For the Twelfth and Eleventh Rants of Christmas, TB Gave to Me…

Quote of the Day:

Heap on the wood! – the wind is chill;
But let it whistle as it will,
We’ll keep our Christmas merry still

–Sir Walter Scott

ELEVEN pieces missin’.

Ok, China, that’s how its gonna be? Twenty-four holes and nineteen screws. Worked around it and went to the next toy. Eight bolts but just five nuts. Better come back to that. I’ll move on to the table and chairs, something simple. Only three legs? Are you serious? I’ll just hook up the video games–“There’s supposed to be two more cables so we can use either the computer monitor or portable DVD, babe…..whaddaya mean you haven’t seen ’em!?”

Look, TB don’t build, erect, design or tinker. I ain’t handy. My tool box only holds about five things, two of ’em are hammers and I’m not even sure where the damn thing is. “Some assembly required, my ass.” I think the Chinese are doing this on purpose. They are waging a passive aggressive war on American sanity or maybe even Christmas itself! Why can’t they just put it together, ship it in a giant freakin’ box and just let me put some of these damn triple aaa’s in and go? I need to be in a lounge, but I’d even settle for a Christmas party rather than face the pressure of getting everything Santa-ready tonight. Hell I’d rather even WRAP than this. Not a creature was stirrin’, my ass! If I’d just bought gold a little sooner I’d be payin’ somebody to…..THE DAMN SCREWS DON’T EVEN FIT THE HOLES FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD–OUCH–that might need stitches–WE’RE TAKIN’ IT BACK! THE SCAMP CAN SIT ON A BEAN BAG!…..jolly old elf, my ass….

TWELVE TB’s Rantin’

Finally. What was I thinkin’. TWELVE Rants? I love me some Christmas for cryin’ out loud! All because I’d been in the mall a little too long and one too many fancy-boys walked by and sneered beneath his rimless specs at me for bein’ in Saks with my third-day worn jeans and faded hole-y t-shirt and unkempt, cowlick-ridden hair-shag.

But you know, on second thought, it was kind of fun. I think trying so hard to gin up things to be angry about all month may have even forced my innate contrarian sub-conscious to cling tightly to positivity and joy. Truth is, with the Scamp’s growing appreciation of the delights of the season, it’s probably been my best Christmas ever. Today and tomorrow are gonna be a real kick….

….ELEVEN Pieces missin’, TEN Gifts a’ wrappin, NINE Bells a’ ringin’, EIGHT pounds a’gainin, SEVEN Christs in Christmas, SIX Xmas Parties, FIVE. GOLD. ADS. FOUR freakin’ stitches, THREE triple AAA’s, TWO billing errors and a Lounge in a Mall ain’t no Lounge.


TB and the girls are leavin’ tomorrow for a Christmas trip to Vermont with Flyin’ J and his gang for a little skiing and sightseeing and sleigh riding. Keep an eye out for short posts and pics this week.

Merry Christmas everybody, hope you have the hap-happiest day of the year!

About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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3 Responses to For the Twelfth and Eleventh Rants of Christmas, TB Gave to Me…

  1. Merry Christmas and have a good trip.

  2. LB says:

    Sorry to hear the soul-bearing admission that TB neither erects nor is handy. Here’s wishin’ you JT-esque handiness, to be applied to all relevant situations. They’ll come running to you…

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