Do The Wrong Thing

Posted on July 13, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“Sometimes you gotta say “what the f*%#” ” –Tom Cruise as Joel Goodman, Risky Business

TB thinks its important on Sunday mornings to take my little girl to church. I also think its important to travel. So we are often out of town on Sundays and thus free to skip church according to the complexities that constitute my conscience. Because we are so often travellin and allowed to miss church guilt free, when we are home there is a soul squeezing imperative to take the straight and narrow path to the sanctuary. It is what is right for my daughter and undoubtedly a sensible course for myself. But it means we have too few lazy Sunday mornings, shave free, cartoon full, and breakfast, slow. This morning was one designated for our spirituality. As you may have by now guessed, we bailed. Forgive me lord, it felt great.

I think within everyone’s internal code, there is a place for the WTF philosophy summed up so perfectly in Risky Business, so long as it is carefully deployed on matters of great import. For skipping church, getting an extra pizza topping or starting a blog, the occasional “what the f” carries very little down side. However even on these relatively minor issues it shouldn’t be used too freely lest you find yourself sitting constantly at the laptop searching for inspiration, fretting the straining seam in the seat of your pants and learning pagan rituals. But the real danger of having “what the f” as part of your decision making arsenal is when you are contemplating the big decisions. I’ve had two of the biggest decisions of my life come down to the reasoning tiebreaker and be broken by WTF. Law school? WTF. Quit my easy, well paid job and move 200 miles away to start my own outfit? WTF. As I sit here I don’t know if I’m simply blocking out the other times I’ve used it on the momentous or if its only been twice. But as far as I can recall, I’m 2-0 on the big ones. And on the lesser wtf’s? Hard to say, but I’m guessing a success percentage well over 75. You won’t see many motivational speakers advocating WTF, but take it from me, it can work.

In fact, suddenly I’m thinking, why not just stay up all night, maybe improve this essay, maybe finish the cold pizza in the fridge, maybe look up what kind of activities are conducted at the summer solstice, and sleep til noon like the good old days.

Nah, I better get some sleep. I got things to do tomorrow.

Posted in Humor, Life, Philosobaen | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The First Annual Q and Z July Football Extravaganza Post

Posted on July 8, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quotes of the Day:

“uggggggghhhhhh”     —Quail

“Blank Stare” –Zeek

–board/bored comments from sports fans and longtime friends of the blog on July 1, 2009

Did anybody besides TB find last week’s poll results interesting? Discounting the anomaly that no one admitted to getting most of their news from Rush and Fox, I learned mainly that you can please some of the people some of the time but you can’t please all the people all the time. So today is dedicated to pleasing some of the people for one day in the sweltering Mississippi July heat.

Mississippi has more than its share of troubles. But there are a few areas where our state excels and in fact competes at the highest levels. One of those areas is in producing great football players. We had a lot of fun around here last year talking about the best that Pascagoula had to offer. For July, let’s expand the discussion to our all-state all time team.  I’ve got a few nominations, but a bunch of holes too. My personal criteria is to allow players who attended college in Mississippi, even if they came from another state, and to keep the Mississippi prepsters who left the state for college. I look forward to seeing how our squad looks come August and the opening of training camp.

  • QB–Brett Favre (USM)
  • TB–Walter Payton (JSU)
  • RB–Doc Blanchard (St. Stanislaus)
  • WR–Jerry Rice (MVSU)
  • WR–Lance Alworth (Brookhaven)
  • TE–Wesley Walls (OM)
  • OT–Robert Brazille (JSU)
  • OG–Bruiser Kinard (OM)
  • C–Kent Hull (MSU)
  • OG–Gene Hickerson (OM)
  • OT–Jackie Slater (JSU)
  • DE–LC Greenwood (Canton)
  • DL–
  • DL–
  • DE–Ben Williams (OM)
  • LB–DD Lewis (MSU)
  • LB–Hugh Green (Natchez)
  • LB–
  • CB–Lem Barney (JSU)
  • S–
  • S–
  • CB–Willie Brown (Yazoo City)
  • K–Stephen Gostkowski (Madison)
  • P–Ray Guy (USM)
Posted in History, Life, Mississippi, People, poetry, Sports, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 51 Comments

