Things Learned as Dad (the lesser list)

Posted on June 22, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

Sometimes I catch her dreamin and wonder where that little mind meanders
Is she strollin along the shore or cruisin oer the broad savannah
I know someday shell learn to make up her own rhymes
Someday shes gonna learn how to fly
Oh that I wont deny

–Little Miss Magic–Jimmy Buffett

Last year for Father’s Day I featured a few things learned from Dad. This year, a day late, I offer a few of the (lesser) things I’ve learned as a Dad.

  1. I can function on 5-7 hours of sleep, though not nearly as well as I could back in the nights of 10.
  2. I can get those 5-7 hours on approximately 6 square inches of bed space.
  3. In my prior life, certain promises to any person were conditional. As a Dad, not so. Example–we ran out of bathtub crayons not long ago. My daughter didn’t understand. So I promised I would get some new ones as soon as possible. The next night she held up the spent crayons and said “we gotta get new ones.” She then repeated this 23 times during the bath. I again promised I would get some new ones as soon as possible. The next day, Wal-mart was out of bathtub crayons. So was Target. I kept driving around town until I found those damn crayons. In my prior life, I would’ve simply given up after Wal-mart and said “I couldn’t find them.” But there was no way I was facing another bath time with the guilt of an unfulfilled oath hanging over the tub.
  4. The script of Winnie the Pooh.
  5. The joy of morning “tea.”
  6. The necessity of pre-dinnertime kitchen dancing.
  7. The space limitations on my laptop for photos and videos.
  8. The insufficiency of memory.
  9. The best time to turn on Sprout.
  10. And finally, poop happens.

And a belated Father’s Day poll to hopefully make this post a bit more interesting:

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , | 11 Comments

I’m a Ramblin Baen

Posted on June 19, 2009 by travellinbaen

TB went to see “The Hangover” last night. It’s the funniest damn movie I’ve seen in quite a while, a true classic. If you haven’t seen it, you must. In some ways its a “formula” movie in that its a bachelor party Vegas run with a bunch of great gags tied together with a loose story about getting the groom to the church on time. But it rises above the norm with hyperbolic, yet true to the spirit of, drunken asshole runnin buddy interaction. The screenwriters also captured what it means to black out and keep partying for hours better than it has ever been done on screen. The movie follows the ARB’s challenge in backtracking the previous night to unravel the mess they find themselves in when they awaken. None of the boys can remember anything beyond the vaguest details, but their investigation incrementally reveals what happened before tying up almost all of the loose ends at the conclusion. And Alan is one of the best characters I have ever seen. For those who know him, think Huck as an idiot savant. Go see it.

The “Dead Zone” in the Gulf of Mexico will reach the size of New Jersey this year.

Have you ever heard of Tommy Douglas? He was a Baptist minister, a Canadian politician and Kiefer Southerland’s grandfather. In 2004 he was voted The Greatest Canadian by television viewers in that country. He is the father of their national health care system.

Speaking of which, a prediction: a grandly named health care reform bill will be passed this summer. Democrats will hail it as a major victory and Republicans will gnash their teeth, pull their hair and wail that it is the end of the world as we know it. But single payer is already off the table and the “public option” will not be in the bill. Therefore, consumers like you and me will see no benefit, insurance profits will continue to soar and the Democrats will suffer at the polls for the next two cycles and they will have earned it.

I’m going on vacation in August but have not decided where yet. The only thing I’m sure of is it will be west of the Mississippi River, probably west of the central time zone. But desert, coast or mountains….how can I choose only one? A better question, how can I choose two or even all three?

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is estimated this year to be the size of Texas.

I’m fascinated by the mass uprising fomenting in Iran. I am not convinced the people will prevail, in fact I am certain they will not. Then again, I thought the same thing just before the Berlin Wall came down. Then again, I thought the same thing during the Tiananmen Square protests. I also wonder, if the “moderates” somehow take over will they be any better from the American perspective? It is really an interesting situation and unfortunately one about which I am almost completely uninformed.

