REBRANDING! It’s the Latest Party Craze

Posted on May 14, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”     –George Orwell

The Michael Steele helmed GOP is a blank stare creating machine. Politico reported yesterday (May 13, 2009) that at the next meeting–check that, the upcoming EXTRAORDINARY SPECIAL SESSION– of the Republican National Committee, a resolution rebranding the Democratic Party as the “Democrat Socialist Party” will be approved. TB thinks this is just a, um, grand idea. Of course it has the word “socialist” in it which is bad, except in areas socialism is supported by Republican legislators like in farm subsidies and highway building and postal service and even social security and medicare. But never mind that. What’s even better is that it rolls off the tongue so smoothly. The “Democratic Socialist Party” would sound far too, um, democratic. People like that. I guarantee you some RNC member’s sister or uncle or dog owns the public relations firm/ad agency that got paid a million bucks to come up with dropping the “ic” to make it sound worse. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I have no quarrel with the rebranding game personally. After all the RNC has to do something to deflect attention from the growing sentiment that their party should be renamed the PON–Party of No. Or, worse yet. the Party of “who got us in this mess in the first place.” Plus, rebranding sounds like fun. It’s kind of like that Seinfeld episode where George wanted to be called “T-bone” but instead got nicknamed “Coco.” Because he looked like Coco the monkey. A grand old party game indeed. I want to play.

First, as a Mississippi State Bulldog, I am entitled to rebrand Ole Miss. Our new coach has already christened them “The School Up North.” I like that–it has accurate geographical information and delicious irony. I think his choice of the word “school” was a mistake though. People respect schools for the most part. I am going to slightly rebrand Coach Mullen’s rebranding and resolve that Ole Miss should now be called “the Terrorism Training Camp Up North.” Yeah, that’s the ticket. And instead of “Rebels”, I hereby rebrand them “militants.” (Oooooh, this reads good.)

Who’s next? How about “Country music.” From now on the fluff coming out of establishment Nashville will be known as “Twangy Pop.”  Presbyterians will now be “those sinners who get out five minutes before us and clog up the line at McAllister’s.” Auto mechanics are “muggers.” The casualty insurance industry is now the “Screw You Cabal.” Fox News will be referred to as “Carrie Prejean’s Next Employer.” The Drudge Report will be called…..actually, I’m pretty satisfied with that name.

Finally, TB’s blog and email political nemesis Mad Dawg is due for rebranding. It is troubling to me that many people might see his name and mistakenly believe he is just another typical christian, scholarly Bulldog fan when in fact he is not. And the fine spirit from which he takes his name conjures fond memories of youth. Neither of these angles suit me. So he is officially, for the duration of this post rebranded as “Rebel Yell.” It’s a whisky of damn dubious lineage, the “yell” properly captures the tone of his debating style, and Rebel harkens back to his fanship of the promising football team now known as “The Terrorism Training Camp Up North fightin Militants.” 

I love this game.

Posted in current events, Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

Can I (Hurl) Right Now?

Posted on May 12, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “The media’s the most powerful entity on Earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.”     Malcolm X

TB’s been cogitatin on what passes for “the news” for a few days. Everywhere I go online I see another story about California anti-gay marriage beauty queen Carrie Prejean or President Obama and how he dresses his hamburger. Every time I turn on the television I get a face full of Dick Cheney or Elizabeth Edwards. The radio can’t stop talking about Wanda Sykes and whether her Limbaugh joke went too far. Last week it was Bristol Palin and Joe the Plumber. I finally decided I should address all of these important issues confronting America after receiving an email from blog contributor MD with video of MSNBC pundit David Shuster asking if he could “vomit right now” in light of the news Ms. Prejean would not be fired as Miss California USA.

Where do I start? THIS story makes Shuster want to vomit. THIS story? Not government sanctioned torture and murder. Not government’s insistence on letting Goldman Sachs control the economy. Not 8.9% unemployment and rising. Not the national debt. Not endless wars. Not genocide in Africa. Not tent cities in Michigan and California. Not…ok, you get the picture. It’s a beauty pageant job for chrissakes! And not even the big one. Miss USA is only the minor leagues of the beauty pageant biz. And for that matter, she LOST the Miss USA pageant. Personally, I disagree with her position on gay marriage. I think it smacks of hypocrisy to pose nude, lie about it multiple times and then claim you take a political position because of your high moral standards. But then again, she’s already been punished by losing the pageant. So she supports/disagrees with one network or another’s position on gay marriage. Is her opinion really that freakin important? Let her go. Let her live her life. Let me know when her Playboy spread comes out.

