Cloud Talk

Quote of the Day:     From The Simpsons, episode 8, year 1

KEARNY: You know, when you look up at clouds in the sky, they start looking like stuff.

OTHER BULLY: No, they don’t.

KEARNY: Yeah, they do.  Like that one over there looks just like a cherry bomb.

It’s true; perhaps a bit too true.  The cloud looks EXACTLY like a cherry bomb.

OTHER BULLY: Hey, you’re right.  And look at that one.  It looks like a guy with a switchblade stuck in his back.

Same thing as the first cloud.

JIMBO: Yeah, that one looks like a school bus going over a cliff in flames, with kids inside screaming.

BART: That one looks just like the statue of our town founder, Jebediah Springfield.

OTHER BULLY: Does not.

BART: Does too.  I mean, without the head of course.

Sure enough, the cloud shows the explorer kneeling on his stand, minus the head.

JIMBO: Oh, yeah.  I wish someone really would cut his ugly old head off.

BART: You do?

KEARNY: Yeah, that’d be cool.

OTHER BULLY: Sure would cheese everybody off.

BART: But guys, come on.  Don’t you remember history class?  Jebediah once killed a bear with his bare hands.

OTHER BULLY: Oh, sorry.

KEARNY: We forgot how much you love Jebediah Springfield.

JIMBO: Yeah, he’s your boyfriend.

KEARNY: Yeah.

BART: Come on, guys.  Knock it off.

JIMBO: Beat it, Simpson.  Man, I thought you were cool.

—————

The next day….

BART: What?  But–but yesterday didn’t you say it would be cool to cut off the head, and really cheese everybody off?

KEARNY: Yeah, that was just cloud talk, man.

Yesterday at Hiram College in Hiram, Ohio, the statue of one of America’s top 50 Presidents, James Garfield, was decapitated, a caper obviously inspired by reckless cloud talk.

Garfield was a student at Hiram from 1851-1853. The statue is located before a building from which Garfield (possibly) delivered a sermon one time. This being (possibly) his greatest accomplishment, the location of the statue chose itself. Apropos of nothing, the actual building wasn’t located there when he gave the (possible) sermon, but was at some point moved there. All of this to give you an idea of the incredible scope of the importance of the shrine and the outrage sparked in the greater Hiram community. Hiram police are, uh, stumped. One of the reasons they have no leads is the police chief, ironically named something other than Wiggam, has dismissed the possibility that students may have been behind the theft.

Ahhhh, cloud talk. Enchanting, tantalizing, fanciful cloud talk. Ideas always sounds so logical, so possible when lying upon a bed of daisies atop a field of hypo-allergenic green. But inevitably, cloud talk must remain behind once  one averts his eyes from the billowy sky and departs the field of dreams lest tragedy ensue, or at least trage-comedy. TB learned this lesson all too well in eighth grade, Miss Hoskins’ fifth period English class.

It seems some ruffian arrived at Pascagoula Junior High one lazy spring morn with a tiny sack full of BB’s. In second period math (Ms. Dejean) he surreptitiously displayed his non-sensical cache to a group of early pubescent classmates just as we’d finished copying our math homework from the one student in the class capable of learning the subject in spite of being sent to public school in Mississippi. No one was exactly sure how these miniature orbs should be employed, but after very little debate, it was unanimous that they be deployed. The identity of who looked out the window and was thus inspired with the idea to simultaneously launch a single BB apiece at Miss Hoskins’ blackboard at precisely 2 pm is lost to history, but the identity of the one young punk who followed through with the solemn cloud talk oath can now be revealed, some 25 years after the event, and with a district attorney’s affidavit of the passage of the statute of limitations firmly in hand. Yes, it was I, Travellinbaen. The loneliest person in all the world for sixty agonizing seconds while waiting for Miss Hoskins to return from the hallway where she had retreated to privately weep for the cruelty of the single sniper and to perhaps wonder whether he’d acted alone or as part of some larger conspiracy. The knowledge that one, or more, of her seemingly interested students was in actual fact contemptuous of not only direct objects but of sentence diagramming in its entirety must have come as quite a shock to her. So much so that she scarcely tried to identify the blackboard’s assailant. And while my traitorous co-conspirators quietly snickered and silently disposed of their unfired ammunition, I wondered which of these Judases would sell me out. To their credit, none did.

