Thursday Pickin VIII

Quote of the Day     Turn out the lights; the party’s over; they say that all; good things must end; call it a night; the pa-arty’s o-ver; and tomorrow starts; the whole thing, over, again.”     –as crooned every Monday by Dandy Don Merideth, back during the Golden Age of Sports

RMac finally missed a beat last week, going with Oklahoma, so there may be a new name atop the leaderboard. We’ll see. Here are last week’s results, all POTW winners until noted otherwise:

  1. Pitalo went 5-0 in addition to his POTW. It’s going to be really embarrassing if he wins after missing the first couple of weeks of the season. But beware Pitalo, Sweet did in RMac, he’ll come after you if you have any more weeks like the last one.
  2. Smily learned how to play and did it well last week. Though only 3-3 on bonus picks, he got a close decision over Adam on bonus points for getting “Ain’t No Fun Waitin to Be a Millionaire” stuck in my head. The missing “g” didn’t hurt either, but “Seven Spanish Angels” put him over the top.
  3. Adam went 2-1 with a “dog” playlist I really liked, but Smily struck a chord (blank stare) so its bronze for Stone.
  4. Larry 2-2, love the Sex and Candy, but you might’ve gotten more for that at Halloween.
  5. RSR all in and a winner, with the usual hip list, but with the RSR/Ed handicap was dropped to a still impressive 5th.
  6. Supercynic, 2-3, with the fictional line of the week. Nobody can beat Feidt’s Follies for real life humor.
  7. OB at 1-4 saved face, and edged Face with his class of 88 songlist.
  8. Face was 0-2, but picked a nice standard, as performed by the original Stranger.
  9. Zeek, with OB and Face, illustrated the inherent injustice in this game. His POTW kept him above everyone else, but his 1-4 bonus was ugly.
  10. Sweet went 1-1 on POTW, 1-2 on regular games and 1-0 on jinxing RMac. TB was offended by the double POTW, but elected not to penalize for it.
  11. TB and everyone else lost the POTW, but TB went 4-0-1 in the bonus picks.
  12. Fig went 4-1 and gets SOTW for Mickey Gilley’s “The Girl’s All Get Prettier at Closin Time”. 
  13. TKH had perhaps his best week ever, going 3-2, and reminiscing about his old Mississippi home.
  14. MD limped in at 1-2, but got to ride the “Teacups” all week, so he doesn’t care.
  15. Feidt’s Follies went 1-4, then dropped a sweet parley on us before giving back a bit on parley number 2. Enjoyed the late afternoon catchup posts, but didn’t score them either way. I did award points for the preview of his date with an Amish chick. 
  16. Greeg/Screwtape showed his softer side, and it almost made me fail to notice he went 1-5. Go D-Rays.
  17. JLM was 1-3, but since she, Smily and SC were the only people to appear on the blog this week, I gave her (and them) a little juice.
  18. BR was next, 0-3, and a blank stare for his tune.
  19. Ed, all in again, lost. But I really want a new hot rod.
  20. RMac. Oklahoma, oh no. A good thing too, there aren’t many other “Rosie” songs out there. 
The Overall Standings
  1. RMac  202
  2. Fig  196
  3. TB   189
  4. Feidt’s Follies  183
  5. Rock Star Rambler  179
  6. OB  161
  7. Supercynic  156
  8. Adam  150
  9. Pitalo  145
  10. Ed  144
  11. Larry  133
  12. Sweet  132
  13. Smily  130
  14. MD  128
  15. Face  110
  16. JLM  105
  17. Screwtape  103
  18. BR  100
  19. Zeek  94
  20. TKH  92
TB’s Picks this week
  • Ole Miss  +13
  • Ohio State  -4
  • Michigan  +23
  • LSU  -3
  • TX Tech  -20
POTW–Vandy  +15
My Tunes, suitable for a road trip to Nashville
  • Steal My Kisses–Ben Harper
  • Euro Trash Girl–Cracker
  • Anywhere But Here–Cross Canadian Ragweed
  • Road to Nowhere–Talking Heads
  • Nashville (there ain’t nothin wrong with it)–Todd Snider
As always, new players are welcome–you’re still eligible for our weekly prizes, just the same as our regulars, even though the overall grand prize is out of reach.
Posted in Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