This is reminiscent of Joe the Plumber’s rise to celebrity. The jackass is still in the news thanks to his decision to “leave” the Republican Party. I’m sure the whole party apparatus is going to crumble now (blank stare). Is this really something for liberals to celebrate? Meaningless. Get his ass crack off my tv and into a country music video stat. And while we’re at it, can we leave Bristol Palin the hell alone? Yes, she’s an unwed teenage mother. That does not make her anybody’s enemy. Just because Bill O’Reilly hates unwed teenage mothers doesn’t mean this one needs to be shoved in his face in a futile attempt to make a point. This kid has enough problems without becoming a poster child for any political viewpoint.

Ohhhhh, but the righties need to take a look in the mirror before they start crying over these stories. Obama uses Dijon mustard. Apparently Hannity thinks dissemination of this factoid is going to lead to a grass roots movement that can save the GOP. Maybe they should have a cocktail party to protest. And somebody found all of this threatening enough to write a defense of Obama’s burger preferences by pointing out that American corporation Kraft makes dijon mustard. Criminy. 

And all of a sudden Rush Limbaugh needs to be protected from the rapier wit of Wanda Sykes. Her comments were horrid. She might as well have wished him dead. What an awful thing to do to Rush who strives day in and day out to bridge the gaps between left and right, who has never said anything idiotic or hateful or cruel (blank stare). I’d insert an example of Rush’s idiocy, hate and cruelty here but it’s hard to choose only one out of the thousands available in a 60 second internet search. If you’re upset about what she said, you are entirely justified. As long as you take the same position when Limbaugh ejects his venom.

Dick Cheney and Elizabeth Edwards? Please. Please. Make it stop.

Posted in current events, People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Things Learned From Mom (the lesser list)

Posted on May 11, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”     –Rudyard Kipling

A day late, but Mom’s don’t hold that sort of thing against you:

  1. Brag about your kids to your friends, in careful moderation. Brag about your friends’ kids freely.
  2. That giving someone the last word in no way, shape or form suggests you agree with them.
  3. Never criticize some other Mom’s kid at a ballgame.
  4. Ice cream is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (I learned on my own there are other things to be ingested that also serve as proof of this love.)
  5. Just because most of the neighbors leave all their furniture at the street after a hurricane surges into their home doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hang on to the pieces you love and spend the next six months stripping and sanding and finishing them back in to shape.
  6. Don’t get mad often or easily. But when you do, do something about it.
  7. How to make some dang good tacos that are a little different than usual and how to make crackers and peanut butter and marshmallows toasted in the oven (but not how to give those crackers a catchy name).
  8. When you are full, stop eating. You don’t have to clean your plate if its gonna hurt. Just get less next time.
  9. If someone doesn’t like the way you read a map, tell them to pull over and read it themselves.
  10. Life is possible without the internet. However, usage of a rotary phone without caller ID and call waiting must at some point give way to a push button phone with not only caller ID and call waiting, but unlimited long distance. How else are you keep all your friends up to date on the greatness of your kids and grandkids?

And since I spent so much time at Mamoo’s growing up, a few (lesser) things learned from her:

  • No throwing balls at (testicles).
  • Don’t ever tell a bunch of punk kids they can say anything except for a few specified words.
  • Never leave tomorrow’s pot pie in the refrigerator if your twenty year old son is at Hula’s.
  • Certain antique buffets are worth preserving and even moving, no matter the permanent physical and emotional damage inflicted upon your sons’ ARB’s.
  • English pea casserole–a lot better than it sounds.
  • Doilies are not acceptable indoor substitutes for whiffle balls.
Posted in Life, People | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

Spotlight on the Commenters–Smiley’s Story, and A Conversation From 1990

Posted on May 8, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.”     –Jonathon Swift

TB gets a lot of pleasure from reading the commentary that appears below my posts. About a week ago I put out a plea for reminders of old ARB stories that need to be recorded in letters in addition to the oral tradition. That post by the way will remain open and when an ARB thinks of another to add, don’t hesitate just because we’ve moved on to something new. 

I’ve also been thinking of a way to show appreciation for your participation and being that the TB balance sheet is in a state of equilibrium (a nice way of saying zero) I thought I’d institute a “Comment of the Week” feature rather than doling out some major award that would throw my ledger out of balance. Just don’t necessarily expect to see it every week. But this week, the award goes to Smily for his reminder of a funny but embarrassing episode from our college days. Smily takes pride in telling the story linked here (14th comment) because it is one of the only times in his half decade of college attendance that he was (relatively) sober, trying to impress a high school aged girlfriend that day with his college maturity and sophistication. Still, its all true as he relates, and pretty funny to boot. Lest anyone who doesn’t know Smily get the wrong idea about his role in our college runnin days, I submit for your enjoyment the text of a conversation we had one night circa 1990.