I’d like to go drinkin but the hangovers hurt more than they used to, you know?

Heading to Atlanta tomorrow morning for a couple of days instead.

Quote of the Day:

Alan–Counting cards isn’t illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.”

Phil–I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too.

Alan–Ever since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.

“The Hangover”

Posted in current events, Movies | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

A Poem About Nothing

Posted on June 18, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.” –Robert Frost

TB has grown weary of outrage these days, be it either from left or right;

One can’t often see just how things will evolve, at only the very first sight;

And so on what irks I can’t write.

I haven’t seen much that is funny this week, blank stares nor good conversations;

Sometimes my mind just can’t tune in the wavelength, this gives me great consternation;

So humor leaves not the station.

Sports in the summer except baseball are dead, there’s nothing that’s ripe for debate;

Could force an issue that would be out of place, but I think it’s better to wait;

For Pickin’s return to the slate.

Though I’ve failed to deliver much worth reading, I am glad you tuned in today;

I expect things will be better soon and again, hopefully with little delay;

But for now I’ve nothing to say.

Posted in Humor, poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Nemesis List (say that fast five times)

Posted on June 16, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: “You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends.” –Joseph Conrad

TB’s had reason of late to give thought to the great dynamic duos of history, sports and fiction, and many choices spring to mind immediately. Lennon and McCartney, Ruth and Gehrig, Luke and Han, or maybe Hillary and Norgay, Trammell and Whitaker, and Dante and Randal. Really, it makes for a pretty decent list for discussion on a day when I’ve not had time to think of an essay topic. But the idea just seemed a little boring. Sure its always cool to find space here at TB to discuss Newman and Redford, Jackson and Lee or Macpherson and Ireland. But really, what can we say that hasn’t already been said repeatedly on the web about great pairs like Jessie and Frank James, Montana and Rice and Charlie Brown and Snoopy. So this post isn’t about dynamic duos at all.

Instead, at some point in thinking about dynamic duos my mind veered off course and got more interested in nemeses and all it implies for one to merit their own personal nemesis. Mainly the term implies greatness in each party, along with grudging respect and high stakes. To have a nemesis is not merely to have an enemy, for any slob can attain scores of those. Additionally, to have or be a nemesis means that one acts alone, taking up the challenge without assistance and with the knowledge that in unspoken assent he will not be faced with more than a solitary foe at the root of his battle, no matter how many pawns are in the game. It means the opposing forces marvel in the greatness of the other all the while plotting to counter each measure set forth against them with ever heightening greatness of his own. To have a nemesis is to be intimately acquainted with both victory and defeat. Many confuse rivals with nemeses but while a nemesis is surely one’s rival, the reverse does not hold true for to gain status as a rival no greatness need exist, merely enmity. Finally there is an indefinable quality that must be present for a nemesis relationship to exist, one that you simply know when you see and which in truth trumps all other attempts to describe the word and can even contradict some established characteristics of the relationship. Yes, the nemeses are far more intriguing than the partners.

Below are my selections for the greatest of nemeses.

  • Larry Bird and Magic Johnson
  • Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone
  • Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck
  • Seinfeld and Newman/George and the Play Now management
  • Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe
  • Rick Blaine and Major Strasser; Col. Hogan and Major Hoffstetler
  • Gandalf and Saruman; Dr. Evil and Austin Powers
  • Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson
  • Billy the Kid and Pat Garrett
  • Generals Bonaparte and Wellington; Admirals Yamamoto and Nimitz

The greatest of all nemeses are Professor Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes. Part of the beauty of the characters created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is that they only meet face to face in a single story and in the conclusion to that tale they both gain a measure of victory over the other as they fall to their apparent deaths. But Doyle manages to inject Moriarty ex post facto into every Holmes investigation ever undertaken and he concurrently reveals the greatness that is Holmes in exposing for the first time the detective’s brilliant observations and deductions that gradually led him to the knowledge of Moriarty in the first place. What puts this arch-rival relationship over the top is less what we know about their battles than what we do not know and that tantalyzing unknown is what makes their story so compelling. And Doyle, as I think about his nemeses today and consider returning to their story after some fifteen years away, wasn’t content at leaving only a fraction of their story told, but he also gave us only hints at what may have been one of the greatest dynamic duos of all time if only we knew more–the story of Holmes and his genius and reclusive brother Mycroft. But this post is not about that at all.