The Last Debate

Quote of the Day     “I don’t know what they call themselves doing but it ain’t debating.”     Smily in the previous post (here)

Does anybody need to watch this “debate” tonight? Are you undecided? If so, please respond to this post and explain what you are still waiting to find out and if you expect to (or do) hear it in the debates. I’m really curious. SC addressed the question of who is left that’s undecided a few weeks ago here, but what I want to post about this afternoon is what would make the debates worth watching. Here are my questions. I haven’t heard them asked in the first two, or anywhere else for that matter.

  • “Name three issues typically associated with the other party that you agree with?” If they can’t come up with them, follow up with, “how are we supposed to believe you are going to do anything in bipartisan manner if you can’t name three things of substance you have in common?”
  • To McCain, “what do you have to say to the people who think Obama is Muslim or a terrorist sympathizer.”
  • To Obama, “what do you have to say to the people who think McCain is morally deficient as evidenced by his involvement in the Keating 5 scandal and committing adultery while married to his first wife?”
  • “Is there a percentage of the overall Federal Budget that you think Military spending or Entitlement spending should not exceed, and if so, what is it?”
  • “Name your biggest three errors in judgment in your political careers on policy matters.” Follow up with either “what did you learn?” or “if you can’t recall a mistake of substance, how are we to believe you will recognize and correct future mistakes and be honest about addressing them?” This was asked of Bush in ’04 (not the follow up) and he famously and idiotically was unable to name anything he’d take back.
  • “What percentage of all taxes paid do you believe the group of people making over one million dollars a year should pay and the group of people making under seventy-five thousand should pay?”
  • “What will you do, if anything, to collect taxes from large corporations?”  Here’s the link to the article stating most corporations pay nothing.
There’s a lot more I’d ask if they’d ever turn the moderatin over to TB, but this is a start. I also think there ought to be a BS panel to make the telecast more interesting. Every time they start to use talking points, obvious scripted lines or over-generalizations, we’d buzz them–the first time gives the candidate a minor shock, number two mutes them for five minutes, number three drops them through a trap door into a pool of water. Really, they ought to put me in charge.
Y’all let me know what happens. I’m decided, they won’t ask my questions, and I ain’t watchin. I’ll be working on the Thursday pick’em post.
Posted in current events, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Anybody Else Sick of the Campaigns?

Quote of the Day    “My friends, let’s get out of here. I’ve got a fridge full of beer at the house, if you can just help me find it.”     TB’s fictional John McCain, misquoted

How long has this been going on? It seems like just a decade ago TB was dreading the candidacy of Hillary, supporting Edwards for his morality and deriding Obama as delusional for believing a black man could win a major party’s nomination for President. It was around the same time John McCain was relevant and Sarah Palin was having anonymous cat fights with her ex-brother in law’s new girlfriend. I realize the USA loves its antiquated traditions. Although the rest of the civilized world has moved on, many of us don’t want to give up on our age old All American practices of allowing corporations to run our lives, shooting one another, or hating soccer, and of course, interminable election cycles. But TB has an idea of liberal, even radical progress, I truly believe could garner bipartisan support. Let’s shorten the election season.

Only American elections have a season that makes NASCAR’s seem reasonable in length. The primary campaigns start the day after the mid-term elections. They go on for most of a year. Then, after a couple of bye weeks, we ramp back up for 3 months more, a playoff season that makes the NBA’s look lightning fast.

In the not too distant past, this made sense. Back then, there were no twenty-four hour news channels and no internet. There were no national newspapers. If candidates wanted you to know much about them, they had to hop a train and give speeches at each whistle stop. They had to come to your local town’s rubber chicken club and speak. They had to eat pie in diners, not to get their picture made, but because they liked pie.

