Great Olympic Memories

Posted on August 4, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day     “Spanning the globe, to bring you the constant variety of sport…the thrill of victory….and the agony of defeat.”        Jim McKay, introducing Wide World of Sports

The Beijing Summer Olympics are set to begin in a few days and I don’t know about you, but TB is all atingle (look for this word in next years New American Dictionary).  I’ve been reflecting on some of the personal memories of Games past that have meant so much, and I thought I’d share those memories.

1980 through the present–video of the 1972 Men’s basketball finale between the USA and the USSR and accompanying videos.  This recurring story taught me as a young athlete that there are times when you have to blame the refs when you lose.  A true Olympic shining moment.

Bruce Jenner on reality shows.  This barely edged out Bruce Jenner on a Wheaties Box because I only remember video of the box since we didn’t eat Wheaties.  Bruce Jenner–Gold Medalist, All-American hair, train wreck.

Pickup trucks circling the field at the Atlanta Opening Ceremonies.  I saw this live and didn’t see any other Olympic action that year, so this memory has become more indelible than that of the FBI’s wrongful accusation of the Centennial Park bomber.

Jordan, Bird, and Johnson signing autographs during timeouts of their dream team games.  Hopefully the Angolan’s didn’t get them personalized because that would really diminish their Ebay value.

Bela Karolyi carrying some wounded 9 year old off the gymnastics floor.  Taking the “child” out of “childhood”, another of the timeless Olympic values.

Carl Lewis getting the news that his urine came back clean, and Canadian Ben Johnson finding his to be tainted–nothing exemplifies the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat more than the chain of custody of these men’s bodily fluids.

Getting a free large fries when Greg Louganis took home Gold in 1984.  Only McDonald’s could invent a way for us all to truly appreciate the years of sacrifice and anonymity of our valiant Olympian warriors.

And finally, the synchronized swimming of Martin Short, Harry Shearer and Christopher Guest aired on Saturday Night Live.  “I’m not that great a swimmer.”  

Synchronized Swimming

Let’s be honest, without any country to really hate, why even televise the Olympics in the US anymore?  Until Iran or North Korea or Venezuela start winning a bunch of Gold, let’s just put everything on hold.  Or could it be that we are the new Russians for the rest of the world?  If that’s the case, I take it back.   Let’s kick some ass.

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Let’s Build a Cabinet

Posted on August 1, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day      “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men.  The other 999 follow women.”    –Groucho Marx

The Democratic and Republican political conventions are coming up this month, and as I surf the web it seems the selection of a Vice-Presidential running mate for both candidates is the source of great speculation.  TB believes we’d all be better informed voters if the candidates would also announce their proposed cabinet appointees prior to the election.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a few more targets at whom to aim the mud?  As you may or may not know, TB has officially announced he has no plans whatsoever to run for President.  However, in the spirit of setting a good example for Obama and McCain, here are the Cabinet members I’d announce during the conventions:

Vice President–Stephen Colbert–He already has a good bit of grassroots support due to his unsuccessful primary campaign.  Also, TB’s gonna need some help in Red States, and this guy has his finger on the pulse of the O’Reilly fan.  It would also keep me off the “dead to me” list.  

State–Angelina Jolie–An experienced world traveller, I believe she’d be a natural diplomat. An excerpt from a future summit with Iran:

AJ–Thank you for meeting with me gentlemen.

Iranians–Oh, any time Ms. Jolie.  In fact our schedules are pretty much wide open this year.

AJ–We demand you stop your uranium enrichment program immediately.

Iranians–That’s cool.  Let’s set up a date, errr timetable.  I think it would be good if you were on hand to verify our compliance. I’m wondering, if we didn’t comply, how would you punish us? By the way, what else are you in to?  Do you like falafel?

War–The Batman–First, you may have noticed we dumped the word “Defense” and brought back “War” from the good ol days.  People like the good ol days–they were good.  It also is part of a green initiative I think could take hold.  Shorter words, less ink, less cartridges in landfills.  As for my slightly unorthodox choice to head the War Department I can only ask, “have you seen Dark Knight?”  I went last night, and I tell you, that dude has access to some badass technology.  When he violates the constitution or some pissant nation’s sovereignty, I’ll be able to truthfully say, “Hey, we’d arrest him, but I don’t even know his real identity.  And he doesn’t keep an office in DC.  He’s in a secure, undisclosed location.”  And get this, he knows all about caves.  Bad news for Obama.