Bonus QOTD: “The temptation to form premature theories upon insufficient data is the bane of our profession.” –Sherlock Holmes

And a couple of excerpts from “The Final Problem” (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle) for your enjoyment, or at least my own.

“He is the Napoleon of crime, Watson. He is the organizer of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city. He is a genius, a philosopher, an abstract thinker. He has a brain of the first order. He sits motionless, like a spider in the center of its web, but that web has a thousand radiations, and he knows well every quiver of each of them. He does little himself. He only plans. But his agents are numerous and splendidly organized. Is there a crime to be done, a paper to be abstracted, we will say, a house to be rifled, a man to be removed — the word is passed to the Professor, the matter is organized and carried out. The agent may be caught. In that case money is found for his bail or his defence. But the central power which uses the agent is never caught — never so much as suspected.”

———

“You crossed my path on the 4th of January,’ said he. ‘On the 23d you incommoded me; by the middle of February I was seriously inconvenienced by you; at the end of March I was absolutely hampered in my plans; and now, at the close of April, I find myself placed in such a position through your continual persecution that I am in positive danger of losing my liberty. The situation is becoming an impossible one.’

———

“I am bound to say that in all the accounts which you have been so good as to give of my own small achievements you have habitually underrated your own abilities. It may be that you are not yourself luminous, but you are a conductor of light. Some people without possessing genius have a remarkable power of stimulating it.”

Posted in Lists, People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 41 Comments

Philosobaen (a list to live by)

Posted on June 14, 2009 by travellinbaen
Quote of the Day: “All generalizations are false, including this one.” –Mark Twain
TB’s been using the philosobaen tag since the blog started, and lately its occurred to me the credo of philosobaenism ought to be recorded. I imagine this will be a work in progress, but here’s what I’ve got so far. Feel free to add your own personal tenets below. Some aspects of PB’ism are original and some are not, and some are forgotten or at least stuck in the subconscious for the time being. But they are all life truths, certainties. Except for when they are wrong. Apply liberally but cautiously, as you see fit.
  1. Sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from cryin.
  2. Tan fat beats white fat.
  3. Getting older sucks but it beats the heck out of the alternative.
  4. You can’t pigeonhole me.
  5. Don’t patronize me.
  6. It only takes one.
  7. Things emphatically do NOT always work out the way they are supposed to.
  8. Eat whatever the hell you want to and don’t criticize anybody else for what they choose to eat.
  9. 9 times out of 10, 2 lanes beats 4 lanes.
  10. If it outrages you, question the source. If you read it on the web, check it on Snopes. If you hear it second hand, take it with a grain of salt. Above all, figure out what questions need to be answered before you join a mob.
  11. Ain’t no good gonna come out of a married person being out drinkin without their spouse more than every once in awhile.
  12. I wanna hold on to my own damn money. And I’m just as stingy about it being taken away by corporate America multinationals as I am government.
  13. Most folks are doin the best they can. (This one I have trouble remembering sometimes, but it is the truth.)
  14. You need to know how to throw a knuckleball in case the wind’s blowin out.
  15. Daylight drinkin is classier then nighttime drinkin.
  16. The best relationships short of marriage follow the three week rule, and by no means are they mathematically capable of lasting more than six weeks (at a time.)
  17. If you wanna stay friends with some people you gotta overlook their faults, forgive ’em when they need it, and keep your damn mouth shut about their business, especially if you’re the type that needs a friend who will do the same for you.
  18. Mississippi State and Ole Miss are scared to play USM in football and its embarrassing. All those reasons not to play are just excuses.
  19. If work was supposed to be fun they’d have called it “fun” instead of “work.”
  20. Very few people who ain’t born to it will ever be admitted to the country club. But most everyone thinks they have a chance.
  21. If you ask, I’ll tell you what I think. Sure, I’d be better off to hold my cards a little closer to the vest, but it just ain’t my style.
  22. When the rules don’t make sense, but there’s no jail time for violations, break ’em.
  23. Ain’t nothin gay about poetry, red wine, or convertibles.
  24. Some things ought to piss you off. Dependin on what it was, at some point you need to get over it.
  25. If you’re in a conversation with someone who ain’t your asshole runnin buddy and they say something that’s damn dubious you have to make the call in a hurry rather to reply or whether to stare blankly in return. It’s almost always best to bs.
Posted in Life, Lists, Philosobaen, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