All this isn’t necessary any more. We have 26 cable news networks, chain emails and blogs to get the word out about candidates. The candidates own planes and buses and Joe Biden rides the train. You can get good pie from the grocery store nowadays.

Here’s the plan. The primaries are held in August and September of election year. We divide the country into 4 regions and rotate which goes first and last and the states in each region hold their primaries on the same day. The political conventions are abolished–who needs ’em? Campaign, blog and send bogus chain emails like hell all October then vote and be done with it in November. That’s a sensible season–training camp, regular season and championship, nice and tidy.

Think of the money it would save! Think of the sanity it would preserve! Think of the email space that would be freed! And in all seriousness, think of the political anger that would possibly be lessened, just a bit. The longer these things go, the more attached we become to people and ideas that often are at odds with our own. And Sarah Palin wouldn’t have to start her 2012 campaign in the midst of McCain’s 2008 one.

Of course, she’s delusional if she thinks she’ll ever get the nomination.

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Natchez Trace

Quote of the Day     “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anybody driving faster than you is a maniac?”     —George Carlin

Travellinbaen had occasion to cruise north from Ridgeland for about seventy miles on the Natchez Trace last Friday in route to West Point, Mississippi. I love the Trace. There is almost no traffic, there are zero billboards, no litter, no power poles or lines, no big trucks, no political signs, no strip malls, no commerce whatsoever as a matter of fact; consequently, it is one of the few thoroughfares I have traveled upon which I have no desire to speed, and no need to weave. Well, no desire to speed excessively. Fifty is pretty low, and the park rangers seem content to let you get away with about fifty-five to fifty-nine.

Mid-October is a good time on the Trace. I saw at least a dozen does and some spotted fawns out for their morning meal, a few turkeys, a bunch of squirrels and hundreds of cows. I crossed creeks and rivers that curved away, out of view, on their own journeys. There were pastures dotted with haystacks and fields full of wild yellow daisies, the most vivid yellow there can possibly be. Because of the dearth of power lines, the trees are allowed to grow unfettered, and they show their appreciation for that by providing shady tunnels periodically along the route. It’s a road that allows you to think and relax and solve problems you didn’t realize were nagging at the back of your mind. The only thing missing for me on this trip was a bit of company and a rag-top. And perhaps a few days to enjoy them both in the quietude of the old highway.

It occurred to me as I neared my turnoff that a great public works project, a la the old WPA from the depression era, would be to connect the Trace with like minded thoroughfares across the country. I know of a few–the Going to the Sun Road in Glacier National Park, the Pacific Coast Highway, parts of the A1A in the Keys–that should be waypoints. What a way to see the countryside and the small towns we could create, away from the maddening crowds, if such a route from Atlantic to Pacific could be created, winding inefficiently from place to place, with no other purpose except beauty and peace. Here’s a few snap shots from October 10, 2008, on the Natchez Trace.

Posted in Life, Mississippi, Travel, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Thursday Pickin VII

Quote of the Day     “Play it now. Play it now. Play it now, my baby. Cracklin Rosie, make me smile.”     –Neil Diamond

You all know by now that Travellinbaen’s scoring system is arbitrary, by design. But if you know TB at all, you also know that it is anything but capricious. Bonus points and demerits are and will remain subjective and inconsistent. But at its heart, this is a “pick of the week” game, and RMac is leading the pack like Secretariat led the nags at Belmont. 5-0, all or nothing each week, and she keeps winning. What is this system? Does anyone believe RMac’s protestations of luck? Can it work with the stock market?

Here’s how it broke down with everybody else:

First, everybody gets some bonus for their tunes, and everybody is making it harder to pick some out of the pack for special notice. There’s not time to give them all a shout, but keep them coming. There were only seven POTW’s on target this week. Second place is sure to gin some controversy. I edged Pitalo over Supercynic by one point because I don’t know him. They both went 4-1. Face came next even though he was 3-0 on the bonus picks. TB does not like looking up the lines and deducted points from Face and Smily (though not RMac or JLM) for having to do just that. I even sent a link to Sheridan for christsakes. RSR was next with the usual all or nothing selection, a good call on the last game of the weekend and a second place songlist. I put Feidt next over Mad Dog, for spite, and Fig rounded out the POTW winners, missing big on his Talladega bonus selection.

