Humongous

Quote of the Day:

“…man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much – the wheel, New York, wars and so on – whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man – for precisely the same reasons.”       from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

Before TB left home this morning, I sat down with the Little Scamp to say goodbye. She waved a perfunctory kiss in my direction. It seems the word of the day on Sesame Street was “humongous” and she was intrigued.

Humongous. A good word of the day. It perfectly describes the chicken tenders I had last night from a joint I used to like a lot. When I first started eating at Abner’s it was a small town start-up. In the sixteen years that have elapsed since then, they have grown into a regional chain and their tenders have grown into monstrosities. I can’t eat them any more. They don’t feel right, they don’t taste right, they don’t look right. Bigger is not always better. And chicken isn’t the only humongous bird being manufactured these days. Did you know that most turkeys sold in the U.S.A. are unable to copulate? Well, I guess that’s not a surprise considering they are sold dead and frozen, but it is disturbing that this was also true while they were alive.

Over the last few years the problem with humongous chicken and turkey has grown. I call foul. Why can’t I just have two small pieces of chicken that retain the flavor and consistency of the natural animal instead of one humongous slab of soylent green? Does that cost so much more to produce? Instead I get a choice between shelling out ten bucks for a pound of organic chicken, which itself is not perfect, or half that for a chicken injected with enough steroids to eclipse Barry Bonds’ home run record and enough growth hormone to whip Mark McGwire’s ass and God only knows what else. Maybe baseball is the wrong analogy. Wrestling would be better. Lord Chicken Humongous vs the Chick-fil-et Cow in an old-fashioned barnyard brawl complete a with barbed wire ring. A biotechnicalgeneticist with a specialty in accounting would referee I suppose.

Check out this clip from Stephen Colbert that aired last week:

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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12 Responses to Humongous

  1. Jessie Lou says:

    I know what you mean about the size of the chicken. My cousin owns a chicken distributorship and so we get our chicken at cost which is nice BUT the size of the breast has gotten so large that the two of us could split one half of the breast! It makes me wonder what I am ingesting and what it may do to me in the future. My boss is convinced that the hormones in chicken is what has caused the evolution of the female form from how we were all stick thin back in the late 70’s and 80’s to now where the teenage girls are much more curvaceous and most have the muffin top middle which heart wise is really bad for you. It is a thought to ponder.

  2. tinyd says:

    It is bad when the sight of a chicken breast makes one feel inadequate – too bad they weren’t serving loaded chickens when I was developing(JK)…no really, I have heard the same things about girls’ early development these days, muffin tops and all. Scary

  3. Ha! Very funny TD. Ya’ll raise a good point and I agree that the increase in hormone exposure from food and early puberty, particularly in girls is a troubling coincidence. We do our best to minimize the L.S.’s exposure to this, but like astronomical sodium content in food and saturated fat, it is impossible to eliminate.

  4. Barista says:

    The hormones in chicken, the additives in processed food, the salt and fat and general blech in fast food and a serious problem in this country with overconsumption (of everything)…I think they all contribute.

  5. Jessie Lou says:

    The only way to avoid it is to cook/grow everything from scratch and farm your own chickens – I don’t see that happening in my backyard anytime soon! Not enough room or sun back there.

  6. calicobebeop says:

    We don’t eat chicken anymore for those reasons. The good stuff is expensive and the cheap stuff tastes like ass. Or, what I imagine ass would taste like… We’re into other over processed food like fishsticks. Yay fishsticks!

  7. Toby says:

    This cheers me that there are still ttfughhoul folks to welcome, tired, overworked new neighbors. Three cheers! Glad you were the happy recipient, Anna. Welcome to your new neighbohood.Fondly,Glenda

  8. Sonny says:

    Oh my effing gawd dbbeie, I followed this recipe like a religious ritual, and my cookies turned out amazeballs. This is the cookie recipe to end all others. Briefly for a moment I thought of foregoing my military career in the Air Force to just bake and sell these for profit. I decided against that when I realized I would eat all of them before ever making it to market. Good God woman, I’ve never made something more perfect. My 3 kids worship me, my husband can’t keep his hands off me .thanks to your cookies. God bless America and God bless the cookies!

  9. You’re on top of the game. Thanks for sharing.

  10. website says:

    This is way better than a brick & mortar establishment.

  11. Now that’s subtle! Great to hear from you.

  12. Nelly says:

    The responsibility to comply with the specific conditions outlined in your QuotesChimp, including paying premiums on time, cooperating with insurance com�panies when they defend your claims, and reporting changes that may affect your coverage.

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