The Mississippi Debate in a Bizarro Universe

Word of the Day     Truthiness–“truth that comes from the gut, not books” –Stephen Colbert; the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true rather than concepts or facts known to be true  –American Dialect Society

TB was wondering what a Presidential debate between Obama and McCain would sound like if both sides could inject their opponent with a “truthiness” serum to force both to speak as they are depicted in chain emails, blogs, and FOX News. The format of my debate is, of course, a conversation between the candidates.

  • McCain–Guten tag, Friends.
  • Obama-Yo wassup comrades.
  • M-Let’s start with the pledge of allegiance.
  • O-Dude, you know I ain’t down with that.
  • M-I pledge allegiance to everyone who makes over a million dollars, and to the corporations for which they stand, one nation, under my thumb, without liberals, its just us against all.
  • O-I think we’d do better to start by thanking Allah for everything, and warning you that there are 19 suicide bombers secretly placed around the building in case anyone tries something funny.
  • M-Let’s talk about the Constitution.
  • O-Sounds great. I’m a scholar you know. My favorite part is Section 13, Article 7, Verse 1: And Allah said, “let there be reperations.” Oh wait, that’s the part I’m going to introduce after I’m elected.
  • M-My friend, I think we should burn the whole thing.
  • O-Where do you stand on the financial system oversight proposals?
  • M-I’m sorry, I nodded off for a minute. Did I remember to take my heart pill? Anyway, I think we were talking about increasing parity in the Southeastern Conference.
  • O-Say, just how “married” is Sarah Palin anyway. I think she’s looking at me.
  • M-Yeah, she asked me to get your number. I already gave it my best shot, but being a war hero just doesn’t go as far as it used to. Speaking of war, my friend, it is my understanding that you are opposed to my plans to attack Iran and Russia and to march in to Canada and Cancun to liberate the English speaking peoples of North America, allowing them to join our Reich.
  • O-Until you agree to convert the populace to Wiccan, I cannot agree with your proposal. Perhaps if you would agree to relocate the Federal Treasury to Somalia, we could negotiate over the middle ground.
  • M-I think its time for my nap. My friend, let’s get out of here.
  • O-Sounds good, but follow me. I don’t want to run in to any servicemen on the way out. I hate shaking hands with soldiers. But first we should bid the audience farewell.
  • O-Peace out ya’ll.
  • M-Heil Myself.
  • M-Just meet me at my house. My friend, I have a fridge full of beer.
  • O-Sure, as long as Sarah’s coming. Which house?
  • M-I forget.
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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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9 Responses to The Mississippi Debate in a Bizarro Universe

  1. I was going to have them both pull off masks at the end of the conversation a la Scooby Doo, or even more, like the old Miller Lite commercials with John Madden where he pulls off the mask to reveal Rodney Dangerfield. McCain would’ve really been Karl Rove and Obama would’ve been Charles Barkley, Jimmy Carter, Hillary Clinton? I couldn’t really decide. Using Osama would’ve been to easy and I wanted to go for the misdirection humor. I finally decided to go with them heading to McCain’s place for free beer.

    Anyway, just thought I’d give you the alternate ending.

  2. Jessie Lou says:

    Just read your conversation to the girls at work and they were cracking up! They asked where I got that from and I told them you wrote it and they were quite impressed.

  3. That’s pretty gratifying. Please invite them to keep up with the site.

    You know, if somebody could turn this into a chain email, that would be cool. Just cut and paste and put at the bottom….”This is so awesome. If you forward this to just 5 people the campaign you want to win will receive $1000 for every person who reads and forwards it to support efforts at outdoing the other side’s chain emails.”

  4. Madd Dawg says:

    JL,
    Just so you know, TB’s “That’s pretty gratifying.” really means “Are any of them are hot.” and “I wonder if they would be interested in ……” at which point that TB recalls that he married a chick way outside of his league such that he better hit “submit comment” before he types something that he will regret.

  5. Jessie Lou says:

    MD – Thanks for the tip but I had many of those conversations with TB prior to his married days and remember them well! Acceptance is always good for the self esteem or ego, as the case may be. Sure beats rejection any day.

    I’m hearing reports from Oxford that things are getting busier. My child has rented out part of his parking lot at work to some Obama folks – thought TB might like to know he is furthering the cause of his party of choice.

  6. Anybody see the SNL debate parody? It was pretty good. Mine is funnier.

    http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/presidential-debate/704121/

    Of course, I’m biased.

  7. Jessie Lou says:

    Just watched it and they are both equally good. SNL has the edge because it was live and watchable versus just reading. Of course, my knowing you makes it better – I could possibly see it live someday.

  8. travellinbaen says:

    I thought they totally missed the humor in McCain’s refusal to look at or address Obama and the contrast between how they referred to one another–“John vs Senator Obama”. I definitely would like to see the same actors perform my version and then compare! Since mine was written before the debate, I’d have to add a few things. The one thing that jumps out is to address the lapel pin discrepancy–no flag for McCain.

  9. Jessie Lou says:

    There is also the fact that they both had on the bracelets for the dead soldiers. That could be done with humor – who got it first but might be a sensitive subject.

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