The Mad Man

Posted on June 10, 2009 by travellinbaen

ed. note–“The Mad Man” is a Hemingway-esque melodramedy with a twist of TB. The story incorporates 15 random words and phrases chosen by The Daily Wit and appearing in the post previous to this one as well as on TDW’s page. The story with 15 randoms is a post modernistic writing technique now coming into vogue heavily influenced by the uncertainty in today’s world, the search for meaning, the shedding of cynicism and the frenetic pace of a new lost generation of rapidly aging gen-x’ers. The Daily Wit is the patriarch of this new, frightening roller coaster school of writing and the best known master of the genre. And now, without further ado, I give you,

The Mad Man

The old man was almost out of toothpicks. For a week now he’d been sitting on this mountain thinking of nothing but revenge. The anger radiated and even the local bears must’ve been intimidated because they kept their distance. He looked in his knapsack–some called it a manpurse–the one he thought of as his ticket to success if he ever tried to get on Let’s Make a Deal. Glue. He stared blankly into the fading sun. After a few moments he shrugged his shoulders as if the decision had been made for him, picked up his Elmer’s and sniffed. He tried again, inhaling deeply. Nothing. “Dang,”, he muttered aloud. “I sure wish I had one more fifth of Jack Daniels“, but the campfire was surrounded by nothing but empty bottles, gum wrappers, chewed toothpicks and spent sunflower seeds.

“Neptune! Get over here boy.” The dog sauntered lazily, but obedient toward his master. The old man watched his friend walk over and laughed about the day he found him long ago, barking fiercely in the African desert at a tarantula that was innocently moving about its business. The dog was scared out of its mind, but not enough to leap into the certain safety of the oasis at his back. The old man understood, so he saved the dog and he never could teach the dog to swim and they became friends but the dog had still not forgiven him for the ironic name now on his collar.

The anger subsided a little bit more as the old man continued to rummage around in his pack. A lot of memories were in that pack. Beneath the double bubble he felt a tin can and grinned. “It’ll do.” He thought back to that African summer when he’d heard about micro-lending for the first time. He’d lent a hundred U.S. dollars to a local who was starting a mail order Ugandan coffee selling business. He never did get the money back and he never would, and he knew it. But he received each year on May 29 a tin can full of the shittiest coffee he’d ever known, and the thought of that made the grin spread a little wider, though in his eyes the fire still burned. He looked at the label. Torquemada. It seems another lender had sent the Ugandan 150 bucks and wanted the coffee named after the Grand Inquisitor under Ferdinand and Isabella. “Damn anti-Semites”, he spat, and the anger welled up again. He was out of the sugar packets hoarded weeks ago from Cracker Barrel, so he opened a piece of gum and began to chew. You couldn’t drink this Ugandan crap without sweetener of some sort. As the minutes passed and the stars began to rise, he found himself ignoring the coffee and thinking about the immediate problem of where to find booze this night and putting off for a few minutes his plans for revenge, blowing bubbles, one after the other, popping them loudly and enjoying the echo hurtling across the canyon below.

