Quote of the Day:
“Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think its important. –Eugene McCarthy
What drives TB batty about political discourse is the complete disconnect between any two opposite numbers in a public debate and the resultant understanding gap between the two sides’ respective devotees. Is it possible that only one side is really ALWAYS right, or even more than three quarters of the time? Is there EVER more than one way to go about achieving a goal? In the gaping chasms of TB’s prematurely aging, long ago alcohol addled brain matter lies the answer. It is buried in a sports analogy (is there any other sort?). I leave it to you, gentle reader, to draw from it what you may. My query–What if a modern day Beck disciple and a Kossack his opposite had been tasked a century ago to developing the rules for football? I think the game would look something like this:
Lib-Well, here we are Con. You don’t like it. I don’t like it. But we have a job to do. How do you think we should kick things off? Maybe flip a coin to see who goes first and take turns making a rule?
Con–I go first.
Lib–In the spirit of cooperation I think you should go first.
Con–That counts as your first rule. You broke procedure so now I get to make two rules.
Lib–THAT’s NOT TRUE! Your allegations are factually unsupported and scandalous. This is so unfair. Ok, make your two rules.
Con–Quarterback will be the most important position on the field. If he gets injured hit at all, there will be an automatic timeout for the medical staff to attend to him. And no hitting him above the shoulders or below the waste. And if you get his uniform dirty it is a penalty.
Con–Next, linemen have to play both ways. Nobody will even notice, and by using 5 guys to do the work of 10 we will be able to carry an additional quarterback on the roster. And if a lineman gets hurt he will be dragged off the premises with haste.
Lib–(sighs) Ok, here’s mine–Everybody on the team, even the FIVE linemen must score at least one touchdown per year.
Con–You are trying to ruin this game! You hate football! In spite of you, I have an idea that can save the game, but be warned, one day I will destroy you. Heathen.
Con–There are no ties, only winners and losers. If the score is tied at the end of regulation we will have an overtime and it will be named (sneers devilishly, pauses to heighten the lib’s fearful anticipation)…….SUDDEN DEATH. Other words that will be incorporated into the game include “blitz”, “bomb”, “bullet”…..ummm, let’s go old school with “sack”……..and…….oh yeah, “hail Mary.” (insert diabolical laughter here.)
Lib–Very well. When a player drops a ball and the other team recovers we will call it a “giveaway.” When the quarterback gives the ball to someone else to run it will be a “handout.” All players on a team, including the quarterback will be issued “uniform” clothing to wear.
Con–Commit three penalties and you’re banned for life. The ball will be constructed from the skin of a pig. A live pig. The rest of the pig will go to pregame meal with the quarterbacks getting their fill of the loins and the ribs, then taking home whatever leftovers they want, plus some bacon to freeze and ALL the rest can be divided amongst the rest of the team. Unless the quarterbacks need some sausage.
Lib–Play calling is subject to a popular election. If one side gets more points than the other the referees will award bonus points immediately; alternatively, points can be taken away from the high scoring team and awarded to the lesser.
Con–Well played, sir. Well played. I think we’re done here. My part of the game will totally rock and I have no doubt in my, um, my thinking place, that before the end of four seasons your rules will be exposed as a fraud and I will be allowed to impose my God given will on the game to form a more perfect union league.
Lib–I realize we’ve made all the rules, but I just want you to consider a couple of ideas I’ve been tinkerin with. I was sort of hoping we could improve the game with some bipartisan cooperation. The first one I call the “forward pass.”
Con–You can never be satisfied, can you. It’s because deep down you hate football. You hate that America loves watching the complex beauty that is the game as we’ve always known it. The run off tackle right. Off tackle left. And of course, good ol’ up the middle (chuckling to self–heh,heh, that one always works).
Lib–I’m guessing you’re not gonna be open to letting both sides have a ball at the same time.
Lib–I’m not a fascist. You’re a fascist.