A Conversation in Little Rock

Posted on July 7, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“When people wear shoes that don’t fit them, it says something about their soul. Generally, I think it means they are good people.” –Billy Bob Thornton, probably my favorite Arkansan

After leaving Hot Springs, TB and company cruised fifty miles to the northeast to Little Rock where we spent the 4th of July visiting the Bill Clinton Presidential Library and attending the city’s riverfront Independence Day festivities. Most of the day was unremarkable, which is not to say unenjoyable. I learned a few things at the museum, had an excellent burrito at the River Market and ooohhhed and ahhhhed at the fireworks after dark. However there were two vignettes unrelated to our visit that stood out as worthy of sharing on the blog.

The first was a lovers’ quarrel I couldn’t help noticing. It seems one of the unfortunate lovebirds was the victim of a “holding out” episode from the other. Determined to keep his personal property all to himself, the gentleman fled his lady in a backpedaling fashion, continually brushing her searching hands away from his person. For perhaps twenty yards the two became angrier with one another and their dialogue more regrettable and more audible to standers by. Finally penned against the chain link fence seen in the photo, the young gent appealed to the massed citizens within earshot to “SOMEBODY, PLEASE CALL THE PO-LICE.” At this point I could stand idly by no more. I quickly pulled out my phone in response to his plea. I was shaking, so it was difficult to manipulate the buttons. Fortunately I controlled my laughter and snapped this photo of our heroes. Note the dude’s blank stare in the foreground (you can tell even though you can’t see his face). Also note the sweet wife beater T. Keep an eye out for these two on a future episode of “Cops”……”but don’t arrest he’em aw-ficer…..I luvvvvvvvv himmmmmmm.”

Sad, really

Sad, really

Also worth recording here was the substance of a conversation I overheard involving an old lady and her daughter at the festivities along the river leading up to the fireworks as grand finale scheduled for 9 pm. I judged the lady’s age at approximately 127 years old. Her Mother was probably 227. I should let you know there were preliminary bands and singers that started around 5 pm, and this conversation took place at about 6 pm. Anyway, here’s how it went:

Mamaw–When they gone play the symphony?

Daughter–It don’t start til after we leave.

Mamaw–It ain’t never been so late.

Daughter–Says here they come on last. Then they’s fireworks.

Mamaw–I been comin here for years, they ain’t never been this late.

Daughter–Shame we got to leave before they come on.

Mamaw–(singin to self, I guess) “won’t you come home Bill Bailey, won’t you come home.”

Daughter–I told you we was gone leave before the symphony.

Mamaw–Why’d we even come? I want to see the symphony. I don’t care ’bout these people and their singin.

Daughter–Cuz you said you wanted to see the symphony.

Mamaw–I don’t see why they playin so late. They ain’t never played so late.

Daughter–I could leave you here. But it would cost you to get home.

Mamaw–Fine, I wanna see the symphony.

Daughter–But it says here they don’t start til 8 30.

Mamaw–I don’t know why they wanna start so late this year. (singin again) “I’ll do the cookin darlin, I’ll pay the rent. Won’t you come home Bill Bailey, won’t you come home?”

TB–(finishes making notes on iphone for blog, gets up and leaves seating area to search for star crossed lovers, staring blankly into the night, and humming softly, “won’t you come home Bill Bailey, won’t you come home?”; Later that night I looked up the song. First popularized in 1902.)

Posted in Blank Stares, Humor, Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

TB Goes to Hot Springs

Posted on July 6, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anitidae on our hands.” –Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

As I mentioned last week, TB took a few days off from the blog and elsewhere to go on a holiday road trip to Hot Springs, then Little Rock, Arkansas. While I was on blog hiatus Sarah Palin resigned, Steve McNair died and Michael Jackson wasn’t buried. It was a bad time to be blog free, but a small price to pay for the many benefits a road trip provides.