First, a little background. In those days Smily and TB along with Greekson were in school at Mississippi State. None of us had joined frats so there was only one option for weekend activities (defined as Wed night through Sunday afternoon) for underage punks and that was to drink in our dorms/apartments until time to go to The Landing twenty miles away to shoot pool, then up to Doug’s another mile back toward campus for late night bands and girl chasin. Most people didn’t go out until Doug’s got crankin, typically around 10:30. However, by that time you had to pay a cover charge, probably three to five bucks, or in terms we could better understand at the time, more than a six pack. Once inside, beers were another buck and a half. High cotton indeed. None of us had much in the way of spending money and when it came to booze we were quite protective of our purchases. Often we would pool our money but with the clear understanding that we each would get beers or drinks in direct proportion to how much we contributed and not a sip more. It’s not that we were stingy; it was just the law of the jungle.

But there was a way around spending too much money, especially on Thursdays. From 7:00 to 8:00 pm Doug’s had no cover and nickel beer. Now, this beer was god-awful lukewarm Beast lite, but then again, it was a nickel. Alone that probably wouldn’t have attracted us but what sealed the deal was we could get a stamp at 8 allowing us back in for the rest of the night so we could avoid the cover charge. We would leave Doug’s after getting stamped and drive over to the Landing which never charged cover. Still, they did want that buck and a half for beer and nobody really got there until around 9. So we’d sit in the car shooting the breeze and listening to classic rock and drinking our Miller Lite from Sack and Save (3 bucks per 6). Finally in to The Landing, then over to Doug’s later on and occasionally all the way to Crawford to Mack’s Supper Club (“we open up when everybody else shuts down”–but a story for another day.)

One night for some reason we were drinking 7&7’s instead of beer and were parked at Doug’s instead of The Landing diggin on tunes and arguin about anything. I liked to sit in the back seat and be in charge of the drinks and on this night I was doing the mixing and serving from my usual place. Greekson always drove and Smily had shotgun. That fact isn’t pertinent to this story but it was an extremely important accord we’d reached in those days so I include it to give a more complete sense of that time and place. Anyway, I fixed myself a drink, then one for Greekson and Smily and passed them forward. We’d already had a few drinks, but weren’t overserved so what follows cannot be excused by drunkenness. It’s just Smily bein Smily.

Greekson–Hey man, hurry up with that drink. I ain’t got all night to sit here being sober.

TB–Don’t make me kick your ass again Greekson. Here, enjoy. Here’s yours too Smily.

Smily–Why do I get the smallest cup?

TB–Because I always use this one-it’s my lucky cup and Greekson already drank out of his.

Smily–That’s BS, you gave me the smallest cup on purpose.

TB–What difference does it make?

Smily–MY DRINK IS WEAKER ASSHOLE!

TB–What?

Smily–Y’all are gonna get more liquor.

TB–How so? I’ll just pour you another drink sooner than I will for us.

Smily–Y’all are gonna get more. My drink isn’t as strong as yours.

Greekson–(staring incredulously)

TB–Say that again.

Smily–Y’ALL’S DRINKS ARE STRONGER!

TB–SMILY YOU’RE A DAMN IDIOT! THE SIZE OF THE CUP MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IN THE STRENGTH OF THE DRINK! (the music was turned up really loud)

Smily–Greekson, tell him what I’m talkin about.

Greekson–I have no idea what you’re talkin about.

Smily–Y’all are tryin to screw me.

TB–Listen, the strength of the drink has nothing to do with the size of the cup. It’s all about the proportion of 7 up to liquor. I made everybody’s half and half. As soon as you finish yours I’ll make you another one.

Smily–Right. But mine will be weaker.

TB–Greekson, can you help me out here.

Greekson–(launches in to a scientist’s explanation of the principle of size vs strength, Smily and TB’s eyes glazing over, and ending with) So just shut up for once and drink!

Smily–Don’t make me kick your ass again Greekson.

Greekson–(muttering to self)

TB–Dude, you’re not really serious about this one are you?

Smily–Y’all are screwin me.

TB–Well, you’re stuck with that cup and I’m never gonna let you live this down. I swear to God you can argue with a brick wall.

Smily–Fine

<ten seconds of silence, except for AC/DC>

Smily–Since when is that your lucky cup????

Posted in Humor, People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

The Quiet Coup

Posted on May 7, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:      “Behind the ostensible government lies an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people.”     –Teddy Roosevelt

If you are interested in the state of our economy and how we are to fix it you owe it to yourself to read “The Quiet Coup” written by Simon Johnson, one of the men charged with rescuing the economies of other nations in the past decade as chief economist of the International Monetary Fund and now a professor at MIT. The article was published by “the Atlantic” and is linked here (link).