His mind wandered. “Damn dubious 12 step programs. All they do is let some college sport preach at people while they sit around staring blankly at one another; a vacant lot, the whole bunch of ’em.” The old man loved a bad pun. He shivered as he thought about those 6 hours last year when they tried to make him give up the whiskey. “Much like radioactive isotopes,” he considered, “the programs can do as much harm as good if not handled properly.” He wished someone had been there to see that he was not all about anger and booze and chewing gum, but so much more on the inside. “Bastards can’t pigeonhole me,” he sneered.

“Neptune, I’m too easily distracted”, he said. “I’ve got a revenge to get on with.” The dog barked once, and they both listened for the echo.

He opened up his laptop and clicked the link to the Mad Dawg/Rebel Yell political page and started to type.

Posted in Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

A Major Announcement (lesser edition)

Posted on June 9, 2009 by travellinbaen

I have been meaning to direct those of you who haven’t seen it yet over to The Daily Wit’s blog. The link is to your right. You need to read “The Story” along with the posts immediately preceding it first. I promise you will laugh heartily. Then, check out his current post. In it he gives 15 topics and an invitation to the world to craft a story using each of them in the same way he wrote the original “Story.” I’m going to do it and post here. You can either post yours in the comments, email it to me for posting on its own page or email it to The Daily Wit for posting on his page. Irv, JL, Smily and Zeek, I’m calling y’all out in particular–this is up your alley–but if you are not one of those folks and feel like making a run at it, the more the merrier. As I understand it from the comments on TDW’s page, SM, Jess and Harmo are already in so be sure to check out their blogs this week too if you aren’t already a regular like me. I hope to have my submission in by Friday or Saturday at the latest. Here are the topics:

1. Toothpicks
2. Revenge
3. Bears
4. Glue
5. A fifth of Jack Daniels
6. Neptune
7. A tarantula
8. Micro-lending
9. Ugandan coffee
10. Torquemada
11. Blowing bubbles
12. 12 step program(s)
13. Some college sport
14. A vacant lot
15. Radioactive isotopes

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Another Customer Service Conversation (GTHAT&T edition)

Posted on June 9, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “Discontent is the first necessity of progress.”     —Thomas Edison

Before TB shares a laugh with you inspired by the absurdity of a customer service call involving a ten-year customer of a certain cell phone provider we’ll call AT&T, I want to indulge in a brief rant. I’m not a class action lawyer so I don’t have a financial interest in this at all. But “the people” are under a constant barrage from the big business rulers of the Chamber of Commerce that class actions are frivolous and exist only to enrich scumbag trial lawyers, and it really pisses me off that “the people” so willingly buy into this load of bs when they are subjected, like me, to the daily abuses of Goliathian companies and complain about them and wonder why nobody does anything about them. Let me tell you here and now, when a company screws you out of five bucks or even five hundred there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it unless the class action laws developed over the last century and torn down over the last decade are available to you, along with a lawyer who has the wherewithal to take on the giants. So the next time there is a five dollar overcharge on your cell phone bill or the cable company says they didn’t receive your bank draft out of the blue or the credit card company says they are jacking up your rate because you were a day late on your phone bill, remember it the next time you get a “frivolous lawsuit” email or hear a Congressman talking about the abuses the big corporations endure at the hands of “the trial lawyers.” And ps, that credit card bill Obama got through was fine, but it won’t do much until they add in language letting the trial lawyers take the giants down to size by meeting them in a courtroom and even more until Congress rewrites the Federal Arbitration Act to prohibit the companies from taking away your constitutional right to a trial by jury which it was never intended to do in the first place but which activist conservative judges liberally interpreted the law to do. 

Ok, I feel better now.

In August, I posted a recap of a customer service conversation involving this same company and its linked here. You might want to check it out to amplify your enjoyment of what follows. Anyway, here’s what pissed me off/cracked me up today–and I was only a witness to this conversation.

