Quote of the Day:
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” –W.C. Fields
It was all over the tube, the interwebs and of course the great postmodern bulletin board that is Facebook, the recession is over. Dead. Really dead. Like, it died a whole year ago. Happy days are here again! And they have been for quite awhile. In case you missed it.
Well, ol’ TB ain’t one to miss a celebration and seein’ as how the news of the death of the recession still smells so fresh, especially considerin’ how long it’s been in the ground, I figured we ought to throw a little TBU party. Because we’re in the money, right? Let the good times roll, and stuff.
My party should reflect the greatness that is the death of the great recession. So what to do? Rent out a ballroom and fly in all the TBU citizens for a bacchanal? Hmmm, my checkbook says……”no.” How about trading up for a new McMansion? Ummmm, my banker won’t answer the phone. A pizza party by myself at Cici’s? Errrrrr, still too much. A list. Yes, that’s a suitably ratio’d response to the good news. A list. A funny list. Ok, a list I find funny.
Here are all the things we should celebrate with equal fervor to the death of the recession and the return of American prosperity:
- The 2009 Indianapolis Colts near perfect season, ending with a Super Bowl defeat to the Saints
- The end of the war in Iraq
- The return of Wall Street profits and bonuses
- Ramen noodles
- The Bay City Rollers are planning a comeback tour
- I haven’t stuck a fork in my eye all year
- Joaquin Phoenix was faking it
- Jersey Shore got renewed
- Conan’s back. Or Jay never left. Or Letterman bombed. Hell I don’t know, I watch Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. But the trials and tribulations of those other dudes is worth celebrating as much as the death of the recession for sure.
- Obama’s brand of change AND Boehner’s impending ascension coupled with an oath to take us back to the governance of the Bush years–this combo should ensure we keep things going as great moving forward as they are right now.
All together now, STARE
Feels good, don’t it?