Or you can rely on my synopsis. First, as always, I wanted to know “the Atlantic’s” bias. I assumed it was a liberal magazine and it may well be. I’ve never read anything else from it. But according to my research-i-pedia the publisher is a self described “open minded neo-con.” If neo-con he is, he proved himself open minded by putting this important work by an economist experienced in the area of saving national economies into the public domain. Speaking of the economist, I have already told you his previous job title. In connection with his work for the IMF, he speaks of working with Russia, Ukraine, South Korea and Indonesia among others. He was called upon by these nations to implement procedures to save their banking systems and thus their economies at large. In the first paragraph he captures my attention by describing the IMF and himself as the last entity/person a country will turn to when there is no other recourse because they know he give them the good advice that they do not want to hear. It’s much like what lawyers do on a smaller scale each day with our own clients.

Johnson is very clear about which political party deserves the blame for the economic crisis we are in–both of them. As one reads the article, it is easy to pick out phrases or sentences that will appeal to one side of the typical political debate in America. For the right winger looking to justify his outlook there is “Almost always, countries in crisis need to learn to live within their means after a period of excess.” Classic conservative theory there–spend less than you take in. Don’t overextend. The lefty may latch onto “these countries are in a desperate economic situation for one simple reason—the powerful elites within them overreached in good times and took too many risks.” TB’s disdain for and blame laid on the powerful elites is well documented and I can tell you after reading the article the first time this is the sentence that stood out most. But when you get past pithy arguments and examine facts you are forced to accept that conservative politicians do spend more than they take in and do not live within their means and at the same time liberal politicians are corrupted by the powerful elites in the same way conservatives are. Without rewriting the article, suffice it to say that Johnson posits a compelling case that President Obama’s economic team is from the same corporate lineage, subject to the same influence and making the same mistakes that President Bush’s team did. Put another way, they are all either bought off by or under the control of the financial industry. These modern day robber barons are at the root of every visible dying tree that we regular folks like to point to as the “real” cause of the crisis. Here’s an excerpt that I found telling:

Top investment bankers and government officials like to lay the blame for the current crisis on the lowering of U.S. interest rates after the dotcom bust or, even better—in a “buck stops somewhere else” sort of way—on the flow of savings out of China. Some on the right like to complain about Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac, or even about longer-standing efforts to promote broader homeownership. And, of course, it is axiomatic to everyone that the regulators responsible for “safety and soundness” were fast asleep at the wheel.

But these various policies—lightweight regulation, cheap money, the unwritten Chinese-American economic alliance, the promotion of homeownership—had something in common. Even though some are traditionally associated with Democrats and some with Republicans, they all benefited the financial sector.

And one more excerpt:

From 1973 to 1985, the financial sector never earned more than 16 percent of domestic corporate profits. In 1986, that figure reached 19 percent. In the 1990s, it oscillated between 21 percent and 30 percent, higher than it had ever been in the postwar period. This decade, it reached 41 percent. Pay rose just as dramatically. From 1948 to 1982, average compensation in the financial sector ranged between 99 percent and 108 percent of the average for all domestic private industries. From 1983, it shot upward, reaching 181 percent in 2007.

When the word “overreaching” is used, it can lose its meaning without context. That second excerpt is the context in which the accusation of Wall Street’s “overreaching” can be understood. The article contends that above all else our economy has been left in the hands of an ultra-powerful oligarchy who have no agenda save their own enrichment, and that their actions, whether done under the auspices of Democratic or Republican initiatives are the cause of our current predicament.

In his conclusion, Johnson browbeats the Obama administration for lacking the political courage to do what is necessary to end the current crisis and open the way for true recovery in the future. Republicans will enjoy this part. But what he says must be done will turn that pleasure on its head–nationalize the banks, a truly left wing idea. Only temporarily though. Once the lending markets recover the banks should be sold back to private entities and then the final step must be taken. There must be no more institution that is too big to fail. They have to be broken up. If genius is defined as the measure of how much someone agrees with you, then I can confer that status on Johnson for his description of this: “The Obama administration’s fiscal stimulus evokes FDR, but what we need to imitate here is Teddy Roosevelt’s trust-busting.” Eric Cantor, Haley, Jeb? Are you listening? Barack, Joe, Geithner? Dare we hope?

If I’ve done a poor job inspiring you to read this on your own, let me add that the alternatives to breaking the oligarchy, according to Johnson are more than a little frightening. If you think the state of things is just a slightly increased, but normal downturn, the article argues forcefully that you are wrong and that the worst may be yet to come. Is it right? I can’t answer that. But going back to my day job and the way I think in it, if I were trying a case where the issue of what is to become of our economy was before a jury, the first thing I would do would be to hire the most knowledgeable and experienced expert I could find and get his opinions. This Johnson guy looks like one of the experts I’d be likely to call.