Treasury–Tiger Woods–Ok, this is Machiavellian.  He’s bi-racial (check), popular with country clubbers (check), and racist golf fans would love it if he missed some prime years on tour and couldn’t break Nicklaus’ majors record (check. mate.)  Plus he’s really good with money.  We might even be able to get some endorsement deals to help keep taxes down.  And the Saudi’s will pay a fortune to have him visit. 

Attorney General–Jackie Childs– A true friend of the consumer.  As for terrorists, while he’s not a proponent of torture, let’s just say interrogators will be encouraged to withold the balm.  Jackie will not tell them to use the balm.

Energy–T. Boone Pickens–First, I’d want him somewhere I could keep an eye on him and keep him from funding the Republicans’ “Dirty Tricks” committees.  And he wants to build a bunch of windmills.  This has been good for tourism in Holland and I think it could work here too.

Homeland Security–Jesse Ventura–This Republican Big Government Expansion has proved to be a waste of space and money and “the Body’s” political career exemplifies these traits.  He’ll make a great interview and we’ll all feel much safer hearing his deep resonant tones spouting non-sense and spittle on the Sunday morning talk shows.

Agriculture–Willie Nelson–Being President is probably pretty stressful.  I think it would help having Willie around.  And we could have Farm Aid right in the Rose Garden one year.

Transportation–Richard Petty–I’d really like to see some stretches of Interstate go to unlimited speed limits and I think the King is the man to implement my policy.  And we could re-paint Air Force One Red, White and Petty Blue and stick an STP sticker on the tail fin.  That would rock.

This is starting to look pretty good.  Maybe I should I reconsider my decision not to run?

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The Value of a Life

Posted on July 31, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day     “Price is what you pay.  Value is what you get.”     –Warren Buffett

For three days last week and this, TB was involved in settlement negotiations over the death of a 93 year old lady at the hands of a construction company truck driver who was unable to control his vehicle due to excessive speed.  The driver braked as soon as he saw her, skidded the length of a football field, began to drift, and killed this lady who made it six inches off the road and into her driveway, but needed another couple of feet to get clear.  The company and their insurer were clearly liable.  

I can’t reveal the amount of money that was at stake.  But I can say a couple of things without violating the confidential terms.  First, though I was well aware of the “value” of these cases–to be distinguished from the value of her life–it was depressing and even shocking to hear the other side articulate their position.  I read recently that the EPA was being criticized for lowering their calculation of the value of a life to 6.7 million dollars.  It was around 8 million at the end of the Clinton Presidency. They had earlier tried to assign a discount to people over age 72, but retreated from that position due to numerous objections.  I can tell you the value of a person who has been killed is much less than that in a civil lawsuit in Mississippi, and for a senior citizen it is a fraction of that amount.  In fact, our state has seen fit, at the behest of insurance companies and ill informed, misguided and/or corrupted supporters to cap the value of such a case.  I don’t know how to put a dollar value on any person’s life, at any age.  I do believe when someone is needlessly and recklessly killed, the negligent party should have to face the question in court.  

Here’s something I’d like someone to explain to me:  If a maximum damage cap makes things more fair in some people’s opinions by preventing “jackpot justice” or a “runaway jury”, shouldn’t there also be a minimum dollar amount a life is worth?

Posted in Law, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Goes to Show You Never Can Tell

Posted on July 30, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day       “No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected.”   –Julius Caesar

Through the years there have often been times TB has found himself in a strange place doing something off the life script.  I’ll never forget the out of body experience I had around 2 a.m. in the middle of a cotton field in the back seat of a small carload of strangers wedged between a girl I never knew went to my high school who had become a really hot model and some dude that was trying to block my intentions regarding her.  (Neither of us had a chance it turned out.)  Nevertheless, I remember pausing between beers to consider, “how did I get to this exact pinpoint of life?”

I had a similar revelation one day in Palestine, Texas, as I sat on the floor above an air vent with a paper plate full of cookies and pigs in a blanket in the crumbling trailer of a mesothelioma victim I was deposing along with about a dozen other lawyers.  Law school does not prepare you for such a moment.

TB’s long time readers have probably noticed I don’t discuss my family.  That’s because I feel like the blog is my waiver of privacy and not theirs.  But I believe I can relate to you without crossing that boundary the increasingly common moments that come with having a family which I never thought would be part of my life.

