoughts below.)

And now, for something completely different…..

Our friend and classmate J. Walter Hawkes, on the ukelele, sitting in with Van Hayride. A little off season Thursday music for you.

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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14 Responses to The Greatest Punchlines of All Time

  1. Honorable mention–

    “I don’t think I woulda told that one Bubba.”

    “Just shoot up in here amongst us! One of us has got to get some RELIEF!

  2. Zeek says:

    How about Little Greeg’s all-time great line while in the yard playing football? “I couldn’t see you, but I knew you were open!!”

  3. Madd Dawg says:

    -You are not going to like Tuesdays very much.

  4. MD, nice. Along that genre of jokedom, I’d add “Just where do you think your gonna get a lawyer?”

    BTW, if you don’t know the “them sheep lie” joke, its a Daily Wit Hall of Famer from way back. He wrote about it on his blog, linked here.

    http://www.thedailywit.com/2009/02/20/a-joke-about-talking-animals/

    I want to know, has anybody gotten their first introduction to “the aristocrats!” yet? I’d like to hear some reaction.

  5. BR says:

    somebody step on a duck.

  6. smilyj says:

    “It ain’t gay if you love ’em!”

  7. For obvious reasons, I concur with No. 1 on your list. But they’re all classics.

    Because my sophomoric humor extends to, well, the sophomoric, I will also, for no reason whatsoever, suddenly say, “Nome? He’s my uncle!”

    “That’s not my belly button. That’s not my finger.”

    TB, I almost wet myself watching The Aristocrats. Oddly, Bob Saget had me laughing as much as anyone. Of course, Gilbert Gottfried is in a league (and world) of his own.

  8. Yes, the Bob Saget version is twisted in a whole nuther way. DW, I recommend to you the movie made about this joke a few years back. I believe it is named “The Aristocrats” and I think both the Saget and Gottfried versions are featured, along with a who’s who of American comedy. This is a joke told by comedians to comedians, according to the movie/documentary. Easy to see why they wouldn’t do it in public much.

    I have to say, at some point in the movie I reached my limit. I had to shut it off with about ten minutes to go as I recall. And that was before I had kids.

  9. That’s the movie I’m talking about. It gets old in parts b/c the subject matter is the same. But the good parts are great…..especially the last 10 minutes.

  10. My bad, I thought you were referring to the link I left. As for the last sentence of your post, it strikes me funny

    pause
    pause
    pause

    pause

    NOTTTTTTTT

  11. irvineredd says:

    The Aristocrats movie might be the filthiest hour and a half of my life. A lot of people I know who have seen that have come back saying the same thing about Saget’s part. My old boss used to hate Saget until he saw him doing the aristocrats joke. Sarah Silverman’s version of it is pretty funny as well.

  12. workinbaen says:

    The Saget episode on Entourage is classic as well. That made me like him.

  13. Smiley says:

    “Remember, no matter how bad you think you have it. When everything seems to be going wrong and the world is against you. On you worst day ever…..remember, somewhere…..there is a MR.PELOSI.”

  14. I just thought of another that belongs on the list. It’s the only joke I know of where the punch line is at the beginning.

    “Two pickets to tittsburgh”

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