Quote of the Day:
The eminent statesman, Joe Barton, speaking the truth as he sees it, indeed the truth of how 99% of the GOP sees it as well as probably half of the Democratic Party, has reminded us all that what we need in this country is not recrimination, not the blame game, not responsibility for one’s actions, but rather a tone of reconciliation. TB is inspired. I have a few apologies I’d like to make.
Dear BP, TB is sorry too. I’m sorry our country isn’t seizing every damn one of your assets and thumping your Tory supporters on both sides of the pond right in their upturned noses.
Dear World, I’m sorry we don’t appreciate soccer enough and I’m sorry that we don’t call it football or futbol or whatever. I’m sorry I don’t even know who the hell came up with a nonsense word like soccer. However, if we continue to take the best shots your refs can throw at us and still whip your collective asses, especially if we do it in the bottom of the last inning like we did today, I have a feeling that we will start to come around.
Dear Sarah Palin, I’m sorry I have begrudged your fame and fortune. The truth is you deserve everything coming to you, and so does our nation.
Dear President Obama, I’m sorry General McChrystal said bad things about you. You should fire his ass, because what he has done has serious constitutional implications. And though it is a completely separate issue, I’m sorry that what he said held so much truth. Please get off your ass and fire the appeasers in your inner circle.
Dear General McChrystal, I’m sorry you got your ass fired. I’m sorry you didn’t just resign in the first place, and then blast the administration, which would have not only been honorable but would’ve had more impact in affecting the policies and the politicians determining those policies than taking the dangerous, dishonorable route that you chose.
Dear Governor Barbour, I’m sorry the oil spill has caused you to go on record with all those asinine statements that will prevent you from becoming President in 2012. You are probably the sanest and smartest dude on your team. I’m sorry we’ll now get stuck with Newt or Sarah or Beck or the like.
Dear Sandra Bullock, I’m sorry that I don’t think you’re all that hot. I do think you’re better looking than Palin, though I must admit, she’s politics hot. I’m sorry I don’t know much about Jesse James–and just to be clear–it’s not the wrasslin’ Jesses James is it? And I’m sorry that chick-kiss didn’t work out for you. It was a pretty good idea though.
Dear “Get Him to the Greek”, I’m sorry I was busy wiping the Diet Coke that came flying out of my nose away during the “fur stroking/Jeffrey” scene and might have missed a joke or two. And Dear Judd Apatow, I’m sorry you haven’t discovered me yet–really sorry–I have some good material for you.
Dear Congressman Barton, You are one sorry sonofabitch.
There I feel better. I should apologize more often. Good for the soul and whatnot.