Stone and Smily went 3-0 and 3-2, but did not designate a POTW. Stone got honorable mention for song of the week, which went to Screwtape, who appeared a day late with some pro picks, a bit of intramural trash talk, and the song of the week–Spill the Wine.

Then came the long line of losers, led by Larry. He got the nod in spite of a 1-3 bonus slate due to the first letter of his name and the playlist of the week. TB was next at 4-1, then TKH 3-2, OB  2-2 and JLM 2-3. Extra points for saucy innuendo in JLM’s song titles. Next was Ed, who went all in and is unfairly penalized for setting a very high music standard–he can’t win every week on tunage. (Same goes for our other music guru RSR). There was an unprecedented three-way tie for last between BR at 0-3, Zeek 0-5, and Sweet 2-4, 0-1 on teaser of the week, and an ill advised and premature withdrawal of a winner. Zeek got a bonus for having a bad week on and off the blog, BR for another week with the strangest song, and Sweet took deductions for, well, no reason. 

TB still hasn’t looked up Face’s song from last week, but when I do, I may or may not add bonus points depending on if the tune lives up to the name of the band–Big Sam’s Funky Nation.

The updated standings:

  1. RMac  192
  2. Fig  172
  3. TB  164
  4. Feidt’s Follies  163
  5. Rock Star  137
  6. Ed  132
  7. OB  121
  8. Supercynic  115
  9. Mad Dog  107
  10. Stone  106
  11. Sweet  97
  12. Pitalo  95
  13. Larry  90
  14. JLM  88
  15. Screwtape  85
  16. BR  85
  17. Smily  84
  18. Face  71
  19. TKH  69
  20. Zeek  56
TB’s Picks
  • Michigan State -2
  • Purdue  +18′
  • Arkansas  +19
  • Minnesota  +12
  • Tennessee  +12
POTW–Kentucky E
My Tunes, Long distance dedications this week
  • When You’re Hot, You’re Hot (when you’re not, you’re not)–Jerry Reed, to Zeek
  • Orange Crush–REM, to BR
  • Devil Inside–INXS, for Greeg/Screwtape
  • Don’t Cry–Guns and Roses, to everybody who doesn’t like their score
  • Dumas Walker’s–Kentucky Headhunters, to all the ARB’s and the girls who dig em
As always, anyone’s welcome to join in for next week, the regulars or passers by. As someone likes to say these days, “I’ll make you famous.”
Posted in Music, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

The Legend of Rooster Jones

Quote of the Day      “the best back I ever saw live”     —TB’s Dad, who saw a bunch of backs over the years

Rooster Jones played tailback at Pascagoula High School, leading the Panthers to an unbeaten season and the Mississippi State Championship in 1976, his senior year. He then broke a lot of local hearts when he signed a scholarship with the defending National Champion Pittsburgh Panthers. He was hurt during his entire Pittsburgh career and faded into obscurity. I’ve heard through the years that he was working out at Ingall’s Shipyard in Pascagoula, or stayed in Pittsburgh and had success with his degree, or even that he was killed in some shady deal gone bad. So far as I know, though he remains a household name in Pascagoula, nobody really knows what became of him.

TB was six years old when Rooster was running wild for the Panthers. I remember the hype and the excitement and of course the hometown pride that our guys were going all the way. I had no idea how much Rooster was sacrificing in bringing all that joy to us. Late in the season Rooster injured his ankle. Had he sat out, odds are the championship would not have come to Pascagoula and chances are he would’ve given the ankle time to heal. But he played through the injury and to Pascagoula the trophy came. For Rooster, the damage done to his ankle never fully healed and he was never the same.