I’d never been to Hot Springs before last weekend and that’s one of the main reasons we went. There are precious few destinations within five hours of home that are new. I was, of course, familiar with the fact that Hot Springs is home to “bathhouse row”, the ancient spas that long ago located in central Arkansas where the therapeutic waters flowed. I wanted to see these landmarks and the accompanying mountainsides that comprise the Hot Springs National Park. I expected the usual cliched tourist town accoutrements–a fudgery, a wax museum, putt putt and scooter rentals–and I wasn’t disappointed. But I must say these businesses were much less ubiquitous in Hot Springs than they are in many other old school tourist towns.

I was surprised to find out that while there are several modern spas about, only one of the half dozen or so original bath houses is still in operation. One is now a bath house museum, one is an art museum and several are vacant. Roughly a decade ago it seems their condition was even worse–all closed and crumbling–but the federal government stepped in and saved the row by incorporating the old houses into the Hot Springs National Park that had been established even before venerated Yellowstone and is the oldest of all our national parks. I also learned that Hot Springs had much in common with (more familiar to me) Biloxi, Mississippi, in its 20th century experience. It was the home of all that is/was illicit for Arkansans–booze and gambling primarily–and was winked at by the authorities until the mid 1960’s when the slot machines and the proprietors of all that was fun but illegal were shut down and run out of town. Coincident with graft and corruption and partying, the town was a frequent host to Chicago and New York mobsters on holiday from their day jobs. An interesting tidbit of trivia I learned was that Capone et al could freely cavort in town and in the then privately owned bath houses because the mayor was friendly. However they dared not step foot in the mountains where the National Park was located lest the park rangers exercise their right to arrest anyone under a federal warrant. One can imagine the gangsters and the rangers sharing a drink in one of the unofficial saloons in town, laughing about their cat and mouse game like Sam Sheep Dog and (Wile E Coyote relative) Ralph Wolf.

Indulge me a 6 minute interludinal tangent:

Two final words about Hot Springs….there are several stations set up around town where you can collect all the water you want for your personal consumption–hot or cold. If you ever happen to go through there, bring empty jugs. But don’t try to figure out a way to make money selling the freely obtained water–it can’t be done. I spent a Newman-esque amount of time trying to figure out how to undercut locally operated Mountain Valley Spring Water.

And I will always rue the missed opportunity I had Friday afternoon while parking on Central Avenue, the town’s main drag. As I mentioned before, Hot Springs is home to everything you would expect to see in a classic tourist trap. In recent years, one of the mainstays in any destination is a duck tour–those World War II vehicles capable of traveling on land or sea that give you the grand tour of all the sites are called “ducks” for those of you uninitiated. Anyway, I pulled into a beautiful spot on Central but before we could exit a large lady with a small shirt and a sunburned upper torso region came charging at our car. “You can’t park here!”, she shouted. “This is where the duck parks.” I paused briefly, instantly recalling first that I’d seen no signage posted by the city limiting who could park where, simultaneously forming the perfect retort, then realizing that as a family man the retort was best left untorted and a confrontation best avoided. Instead I meekly smiled and waved, and moved my car down a few spaces where I deftly parallel parked amidst heavy vehicle, pedestrian and duck traffic and began repeating the mantra that has haunted me nigh on three days now. But here on my blog I can exact my passive aggressive revenge, even if it means violating a self imposed rule temporarily. I simply can’t hold it in any longer. Stop reading now if you have delicate ears, or keep reading, but with earmuffs.

Here it comes….

It’s not really that funny, but will be cathartic….

Just one moment more…..

Join in with me if you’re feelin it….

FUCK A DUCK!

Posted in Humor, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Don’t Tread on Me and Other Reflections on Independence Day

Posted on July 6, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. As if anxious to prevent all pretensions of quarreling with her, the weapons with which nature has furnished her, she conceals in the roof of her mouth, so that, to those who are unacquainted with her, she appears to be a most defenseless animal; and even when those weapons are shown and extended for her defense, they appear weak and contemptible; but their wounds however small, are decisive and fatal. Conscious of this, she never wounds ’till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her.

