The Pelican Club

Obvious Choice Quote of the Day     “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”   — Groucho

I’ve never been a member of a club.  Well, I was a member of the Aquatic Club, but that was just a fancy name for a pay up front swimming pool.  And I think I got in Key Club my senior year of high school even though I never actually accepted the honor.  Besides those two, no clubs.  One of the chief reasons for this is I don’t really like them.

But if there was a club I liked, I’d be in it.  Inspired by a series of detective novels, I almost started one several years ago with my friends Ed and AS.  We even threw around the idea of buying an old house near the mouth of the Pascagoula River.  It turned out to be a good idea not to buy the house because it turned in to a boat during Katrina; a shipwreck after. We were going to call it The Pelican Club after the detective’s watering hole in the books.  I haven’t given up on the idea though its been dormant for quite awhile now.

I suspect that most money in this world is made by people who have the inside scoop.  They know the people that know the people that are getting ready do “the next big thing.”  I don’t think I know many of those people.  But I do know a few folks I’d like to get together.  First, they’d be intellectually honest types. No hypocrites allowed either.  They’d have to pass an intelligence test, possibly based on how much they agree with me on certain subjects.  I’d want a cross-section of political and religious views lest we have nothing other than sports over which to argue. There would be a humor test, also administered by the founder.  If someone was a borderline prospect, I’d make the final decision based upon what play they would run on third and goal from the one. 

We’ll need someone who knows the construction business and someone who knows local government.  We’ll have a good many lawyers and we’ll try to find a doctor and a minister.  We’ll need a ne’er do well, full time I mean, and a banker.  Lots of bankers.  A chef would be nice but a cook would do, a couple of engineers and an accountant.  On second thought, we’ll just hire an accountant.  Finally, we’ll need a couple of sports world insiders, at least one apiece from State and Ole Miss.

So now that we have a membership, we need to do something.  At the Pelican Club we’ll value food and drink, so regular weekend activities will revolve around those.  We’ll travel together and pool our ability to get enough independence from the kids to allow for white water rafting, skiing, hiking, and other activities unfriendly to short arms and legs.  We’ll tell dirty jokes and hang taxidermied fish on the walls and line other walls with bookshelves filled to the ceiling.  There will be globes and maps and chess sets, though anyone caught playing chess will be ejected from the premises.

And we will conspire to gain power and wealth. 

It will all be perfectly legal and ethical, of course.  We’ll share information and contacts.  We’ll invest as a group in great ideas too big for our cash to go toward individually.  We’ll spread the word on the best jobs and we’ll concentrate our growing power at every opportunity.  We’ll eventually work as a group on issues to benefit the greater good–yes, TB has an idealistic side–please, no pigeonholing. We’ll keep the doors barred to anybody who’s in a club more elite than our own.  

If we ever actually attain wealth and power we’ll kick each other out and disband immediately.  The Pelican Club must never become the Country Club.

Bonus Quote of the Day   “Exxxxxcellent.” (hands rubbing together)   — Montgomery Burns

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TB’s Book Ideas

Quote of the Day     “It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write.  Let them think you were born that way.”         —   Ernest Hemingway

I’ve written about a few of the open secrets kept among lawyers, but tonight’s post is about an open secret among most anyone who cares enough to scour the web looking for something to read.  We all want to write a book.  I have had some great ideas through the years, though most of them involve subjects I don’t really want to bring up at this stage of my life.  I have never had the discipline to sit down and start typing.  And I have never really thought anything I’ve written was worth a damn after looking back over it a few weeks after the effort.  I guess that’s the main reason I’ve never tried to get serious about a book–the near certainty that it will suck.  

They say you should write about what you know.  A problem with that for me is I know a little more than a little about a lot of things.  But a lot about very little.  At the risk of giving away the gold mine, what follows is the list of book topics percolating in my soul right now–feel free to add your own ideas or endorse one of mine.  But please, and I’d ask only on this subject, no bloody rejections–save that for my political views.  Ah hell, fire away if you feel the need.  You may save me some wasted effort one day.

