TB Salutes John Hughes

Quote of the Day:

My heroes were Dylan, John Lennon and Picasso, because they each moved their particular medium forward, and when the got to the point where they were comfortable, they always moved on.” –John Hughes

If you were born in a year that made you a teenager in the 1980’s, you are probably a fan of John Hughes movies. Dudes go more for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and The Breakfast Club while chicks usually dig Pretty in Pink and Sixteen Candles, but really, we all like ’em all.

TB likes movies, but I ain’t no expert. Until hearing news accounts of his death I had no idea Hughes was a prolific movie maker far beyond those 80’s genre flicks. Just a few examples of his work–he wrote Home Alone, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Christmas Vacation, Planes Trains and Automobiles, and, She’s Having a Baby (the movie that gets Rock Star Rambler only 2 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon, notably). Here’s his IMBD page if you want to know more.

In tribute to Hughes, I thought I’d let you know the results of my exclusive investigation into what became of some of his great characters.

The Breakfast Clubbers:

Allison (the brooding girl) dropped out of college to open a Goth supply store. It took off and she franchised it out, functioning by the mid-1990’s as its ruthless and effective CEO, became active in the US Chamber of Commerce and served as regional chairwoman for Sarah Palin’s 2008 Vice-Presidential campaign.

Andrew (the jock)  injured his knee in a wrestling match the next Saturday after detention and had to give up the sport. He took out loans to go to college and spent 7 great years “runnin tail” and serving as Hazing Tsar for his frat. He runs a lawn care business for the near-wealthy in his hometown.

Brian (the nerd) became a multi-millionaire in the dot com boom of the 1990’s then lost it all in the real estate bust of the 2000’s. He is now a Geek Squad manager and chess enthusiast.

John (the no-goodnik) Started a mega-church the day after graduation in a pool hall. The church now has over 10,000 members. John has had affairs with over 500 of them, but they were all with women and they were all at least seventeen. He cannot believe how freakin rich he is.

Claire (the princess) Became a MILF.

The 16 Candlers:

Long Duk Dong–Imprisoned in a tent in the Gobi Desert after courageously staring down a tank in Tiananmen Square. He maintains to this day he was simply the victim of some bad ‘shrooms and had no idea what was going on.

The Freshman Geek–Made millions in the dot com boom of the 1990’s. Had hundreds of girlfriends. Invested it all with Bernie Madoff. Has Sam’s panties framed on the wall of his apartment.

Sam–Married the Geek earlier this year. Can’t get him to take the damn panties off the wall. And she’s a MILF.

The Pinkos:

Duckie–Started taking steroids the day after prom. Became a regional bodybuilding legend. Tried “the gay thing” but it didn’t take. He’s now a regional sales associate for “the perfect push-up.”

Andie–Married with children. Has been traveling the country doing publicity stunts for PETA since 1992. If you’ve seen her act, you already know, she is also a MILF.

Bueller? Bueller?……Bueller?:

Sloane–Went to Law School and finished first in her class. Her only client now is Ferris, which keeps her busy.

Cameron–Struck it rich in the dot com boom of the 1990’s, then lost it all investing in a broadly diversified portfolio including telecommunications (World Com), energy (Enron), manufacturing (GM) and financials (Merrill Lynch). He’s totally pissed about it and has become a liberal activist. He runs a crappy blog. Married to Sloane.

Ferris–Struck it rich in the dot com boom of the 1990’s and invested it all in Exxon. Bought and flipped real estate until he tired of the game in 2006 and cashed out. He was in a plane crash over the Pacific Ocean in 1995 but was able to fashion a crude raft with seat cushions and life vests and thus saved the entire crew and all of the passengers. The resulting book and movie deals were worth millions more, and the proceeds were used to allow employees of the Sausage King of Chicago to buy their facility and keep their jobs intact after the owner suffered a heart attack. Currently has 2 billion dollars stashed in shoe boxes and mason jars hidden or buried around his various estates. According to his Facebook page he has over one million friends and he still loves crashing parades. Digs Cameron’s crappy blog and likes to post comments that are funnier than the posts themselves.

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
This entry was posted in Entertainment, Humor, Movies and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to TB Salutes John Hughes

  1. larry says:

    Who are the degrees of separation for RSR?

  2. RSR is in “Heart of Dixie” with Ally Sheedy who has a cameo in “She’s Having a Baby” starring Kevin Bacon.

  3. irvineredd says:

    Ferris definitely would have made it out completely unscathed. Some insider trading perhaps?

  4. No way Irv! My cynicism stops with Ferris. He’s a stand up guy.

  5. calicobebop says:

    So, Molly Ringwald is a universal MILF? Well, that’s good news! I remember those movies well – still watch them when they come on TNT or USA or whatever. Ah, memories…

  6. Harmony says:

    Ha! Hilarious..all my queries on “where are they now” have been fulfilled thanks TB.

  7. Molly Who? Actually I have no idea what she looks like but in my imagination her characters grew up hot. And we love red-heads around here.

  8. Samsmama says:

    Wow! That was excellent! And, I’d imagine, extremely accurate. 100,00 blogger bonus points for mentioning the Sausage King of Chicago.

  9. Samsmama says:

    And that was to be 100,000, not 10,000 with an oddly inserted comma.

  10. GoulaGirl says:

    Loved this blog! I didn’t realize I was such a huge Hughes’ fan until he died….

  11. Jessie Lou says:

    You can catch the MILF on ABC Family – The Secret Life of the American Teenager – she is the mother of the pregnant teenage girl.

    16 Candles is one of my all time faves. I can say from the red hair to the flat chest Sam and I had a lot in common at the age of 16. I’m just glad someone was making money with it!

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