Quote of the Day In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. —Ralphie (as adult), A Christmas Story
You’ve seen the same old Christmas movies, specials and cartoons a hundred times, at least. Maybe some of them you still actually enjoy and don’t merely watch out of a misguided sense of tradition. Maybe you watch just to pass on the curse blessing of these traditions to your children. Maybe you watch because the remote is across the room. Whatever the reason, you’re gonna be seeing wall to wall Christmas on television for the next few days. Here’s a suggestion for a new way to watch; one that will give you renewed interest and perspective in your old worn out viewing habits favorites. This Christmas, be on the lookout for the subtle political messages that you may have never previously noticed while waiting to find out if the other reindeer will, in fact, allow Rudolph to join in any reindeer games. If I missed any, let me know.
- A Christmas Story–It should be obvious to even the most novice cynic that this timeless classic is little more than a propaganda filled missive sponsored by the NRA and its gun proliferation agenda. Start em young.
- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer–an early and largely unsuccessful green energy puff piece. It failed primarily because most kids thought Rudolph was the biggest wuss they’d ever seen.
- The Nutcracker–A wildly successful NOW production that has resulted in the testicular shrinkage of countless Dads through the years. Fortunately for the species, it only ensnares those of us blessed with daughters. TB is already mentally steeling myself for the inevitable day of lessening. I’ve got a couple of more years though.
- Bad Santa–Another unsuccessful Southern Baptist effort to do away with the jolly old elf by planting the idea he is but a drunken, boorish rogue instead of a harmless, friendly trespasser. How could they have known the rogue would have such mass appeal?
- Christmas Vacation–This complex, deeply moving flick could not have been made had the producers not run short of cash. The plumbers’ union kicked in an entire decade’s publicity budget and asked only for this scene to be included to remind people of the important, often forgotten role their members play in the production we call life. Thanks to Supercynic for posting about this a month or so ago and reminding me of the scene. Look closely, that’s Joe the Plumber in an early public appearance. Click here to watch.
- Elf–If this isn’t a movie designed to humanize the deadbeat dad I don’t know what else it could be. Seriously, wouldn’t you consider abandoning that kid?
- A Christmas Carol–Admit it all you conservatives–when you see Tiny Tim, you start thinking universal health care might not be so bad after all.
- Frosty the Snowman–If this one doesn’t make you consider the consequences of global warming, you’re just not trying hard enough.
- Schwetty Balls–Actually, I can think of nothing about this that’s political. But it may be the funniest SNL sketch of all time (future blog post alert). Click here to watch.
- It’s a Wonderful Life–Bailouts. If this one doesn’t inject just a bit of cynicism into your Xmas cheer, then TB just can’t help you. Hell’s bells, the guy’s name is BAILey. He never paid attention to his bank–the one he inherited by the way–he shamelessly engaged in nepotism with inept family members on the payroll, spent freely to live in the biggest house on the block, lent money to poor people and when it all blew up in his face, he let all those folks who had been paying his fees and interest in the first place for so many years bail him out. It’s a wonderful fraud is what it is. And that wasn’t a bell at the end–it was a cash register.
Travellinbaen 
About 10-12 years ago someone in our office anonymously sent the Christmas Vacation movie to both my bosses and the office manager along with a typed letter about how raises were distributed to the employees and how unfair and grinchlike it was. Since we always got very, very generous Christmas bonuses, raises were not really a problem for me – I was happy with how I was paid, even for a one paycheck household. Because of this stunt however, my bosses decided the Christmas bonus would then be spread out over the year. Therefore there was no raise and no bonus from that point forward. We have never figured out which employee sent that tape but I do know that they did not get the desired outcome. Although I don’t know for sure who it was (I have my suspicions) I am certain they no longer work in my office. It was certainly a politically incorrect move to make. I’ve now been there 19 years and I can assure you that I have always been treated very well and have not seen any employee not treated fairly. That person who sent the tapes and letters deserved to be Ralphie’s target in shooting practice at close range with the Red Ryder BB gun.
As a proud member of the NRA, I say good call on number 1. I am falling in line by getting my 10 year old a .243 rifle with scope for Christmas. BB guns just don’t cut it anymore.
I am getting a 9mm glock for Christmas…..with bullets.
a buddie of mine just bought a .50 cal, with lots of ammo, he was scared they would be outlawed, after all this “change” comes about. However, after shooting it at a wall of center blocks about 300 yards away,,,I now know why they are going to be outlawed, good GOD!! Do any of you have any idea the carnage a loon could cause at the top of a tower with one of those things!! Im actually thinking about setting up at the top of Lyceum next year for a football game. Im accepting donations to buy ammo, to do this public service for ya’ll. Merry Christmas 🙂
Merry Christmas TJ! Can you imagine the damage this redhead could do with gun AND ammo – my sarcasm is a weapon unto itself.
Did anybody even read 2 through 10?
Did you read my comment? It was on #5. I’ve managed to never see It’s A Wonderful Life in it’s entirety.
Rudolph was obviously movie made by early proponents of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Everyone made fun of him because of his deformity, etc. until he saved the day. “People aren’t disabled, they are differently abled.” as the politically-correct crowd says.
TB….you’ve outdone yourself….we’re all speechless….at least on 2 through 10…..man, i have enjoyed this blog and hope to meet you all some day for a stiff drink….merry christmas
All you bast**ds buying weapons for the holidays better apply for a ghetto pass before you come creeping around the BBRP I’ve been armed for years!!!!!
I will be fully instructed before I ever take mine anywhere. I really like it – the glock came with a red laser and a light so I’ll be sure to know what/who I am shooting before I pull the trigger. I wish I had it along time ago when there were times I was partially scared – now that I am up in the air I don’t have too many worries about someone getting in there with me while I am a hunting widow. I am anxious for shooting practice to see what it feels like and to see how good an aim I am.
I think Coach tj has put the first smi-LY face on this blog…. that should count for somethng
Zeek, shanks dont beat glocks
I like the laser addition
I think Sweet and Smily “have a thing going on” – to quote Marvin Gaye.
Glocks with lasers and an attitude trump all.
In the words of the great Clint Eastwood in Sudden Impact – “Go ahead, make my day”
I just hope when and if I get to utter those words that I am NOT shaking like Barney Fife with my one bullet loaded.
Sweet, we outside the walls now baby. We carry heat not pokers, you just got a demotion in rank for that comment,you should know how the BBRP rolls son,get right, you’re supposed to be a ranking officer.
JLou, the thought of you with a Laser sighted glock scares me yet at the same time strangely…….. scares me.
It would make for an amusing cartoon I am certain. Just think of Jessica Rabbit in all leather packing.