Quote of the Day:
“Never forget–Reason is just one letter away from treason.” –Stephen Colbert
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert both made their hugely anticipated announcements last night of planned rallies which will be held in Washington D.C. on October 30, 2010. Stewart will headline a “Million Moderates March.” He’s calling it the Rally to Restore Sanity.” Not to be outdone, Colbert will counter with his own rally at the same time and space he’s calling the “March to Keep Fear Alive.” TB sees these upcoming marches as a pivotal moment for the course of American…..well, no I don’t. But I feel compelled to choose a side.
On the one hand, I am drawn to the calm rationality urged by Stewart. He showed off signs that will be held by his peeps last night, with catchy slogans such as, “I disagree with you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not Hitler.” I’m thinkin’ the Stewart side of the mall will probably be kid-friendly, maybe they’ll have a cotton candy stand, and everybody will sort of make small talk, and get distracted by the occasional……oh excuse me, I lost my train of thought. I found a little rubber ball on my desk. It’s so bouncy!
Or, I could hang with Colbert, a fellow southerner, a true minuteman patriot heroic zealot, the founder of truthinessism. Says Colbert, he says, “Now is the time for all good men to freak out for freedom.” There will undoubtedly be lots of patriotic beer on hand, probably licensed for exclusive sales rights to a genuine patriotic red-white-and-blue American brand like Budweiser. (blank stare) He’ll probably shout screeds from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial that infuriate me, like…..oh, excuse me, this &%#*’n ball won’t bounce worth a $#*! all of a sudden! I hate this ball! Balls like this are what’s wrong with this country!
Stewart will probably have that black guy and that Muslim guy and that Brit who are pretty funny with him, plus Samantha Bee who I am strangely attracted to. But then, Colbert will be sure to have a bear-free atmosphere. Stewart will probably line up some great guests who will have interesting, nuanced points of view, but on the other hand, Colbert will only need us to pay attention to a simple “the word” and that sounds much easier. Stewart’s jokes are far more consistently funny, but Colbert’s best jokes are much funnier. If I’m Team Jon he’ll probably not be bent out of shape if I leave the rally for a bit to go check out what’s up with Colbert’s gang, but if I’m Team Colbert there’s a good chance I’ll get to see Republican Senate nominee from Delaware Christine O’Donnell. And I don’t think I can miss that opportunity.
So Team Colbert it is! USA!USA! All you Team Jon weenies can stick it right up your……hey, another bouncy ball…..damn you bouncy ball, get back here…..what’s this?…..Made in China???……don’t you stare blankly at me……I’ll show you what for bouncy ball……see that wall?…….Ouch!
Bonus Quote of the Day:
“American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains. So they’re already into this experiment. —TBag/GOP Senate Nominee from Delaware, Christine O’Donnell, November 15, 2007, The Bill O’Reilly Show