Posted in current events, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Questions That Keep Me Up at Night (the lesser list)

Posted on May 5, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “The Answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe and Everything…Is…Forty-two.”     –Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

The mind of TB is seldom at rest. This doesn’t mean it is necessarily doing great things mind you. It just wanders around, pokes its nose into places it doesn’t belong and generally makes an amusing and harmless nuisance of itself until it is given a specific task on which to grind its gradually rusting gears. Sometimes when the old noggin can’t find anywhere to wander off to and when there is no special job at hand, it just picks a song out of its infinite collection of tunes we’ve been exposed to over the years and begins blaring it into my consciousness in a continuous, sanity threatening loop. Almost never does the brain pick what I like to call “good tunes.” Nah, we’re talking grammar school classics like “Goodbye, Old Paint” and “My Darlin Clemintine.” Or Disco standards like “Stayin Alive” or “Ring My Bell”–that second one is my little sister’s fault dating back to the record player years. Or “So-long and Thanks for All the Fish” from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Or songs from The Baptist Hymnal–not the good ones either, like “How Great Thou Art” or “Victory in Jesus”, but simple ones more suited for looping like “Jesus Loves the Little Children.” I don’t know why my brain does this to me. I’d like an answer to that question.

And if Jesus does love the little children, red, yellow, black and white, why did he put all these Indians over here in the western hemisphere while Jesus stayed in the Middle East and there was no internet to spread the news about him? Did the little red children for 10,000 years have another way to heaven or are they screwed? As God is all-knowing and all-encompassing I’m sure he foresaw this problem and addressed it, but how?

And did the rule makers in baseball way back in the good ol days foresee the need for the infield fly rule before they started playing games or was some evil genius out there letting pop-ups drop and then turning double plays on runners who stayed close to their bag on the easy out?

And after the atomic bomb was dropped it is easy to imagine the personal, internal moral questions faced by the inventors of such a powerful force, but was the first maker of alarm clocks likewise afflicted by the knowledge of the pain he was inflicting upon the world? I think he should have been.

And, as strong in the Force as were Yoda and Obi-wan, why didn’t they have enough common sense to gang up on Vader and the Emperor instead of trying to go one on one with them? And after they failed, they still could’ve tag teamed the Sith Lords but instead decided the better way to conquer the Emperor was to wait eighteen years for a farm boy to come of age?

And how do lords of cults like the Branch Davidians and Heavens Gate and Peoples Temple get their ideas? Do they just wake up one morning and say “I’ve been putting this off long enough. Time to go get me some crazy-ass followers.”?

And what ever happened to Living Colour? And what was up with that extra vowel? Were they Brits? And why can’t I think of the name of that song I can’t get out of my head today?

Posted in Humor, Life, Philosobaen | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Travellinbaen Named Top Candidate for Obama’s First Supreme Court Nomination

Posted on May 3, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     —“The world is always ready to receive talent with open arms. Very often it does not know what to do with genius.”      –Oliver Wendell Holmes

According to a source who must remain anonymous, we’ll call him anono-baen, TB has emerged as a finalist for the Supreme Court position being vacated by Justice Souter. The following interview, an idea semi-stolen inspired by a recent Daily Wit post, was conducted over the weekend at TB’s home in Ridgeland, MS. If at some point the conversation seems to lose its focus please be aware that while both asking and answering the questions, TB was concurrently trying to keep up with Leatherheads the latest uh, developments in the legal world, studious and dextrous, as usual.

Bloggin-baen–So TB, this might be a little awkward, but hey, its a big scoop so I can work with you if you can work with me.

Nominee-baen–Well, self, workin with me isn’t so bad, but sometimes I do find it hard to live with myself.

BB–Let’s get to the important questions. You’ve put the word out The word is out that you are a good bet to be President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court opening. Can you confirm or deny this rumor?

NB–Let me put it this way. If the rumors are true, it would showcase the judgment, character and political acumen of the President and his staff. In spite of that, I would be an excellent Justice.

BB–Even though a Justice’s position on abortion is one of the least important indicators, make that a completely irrelevant indicator, of a candidate’s potential as a jurist, we have seen through the years that to many it is a litmus test. Can you pass such a test?

NB–I have always been a good test taker. Except in law school. But I can never remember if the litmus turns red or blue. Besides, I’m color blind, which parenthetically is a condition that can serve you well in charming the ladies. This one time…

BB–Excuse me–Why don’t you just tell us how you feel about abortion?