–An American Guesser, now commonly agreed to have been Benjamin Franklin, on why the rattlesnake would be a fitting symbol for the new American nation (link to entire letter)

The Boston Tea Party was a seminal event in the timeline leading up to the American Revolution. It is commonly and accurately described as a protest on the British government’s insistence on its right to tax colonists in spite of their lack of parliamentary representation. However, the popular understanding of this history, as is so often the case, is oversimplified. As much as the protest was over taxation without representation, it was over an unfair monopoly of trade–an 18th century bailout of sorts–granted to a dominant corporation (the East India Company) by the British Crown. To save the East India Company from bankruptcy, Parliament made illegal all other importations of tea, and because smugglers could not be completely stopped they took the further step of setting the price so low as to undercut all other tea merchants. The great irony of the Boston Tea Party is that the protesters and their colonial supporters were purposely working against their own financial interests by supporting higher prices of an imported product. They were willing to pay more for tea because they were taking the long view–that a principled stand against taxation without representation was important and that stifling of competition by overly powerful business interests and by government on their behalf was against the greater good. You will not be surprised that TB finds the second, lesser known half of this story to be as important as the first, and a timely reminder for modern day teabaggers.

In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson writes of the God given unalienable rights of all men of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The assertion was a radical one for its time, all but taken for granted by Americans of our generation. But what stood out to me this weekend as I heard these words repeated was that Jefferson’s actual words, endorsed by 55 other political leaders of the day, were these:

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I highlighted “among” because the word is a crucial one I have always previously overlooked. In reading prose from the Revolutionary period it is easy to pass over phrases and words that seem to be merely the flowery embellishments common to the time that really add nothing of substance to a document’s meaning. But I don’t believe the word “among” was inserted simply to make the Declaration more poetic. What “among” connotes is that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are only a few of the unalienable rights given to all men by God. And that the list cannot be included in this short document because it is simply too long and continually evolving in our understanding and that to attempt to list them all is unwise due to the great chance of overlooking one or more. If we are satisfied that the only innate rights of man are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, we are therefore drastically underestimating Jefferson’s apparent intent and understanding of the scope of independence he declared in 1776.

“Don’t tread on me.” It is the great marketing legacy of the Revolutionary era in America. Adopted by varied individuals and groups including trial lawyers, civil libertarians and far right wing advocacy groups, the slogan is a favorite of many Americans, and like any good slogan it is general enough to accommodate the meaning applied to it by anyone. Here’s how I look at it. “Don’t tread” is a statement of warning and an implied threat of immediate consequence. “On me” narrows the warning considerably. Do whatever the hell you want England, terrorist, Iran, liberal, conservative, Californian, Mississippian, Catholic, Muslim, pagan, Rebel, Bulldog, etc. Just as long as it doesn’t hurt me. I think my understanding of the slogan is the right one. It is one reason I think certain political disagreements are perfectly reasonable from both sides, particularly ones that will involve the paying of higher taxes. However on social issues, such as gay marriage or marijuana usage, it is contrary to this simplified philosophy to be in opposition to expanding the freedoms of (in these instances) homosexuals and pot smokers. And on those issues related to higher taxation probabilities, I think to make the slogan apply best one must recall the Boston Tea Party’s less remembered cause and calculate the payments to big corporations along with the potential tax expense in deciding what side of the issue one favors. And I think the scope of our inalienable rights should be discussed and considered contemporaneously, with perhaps a few more specifically added to the famous three asserted by Jefferson.

Posted in History, Philosobaen, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Who Are You People Anyway?

Posted on July 1, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day:

“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.” –Vice President Dan Quayle

TB is loadin up the truck and gettin ready to head out for the long 4th of July Weekend. I don’t know whether I’ll get a chance to post here until I get back, though I plan to try. I’m looking forward to getting the batteries recharged and finding some inspiration. My gang is heading to Hot Springs and Little Rock, Arkansas, to see the sites, knock a couple of easy outs off our 1000 Places to See in the USA book and celebrate Independence.