Of all the stories I’ve heard about Rooster, there are two that stand out. Apparantly, the night before the annual Pascagoula-Moss Point grudge match, dead chickens were left lying around the entrance to PHS as a warning of what the Tigers had in store for him. I can’t verify whether this is so, but I’ve heard it repeated many times. The second one I know to be true because I’ve heard Jackie Sherrill discuss it and I verified it in a Sports Illustrated article I found here.

The great Hugh Green was only discovered by Sherrill and lured away to Pitt because of his performance in a playoff game against Rooster. Ironically, both Jones and Green were committed to go to Mississippi State before Sherrill’s offer of national glory turned their heads. In addition, Sherrill picked up Pascagoula brothers Pappy and Lynn Thomas who became Pitt stars. Three starters from Mississippi picked up for some great Pitt teams, all due to the recruitment of Rooster, who never panned out in college–what are the odds? 

Rooster. A major part of TB’s Golden Age of Sports.

Posted in Mississippi, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , | 98 Comments

The Golden Age of Sports

Quote of the Day     “The importance that our society attaches to sport is incredible. After all, is football a game or a religion? The people of this country have allowed sports to get completely out of hand.”    –Howard Cosell

October is one of the best sports months of the year. College and NFL Football are in full swing, the MLB playoffs and World Series are underway, Nascar’s Chase is winding down, and basketball camps are opening up. It’s a great month for sports, and if you’re a kid, you will remember it all in twenty years or more as a golden age.

TB’s golden age of sports was from 1970-1986. There is no chance any other time period since then or yet to come will ever be better for me. What made this era so great?

In the NFL, the Cowboys were America’s Team. They were the only team with freshly painted helmets each week. All the other teams’ helmets were beat to hell and back, tough looking, as they should be. The Cowboys could get away with the fresh look because it was unique. Back then, quarterbacks wore number 12, as God ordained. Bob Griese, Joe Namath, Snake Stabler, Roger Staubach, Terry Bradshaw, Joe Ferguson–all number 12.  Billy Johnson wore white shoes and danced in the end zone, and nobody else did, at least for awhile. Speaking of dancing in the end zone, it was an era of classic celebrations beginning with Billy White Shoes Johnson’s hands on knees dance, moving to the California Quake by Butch Johnson, through the Skins’ Fun Bunch and ending with Mark Gastineau’s sack dance. The Immaculate Reception happened during this era as well as the original Hail Mary. Saints fans started the bag over the head routine during their memorable 1-15 campaign and the Dolphins completed their undefeated season. Instead of “Ocho Cinco” and “TO” we had real nicknames like “Hacksaw” and “Mean Joe”. And of course we kept up with it all thanks to Monday Night Football with Gifford and Dandy Don and Cosell’s halftime highlights.

Baseball in this period was maybe even greater. Day games were the only option for the Cubs and were featured in the Playoffs and World Series, as God ordained. The NL and AL hotly contested the all-star game each year, for pride. The last three Dodgers-Yankees World Series took place, not to mention the greatest series ever between the Reds and Red Sox. U.L. Washington chewed a toothpick at bat, George “Boomer” Scott wore a helmet in the field and Gary Matthews flicked his helmet off as soon as he left the batters box. We had the Pine Tar game and the greatest baseball brawl ever on WTBS between the Braves and Padres. Morganna the kissing bandit showed up at all All-Star games and most Steve Garvey games. Mike Schmidt showed emotion when he hit his 500th home run. It was the first time in his life. Ozzie Smith hit his first home run in something like 95,000 at bats to win the Cards a playoff game, just after the stat was flashed on how unlikely an Ozzie homer would be. We pulled for guys called “Charlie Hustle”, “Mr. October”, and “the Penguin” instead of “Man-Ram” and “A-Rod”. And Chris Berman gave a nickname to everyone who was missing one and it was a fresh idea–Daryl “Motley” Crue, Bert “Be Home” Blyleven, Oddibe “Young Again” McDowell. The era ended with a ball rolling between Bill Buckner’s legs, and I remember exactly where I was and who I was with when it happened.

