The Walk of Shame

Quote of the Day:     The only shame is to have none.”     –Blaise Pascal

TB always gets good blog material on my frequent trips to Oxford. Sunday morning I was in charge of breakfast so I drove to the square to pick up pastries from Bottletree. Cruising down Lamar I spied ahead of me through the light misting rain a lumbering, large and fast moving figure. “What in the world is that broad doin?”, I wondered. Her black skirt slightly askew, hair mussed, shirt partly tucked in, purse nearly dragging, and jewelry laden, what was most wrong about her were the heels. So high, so impractical for a Sunday stroll on an uneven sidewalk, so…..wrong. I am getting old. It was several seconds after I passed by her, recoiling at her fierce countenance, that I realized it. She was making the walk of shame, and to add insult to injury, the worst known version.

The mildest form of the “walk” is the one where you have to greet the roommates. Generally, everyone has a little slightly embarrassed laugh, followed by the offer of a soda and often a period of relaxing where walker and watchers can catch up on mutual acquaintances or an upcoming exam. Some walkers prefer to head straight for the door and make a quick exit. At any rate this walk involves only a brief period of shame and is possible when the walker has a car parked outside. Even a ride will do.

The next level up on the walk of shame scale of shame builds upon the first. Only no car and no ride are available so the individual with whom one has just shacked up is forced to provide a ride either home or to the shackee’s vehicle left at a bar. The stilted conversation and awkward farewell are the worst parts of this WOS. Sample conversation:

Walker–So, uh, what was your last name again?

Driver–Ummmm, Smith. Yeah, that’s it. Smith. Hey, I had fun last night.

Walker–Great. Did I?

Driver–Ha. Funny.

Walker–You know, I NEVER do this. I can’t believe I did it last night.

Driver–Oh, me neither. 

Walker–That’s me over there–the Sentra.

Driver–Ok, well….ummm….be careful. You didn’t forget anything did you?

Walker–If I did just keep it.

Sometimes a number is exchanged, sometimes even an uncomfortable hug and almost always a brief blank stare. No one ever looks back.

The poor lass I saw this weekend however was forced to endure the worst of all walks of shame. The one where she had to walk past the roommates, had no ride, had left her car back at the bar and received no half-hearted offer of a ride. I can imagine her host woke up and decided he’d made a damn dubious decision to bring this girl home last night and stayed in bed after she finally rose. Undoubtedly his roommates provided no Diet Coke. And it was raining. And she was on the main drag in town. She did the only thing she could do. She grabbed all her crap, slipped on those pumps and started hoofing it. Her shame was only matched by her ire. Though I kept my distance and quickly left her in the rearview mirror, I could read her mind.

Never again.

But deep down she knows that’s a lie. Just like it was the last time.

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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21 Responses to The Walk of Shame

  1. Jessie Lou says:

    How awfully sad! Hmmmm……wonder how many lost articles of clothing there are in the universe? Certainly a belt or two has been left behind. Also called to mind is that scene in “Working Girl” where Melanie Griffith is leaving (read running away from) Harrison Ford behind in the bed only to unknowingly have a meeting with him later that morning.

  2. Good one JL. It is true, the subsequent meeting can be tough. That’s when the real winner or loser of the encounter can often be determined too. This dude will probably hit on her again, if not next weekend then by the end of the summer. She will then have the chance to regain hand–by making him use his.

  3. Oh man. This is a painful topic. I once bit not once but twice on a never-should-have-happened-in-the-first-place. The 2nd time around I had to drive her all the way to her apartment, which was 25 minutes away. The interminable minute — and I had 25 of them. I had Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill in my cd player and this girl played that “you suck” song for the entire trip.

  4. quail09 says:

    This is a funny subject…..my junior year at ole miss, i lived off campus…actually out in the country with a couple of senior football players in a house where we hosted many a party….one chi omega guest of mine woke me up one morning and asked my hungover ass if she could get a ride home…i was still comatose and barely responded…she ended up hitchhiking in to the chi o house….the heels and purse draggin is a very accurate image…TB, you can come up with some sh*t, boy

  5. larry says:

    the worst is when you wake-up and for the first 30 seconds you do not remember where you are or who you are with.