In the meantime, I thought I’d conduct some market research. Recent naysaying here on the blog got me wondering what most people like and dislike most about the site and also what their thoughts are on some of the “hot” issues of the summer of 09. Feel free to amplify in the commentary if you like and also be assured that your votes are anonymous. I cannot tell who voted for what or even if you vote or not. So everybody needs to participate. I think the results will be interesting to anyone who frequents the TB universe and I’m looking forward to finding out how accurately I’ve got the group mentality pegged. But of course, I’d never pigeonhole you good folk.

Posted in current events, Politics | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Dude, The Duke and The Dupe

Posted on June 30, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: “Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.” John Wayne

Today, I offer you the opportunity to sit in on a roundtable discussion among three of the greatest characters in all of fiction (and the realm one level stranger than that). At the request of Irvine Redd, TB attempted to arrange an exclusive interview with the Duke, Hunter S. Thompson to be aired this week. But Thompson, through a minion, advised that he had no interest in talking to me because I’d shown conclusively over the last few weeks that I have nothing to say and though he is a devout reader of the site he is fearful and disgusted by the blog’s recent direction and he loathes my poetry. However, he was willing to appear on the site in an effort to get it back on track so long as I could set up a sit down with The Dude of “The Big Lebowski” and Ignatius J. Reilly from “A Confederacy of Dunces”. This was easily done, and below is the transcript of our freewheelin conversation.

TB–Gentlemen, it is a true pleasure to have you all together here in the tepee. I know its a little uncomfortable sitting cross-legged on this rug at midnight, especially for you Ignatius, but it was a clause in the contract Duke sent over.

Duke–I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.

IJR–The day before me is fraught with God knows what horrors.

Duke–Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

TB–Dude, how should I address you? Is “Dude” ok?

Dude–Let me explain something to you. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

TB–Dude it is. Ok, guys let’s get after it. People are worried these days. So much is going on in the world. How do you feel about the state of our country?

Duke–America….just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

IJR–My valve!

Dude–I’m sorry I wasn’t listening.

TB–America?

Dude–It’s like what Lenin said…you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh….You know what I’m trying to say.

IJR–(Angrily) Leaving New Orleans frightens me considerably. Outside the city limits the heart of darkness, the true wasteland begins. I am at this moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.

TB–That’s great guys. I wanted to get your take on Micha–

Duke–There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation. It’s a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.

TB–But what abou–

IJR–(angrier and loud) A firm rule must be imposed upon our nation before it destroys itself. The United States needs some theology and geometry, some taste and decency. I suspect that we are teetering on the edge of the abyss.

Dude–I’ve got certain information, alright? Certain things have come to light. And you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I….this could be a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh complex, I mean its not just, it might not be  just such a simple…uh, you know?

Duke–Buy the ticket, take the ride.

TB–Guys, let’s get back on tra–

IJR–(getting angrier, louder and gaseous) Canned food is a perversion. I suspect that it is ultimately very damaging to the soul!

Dude–This aggression will not stand, man. Mind if I do a J?

Duke–I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

IJR–(even angrier, louder and gaseouser) They fear me! I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century I loathe!

TB–Please settle down gentlemen. Let’s wrap up. What’s going on with each of you now? And make it fast. It’s beginning to smell terrible in here.

IJR–(rising, shouting, flatulating) WELL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? THE HUMAN BODY WHEN CONFINED, PRODUCES CERTAIN ODORS WHICH WE TEND TO FORGET IN THIS AGE OF DEODORANTS AND OTHER PERVERSIONS. ACTUALLY I FIND THE ATMOSPHERE OF THIS ROOM RATHER COMFORTING. I HAVE MY NEEDS! YOU MAY REMEMBER THAT MARK TWAIN PREFERRED TO LIE SUPINELY IN BED WHILE COMPOSING THOSE RATHER DATED AND BORING EFFORTS WHICH CONTEMPORARY SCHOLARS TRY TO PROVE MEANINGFUL. VENERATION OF MARK TWAIN IS ONE OF THE ROOTS OF OUR CURRENT INTELLECTUAL STALEMATE!

TB–Um, how about you Dude?

Dude–Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

Duke–(now conversing privately with IJR) If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

IJR–MY VALVE!

TB–I think I’m gonna gag.