It still comes as a shock to me that I can endure, much less watch and handicap, Project Runway.  There was a time in my life when I could not conceive of missing New Year’s Day college football and even less a chance of missing a Mississippi State bowl game, but that’s exactly what happened in 2007.  If you’d said I’d one day learn to sleep on a postage stamp sized area of my bed I’d have called you crazy.  And today I found myself standing at the zoo holding a soggy graham cracker, sippy cup of water, twenty-five pounds of pure determination and talking on the phone about settlement negotiations and motions to dismiss. I found myself wondering as I hung up the phone just how I managed to take all the right turns in the past to bring me to that pinpoint on the map of life.  Just one misstep back in 1990 or 2004 or any other time and these things would probably have never come to pass.  How’s that for some philosobaen?

And finally, I never thought the dark day would come that I’d consider buying a mini-van–oh wait, I am NOT considering a mini-van.  Yet. I’ll leave that to the Ed’s and Larry’s of the world.

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Things Learned From My Goofy Friends

Posted on July 29, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day    “Tell me what company thou keepest and I’ll tell thee what thou art.”    –Miguel de Cervantes

A lot of folks tuned in to read about Coach Six and some of the important things I learned from him.  After a post like that, TB always likes to go back to something a little lighter.  This post is a continuation of my “things learned” series.  Without further ado, I give you the things I learned from my asshole runnin buddies:

BR–BR and I go a long way back, so I learned a few things from him.  First the true observation that “there’s a fron-tage (pronounce in French) road in near about every town.”  Second I learned about perseverence and humility because ol’ BR never quit taking me on in basketball even though I won about 85% of the time we went one on one.  Including indoor nerf hoops. And finally, BR helped me learn to laugh at myself, especially when I took life too seriously. Or as he famously asked one time in response to my protest that I was at that moment being serious, “cirrus?  I thought that was a cloud.”  And I formally admit this day, July 29, 2008, that was funny.

From Sweet I learned that just because you are paranoid it doesn’t mean someone or something is not out to get you.  (During football season, I’ll probably post about “the power” more than once.)  I learned a lot of frightening things from Sweet, like the value of Stridexing one’s feet, and appreciation for the female foot, and a lot of other things not appropriate for this blog.  

Fig taught me to laugh at Sweet.  For everything.  And he showed us all the importance of keeping a drink in your cup under all circustances, including being in the midst of breaking one’s fibula.

Sterno gave me the 1000 yard stare and the incredulous stare.  Though I learned it existed, I’ve never actually accomplished them both simultaneously.  Thanks also to Sterno for introducing me to the starter alki’s drink, 7Up and Vodka.

Ed showed me the blank stare which regular readers already know comes in handy for TB from time to time. 

Larry taught me that a left hander will ruin your cap if he wears it.

Stone taught me how to pick up a Polish heiress without even trying, and that there is no placebo effect for seasickness patches if they fall off prior to going to sea.

Smiley taught me how to argue about anything, no matter how meaningless the issue.  He really should be on staff at the Ole Miss Law School.

SC taught me the importance of using sense of humor as an indicator of character.  It’s a test I failed on our first meeting, but he gave me a second chance anyway.  And he taught me the fun of blogging, something I occasionally take too seriously.  But don’t laugh.  I’m cirrus.

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Remembering Six

Posted on July 28, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day     “You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who can never repay you.”     –John Wooden

Running through my usual websites today, I read with great interest on the Mississippi Press Register’s website that the 12 year old Dixie Youth Baseball O Zone World Series was underway in Pascagoula.  I was pleased to see Pascagoula buried Tennessee 17-8 in the opening round.  My mind travelled back to Pascagoula National’s bitter 4-3 defeat at the hands of Tennessee in the 1983 Dixie Youth World Series in Bessemer, Alabama.  The details have grown fuzzier with each passing year, but I recall for certain that we had the tying and winning runs on 2d and 3rd base when the game ended and that all of Tennessee’s (12 year old) players were 6’5, had beards, and were ambidextrous.  

It was a great summer.  My friends and I won three tournaments in route to that World Series.  In the State Tournament, we faced Laurel needing to beat them twice in order to advance.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, we were major underdogs as Laurel was considered one of the greatest hitting teams ever seen in our state.  The public address announcer even thanked us for our participation and wished Laurel well at the World Series in the 5th inning of our first game with them when we were behind two runs.  We won that game, won the next night, and the achievement means almost as much to me today as it did twenty-six years ago.

Our manager was Sixto Aleman–Coach Six.  He passed away several years back and I miss him.  Six taught me a lot that summer.  The season of 1982, I played well enough to make the All-Star team comfortably. However, I didn’t and the main reason why was Six standing up during the vote and telling all the other coaches I didn’t deserve it because I had a “bad attitude.”  Six didn’t know me at the time and misinterpreted my visible reactions to the little setbacks that happen during the course of games as being directed at teammates rather than at myself.  I knew he blackballed me and I was pretty unhappy that he would be my coach in 1983.  