Customer–Hello?

Customer Service–Hello, thank you for calling AT&T.

Customer–Yes, I received a letter…

Customer Service–No one is available to take your call right now, but if you will hold we will get to you as soon as possible.

Customer–(twiddling thumbs)

Customer–(adjusting radio)

Customer–(finishing War and Peace)

Customer–(celebrating birthday)

Customer–(staring resolutely)

Customer Service–Thank you for holding, may I help you?

Customer–Yes, I received a letter that my account is overdue, but I have automatic payment on my credit card. I don’t want you to charge me a late fee.

Customer Service–Yes ma’am we tried to call you on June 5 about that. The late fee was applied June 6.

Customer–I got a call from an unknown number and no message about a forthcoming late fee. I don’t answer unknown numbers. In the past you have always sent emails or text messages about my account. How am I supposed to know there is a problem if you don’t communicate it to me?

Customer Service–(defensively) Who said anything about text messages?

Customer–I just don’t know why my own phone company would call and block their name and then fail to email or text me.

Customer Service–According to my records ma’am, we did not email or text you.

Customer–Yes, I know. Ok, forget that, why is there a problem with my draft?

Customer Service–Are the last four digits of your credit card 1-2-3-4?

Customer–No.

Customer Service–Well, that must be the problem.

Customer–How did that number get on my account?

Customer Service–Did you put it there?

Customer--If I put it there I wouldn’t have to ask how it got there, would I? This is the company’s mistake and I’m a little concerned about it.

Customer Service–Are the last four numbers of your credit card 1-2-3-4?

Customer–No. As I said, if your records show anything different, the change was made by someone there, not by me. Look, I’ve been a customer forever and I’ve been using the auto pay for a long time with no problem. If something messed up this time, I am not responsible for a late fee.

Customer Service–Ma’am according to my records you’ve only been an AT&T customer for (slight pause while she obviously looked down at her screen and off her script) … ten years.

Customer–That’s right, a decade. And I’ve never had a problem with my credit card.

Customer Service–Are the last four digits of your credit card 1-2-3-4?

Customer–I’ll just update my account online and deal with the late fee that way. I’m not paying a late fee.

Customer Service–Thank you for calling AT&T customer service and for using AT&T. Is there any other way I can assist you?

Customer–(Blank Stare)

Customer Service–Have a GREAT day customer.

Posted in Humor, Life, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

The Uniforms List

Posted on June 8, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “I love doubleheaders. That way I get to keep my uniform on longer.”     –Tommy Lasorda

TB’s got a couple of ideas floating around the noggin for essays this week, but being that its Monday and I’m still feeling a little sluggish due to Friday’s festivities in Gulfport, I’m going with a simple sporting topic for today. Best and worst uniforms in Major League Baseball, the NFL and NCAA football, all time:

NFL-Top 5

  1. Dallas Cowboys (I even like the seldom worn road blues)
  2. Miami Dolphins, late 70’s before the modern makeover (especially the seldom worn aquas)
  3. Baltimore Colts (love the helmets and the sleeves)
  4. Minnesota Vikings (another great helmet, but they make the list only for their pre-dome era snow games)
  5. Oakland Raiders (they own the color black–everyone else is a pretender)

NFL-Bottom 3

  1. New Orleans Saints (see number 5 above)
  2. Cleveland Browns (aren’t they mainly orange?)
  3. Washington Redskins (go back to the flat yellow 70’s pants and they are a top 5 contender)

NCAA Football-Top 5

  1. UCLA (love that baby blue, plus they have that sleeve thing going on)
  2. Washington Huskies 
  3. Georgia Bulldogs
  4. USC (the UCLA game with both teams wearing dark is the best visual spectacle in sports)
  5. Ohio State

Sorry Rebel fans, y’all dropped out when you sold out the cool ringed sleeves.