Dude– (to IPR) Hey, careful man, there’s a beverage here!

TB, Dude, even Duke–(staring blankly at Ignatius, interminable seconds pass)

Dude–That rug really tied the room together.

———–

ed. note–the quotations are attributable to “The Big Lebowski”, “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole, and various works of Hunter S. Thompson. I have taken a few liberties.

Posted in Humor, People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

BS and The Art of Humor (the blank stare project, part I)

Posted on June 29, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: “A poor life this if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.” –W.H. Davies, the official Travellinbaen blank stare QOTD

Anyone who’s been around the blog for a few days knows of TB’s intentional overuse of the “blank stare”. This weekend I found occasion to deploy the blank stare so many times that a blog post was inevitable, and in contemplation of what to write I decided to expound on what exactly the blank stare signifies and why it is so often the perfect vehicle by which to convey humor. But an exact description is elusive. Like certain other things, the “blank stare” is hard to define, but one knows it when one sees it. Or does one. (?)

The double meaning is the first place where the blank stare is useful. What is funny about the joke is it can be interpreted in two ways. Neither interpretation is particularly funny, but the existence of an alternate meaning is in itself the gag. This is in some ways a cruel form of the device because what is funny is that someone doesn’t see the levels. We are laughing at that person. The beauty of it, however, is that if you simply see both meanings, you are now in on the joke and can laugh at some other person, real or theoretical, who is bound to miss it. We are laughing because in this instance we find ourselves smarter than someone else. But you can’t really laugh about such things. Its bad form. So you stare blankly, with only the slightest twinkle of the eye, but one in which like minded folk will recognize and thus share.

The blank stare is in fact always most useful when outright laughter is either not called for or is inappropriate. It could be that the subject person of the laughter is sitting beside you in a restaurant or it could be because what is funny is only mildly so. An example–yesterday TB went to eat at a Chinese buffet. The first thing I noticed was the “B” rating from the health department. But then an Asian family was seated next to me. I immediately thought, hey that’s a good sign. If Asians eat here it probably means they consider this place pretty good and probably safe, and an Asian would know, right? I returned with my plate of black pepper chicken, fried rice, etc about the same time as my neighboring diners. On their plate? Pizza, roast beef, and fried chicken. A classic blank stare moment.

Another instance well suited to the BS is when you see something that should be unbelievable but it is instead perfectly and sadly normal. These are usually drawn from everyday life–the things that send some people over the edge, including sometimes yours truly. However life is much easier if we just laugh at them, or maybe shake our heads in resignation, or to my way of thinking stare blankly. Some examples I’ve collected with my iphone in the last few weeks (the sign partially obscured by the lamp is from a parking garage reads “Safety is our top priority. 00000 days without an accident.”):

This is but a partial thesis on effective blank stare usage. BS is so widely applicable and useful that a full description is impossible. And different people use it in different ways. I have one friend who uses it most often sarcastically, another who uses it in chiefly in resignation and still another who usually goes the incredulous route. Influenced heavily by these ARB’s, I, as this blog clearly proves, use it constantly.  In BSPPII, I’ll write about people and places where the blank stare should be used more, and how it could make the world a better place.

Posted in Blank Stares, Humor, Philosobaen | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

A Haiku, A Limerick, Free Verse and Some Couplets (With TDW’s Randoms)

Posted on June 25, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: “There is poetry as soon as we realize we possess nothing.”     —John Cage, 20th century American composer

The Daily Wit, fresh off his resounding blog success as a result of the 15 random words and phrases story idea, has issued another challenge. I cannot lie. The topics are simply too….too….random. I cannot make a story. And my poems are absurd, but they meet my standards for publishing; that being, they crack up the author. Additionally, the cheap trick of bad poems helps mask the summertime doldrums lately infecting my ability to write. I hope a couple of chuckles translate to you.

Stroking your ferret

1001 ways to buy

shampoo, baby oil

^    ^

___

The bulls and the bears and the rats and the skunks,

The miracles of the credit card and the debts,

Stock bubbles and bonuses and bad loans to punks,

Why was it WE who went bust when they lost all their bets?