  6. Zeek says:

    I think I’m gonna leave this one alone.

  7. follyjon says:

    I had a walk last Sunday morning with no sunglasses from the inner harbor in Ocean Springs to find my car.

    Good times

    You forgot to mention the worst walk. The one leaving the Frat house while the pledges are out front cleaning and they start clapping for you.

  8. Nice one FJ. I used to leave my car about a mile away from my apartment here in Jackson at a place called Shuckers. It wasn’t a WOS in the technical sense, but I was usually hungover and unshowered and there were no sidewalks, so I should’ve been shamed even though I wasn’t.

  9. Jessie Lou says:

    A man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do.

    Again, I’ve done some things I’d rather not discuss but compared to most of you I’ve led a very sheltered life. Come on Zeek – don’t leave it alone!

  10. Samsmama says:

    The least you could have done was stopped and offered me a ride. Geez…

  11. Ha!

    Sorry SM, like I said, I’m old now and don’t think fast enough.

    And for the record, I completely resisted the temptation to make an S&M joke here. Well sort of.

    Thanks for dropping in. And if you’re having a cold one out on the driveway today, have one for me too!

    —–
    For everyone else, I highly recommend you clicking SM’s name which will take you to her very excellent blog. Another funny place from the girl’s point of view is Jessica O’s blog–she has two, but I like the “rant”. As I said, just click their names same as you would Daily Wit’s and off you will go to a really funny place. If you have the time, but not to the exclusion of that spent here at TB of course, you can go to a lot of good chick blogs from their sites too. I found them via DW and have been keeping up for a couple of weeks now.

  12. quail09 says:

    One of the weirdest examples of this was a girl i sat next to in econ….she met all of the previously mentioned criteria for the walk of shame…except for the heels….but she walked right on up into our early class one morning and sat right next to me….this is when i realized that there’s a smell that accompanies the WOS

  13. Samsmama says:

    First off, you would not be the first to pull an S&M joke out of your ass. All sorts of dirty innuendo (HA! I did it again!) was implied.

    Second, Jessica O-Face is the shiznit. I adore her. Thanks for the shout outs. I’m adding you to favorites!

    And would it kill you to comment on my blog every now and then? I’ll do you if you do me. See, there I go again, gettin’ all dirty on your ass. I must stop.

  14. irvineredd says:

    See, I’m at a distinct disadvantage on this subject considering I’m pretty sure I’m the only one here who’s mom is a regular commentor.

  15. Harmony says:

    Yikes! I never walked the WOS. BUT, I’ve been known to walk and/or crawl home in a drunken stupor.

  16. Zeek says:

    JLou- I’m afraid my WOS’s would be a little too graphic and pathetically, jaw-droppingly sad to mention. Wouldn’t be much laughter I’m afraid.

  17. Madd Dawg says:

    Zeek,
    what was his name?

  18. Harmony–welcome to our little jungle. As for having never taken the WOS, all I can say is, “me neither. Never.”

    Friends, Harmony is author of one of the many blogs I mentioned before in reference to S&M. These are some funny chicks and they even talk about sex sometimes.

    Zeek…..God bless. Now y’all leave him alone.

  19. Jessie Lou says:

    IR – you know I never judge, Either I just look the other way and say a prayer or have a rant be done with it where you are concerned. And if all else fails, I’ll just go to the store and wait for it to be over and out. I’m afraid it is quid pro quo between us; perhaps not the typical relationship.

    Zeek – I will let you be my friend. Hurricane season arrives in less than 3 hours – no need to add any further wind to the fire.

  20. irvineredd says:

    JL, well that was confirmed this weekend. You skipped out on it, but now I know how that works for future reference. I was kind of looking forward to that moderate awkwardness.

  21. Jessie Lou says:

    I didn’t say I wanted to repeat it 🙂 ! It would be alot easier if I’ve already met her.

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