It wasn’t all about the NFL and MLB. The NBA had its Bird-Magic era, Nascar gained popularity when Cale Yarborough got in a fight with the Alabama gang, and Sugar Ray Leonard beat Roberto Duran in the “no mas” fight. College football came on TV once a week and there were four big bowls on New Year’s with one big argument on who should be the champs. And in 1980, Mississippi State beat Alabama 6-3. I wasn’t there, but I know where I was. I remember how it felt. It was golden.

Posted in History, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Another Weekend in Oxford

Quote of the Day       You can do that alllll night long.”   Larry, to Smily one night a long time ago. I’ll have to put that story in print pretty soon if I can do it justice.

Travellinbaen sometimes feels like the only place he travels is Oxford. And that is where I spent my weekend once again. I have to admit, much as I wish it weren’t the case, I do like going there. It was especially nice this weekend. The fall and spring weather in Oxford are as close to perfect as can be found, and on Friday and Saturday, Oxford was at its best.

One of TB’s favorite pastimes is staring into space on a starry night, preferably with some spirits close at hand. Friday night I broke out a couple of bottles of wine that I’d been saving for a special occasion. The chance to sit on a blanket under the stars, way out in Taylor, Mississippi, where you can really see them, listening to a great band, was just such an occasion. The Kudzu Kings were referenced here several times last week and I guess karma had something to do with it. I haven’t heard those guys in years, but they still sound great, and they’re aging well. I could’ve sat there and listened, drinking and staring up at those stars all night long.

TB is pretty down on Mississippi in a lot of ways lately, but I gotta say, Friday night was one of those times and places where you’re thankful to be a Mississippian, and you know you’re experiencing something different than folks most anyplace else have a chance to do. You can’t plan nights like this, they just happen.

I spent most of the day Saturday in the fabled (and overrated) Grove at Ole Miss. The Grove is a place where people try to “plan” those special, “only in Mississippi” experiences before and after football games. There was a time when the Grove on gameday was unique, but now its just another tailgate place with people trying to hard to re-create the magic they felt back in the day. That’s not to say its not still fun. Lot’s of food and drink, pretty girls and obnoxious guys, and of course the sounds of football on the radio gently assaulting the ears from every direction make for a fun day. And if you skip the game to kick your feet back in the shade with a beer and just one more Abner’s chicken strip, you’ll never regret it.

I capped off my weekend at a small party with a most unusual guest list. The one most worth mentioning here was a guy from Long Island, New York. He only has one name, like Madonna. He’s about 100 pounds overweight, but still good looking somehow, and deeply tanned. His accent is beyond what any prejudiced southerner would consider possible, even for a yankee. He is an artist and a ladies fashion designer who formerly danced in renowned ballet companies, then trained under Marcel Marceau as a mime. He was gregarious and charming. Go figure. It’s a strange, beautiful world, especially when its 70 degrees and sunny in Oxford.

Posted in Life, Mississippi | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Saturday Football Bloggin II

Anybody got anything to say today? 

TB hasn’t been able to watch any games until now. I’ve been grovin here at Ole Miss where the Rebels put up a valiant effort, but could not overcome the Sports Illustrated cover jinx. All I know is the final score, but I heard SC took advantage of a bunch of Reb turnovers.  

A very tough loss for the Tulane Greenies. A blowout against Army. That’s gonna leave a mark.

F’in Florida runs up the gut and breaks a long one instead of just going to the V formation to get the cover against Arkansas.

Kentucky hanging so far with Bama and Vandy Auburn just underway. I love betting against Bama as a big fave. Looks like UK will cover unless something strange happens.

Any chance Fido can give us an update on his debauchery today? Coach teajay? Sweet? TB’s planning on having a couple of cold ones tonight with some New Yorkers, but my wild days are ancient history.