The first thing Six did was “make” me play shortstop–I thought I should be in centerfield.  The summer was off to a bad start.  Then we played our local nemesis, Moss Point, in the finals of our first tournament. I was pitching and got off to a miserable start.  Down 5-0 in the second inning, Six came to the mound and sent everyone else away.  He wasn’t angry or frustrated, just matter of fact.  “Hey chief, you think I should take you out.”  I angrily replied “I guess.”  He calmly responded, “You’re our best chance to win this game. Forget about everything before now and pitch the way you know how.  And have fun.  We’re going to win.” And we did, 6-5.  It wasn’t long thereafter that Six came to me and told me how proud he was of me.  He also said he knew I didn’t like him because of what happened the year before, and he didn’t blame me, and he was wrong, and he was sorry.  That was the first time an adult had ever confessed his fallability to me. And I loved him for it.  Pragmatism, loyalty, determination, trust, honesty, and forgiveness–my understanding of all of these qualities was dramatically and permanantly enhanced over those weeks in ways that have stayed with me to this day.  Plus, I ended up loving shortstop and playing it pretty dang well.

I can’t remember all I learned from Six sitting in his house, or in a dugout, or out at the ballfields over the course of the 1980’s, though one other moment stands out.  It was a couple of years later and a coach was trying to call my pitches from the dugout.  I had never relied on anyone else to call my pitches and didn’t like it a bit.  I complained to Six and he said “You think you know better than him?  Then go out there, listen to him, say “yes sir”, then do what you think is right.  If it works, he won’t say anything.  If it doesn’t, you better be prepared for the consequences.”  It’s the best advice I ever got and I still use it all the time.

I don’t know if Heaven’s gone wireless and online yet, Six, but if someone forwards this to you, thanks for that summer.

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A Political Conversation

Posted on July 26, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day      “When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.”       –Will Rogers

As closely as I can recount it, here is a lunch time conversation I was involved in this week.  Enjoy.

Person1–What was that sound?–My God I thought the building was coming down.  I was fixin to run.

Person2–I think it was a car in the parking garage next door.

P1–Liked to a scared me to death.  You know, with all these disasters and everything.  My Sunday School class was just talking about all these disasters and how we’re going to elect Osama Bin Laden and I’m gettin myself ready.  Don’t you believe these disasters have the hand of God in them?  I do, the end times are goin to be here soon.

Person 3–I know.

TB–Blank Stare

P1–Osama Bin Laden scares the Hell outta me.  You know he don’t put his hand on his heart and salute the flag.

P3–I know.

P1–You can’t tell me he ain’t gonna try to let them Muslims take over.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he ain’t got horns stickin outta his head. (TB note–I think the horns part was only half serious)

P3–I’m afraid of that too.

TB–Blank Stare

P1–What do you think (addressing P2)

P2–Well, I think we have two real choices for President this time.  I think Obama is a good, principled man, but I don’t agree with them.  I think McCain is a real honorable man so I’m gonna vote for him.

TB–<Raises eyebrows, takes a bite of burger>

P1–Well, I think Osama bin Laden’s gonna bring this country down.

P3–I can’t stand them boom boxes them people are always blaring in my neighborhood.

TB–Blank Stare

P1–You ain’t sayin much.  What do you think? (to TB)

TB–I’m votin for Obama.  <returns to hamburger>

P1–Blank stare

Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Expatriatism

Posted on July 25, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: 

 Captain Renault: What in heaven’s name brought you to Casablanca? 

 Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. 

 Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We’re in the desert. 

 Rick: I was misinformed. 

I’ve always admired the crusty old characters of stage and song who for one reason or another had to pull up stakes and strike off alone on the open road (trail, seas, etc) to parts unknown.  I’ve always admired folks with the nerve and the courage to self exile.  You can see from my class reunion post how the people who took life paths far from Mississippi were the most interesting to me.  For myself, when it came time to break out, I could only make it a couple hundred miles; though to be certain, whatever or whoever led me to make that move was acting in my best interest.  But Expatbaen I am not. I wish I had gone when I was young to see the world by living in strange corners of it.  Instead, as a very fulfilling half-measure, I travel as much as I can to the most interesting places I can. Still, I love the idea of the expatriate, sitting at a bar in some South American coastal village, thinking of leaving his most recent senorita to chase down new rumors of a gold strike in the hills. Or something to that effect. The old cuss looks in my mind’s eye part TB, part a young Sam Elliott, in case you were wondering.