Somewhere in Ohio, a young man (can there be any doubt it was a guy?) who believed not so long ago the message of the clouds that convinced him this day would be one of triumph is learning the hard lesson of acting upon cloud talk. He is reviled. He is hunted. He is wondering if he should keep the head in the event some day everyone will laugh about his stunt or if he should dispose of the spoiled fruit of his labor. The only consolation for this head stealing hooligan is it could’ve been worse. He should thank his lucky stars that Martin Van Buren was from New York.

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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24 Responses to Cloud Talk

  1. Anonymous says:

    I always thought they looked a lot like sheep

  2. Interesting. Sheep lie. Clouds deceive.

    You’ve made an important connection, heretofore unseen by TB.

  3. Zeek says:

    I’ve Cloud Talked before, or was it talked on clouds? My head was in the clouds? I’ll get back to you, I’m confused now.

  4. I should note, all of the facts mentioned in this post about Garfield come from news reports.

    Notwithstanding the probability that thousands of people and blogs are today noting the similarities between the Garfield and Simpson heists, I’m expecting a royalty check if the Daily Show uses my bit tonight.

  5. If a certain mutual friend were still alive, I’d know exactly where to find President Garfield’s head.

  6. Jessie Lou says:

    I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
    From up and down, and still somehow
    Its cloud illusions I recall
    I really don’t know clouds at all.

    • Asan says:

      This is truly an inspiring story. Jack DeLima (it is not DiLima) is my brhtoer in law and he has been telling us about Bruno since he met him. Bruno has been an inspiration to Jack and to everyone who hears about him. Our family is so proud of Jack. He has combined his life long love of soccer with volunteering to bring that passion to children. Both Bruno and Jack are inspirations.

    • news says:

      Great common sense here. Wish I’d thought of that.

    • Aya says:

      Wow, I think you will be a great OB. It seems like you have a real love for children, faeimils, and people in general. Sad to say that those qualities are rare traits in todays world. I believe not just anyone should be in just any job because you could be in a job that you hate and end up making everyone who comes in contact with you at work miserable. You have the joy and care to be great at your job and effect those you will be working around not only by your knowledge , but by your love for what you do.

    • Youngy says:

      Under a split-limit type of coverage, the most the severely injured QuotesChimp could be paid under your liability insurance would be what is called the policy limits�$100,000 in our example.

  7. TDW, made me laugh, bittersweet and true.

    JL, very nice, a little poetry to start the day. Well done.

  8. Jessie Lou says:

    Joni Mitchell gets the credit for that one. A golden oldie, but a good song to be sure. I can hear Tom Hanks quoting that in “You’ve Got Mail”. Liked his delivery.

  9. irvineredd says:

    Pat and I were having a discussion of who that was this morning, JL. We were both blanked on the name.

  10. quail09 says:

    roes and floes of angel hair
    and ice cream castles in the air
    and feather canyons everywhere
    i’ve looked at clouds that way

  11. Jessie Lou says:

    That song is “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell – a great folk singer, IR. I would not have had that album for you to know the song. Me and Q09 both showing our age on knowing that one.

  12. irvineredd says:

    Oh yes, I know of Ms. Mitchell. I don’t know where I first heard her stuff, but she is on the Last Waltz, which I own on DVD and Vinyl.

    Don’t worry about the age, most of my favorite bands would mark me as a 25 year old in 1975, so I would be older than you based on that.

  13. quail09 says:

    IR….she wrote the song, “woodstock”…thought you might especially appreciate her for that….

    moons and junes and ferris wheels
    the dizzy dancing way you feel
    as every fairy tale comes real
    i’ve looked at love that way

  14. Madd Dawg says:

    TB,
    While I was personally offended by your disdain of sentence diagramming, your resulting actions with the BB was only one of two such events in our inglorious bastard (upcoming movie plug) youth—-the other involving Brad with a snapping pop on the blackboard from the back of the classroom.

    Unfortunately for Bad Brad, he was ratted out immediately by GC.

  15. Sweet says:

    who is a swinger now

  16. Stefano says:

    A few years ago I’d have to pay someone for this inaoomftirn.

  17. Oh yeah, fabulous stuff there you!

  18. Arnaldo says:

    Breakfast with Santa! Saturday, December 1st from 9-11AMOssian United Methodist Church201 W. Mill Street in Ossian, In 46777Come have pancakes, dceuliois egg casseroles, smoky links, cereal, donuts, dutch crunch dessert, Coffee, milk and juice something for everyoneHave your children’s picture taken with Santa and then they can shop in the Elf Store for their family members. Elves will be available to help them shop so they can keep it a surprise! All gifts are $2 and gift wrapping is included. This is a fun, holiday event sponsored by the Norwell High School Show ChoirSee you there!

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