Quote of the Day:
“…man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much – the wheel, New York, wars and so on – whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man – for precisely the same reasons.” —from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
Before TB left home this morning, I sat down with the Little Scamp to say goodbye. She waved a perfunctory kiss in my direction. It seems the word of the day on Sesame Street was “humongous” and she was intrigued.
Humongous. A good word of the day. It perfectly describes the chicken tenders I had last night from a joint I used to like a lot. When I first started eating at Abner’s it was a small town start-up. In the sixteen years that have elapsed since then, they have grown into a regional chain and their tenders have grown into monstrosities. I can’t eat them any more. They don’t feel right, they don’t taste right, they don’t look right. Bigger is not always better. And chicken isn’t the only humongous bird being manufactured these days. Did you know that most turkeys sold in the U.S.A. are unable to copulate? Well, I guess that’s not a surprise considering they are sold dead and frozen, but it is disturbing that this was also true while they were alive.
Over the last few years the problem with humongous chicken and turkey has grown. I call foul. Why can’t I just have two small pieces of chicken that retain the flavor and consistency of the natural animal instead of one humongous slab of soylent green? Does that cost so much more to produce? Instead I get a choice between shelling out ten bucks for a pound of organic chicken, which itself is not perfect, or half that for a chicken injected with enough steroids to eclipse Barry Bonds’ home run record and enough growth hormone to whip Mark McGwire’s ass and God only knows what else. Maybe baseball is the wrong analogy. Wrestling would be better. Lord Chicken Humongous vs the Chick-fil-et Cow in an old-fashioned barnyard brawl complete a with barbed wire ring. A biotechnicalgeneticist with a specialty in accounting would referee I suppose.