My fictional expat hero is one of those guys that knows everything a man without responsibilities ought to know. He can cook up a mean stew, fix his old truck and find the fish whenever he wants.  He can hold his liquor better than anyone.  He sees all the angles, though he never takes advantage of them. He’s a only a little bit homesick. He listens more than he talks. He knows the priest and the gangster, and they both leave him alone. He knows when its going to rain. 

Truth is, TB was only a couple of years away from taking off and living the wandering life at one time, though possessing none of the skills I’ve described as necessary for such a life.  Fortunately, it seems fate took a different turn.  TB’s got a good place in the world, stakes firmly planted, and loves it.  But sometimes, its still fun to do a little travellin in the mind.

Bonus Quote of the Day          

Captain Renault: I’ve often speculated why you don’t return to America. Did you abscond with the church funds? Run off with a senator’s wife? I like to think you killed a man. It’s the Romantic in me.
Rick: It was a combination of all three.

Posted in Life, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Great Advances of Mankind Since 1970 (the lesser list)

Posted on July 23, 2008 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day      “Whatever one man is capable of conceiving, other men will be able to achieve.”      –Jules Verne

TB was inspired today to add another entry to the acclaimed “lesser list” series.  I was standing in line at Kroger congratulating myself for the sage decision to follow a cart with only a half dozen or so items.  I did not, however, take note of the cart’s user, a kindly looking lady of approximately 117 years, until after I unloaded my groceries.  Yep.  A check writer.  And there is only one kind of grocery store check writer left–the kind that waits until everything is rung up and bagged to even begin fishing in their satchel to find the check book.  She found the book and began to write.  Then she stopped, looking confused.  After about a three second delay–it seemed like five minutes–the appropriate neurons fired and she asked for today’s date.  She then finished up in pretty good order with the check writing and proceeded to the stage where she entered the transaction in her register and adjusted her balance, before exiting the line with her goods. I then watched the three people I was racing through other lines walk smugly from the store along with some latecomers to their lanes I’d not even taken note of.  

It’s one of those little defeats in life’s daily game that can really drive you nuts.  But TB happened to be in good spirits today, and also believes the elderly deserve some consideration for their ancient customs, so rather than wallow in the defeat I simply swiped my card, passed her on the way out the door and accepted the incident as a reminder of mankind’s continual advancement.  Today I present you with a partial, lesser list of the advances that truly have made life better for all of us since the year of my birth.

  1. Pay at the Pump–no chance of getting behind a check writer here or even worse, an uncertain cigarette buyer.  This alone has probably saved TB from hundreds of miniature meltdowns.
  2. The Mexican Underground Railroad–there was a time when the arrival of Taco Sombrero caused great excitement in my twelve year old world.  Now, thanks to the need to transport immigrants around the country while teaching them a skill, a bit of language and to pay them six bucks a day to send back to Guadelajara, TB and you can enjoy all the chips and cheap chimichangas we can stand. Viva Mexican joints!
  3. Red Light Sensors–these aren’t in use everywhere and they aren’t perfect, but they often give us that extra five seconds a day without which we’d truly suffer.
  4. ESPN–more college football now airs on Fall Saturdays than used to in a whole season, and even my Bulldogs are on the tube more often than not.  
  5. The upgrade from no chicken nuggets to McDonald’s chicken nuggets to Chick-Fi-Let’s.
  6. Throw away contact lenses.  TB doesn’t like the idea of someone shooting lasers in his eyes so he can do away with specs, and hates wearing them all the time, but is also too imprecise and lazy to take care of old fashioned contact lenses.  Throw-aways have changed my world.  I can now buy cheap shades at the 7-11. 
  7. Satellite Radio–I love my cross country, channel 12 on XM.  My other numbers are 44, 54, 46, 49, 144, 150, 151, and 167.  Can’t wait for the next generation–a la carte pricing.
  8. XBox 360 Football–I posted awhile back about the old x’s vs o’s Atari 2600 game.  We’ve come a long way baby.
  9. Automatically Flushing Toilets–No longer must we execute the old kick flush, so fraught with danger, in public restrooms.
  10. Self Serve Movie Popcorn Butter–Evenly distributed top to bottom coating is still difficult, but no longer unattainable.  
Ahhhh, progress.
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New Link–Gerry Spence

Posted on July 22, 2008 by travellinbaen

I just found out Gerry Spence started a blog.  I linked it to your right because I need more links to make my site cooler.  Also because I’m intrigued by the opportunity to look inside the mind of greatness.

Posted in People | Tagged | 1 Comment