^    ^

____

He wondered if relationships should have a black box,

of post destruction feedback or the dreadful jack pox,

When sand in his swimsuit left abrasion,

It felt like chemical castration,

But sand was as pudding to packing tape on his sack and his rocks.

^   ^

____

I think it would be fun to order Chicago style pizza,

whilst in the shadow of the the leant Tower of Pisa,

a facial display like the great Mona Lisa.

—–

In forced contemplation of the subtle differences between zucchini and cucumber,

I gladly succumbed to the onset of slumber.

—–

Why did the zombie cross the road? Why wouldn’t he?

For there Fonzi was doing motorcycle jumps, the sign showed. For charity.

Posted in Blank Stares, Humor, poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

TB’s Exclusive Interview Series–Ben Franklin

Posted on June 24, 2009 by travellinbaen

Quote of the Day: “No one can replace him Sir; I am only his successor.” Thomas Jefferson, in 1785 in response to a query from Msr. Vergennes, the French foreign minister, as to he being Dr. Franklin’s replacement

As is evident by TB’s use of the Quote of the Day before each post, I take great interest and pleasure in the “bon mots” of historical figures, musicians and even everyday acquaintances. Today I combine my interest in the quotable with my surprise (albeit in pathetically low voter participation) at Ben Franklin’s election by TB readers as the “favorite founding father.” Thus, I decided to put many of the important questions of our time to Franklin and found our conversation enlightening, if cryptic at times.

TB–Mr. Franklin, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule. I’m sure there are lots of folks in the afterlife vying for a bit of your time.

BF–Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.

TB–Um. Ok. Guess that means to get on with it. Forgive me if I ramble a bit. It’s a bit overwhelming to interview someone of your accomplishment and stature, not even considering your, um, deadness. But I’ll do better, I promise.

BF–How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.

TB-–Let’s get into the issues. Noted gay gossip peddler Perez Hilton hurled a homophobic epithet recently at a rapper. This after participating in a national crisis involving Miss California’s opinion on gay marriage.

BF–Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

TB–Have you seen “The Hangover?”

BF–Lost time is never found again.

TB–Yeah, in real life you can never recover so much after a blackout, but still, it was really funny. The best ARB drinkin movie ever I’d say.

BF–Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

TB–Damn right! High Five!

BF–(high fives)

TB–Back to the issues. Have you been keeping up with Jon and Kate?

BF–Where there is marriage without love there will be love without marriage.

TB–Wow, you are taking that really seriously. Any advice for Jon?

BF–Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.

TB–So you are on Kate’s side.

BF–Wars are not paid for in wartime. The bill comes later.

TB–That’s true I guess. Nobody ever really wins in these situations. Our time is short. Let me ask a few questions that are important to me personally. Mississippi State has a new football coach. We’re going to be a lot better aren’t we?

BF–We are born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.

TB–Hmmm. Can’t argue with that. It is hard work to be a Bulldog fan. Still, better than being a Rebel, right?

BF–Those that won’t be counseled can’t be helped.

TB–Amen. So what do you think about the blog?

BF–The first mistake in public business is going in to it.

TB–Good point. But its fun, at least when I have something interesting to say or share. Some days I put stuff out there that I know isn’t really that good, but I feel compelled to produce something anyway.

BF–God works wonders now and then. Behold a lawyer, an honest man.

TB–Ok, ok, Poor Richard’s this ain’t. But do you at least like the new layout? Pretty much everyone was against it, and Zeek, as official naysayer of the blog called me out on it.

BF–Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.

TB–HA! Take THAT Zeek!  But give me a little credit Ben. Some people have told me they really enjoy visiting here each day.

BF–Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.

TB–That’s cold dude. Our time is up. Any parting words? A bonus QOTD of sorts?

BF–For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once thought right but found to be otherwise.

TB–Dang right. That’s a subtle dig at MD, right?

BF–He that speaks much, is much mistaken.

TB–Wait a minute. That sounds more like me.

BF–Be slow in choosing an asshole runnin buddy, slower in changing.

TB–Yeah, whatever. Have a nice day.

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