NB–(chuckling heartily) Hahahahahahahaha

BB–You do realize that might be offensive to some?

NB–Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. Clooney just got punched out by that guy from The Office. I never saw that coming.

BB–You never saw that coming yet you think you are qualified to sit on the highest court in the land?

NB–(blank stare) <you knew that was coming>

BB–Let’s move on. How would you describe your judicial temperament?

NB and BB together–98.6 degrees.  High Five!

BB–Well, I’m satisfied. And I think it should be clear to anyone reading the transcript of our conversation that you are a natural for handling the kind of inanity back and forth necessary for surviving the judicial committee hearings. But the issue of filibuster is ever present. We can assume the Democrats will largely support anyone President Obama nominates. Arlen Specter for instance has already talked about how if he was willing to support Clarence Thomas that should show everyone how little he gives a damn who sits on the Court after all. But how about the Republicans? You’ve gone on record with some pretty harsh criticism of them over the last year.

NB–It only takes one, baby. Or I could send over male prostitutes pages to all their offices. The results of that should yield at least ten votes in exchange for my legendary, um, discretion.

BB–That’s pretty low NB. And I must say, out of character for you.

NB–Dude, its a life time job. And think of the money I’ll save on work clothes.

BB–Good point. Do what you gotta do, man. It sounds like you’ve got all the bases covered. Is there anything that could possibly derail your nomination.

NB–Yes, one thing. If it got out I think it could really damage my credibility.

BB–(leaning in, hushed tone) It’s just between you and me.

NB–Sometimes I talk to myself.

BB–Aw, hell, I do that too. You’re a shoo-in.

Bonus Quote of the Day:     –“The world’s great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.”     –Oliver Wendell Holmes

Posted in current events, Humor, Law | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Collective Memory of the ARB’s

Posted on April 29, 2009 by travellinbaen

No post tonight other than this. I’ve been on a politics bender lately and need to get some inspiration on a different track. I promised a forum for this a few days back, and here it is. Without crossing “the line”, I need your help in suggesting stories that ought to be put down in writing for posterity and collective commentary. So far all I recall is the Scoop walking home story request. I’m gonna need some help with the details, but that one is a bona fide classic. Somebody get Scoop on the blog to help with this. I think the Larry and Smily after the Egg Bowl is another classic, but I’m not sure I can put that down in narrative form–might just have to be “a conversation post.”

Alright, don’t let me down.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 18 Comments

Travellinbaen’s Political Consulting Service, Bipartisan Edition

Posted on April 28, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:     “The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”     –Mark Twain

TB’s been thinking about the state of politics in America lately, and trying to set aside my ingrained bias against the Republican Party to consider objectively what they can do to resurrect their fortunes. Today’s party shift by Senator Specter in particular got me thinking about what has become of the party that only six years ago was generally believed to be in the midst of an extended, if not permanent period of majority. My task as an uninvited, uncompensated and unsympathetic consultant is not to re-hash what led the GOP to this point, but to offer a blueprint for how they might regain relevance on the national scene. 

I start with the premise that current Republican leadership has revealed only one plan so far. That is to simplify their message, reinforce their traditional conservative tenets of fiscal responsibility and strong national security, and remain confident that the Democrats are screwing things up so badly that if they do nothing they will be perfectly placed to regain power in 2012. That may well happen, but (a) it may not and (b) it may not be as bad as what the Bush era is currently considered. It is natural that Republicans would favor this plan because it is essentially what Democrats did to take over in the first place. I don’t think the circumstances are similar enough between now and 2000 for that plan to succeed however, and so I offer an alternative that involves putting the “Old” back in GOP–a return to their roots.

Before determining where they should go, Republicans need to take a step back and see how the world has changed since 1980. First, there are a few issues that Republicans like to focus on that they have already won. Tax rates for the wealthy are not 70% or even 50% any more and have not been for longer than half the electorate can even recall, and are unlikely to ever return anywhere near those levels. The second amendment is safe. Really, it is. Probably a third or more Democrats in Congress are unelectable if they turn against the NRA. And finally, the whole country is now “pro-military” save for a few far left enclaves. There will be no drastic cuts to the military the way there were in the 1970’s. After these big generational victories, comes the stalemate issue–abortion. Neither the pro-choicers nor the pro-lifers are going to get the result they want so this battle has been reduced to small scale changes depending on who’s in charge at any given time. The changes do not justify the resources nor the political capital invested to fight for or against. Finally, the GOP needs to realize that they have lost the fight on what used to be called “family values”  but now is called “gay marriage.” There are still many battles left over gay marriage, but the same way I can tell you by late in the first quarter each year that Mississippi State is going to lose to LSU I can tell you this issue is lost. The other major lost issues for the right are keeping the status quo on health care and energy/climate change policy. Most people want health care and big business can’t compete internationally without it. And most people think global warming is a threat while virtually all Americans want to gain energy independence from the Arabs.