  1. The Travels of Travellinbaen  — This is undoubtedly my weakest idea.  But just as assuredly would be the most fun.  Maybe I could come up with a new spin on the travel genre, something like “traveling for rednecks you can’t pigeonhole” or the like.
  2. The Rise and Fall of Dickie Scruggs — I imagine there are writers falling over themselves for this story.  But I think I could stand a chance of getting some exclusive scoop from the Scruggs’ and I definitely know a lot of the players in his professional life.  I think this would be profitable selling to lawyers alone, and just about every lawyer in the country knows or knows of him and his exploits.
  3. The Story of Asbestos Litigation and How it Changed the World — Very few people know all the angles on this story and I ain’t one of them.  But I know who knows.  And I know what I don’t know, which is saying something.  This may sound boring to a lot of people, but when you realize what happened, how it happened, where it happened, why it happened and what it led to, I assure you it is a corner of American History that should not be ignored.  There are villains and heroes and heroic villains all through this story and they were all wrestling over an enormous pile of money.  
  4. The Hard Life of the MSU Football Fan — If you stick with the blog through Thanksgiving, you’ll be able to tell me if this is bookworthy.  I personally believe it could be one of the funniest and truest sports stories ever, if done right.
  5. The Life and Times of Ricky Peden — Just check out the stories, photos and messages on Supercynic’s site, linked to the right.  Ricky could be Mississippi’s “Dude” and I think the movie version could be sold if I could get Johnny Depp on board to play Ricky.  I certainly don’t know enough to do this without conducting a lot of interviews with Ricky’s friends and drinking a lot of beer and eating a few late night patty melts.  But for art’s sake, I’d be up to the task.
So we’ll see.  Anybody see something to which I should give some serious consideration?  While the ideas germinate, I’ll just keep going with the blog.  After all, its deepest purpose is to try and learn how to write, and I’ve still got a ways to go.
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Travellinbaen Goes to Oxford

Quote of the Day      “I never know what I think about something until I read what I’ve written on it.”    — William Faulkner

Travellinbaen spent the 4th of July holiday weekend and a few other days recently in Oxford, Mississippi. It’s a town I’ve spent quite a bit of time in, including three terrific years of academic misery and alcoholic bliss. I’ve been there to watch football, basketball, and baseball, often cheering on my Bulldogs, but even more often as a more or less neutral observer.  And I go there a lot to visit friends and family. Oxford is a great town.  It’s not as great as its weekend denizens and part time citizens think it, but a damned sight better than any other town in Mississippi, and most of the South.  And no, this is not hard for a State man to admit.  Travellinbaen calls it like he sees it.

Independence Day in Oxford means first and foremost independence of the town from the a-hole students that call it home for 4-6 awesome years of undergraduate heaven.  They overrun the town in a constant ooze of obnoxious and spoiled behavior while also injecting the vitality and the ever increasing economic stimulus that allows the town to be.  The kids are gone maybe three or four weeks a year and even most of the truly ardent Ole Miss alumni will tell you those are the best days to be in Oxford, save 6-7 Fall Saturdays each year.

My week there began with breakfast at the fantastic Bottletree Bakery (honey cream cheese Danish, chocolate croissant and hot tea if you’re curious), then moved on to the city swimming pool.  This is not a misprint.  At 37 and a half years of age, I’ve never been to one.  I thought they closed them all down because of integration.  At any rate, it is a very large, nice pool, surrounded by blue sky and green trees plus a bit of kudzu, cost under two bucks to get in and has got to be the least Ole Miss place in all of Oxford.  

There was a street party on the square July 3 with great music, lots of dancing, and a whole lot of townies, their kids, and relations.  Many of the songs mentioned in my Music Buffet post and comments were on the songlist including two that should have been but were mistakenly interposed with similar tunes by the author.  Instead of “When a Man Loves a Woman” and “Strokin”, I should’ve inserted “Let’s Get It On” and “Electric Slide.”  Hey, I write these things in stream of conscience. But most importantly, they ended the show with a rousing rendition of the music buffet staple of staples–yep, Mustang Sally.  Sweet.

