For the Eighth Rant of Christmas, TB Gave to Me….

Quote of the Day:

Gluttony is not a secret vice.” –Orson Welles

….EIGHT pounds a’gainin’.

9 pm. Arrive at Moma’s.
9:15 pm. Chocolate pie.

7 am. Juice, cinnamon blintzes…..Cinnamon blintzes, are you kidding?

8:30 am. The usual. Biscuits, scrambled egg casserole, cheeses grits and a Coke, leaded. And I’ll take one more o’them blintzes. On second thought, they’re small. Make it a double.

11 am. Some peanut brittle.
11:15. Couple o’ sausage balls.

11:45. “Don’t make lunch yet Moma. Please, I implore you.”

12:30 pm. Lunch. Beef ribs, sweet potatoes, extra brown sugar please, jello-cool whip business. Broccoli is still good for you buried under a mountain of cracker crumbs and a fortress of cheese ain’t it? Bread and butter, natch.

1:30 pm. Coconut pie, fresh whipped cream. My favorite Xmas tradition. Better give me jussssst a sliver of the chocolate too before sister polishes it off. I’ll just stay here at the table awhile. Y’all go on about your business.

4:00 pm. Couple a’ more sausage balls. It’s a weakness.

5:30 pm. “Don’t heat anything up Moma. Everybody’s stuffed.”

6:15 pm. Leftovers.

8:30 pm. Sister hasn’t polished off that chocolate pie yet. I better get another sliver before she does.

9:00 pm. “Why’d you make TWO chocolate pies this year Moma? Wish I’d a’ known.

It’s only the 22d. This is ridiculous. No mas. No mas.

What’s that Moma? You need to make space in the fridge for tomorrow? Ok, gimme a couple a’ more a’ them blintzes….

….SEVEN Christs in Christmas, SIX Christmas Parties, FIVE. GOLD. ADS. FOUR freakin’ stitches, THREE triple AAA’s, TWO Billing Errors and a Lounge in a Mall ain’t no Lounge.


“No mas. No mas. I don’t want no mas.” –Roberto Duran

About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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9 Responses to For the Eighth Rant of Christmas, TB Gave to Me….

  1. TDW says:

    I’ve always been a vocal advocate for men’s maternity pants for this very reason.

  2. tkh says:

    Well may wife’s parents are divorced (both living within 2 hrs of us) and seeing as how I am going home this year for Christmas, I will have managed to have 3 “Christmas Dinners” by the 25th. Followed I’m sure by non-stop grazing on the 1st.

  3. Harmony says:

    Just in time for New Year’s resolutions. It’s a diabolical team, Christmas/New Years, where we are at first encouraged to be merry and joyously nibble at our hearts content and then BAM! Repent, REPENT! I’ll see you on the other side of the New Year’s tradition, I’ll be the one crying over her Slim Fast shake.

    TDW comment made my ribs hurt, thanks!

  4. Jessie Lou says:

    This is my favorite post by far and TDW is hilarious (shout out to TDW whose name I saw in my paper yesterday – proud to say I knew who you were).

    I’ve managed to lose 12 pounds since Labor Day so if it is 8 pounds againing I still won’t weigh what I did at my last yearly check up. Yes, I am bragging on myself and I do not care how shameless it is. I’m going to enjoy every bite and every ounce of food I consume without guilt. That is a Merry Christmas to me.

    • Thank you, JL. I assume you’re talking about the fee dispute case. (My name also made the paper this week because someone sharing my name was arrested for dealing drugs. Why couldn’t someone with the same name as me make People’s Most Beautiful List or win a Nobel prize? Instead, I get paired with some dumbass pimping dime bags.)

  5. Smilyj says:

    I think TB is the one who told me there is no Santa… I think it was 9th grade.

  6. Jessie Lou says:

    Yes, TDW, it was for a legal professional job. It was kind of like seeing somebody I knew in People Magazine – closest you and I will likely get on either end. It is all good. Believe me I know how you feel, there are many people out there with my name, 3 of them in school with me and not all had a stellar reputation.

    Smiley – sounds like someone had to tell you. Better TB in 9th grade than your wife last year.

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