With all of the above in mind, here’s my advice to the plank writers of the Republican platform:

  1. Take a few pages out of the Democratic plan. The Democrats engage in internecine warfare on a regular basis and it often weakens them on certain issues. However they seldom spend more than a few days beating wayward Dems or even Blue Dogs over the head, and they are strengthened in the long run. They have a bigger tent. They may resent their conservative leaning brethren, but they don’t crucify them the way the Republicans do their dwindling number of left leaning members. Republicans need a few yankees, even if they have little in common with the southern base of the party. And they need to put California or New York back in play in presidential politics if for no other reason than to cost the Democrats a little money in exchange for all those electoral votes.
  2. Collect their winnings on the issues on which Republicans have traditionally excelled. Drop guns down a few notches in importance. Re-focus on national security by advocating smart spending on new technology and a smaller, more mobile and efficient force. Highlight programs that need to be canned and others that are underfunded. Push for the establishment of a commission similar to the one that closed bases all over the country in the 1990’s to lead this effort. Try to make defense spending have a greater positive impact on domestic stimulus. And establish a civilian jobs division under the control of the Army. One of the undeniable modern uses of military force is to stabilize and rebuild conquered states, what used to be called “nation building”. One of the lessons of Iraq is that it cost too much to pay Halliburton to do all the building, cooking, public relations, teaching, and whatever other non-fighting tasks were necessary. Use the pool of Americans who want to serve their country or even those that just want military benefits but don’t want to carry a gun. It will make the military more cost effective and during times of peace this civilian force can be deployed in areas of need in the US or abroad. And though part of what I’m describing involves fiscal discipline, take that a step further and drastically limit earmarks from your membership. Set a cap, like the salary cap in the NFL, per Representative or Senator. Do this and either the Democrats follow suit and the whole country benefits or they don’t and you have a great issue for the next election cycle.
  3. Take their lumps. The religious right ain’t goin nowhere. It’s time to embrace civil unions for gays if not marriage outright. In fact, if enough states hurry up and pass civil union legislation it might be enough to stop the gay marriage momentum. And figure out a way to support universal health care. Maybe let the government pay for new medical educations or pay off student loans of doctors in exchange for a set number of pro bono days in service of the poor. Maybe push for dollar for dollar tax credits for all medical expenses for everyone making less than $250,000 a year. Maybe shorten the amount of time a drug company or medical device manufacturer can hold a patent. Hell I can’t do it all for them, but all of these ideas at least in some way are consistent with traditional conservative values and I’m sure the think tanks could come up with some more. On global warming, just ignore it and focus instead on alternative energy business stimulation. Business support is where Republicans are best. Help people and companies make money in wind and solar and be amazed at the way the climate issues will resolve on their own.
  4. Finally, get out front on a couple of things. Neither party wants to really address immigration, for different reasons. The left is afraid of alienating minorities and the right doesn’t want to deprive business of the benefits of cheap labor. It will hurt, but this issue is waiting to be won and all it will take is support for enforcement of existing laws and harsh penalties for businesses that exploit this illegal labor supply. Success for corporate America is good, but it must not be seen to come at the expense of citizens and with the help of politicians. Republicans also need to dust off the old Teddy Roosevelt model and update his trustbusting ways to address the problem of overly powerful multi-nationals. They need to drop the mantra that all government is bad and recognize areas where it can be used wisely and with restraint. Bring back the Bull Moose, I say, and save the Gipper for when he’s needed again.

There are plenty of other issues that are important, but my research shows these to be the ones with the most potential to recapture the portion of the electorate turned off by niche wedge issues, religious hypocrisy and profligate spending by both parties. Maybe Republicans are right in their current policy positions. At the very least maybe they won’t change their feelings on the inside. But to regain their lost stature, this is a blueprint, errr redprint for success.

I know that a lot of you who read my blog are either conservative or lean conservative and I’m interested in your thoughts on how the Republicans can regain their strength. I genuinely tried to brainstorm a new course that I thought upheld conservative values while moving them a bit toward the center. My bias is acknowledged from the start, but I endeavored to approach the issue as objectively as possible. 

So let’s hear it. Am I completely off base or on to something? Is it the prevailing view that the Republican Party is handling things well already or do you agree they need a new game plan? Are you at all concerned, as I am, that the GOP is becoming a regional party and entrenching themselves as a solid bloc in opposition to the rest of the country? Or is this just a swing of the pendulum which is reaching its zenith to the left?

