Quote of the Day “All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” –Aristotle
Times are tough. Big corporations and hometown shops are losing money and shedding workers at an alarming pace. Keeping up with the latest bleak news is enough to get you down. But there are a few stories floating around right now that serve to remind us all that a guy/girl can still make a go of it in this crazy old world. The job TB would like pays a hundred grand and requires relocation. I’m down with that. It requires keeping a daily blog, which would be a little more than I’m used to, but I think I could do it. Here’s the hard part–you have to snorkle, beachcomb, bar hop and generally live the life of Riley in a beach bungalow in Australia. That really is the hard part unfortunately, because hundreds of thousands of applicants are expected, and there is only a single lonely opening. TB thinks the Obama stimulus plan ought to include a billion or so to create identical jobs at various U.S. travel destinations. That would mean ten thousand really kick ass jobs. (It would only be fair for TB to get the first one, having thought of this awesome idea before anyone else.)
I have also been following the online auction (as a spectator only) of a young co-ed with a bold entrepreneurial spirit and a willingness to provide a unique service to the person who hires her. She only plans to work a short while, calling in to question her dedication to the job. But for anywhere between a few seconds up to as many as 4-6 hours (according to the fine print disclaimers I see occasionally on commercials on the tube) the top bidder will have the privilege of deflowering this young business girl, I mean up and comer, I mean future reality TV star. The last bid I saw was for over 3 million. Now that’s what I call a stimulus plan, I mean a lot of money.
Assuming Congress blocks my proposed earmark on the spending bill, I guess I ought to be thinking about the services I could auction off. Feel free to go ahead and bid on any of these, or add your own items to sell. Here’s what I’ve got so far, based on my diverse talents:
- I will sit in your home and play XBox and surf the internet and work on my blog. I’ll need you to leave me some money for beer and pizza on the counter each day.
- Have you ever seen that Seinfeld episode where Kramer sells all his personal stories? I can do that. Plus, I’ll dish all the dirt I have on MD, Smily and Sweet.
- Has a coffee table book on the great beer joints and barbecue shacks of the South been written and distributed yet? Wanna do it? Need an expert?
- I’m an excellent driver.
- I’m old, fat and slow, and I never could shoot worth a damn. I’ll come over to your house, or meet you at your gym or church and you can beat the hell out of me in hoops. If the bid gets high enough I’ll get Sweet to meet me in your front yard and we’ll all race. A little bit higher and I’ll throw as many curveballs as I can before my shoulder flies away from the rest of my body (one). And you can put it all on video. Come to think of it, has the business girl thought of all the revenue she could generate with a DVD? Maybe she needs a pimp, I mean an agent.
Bonus Quote of the Day: “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” –Muhammad Ali