I ran in to Joey Lauren Adams, Hollywood actress in residence, twice.  For several years I’ve heard tales again and again about how aloof, ugly, smelly, slutty and rude she was, but that’s not what I saw.  She smiled, she greeted me in the same friendly way most everyone in Oxford does (seriously–no joke there), and she looked great.  Not to mention she was driving an old, large, blue pickup truck.  I like her movies, I like her voice, I hate Oxford myths and I trust my own eyes.  She seemed pretty and cool to me.

Which brings me to the lowlight of my trip.  One of the 5 percent or so of the folks that make people hate Ole Miss.  Within five minutes of meeting the guy he punched my Katrina/State Farm button.  Actually, he smashed it to bits.  I can tell you there is no redeeming a personality that starts off a conversation bragging about the way he’s helping screw people 350 miles away out of their money.  Then he proceeded to make fun of his ex-girlfriend, though she probably deserved it seeing as how she was dating this buffoon, pontificate on the excellent state of the local, state and national economy, brag about his money and trash Joey Lauren Adams.  I missed a lot of his other highlights thanks in large part to a nice bottle of Washington state red table wine and a big red stadium cup.

My crew also hit the fireworks display, 5K race and the town parade which was so truly awful that it came full circle (as parades are want to do) and was deliciously campy and sweet. We ate ice cream and watermelon and grilled chicken.  We went to the park and we crashed a hotel swimming pool.  There was absolutely no excitement.  And we were sad to leave so soon.  

Bonus Quote of the Day     “It’s not a normal voice.”   — Joey Lauren Adams, describing her voice

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4th of July

Quote of the Day:     “And don’t forget what we’re celebrating….that a bunch of rich white guys didn’t want to pay their taxes.”     — approximate quote actually.  I’m too tired to look up the actual, but a no-name teacher said this in “Dazed and Confused”

Late night reflecting on the 4th, always a favorite holiday of mine because it comes at the height of summer, the best time of the year even if it is unbearably hot.  A bit bittersweet too, as it means the mid-point of summer and the unavoidable fact that the new school year is drawing near.  Sure I’m 37 and not a teacher, but I really didn’t like school and I guess the trauma remains.

I’m thinking of the great men who founded this country and considering their motives, pure and personal. I’m sure there were both, though we rarely hear about the financial interests of the icons of 1776.  I’m also thinking about how both Dems and Cons like to claim direct descendancy from these men, though the claims of both are untenable.  Franklin, Jefferson, Adams, Washington, et al were radicals.  Radicals with money and the ability to inspire enough Jimmy’s and Joe’s to pick up a musket and go huntin German Redcoats in exchange for worthless paper currency.  I’d like to see some radical thinking on certain issues of the present day, though I wish we didn’t have worthless (well, diminished value) paper currency and I’d just as soon not have the populace toting guns–oh wait a minute–nevermind.

I also wonder how many Americans know we won that war because England wasn’t interested in fighting it? That’s right, they were in a war for commercial dominance of the seas and the European seaports with France, our noble ally.  That’s where all the good English soldiers and sailers were busy and that’s why we drew a bunch of uninterested Hessians to fight in those Red Coats.

Still, cynic that I am, I admire those men.  The famous forefathers and the forgotten farmers.  I admire the ideals they wrote about and I believe they meant them.  I can’t help but be troubled that these same men could allow slavery to continue and couldn’t even put in to place a plan to rid ourselves of it so the issue wouldn’t eventually lead to crisis.  It was a colossal error, and one we continue to pay for today. Fortunately, they did so much right that we at least have the mechanisms to one day get past that and to even address current and future issues that could result in crisis anew.  

But are there any courageous radicals these days who can lead and is the citizenry prepared to support them if they emerge?

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Hope Summers Eternal

Note–all Mississippi State related posts are also added as an update to the “My Life as a Bulldog” Page

Quote of the Day:      “This is the last time I waste a nickel to drive up here and watch State get killed like that.”    — Travellinbaen, approximately 1-5 times per year, since 1993, excluding 1995-2000.