Posted in current events, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

TB, REK, Double Decker and the Limelight

Posted on April 27, 2009 by travellinbaen

TB, as has been said before, ain’t no music critic. But I do like Robert Earl Keen and it just so happened he was playing a show at The Lyric in Oxford Friday night, so I went to watch it. The first thing I noticed as I came in the doors–ok, the second thing, after locating the bar–was that the crowd was decent but not large and that the college crowd was small relative to the old timers like me out for a special occasion. I don’t know if REK doesn’t resonate with the gang under 30 any more or if they are clued in to information I don’t have about the quality of his show lately, but I can say he wasn’t up to the standard he set the first time I saw him several years ago in Charleston, S.C.

The show started really slow, really mellow, and though I don’t have any first hand knowledge of the band’s pre-show routine, it appeared to me that Robert Earl was really high. The tunes were introspective and the expression on REK’s face was a perma-grin, like he was onto some joke to which the rest of us weren’t privy. The perma-grin, some might call it a (redacted)-eatin grin stayed the whole show, but fortunately the song list picked up in the second hour and most of the crowd was able to join in the pickin and grinnin and singin, TB included. The second hour of the show the band played classics like “Gringo Honeymoon”, “Feelin Good Again”, and  his signature song, “The Road Goes on Forever.” At an hour and a half the guys took their bow. I knew an encore was coming, but I was pretty disgusted the show was going to be so short. REK came back out solo for the encore and played and told stories for about 15 minutes, and then surprised me by bringing the band back out for what amounted to a shorter second set rather than a typical encore, which was nice. He ended up going well over the two hour period I was hoping for and in spite of the slow start and the nagging feeling that he had mailed in this performance, I had a great time and I’m glad I got to see him again.

Saturday morning was a little rough on me, but after a little caffeine and sugar I was ready to brave the crowds and headed for the Square and the Double Decker Festival. There were several acts we were interested in catching a bit of including Charlie Mars and George McConnell and both these guys along with several other bands I wasn’t familiar with all put on nice shows. The weather was perfect–mid 70’s, bright sunshine and a gentle breeze–right in the sweet spot. The food was good, if overpriced. The crowd was manageable. It was really a great day. On top of all that TB received my first interview request since the origination of the blog. Not that the request had anything to do with the blog, or even me at all. I actually think it was my beautiful daughter that got the attention of the local reporter, but as she’s too young to talk he was left to ask me the questions. At any rate, it was my chance to get some publicity. What follows is a transcript of our conversation. In italics is what we said to one another and what will appear in some form in the local rag. In parentheses is what I would’ve said if I hadn’t completely choked.

Reporter–Hi, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

TB–Sure, go ahead.  (Sure, go ahead.)

Reporter, after getting names and hometowns–So, are you having a good time at the festival?

TB–Absolutely. It’s a beautiful day for it. (Absolutely. It’s a beautiful day for it.”)

Reporter–What brought you up to Oxford?

TB–Ummm, <to self–thinkthinkthink> we like to be outdoors? Like to look around. Oh yeah, food. (Well, you see, I have this blog, http://www.Travellinbaen.com and I thought this would be an interesting event to write about. I really dig Robert Earl Keen, as do many of the readers of Travellinbaen.com and I wanted to check out his show. Also, I’m looking forward to the George McConnell set to see how he’s evolved since his Widespread Panic days.)

Reporter–That’s really great <blank stare>. How did you find out about it?

TB–Ummmmm <to self–don’t screw it up again, thinkthink> we are alumni? My in-laws live here. But they’re out of town this weekend. Well, not both of them. We always come. <to self–Dang> Say, you’ll clean up my quotes a little, right?  (Oh, my office, the Ben White Law Firm–that’s B-E-N etc had some meetings up this way and it made sense to mix a little business with pleasure. That, combined with my Travellinbaen blog work helps me stay abreast of all the major events in the area.”)

Reporter–The quotes are fine. <blank stare> What’s your favorite part of the day?

TB–Ummmm <to self–please let this end soon> outdoors? Weather. FOOD! (For me its the chance to see so many old friends and fans of the blog, Travellinbaen.com, and of course to meet with some of the Ben White Law Firm’s important clientele.)

Reporter–That’s great. Have a nice day.

TB–<calling after reporter, who quickly disappeared into the crowd> WAIT! You’re not going to print that are you? I want to start over, I just thought of some stuff! (You’re doing a great job son. Here’s my card. Have a nice day.)

TB–<to RockStar> That didn’t go so well did it?

RockStar–It wasn’t your finest moment.

Posted in Humor, Mississippi, Music, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments