Quote of the Day:
“A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.” —Howard Scott, 20th century scientist/engineer
Maybe the government can’t do anything right, I don’t know. What I DO know is private monopolistic corporations blow. But then again, their “customer service” CAN give you a laugh, once you get over the aneurysm. Here’s a summary of my calls to the cable company yesterday:
TB–Hi, this is TB. I have a new credit card number and I am trying to access my account online to change it on my automatic pay. I have my user name and password but your page won’t let me in.
CS–Yes sir, I can help you with that. You have a new email address and that will be your user name.
TB–But I don’t want a new email address. I already have like 4.
CS–Yes sir, but you don’t have one of OURS.
TB–But I don’t want one of YOURS.
CS–Well, that’s the only way to get in to your account.
TB–OK sock it to me. But I don’t want you sending me anything at that account. I will never check it.
CS–I’m sorry sir. This is the email we have on file.
TB–But I didn’t even know it existed.
CS–Yes sir. It does.
(TB gets new email address/user name and gets online, only to find that there is no way to change my credit card number. The previous CS rep, who knew why I needed in, neglected to advise on this point. So I called back in.)
TB–Hi, this is TB. I’m on your website but can’t access a page to update my automatic payment on my credit card. I need to change it.
CS–No problem sir I’ll take care of it. (takes credit card number)
TB–I just want to be clear. It’s 4 days before the bill is due. This will go through for the current bill and my automatic payments will continue as always right?
CS–Um. I am processing your request.
TB–What does that mean?
CS–Um. (clearly TB has gone off script) It means…..it should be fine as far as I know.
TB–I don’t like the way that sounds.
TB–I can see right now what is going to happen. There will be a late fee and I’ll hit the roof.
CS–Yes sir. There might be. (she is clearly not comfortable being a cable company customer cheat service rep)
TB–I think you can see how that is just stupid.
CS–(going off the reservation) Yes sir. It IS stupid. I’ll make sure this is going to be ok and will call you back if there is a problem.
TB–Ok, thanks. And will you send an email confirmation. But I don’t want it at the address y’all just gave me. I want it on my regular email which is….
CS–Oh no problem sir, we have your old email on file.
(one hour later, the phone rings)
CS–TB, I got in big trouble. I have to send you a form to fill out to change your card number and your payment will not be drafted on time, so there will be a late fee. And I can’t send anything to your regular email.
TB–CS, I don’t want to yell at you. You are clearly not at fault. I want to yell at your boss. What is his name.
CS–(totally rogue now)–TB, I can’t tell you (whispers his name).
TB–Did you say *A-hole* (not his real name).
TB–Can you transfer me?
CS–I can’t do that sir.
TB–Can you give me A-hole’s phone number sir.
CS–No sir, however the office is on Cedars of Lebanon in Jackson.
TB–Are you telling me that’s where A-hole’s office is?
TB–Is it in the phone book?
TB–And I shouldn’t tell him where I got his name right?
CS–Yes sir. Thank you sir. Have a nice day.
(a few seconds later)
TB–I need to speak to A-hole
(after holding for 5 minutes)
AH–May I help you?
TB–AH, I want to tell you what I’ve been going through all morning and to preface it by telling you that to do the same thing with AT&T, who I hate as much as Comcast normally, it only took me 10 seconds to accomplish online. (I tell him)
AH–Um. Yes sir. But you see, people try to cheat us (oblivious of the irony) and so we need a signed authorization like the one you originally signed.
TB–I get that. I really do. But you see, I never signed an authorization. Just like I don’t with AT&T or any of the other 1000 businesses who take my credit card online all the time. So I have no intention of waiting on the mail to sign a form that I can’t get back to you until after the 10th by which time you will charge me a late fee. And after I talked to three of your customer service reps (had to give my rogue friend some cover) I finally got your name as the man who can fix all this. So how about it?
AH–Ok. How about this. We’ll take your payment today for this month, then you sign the papers we mail you for the ongoing bill?
TB–Was the customer service rep allowed to do that for me?
TB–Sure would’ve been easier if she was.
TB–Whatever. That’s fine. But you DO see that by taking the one time payment now, and in seeing that it goes through, just like the previous FIVE years of payments on my account, you are wasting your time and mine by not just setting up the automatic payments with the new number?
AH–Yes sir I do.
TB–Can you send an email confirmation? Preferably to my old email address which is….
AH–No problem sir. I have it right here on file. Thank you sir.