July is the time of year when a Bulldog is farthest away from the harsh realities of life between the hash marks.  I am always optimistic in July.  I look at the schedule and see at least 6 certain wins, a couple of toss ups, and with just a little luck even the rest of could go our way. Theoretically.  A July that follows a winning season is especially dangerous.  I always figure we ought to be a little better and some new recruits from a year or two ago are ready to shine.  

This page will undoubtedly relate many of the heartaches that are the essence of what it is to be a Dawg. And before the season, I’m planning a tome on just that subject.  But you learn to laugh at the pain, at least sometimes.  The preceding sentences aside, there are a lot of things that are great about being a fan of the Maroon and White (running out of nicknames fast).  One of those is low expectations.  If State can win 7 or 8 games, it is a great season.  It means we beat at least 3 of our annual tormenters, and probably 4.  In Michigan or Florida, or even crummy old Bama, the fan base would be apoplectic with a season like that. Not much margin for error some places, but at State, there are at least 3-4 mulligans per year.

And this week, the Bulldogs received a non-binding oral commitment from Josh Boyd, so we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.  Who’s Josh Boyd you may ask?  Hell if I know.  But Tennessee, Florida State, LSU, and Auburn wanted him to come play football for them.  He’ll join about 5 other players on our team that can say the same.  I figure if we ever get ten of those guys we’ll really have some fun in Starkville–yes, it IS possible for those two words to be used in the same sentence.  I may discuss the perils of recruiting some other time, the history of some of State’s big recruits, and all that has gone wrong in the past.  But its July, some guy other people think is good says he’ll go to State in 2009, and I’m thinking the Bullies are going to win some games this year.  And for the next few years of the foreseeable future.  I love me some summertime.

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Bubble Gum

Quote of the Day:    “Chew a little Juicy Fruit.  Its good for the soul.”   — Jimmy Buffett

You know, I put a lot of effort in to making this blog a nice little escape from your daily grind.  I try really hard to make you chuckle a bit and to instigate some discussion about the little things in life.  But some days I can’t help myself and I go political.  And I’ll be damned if that’s not what raises the viewership count on the page.  But as I have known from the beginning, I’m really typing all this primarily to humor myself. (Must say, I am accomplishing THAT goal.)  I can’t say I’ll abandon politics altogether.  I’m just not that disciplined.  But I can run as far from it as possible after I get a little bit out of my system, which brings us all to the subject of bubble gum.

I love gum.  All kinds, but especially full sugar, fruity, long lasting, huge and loud bubble producing gum.  I even loved the little stick they used to put in Topp’s baseball cards.  I love original Double Bubble and Bazooka even though though they give me TMJ after about five good minutes.  The new pink lemonade Double Bubble and the other colorful flavors are fantastic, even if all the flavor is gone about the time my TMJ kicks in. The flavor goes quickly in Fruit Stripe too, but I’ll down a Plen T Pack of that any day.  I love the initial crunch of the Chiclet–miniature or squares–but I hate the price.  And I pick up a pack of Rain-blo any time I’m on the road.  Chew the whole thing with nowhere to spit and you will get a stomach ache, but its pure goodness while there’s still one more “orange” in the wrapper.

But all is not well in chewing gum world. We aficionados have been fending off attacks by the wacko dental lobby/tooth huggers for years, but that had sort of settled in to detente.  Our side even had a study come out years ago that chewing gum after a meal actually reduced tooth decay.  I think that might have been a side project of the Tobacco Research Council.  We even survived runaway inflation on gum prices as the boom times of the 1990’s kept enough cash in our pocket to fork out 79 cents for a pack or even a dime apiece. However it seems there is now a phantom menace.  I can’t find anything but plain jane Super Bubble any more, and even that is getting more difficult.  Where is all the gum going?  Are the Chinese and India markets opening up and syphoning the US supply?  Is it drought and flooding?  The Taliban?  

I have been to a Chevron, Kroger, Shell, and Target in the last two days looking for a fix.  Striking out–striking out! at each place in my search for bubble gum, I began to get desperate. Oh sure, they had Doublemint and Hubba Bubba, and Chevron even had Super Bubble, but I needed the good stuff, man.  So I headed to the shrine of all bubble gum repositories; a place that can always be counted on for both a wide selection and bulk packaging of gum–Walgreen’s.  I must’ve been in there thirty minutes wandering up and down the aisles.  A sympathetic clerk approached me with tampons and condoms and whispered, “is one of these what you need?”  I shook her off and resumed my search.  Finally, a $3.99 plastic baseball bat filled with those gumballs that have “single” and “strikeout” written on them.  They were the only bubble gum in the store.  I had no choice.  I shelled out for a fix.

It’s twelve pieces later and I feel better.  But I’ve got to stop now and massage my jaw.

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Read This Article Then My Next Post

Court is ignoring juries: Victims losing 100 percent of appeals?

Is the Mississippi Supreme Court a ‘rubber stamp’ for powerful corporate entities?

ALEX A. ALSTON JR. • SPECIAL TO THE CLARION-LEDGER • JUNE 29, 2008

Mississippi Supreme Court Chief Justice Jim Smith, speaking recently to various business groups, stated emphatically that the court strives to be fair and impartial to large corporations and insurance companies. That is commendable.

But what about the victims of corporate fraud and negligence? Can this Supreme Court be fair to them? Apparently not.

If you are a victim of personal injury, malpractice or corporate fraud, you have almost no chance of having a jury verdict in your favor affirmed by the state Supreme Court.

In the past, the Supreme Court rarely overturned a jury verdict, especially if it was based on a dispute over a factual issue. That day is gone. During the past 4 1/2 years, according to my research, an astonishing 88 percent of all jury verdicts in favor of the wronged victims have been reversed by the state Supreme Court.

But what about the jury trials won by defendants, in which the victim takes an appeal to correct an error? Here, again, the numbers are staggering.

Over the same 4 1/2-year-period, a plaintiff’s success rate in reversing a jury verdict for the defendant is an astonishing zero.

The defendant corporation, hospital, or insurance company prevailed in 100 percent of these cases. It is difficult to imagine victims of negligence and fraud losing 100 percent of the time, but that is the way it is in the state Supreme Court in a plaintiff’s appeal.

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce and insurance companies should be ecstatic over this state of affairs. Think of the money it saves the insurance companies not to pay a claim, knowing they are safe with the state Supreme Court.

But the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, a lobbying arm of Big Business which pours millions into judicial campaigns, is still not satisfied. In a recent 37-page report, entitled Lawsuit Climate 2008, the Chamber ranks Mississippi as the 48th worst legal climate in the nation.

Therefore, one can expect the Chamber and its powerful allies to pour millions more into the judicial campaigns of our Supreme Court justices coming up for election in November to close any chance of victory for a poor maimed victim who has successfully worked his way through the judicial system to the Supreme Court. It is only then that these powerful entities will have a complete victory over anyone bold enough to think he has a claim for negligence or fraud.

How can it be that during the last 4 1/2 years powerful corporations, hospitals, and insurance companies have prevailed in the state Supreme Court in nearly every case? Can an injured plaintiff ever be right?

Perhaps it is because we elect our Supreme Court justices. In the 2002 election, insurance companies, large corporations, and doctors poured millions of dollars into the campaign coffers of most of the justices. One of the new judges that year alone received over a million dollars from these sources.

Can anyone truly doubt that judges will, either consciously or unconsciously, favor those who have contributed substantially to their campaigns.

In the upcoming election, large corporations, which statistically are more likely to be named as defendants, will not forget those justices who ruled in their favor against an injured or defrauded plaintiff, and no doubt substantial contributions will flow to these faithful.

Is there anything we can do? Yes, we can get involved in the election.

Beware of any judge running on a campaign that he or she is going to “slam the jailhouse door on criminals” or is going to be “tough on crime.” As Luther Munford stated in his May 24 guest column (“The Mississippi Supreme Court already is ‘tough on crime'”), “the court already has that one covered” with the Supreme Court affirming 93 percent of all criminal cases.

But you should know that the Supreme Court has nothing to do with locking up criminals. That is the job of the prosecutors and lower court judges.

The sole purpose of the Supreme Court is to determine whether the defendant received a fair and impartial trial in the lower courts.

In the past, the Supreme Court has held the moral high ground by overturning convictions based on torture, violations of the Constitution and due process, thus saving many an innocent defendant from the noose.

Somehow the court seems to have lost its way. If the percentage of affirmance on criminal appeals creeps any higher from the 93 percent we have today, there would be no need for a supreme court. A clerk could simply rubber stamp all guilty verdicts “affirmed.”

Voters should be wary of Supreme Court candidates who insist that they have been especially fair to large corporations and insurance companies.

These are the justices who are now making it almost impossible for a victim to prevail in the Supreme Court, even after a jury verdict is rendered in the victim’s favor.

Probably the best indication of how a Supreme Court justice will rule is the source of the political contributions he or she receives.

One can find contribution lists in the office of the secretary of state and on its Web site.

If powerful corporations and insurance companies have financed a justice’s campaign, you would not be far off in guessing that his or her rulings will most likely be in favor of his donors.

If, on the other hand, the donors contributing are from plaintiff groups, one could reasonably guess that the judge would have inclinations in that direction.

Mississippians should not have to be concerned about whether contributions to a judge will cause that judge to rule a certain way.

He takes an oath to be fair and impartial to all regardless of the parties’ status and he should simply follow the law. Nothing short of that is acceptable.

Our entire judicial system is built on a “rule of law.” In other words, it makes no difference whether you are a prince or a pauper, the law must be precisely the same for all.

A court that substitutes its opinion for that of a jury, or simply decides a case for the benefit of a favored party, tears the basic fabric of our judicial system to shreds. If the rule of law is not followed, the entire foundation of our judicial system is undermined.

The public has a right to expect the Supreme Court to follow the rule of law and decide the cases before it fairly and impartially without favor to any party regardless of status, race, creed or color.

Elections are just around the corner. Four of the sitting Supreme Court justices have qualified to run.

Should we not demand that each of them follow the rule of law?

Certainly it is a fair question to ask why 88 percent of the time, the court reverses a jury verdict for a plaintiff and substitutes its own opinion, and why, in 100 percent of the cases involving an injured victim’s appeals from a jury verdict in favor of a defendant, the court finds for the wealthy or powerful defendant.

Our court must be more than a rubber stamp for the rich and powerful.

Shouldn’t we expect that and more?

Jackson attorney Alex A. Alston Jr. has litigated hundreds of cases, primarily for defendant corporations, over the past 44 years, including scores of cases argued before the Mississippi Supreme Court, the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals and other circuits, and the U.S. Supreme Court. He has served as president of the Mississippi Bar and has taught and written extensively on issues of trial advocacy. He is the co-author of an upcoming book, Immune to Prosecution: The Long Road to Justice in Mississippi.

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Open Secrets Lawyers Keep

NOTE–the link is outdated, but the whole article is posted previous to this one.

Quote of the Day:     “Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny.”    — Edmund Burke

Every voter in Mississippi should read this article.  Then each can decide on their on if they give a damn or not.

 MS Supreme Court Bias

What the author has described is the number one open secret in legal circles in Mississippi.  I’ve yet to meet a lawyer representing a plaintiff who has not heard this in settlement negotiations:  “Go ahead and get your verdict.  You know we’ll get it reversed on appeal.”  And we do know that.  

But on a somewhat lighter note, there are other secrets that lawyers know but juries and the general populace don’t.  Like the magician that revealed his profession’s tricks, I may be reviled and rejected by my peers for exposing these, but I figure I can sex it up a bit and sell it to FOX if they disbar me.  Ok, sex it up a lot.  A whole lot.

Do you want to be on a jury?  Here’s how to do it.  Sit down and shut up.  If you speak during voir dire, when the lawyers ask the jury panel questions, you have a good chance to be knocked off.  One side won’t like you.  If you are silent, they don’t know and you will be overlooked when the lawyers go about the process of selecting jurors.  Actually, what they do is reject jurors.  Whoever the first 12 leftovers are after everyone possible is knocked off gets on a jury.  So if you want off jury duty instead of on, simply say something like, I would award this person one billion dollars no matter what.  Or, I think all Plaintiff lawyers are agents of sin.  Or, I have an uncontrollable flatulence problem.

Here’s another secret about a large majority of lawsuits.  As a juror or a newspaper reader, you will hear that Road Runner got a huge verdict against Acme Corp and their product tester W. E. Coyote.  In reality, Acme and W.E. were only involved in a fraction of the case.  The case is really against Acme’s insurance company who’s raison d’etre is to collect Acme’s premiums and keep them forever.  They are as likely to reject a claim from Acme in the event of a factory explosion as they are to pay Road Runner’s medical bills if W.E. takes him out falling off a cliff with a defective rocket pack.  The insurance company hires the lawyer, dictates the settlement posture and oversees the whole process.

But lest I give the impression the insurance man only tortures his insured and the injured bird, I must reveal that he also torments the very lawyer he chooses.  Yes the defense lawyer is handsomely compensated, but often must wait 6 months to a year–I’m aware of some firms who have been 18 months behind being paid on occasion.  And when they are paid, they find hours and hours of time simply red-lined from the bill and ignored.  Here comes another secret–no defense firm is giving up a nickel of its work.  They simply change the wording in their bills and pile on additional, often unnecessary work to the file, thus extending the misery for Judge, opposing lawyer, all parties and the courthouse staff.

Everyone in Mississippi knows that juries in certain counties have a reputation as plaintiff friendly venues. I’d say there are about 10 to 12 counties that rightly have that reputation.  But the big secret is, of Mississippi’s 70-72 other counties, extremely defense friendly juries exist in probably 60.  We have maybe, maybe 10 counties in the state without a strong bias one way or the other.

And possibly the biggest secret of all–fangs–I meant to say, the vast majority of lawyers are really decent, often interesting and caring folks.  They want nothing more than a fair judge, jury and appellate court to be in place so they can practice the way they thought they would be able to back in law school.  And sadly, for lawyers of my generation (15 years or less experience), we’ve never known such a system.

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Music Buffet

Quote of the Day:         “Is it ignorance or apathy?  Hey, I don’t know and I don’t care.”   —  Jimmy Buffett

Travellinbaen found himself at the Beau Rivage in Biloxi a few days ago, and for reasons irrelevant here decided to partake in the $22 buffet. Buffets have there place in the culinary world. They offer instant gratification and something to please everyone.  But seldom, never in my experience, is a single buffet item the “best” in class. What I mean is, if you want fish, you may choose it happily at a buffet, but if that is ALL you want, and you want the best, you will go to your favorite seafood joint and order it off the menu.

So if you wanted to put out a buffet of songs, what would be on it? Remember, we must strive to please everyone.  And nobody has to know if you find yourself humming along.

I am a firm believer that every cover band in the United States plays “Mustang Sally.”  Yet you never hear this on the radio.  I wonder why that is?  But play this song at a dance and the people will follow their Pavlovian compulsion to wave their arms aloft and shimmy out to the dance floor.  At any rate, any music buffet would be well served to be anchored with a double portion of this bar, wedding reception, and Mardi Gras ball staple.  

My friend JBE has often pointed out that back in the late 80’s and early 90’s every frat house band would cover G-L-O-R-I-A-GLORIA.  This is another excellent item for our trough.  Danceable, lyrically friendly and loud.  As we move along the buffet, we won’t be able to resist a taste of Buffett’s Margaritaville.  Sure, its not good for you, but it has plenty of salt, and that always works on a buffet.  

At a buffet, one often eats until even his eyes feel bloated, which reminds me of another tune guaranteed to get the folks out there to dance off the calories–Brown Eyed Girl.  Yes, Van Morrison has a lot of songs that are better for you, but we can all get serious about our diet tomorrow.  

A money making buffet always needs lots of cheesy casseroles, and on our music version, the entire catalog of John Cougar Mellencamp fills the bill.  Hey, I seldom change channels when his tunes hit the airwaves, but I’d never waste one of my 2000 Ipod slots on Jack and Diane, would you?  

Finally, we reach the desserts and if you saved room, its time for “Stroke It”.  But if things are moving slower as you begin to get your fill, I gotta suggest topping off this potpourri with a song for all the closers out there, and those who want to be closed upon–Percy Sledge’s “When a Man Loves a Woman.”

I know I’m leaving out a ton of others and invite you to add to my list.  After all, a buffet can only achieve lofty status and justify more than ten bucks, if it is obscenely indulgent.  And I promise not to tell anyone you stopped by for a taste.

 

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100 Things/A Tribute to Carlin

Quote of the Day:                   “Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That’s all, a little place for my stuff. That’s all I want, that’s all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody’s got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that’s your stuff, that’ll be his stuff over there. That’s all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That’s all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn’t have so much stuff, you wouldn’t need a house. You could just walk around all the time.”

— George Carlin

I read this article today on Time.com about a “grassroots movement” of people pledging to pare down their possessions to 100 things.  A patently ridiculous effort, especially considering the people quoted in the article considered such items as a 20 pair collections of shoes as one item. Even the subjects are not truly committed.  Nonetheless, the thrust of the idea seems to be that making our lives simpler by accumulating less will be good for the soul and for the environment.  Theoretically, it sounds really appealing, and I instantly made a silent commitment to see where I can de-clutter, decrease and dematerialize.  

But first, I need to make my list.  In hopes that someone will actually read this blog, I won’t name 100 things to keep, but I at least need to give some idea of what is important.  My car (1), my laptop (2) and my clothes (3).  I need to empty my closet by at least 50%, but the remainder counts only as one.  I have to have my XBOX 360 and games (4) and all of my books (5).  One cannot live without a bed (6), chair (7), television (8), or Ipod (9).  You must have a refrigerator (10), a fork, a spoon,  knife, and toothbrush (11-14). And toothpaste. (15)  Now that I’m in the bathroom, I’m going to need a bar of soap at all times and some shampoo and towels(16-18).  I only like to read under a lamp (19) and I can’t see the words without my glasses (20).  My baseball cards have been with me for 30 plus years, so they aren’t going anywhere (21).  And I’m keeping all my pictures (22). As Carlin said, you gotta have a house to keep all that stuff in (23). Already, if everything was itemized, I’d be well over 1000, so there’s really no point in going on.  I’ll never be down to 100 unless my life takes a drastic turn for the worst.

But maybe there are some things that can go, besides out of style and ill fitting clothes.  Maybe I should try and get rid of 100 things.  Do I really need my college dishes and silverware–a motley collection of bar, spring break condo, and roommate deserted goods mixed with some chipped grandparent’s plates? I think I’ll count these individually (1-30). What about that slush puppy mini helmet collection? (Answer–don’t need it, but its staying.)  I can get rid of the original Xbox (31).  I don’t know when I’ll actually use that bed frame in the garage (32) or those cable boxes gathering cobwebs out there (33).  It doesn’t look like my old car tags are going to be as useful as I once hoped (34-39).  My dart board hasn’t been used in years, and the darts are long since disappeared, so out it goes (40).  I have no idea why I’m hanging on to my gym membership card (41).  That ought to save some space.  Ok, this is getting a bit tougher.  Eureka!  Shoe boxes full of notes from high school (42-100).

Ahhhhhh.  I do feel better.  Simplification is good.  Think I’ll go read some Thoreau.

Bonus Quote of the Day          “Navin R. Johnson: Well I’m gonna  go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this. 

[picks up an ashtray
Navin R. Johnson: And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair. 
[walking outside] 
Navin R. Johnson: And I don’t need one other thing, except my dog. 
[dog barks] 
Navin R. Johnson: I don’t need my dog. 

from “The Jerk”

 

 

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