Posted in Sports | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Winning Debate Strategies

One of TB’s favorite books is The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis. Thanks to Greeg/Satan’s appearance last week, henceforth Screwtape on this page, and thanks to the inanity of the debate I was half-heartedly watching tonight, my mind travelled back to that great work. For those unfamiliar, Screwtape is a highly ranked demon who is mentoring his young nephew on the methods by which the minions of Hell can influence people and win them away from God. It’s a funny book in many ways, and its a book that will make you consider in a deep and methodical way the views you have and why you have them. Though its area of focus is religion, the ideas Lewis conjures apply across the board. As to elections in general, and this election in particular,  I think we are constantly subjected to a barrage of influence and argument inspired by those who employ Screwtape’s (the original–not Greeg) methods. 

I copied a passage from Screwtape’s first letter to his nephew Wormwood advising him on how to corrupt a man he is charged with winning that illustrates what I mean.

Quote of the Day

  “I note what you say about guiding our patient’s reading and taking care that he sees a good deal of his materialist friend. But are you not being a trifle naïf? It sounds as if you supposed that argument was the way to keep him out of the Enemy’s clutches. That might have been so if he had lived a few centuries earlier. At that time the humans still knew pretty well when a thing was proved and when it was not; and if it was proved they really believed it. They still connected thinking with doing and were prepared to alter their way of life as the result of a chain of reasoning. But what with the weekly press and other such weapons we have largely altered that. Your man has been accustomed, ever since he was a boy, to have a dozen incompatible philosophies dancing about together inside his head. He doesn’t think of doctrines as primarily “true” of “false”, but as “academic” or “practical”, “outworn” or “contemporary”, “conventional” or “ruthless”. Jargon, not argument, is your best ally in keeping him from the Church. Don’t waste time trying to make him think that materialism is true! Make him think it is strong, or stark, or courageous—that it is the philosophy of the future. That’s the sort of thing he cares about.

     “The trouble about argument is that it moves the whole struggle onto the Enemy’s own ground. He can argue too; whereas in really practical propaganda of the kind I am suggesting He has been shown for centuries to be greatly the inferior of Our Father Below. By the very act of arguing, you awake the patient’s reason; and once it is awake, who can foresee the result? Even if a particular train of thought can be twisted so as to end in our favour, you will find that you have been strengthening in your patient the fatal habit of attending to universal issues and withdrawing his attention from the stream of immediate sense experiences. Your business is to fix his attention on the stream. Teach him to call it “real life” and don’t let him ask what he means by “real”.

      Remember, he is not, like you, a pure spirit. Never having been a human (Oh that abominable advantage of the Enemy’s!) you don’t realise how enslaved they are to the pressure of the ordinary. I once had a patient, a sound atheist, who used to read in the British Museum. One day, as he sat reading, I saw a train of thought in his mind beginning to go the wrong way. The Enemy, of course, was at his elbow in a moment. Before I knew where I was I saw my twenty years’ work beginning to totter. If I had lost my head and begun to attempt a defence by argument I should have been undone. But I was not such a fool. I struck instantly at the part of the man which I had best under my control and suggested that it was just about time he had some lunch. The Enemy presumably made the counter-suggestion (you know how one can never quite overhear What He says to them?) that this was more important than lunch. At least I think that must have been His line for when I said “Quite. In fact much too important to tackle it the end of a morning”, the patient brightened up considerably; and by the time I had added “Much better come back after lunch and go into it with a fresh mind”, he was already half way to the door. Once he was in the street the battle was won. I showed him a newsboy shouting the midday paper, and a No. 73 bus going past, and before he reached the bottom of the steps I had got into him an unalterable conviction that, whatever odd ideas might come into a man’s head when he was shut up alone with his books, a healthy dose of “real life” (by which he meant the bus and the newsboy) was enough to show him that all “that sort of thing” just couldn’t be true. He knew he’d had a narrow escape and in later years was fond of talking about “that inarticulate sense for actuality which is our ultimate safeguard against the aberrations of mere logic”. He is now safe in Our Father’s house.”

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