NCAA Football-Bottom 5

  1. Penn State
  2. Oregon
  3. South Carolina
  4. Louisville
  5. Mississippi State 

Major League Baseball-Top 5

  1. Chicago Cubs Home
  2. Late 70’s Boston Red Sox with the red cap
  3. Los Angeles Dodgers
  4. St. Louis Cardinals (love the logo with the birds perched on the bat)
  5. The late 70’s/early 80’s Baltimore Orioles (for the pre-Ducks Unlimited style cap)

Major League Baseball-Bottom 5

  1. Chicago White Sox (all 69 incarnations since 1919)
  2. San Diego Padres (1970’s era especially)
  3. San Francisco Giants (see San Diego Padres)
  4. Milwaukee Brewers (then and now–yeah, the Mb shaped into a glove was cool, but it was still dang ugly)
  5. Pittsburgh Pirate (emphasis on their 1979 World Series champion team which had a different way of looking like crap every night, topped off with the worst hat in history–the painters cap with the horizontal pinstripes. It was so bad, in retrospect it seems perfection. So bad, and so memorable and so related to their greatest season, it came to mind this morning while brainstorming for a post that fit my lazy mood but seeing nothing in my email, on my text messages or online other than Ole Miss’ loss in the Super Regionals yesterday and USM’s victory. I was thinking about how ugly USM’s colors and uni’s are and it hit me. The national spotlight is on them, they will be the lovable underdog, their coach is retiring….they ought to break out a new hat for the CWS and embrace their inner ugly with a copy of the 1979 Willie Stargell-We Are Family-Pittsburgh Pirate painter’s cap.)

 

Stargell’s actual (according to ebay) game worn 1979 hat

Bonus Quote of the Day:     “If it requires a uniform it’s a worthless endeavor.”    —George Carlin

Random Willie Stargell QOTD:     “It’s supposed to be fun. The man says “Play Ball” not “Work Ball”, you know?”

Posted in Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Questions That Keep Me Up At Night (the lesser list) vol. ii

Posted on June 4, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:  from “Stand By Me” (1986)

Gordie: Do you think I’m weird? 
Chris: Definitely. 
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird? 
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody’s weird. 

TB used to spend a lot of time in bars, taverns, saloons, dives, clubs and joints. Not so much any more, but I do enjoy an occasional trip down memory lane. Such was the case this past Saturday. I look at things in these places through a different lens now than I used to. For instance, while standing at the urinal the question nearly overwhelmed me: “Am I the only dude in the world that never thinks to bring a sharpie in here?”

Who was the evil genius who invented escape-proof drive thru lanes? Was there an epidemic of people suddenly changing their minds about which fast food they wanted? Were so many people, like TB, cutting out of line and leaving when the pace of advance was unduly slow? I also wonder why the fact that all-ALL-drive thrus eschew the “o” and the “gh” gives me an unaccountable feeling of warmth on the inside.

Why do hair stylists, mechanics and dental hygienists have the power to get me feeling so worthless? I know this is not an original observation–Seinfeld did episodes on all three. It’s still a lesser question that keeps me up at night. “You don’t use hair gel or a blow dryer?!” “Your car will DIE if you don’t get this fuel injection treatment!” “Your flossing is insufficient and insulting!”  In each of their faces I see the old SNL skit from during the OJ years of F. Lee Bailey sneering at the pathologist who admitted he did not, when in the shower, rinse and repeat, “You dis-gust me.”

Did Mark Twain ever feel the need to repeatedly peruse his own blog tablet, quietly chuckling to himself about a joke nobody else liked or would he have emailed written a buddy and said, “hey man…did you see that thing I wrote about authoritarianism, cliches and hypocrisy my death being exaggerated? It was funny, right?  You’ll stand by me right? ‘Cause I’m not getting much reaction.

Mickey’s a mouse. Donald’s a duck. Pluto’s a dog. What the hell is Yoda.

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