KanJoe

Quote of the Day:

Shame may prevent what law does not prohibit.” –Seneca

One of the new cliches introduced in the Obama era is “teachable moment.” The idea is that shameful acts or comments can be redeemed if the offending behaviors become catalysts for greater understanding and empathy. The recent outbursts by Kanye West and Joe Wilson, the two runaway leading exemplars of boorish behavior this year, got me thinking about how they could use their collective infamy as a force for good. My conclusion? They should team up and travel through time interrupting the moments when history took a turn for the worse.

First stop–the Garden of Eden.

Serpent–Really Eve, this apple will blow your mind. Not only is it juicy delicious, it will make you really wise, like God-wise.

Joe–YOU LIE!

Eve–(startled and uncertain now) Hmmmm, it DOES sound like a damn dubious claim serpent, but what could it hurt? Maybe I’ll give it a try. (Raises apple toward mouth)

Kanye–(takes apple from Eve) Im’ma let you eat this in just a minute, but I just wanna say, them oranges over there is the best damn fruit in this whole garden, everybody knows that.

Eve–(stares blankly as Kanye returns apple and disappears with Joe in a flash of time machine vapor)

——————————

KanJoe could also do a lot of good for humanity by correcting some more recent blunders. Let’s drop the time machine in Hollywood, 1993.

Agent–Kev-o, great to see you, my favorite client, the biggest name in the biz, have I got some projects for you. Two BIG ones. I’ve already read the scripts so you don’t have to–Waterworld and The Postman–all you have to do is sign here and I’m gonna make you boffo.

Kanye–(taking contract away as agent passes it to Kevin)–Im’ma let you sign this in a minute, but first I just wanna say Bull Durham is the best damn baseball movie I ever saw and everybody knows it, so you ought to keep doing characters like that.

Kevin Costner–Well, I pay this guy a lot to help me advance my career Kanye, maybe I ought to listen to his advice.

Agent–Kev–baby, TRUST ME, I know the biz, I know what the people want. I’m looking out for you.

Joe–YOU LIE!

Kevin–(stares blankly at the skid marks on agent’s desk as KanJoe disappears in the mists of time)

—————————-

And when they aren’t off saving the world from itself, they could moonlight as a tag team in Wrestlemania. Picture this scene:

Hulk Rogaine–(standing in the ring with a mic)–I am the Greatest wrestler. I’m the Greatest Reality TV star. I’m the Greatest Dad.

Kanye–(storms into ring and snatches mic away)–Im’ma let you finish, but everybody knows that naked dude from Survivor is the greatest reality TV star.

(The music comes on and Kanye’s mic is silenced. The Theme from 2000 A Space Odyssey blares, Ric Hair enters the ring.)

Ric–Whooooooooooooo. I’m a limousine ridin, jet flyin, kiss stealin sonofagun. Whooooooooooo.

(crowd goes nuts cheering the baby faces when suddenly the lights go out. When they come back on Joe Wilson is in the ring wearing a one piece wrestling tight with a necktie.)

Joe–YOU LIE!

Hulk–Now that’s going too far Joe. You need to apologize right now.

Kanye sucker punches Hulk in the solar plexus while Joe throws a handful of eye burning dust previously concealed in his codpiece at Ric. Kan-Joe commences to beatin down the heroes as the crowd boos lustily. Serena Williams runs into the ring after Kan-Joe has rendered unconscious both Hulk and Ric with multiple blows from steel chairs. For some reason she has on a striped shirt. She counts out both Hulk and Ric 1-2-3, shoves a tennis ball down each of their throats and raises Kan-Joe’s hands in triumph before fleeing the ring with a mob of regular refs in chase.


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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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11 Responses to KanJoe

  1. Jessie Lou says:

    I’ve got a situation at work that would fit perfectly with this – I wonder how much they would charge for their act! Thanks for making me laugh at an otherwise hopeless situation.

  2. Zeek says:

    TB– You were really hurtin’ for a topic today, weren’t you? The only thing I am taught from these “moments” are that people are stupid and class and manners are falling by the wayside in our quickly eroding society.

  3. TKH says:

    I’ll add one for you. Hope this link still works.

    Atlanta flood

  4. Workinbaen says:

    Hurtin for a topic? Dang Zeek thx for the humbling words. I thought it was a pretty funny concept. I threw the rasslin in special for BR.

  5. As I was reading this, I was thinking, “This is a clever idea. Damn funny.”

    Then, I read Zeek’s comment and realized it’s actually really lame.

  6. In the rasslin vignette, I think I should add that the portion of the crowd that always sides with heels knows to chant in unison every time Kanye says “Im’ma let you finish, but….” and every time Joe says “You Lie.” Lots of homemade signs to that effect as well. Adds to the drama.

  7. br says:

    job well done Tb, felt like i was in the arena.

    Qoute of the Day: “Space Mountain may be the oldest ride in the park, but it still has the longest line”

    Ric Flair ,when questioned if he still gets all the ladies….

  8. smilyj says:

    I know everyone is down on him. But Joe was just fed up and decided to call the messiah on his lie. I actually thought it was hilarious. It reminded alot of the old TB. That was the image in my head. TB, years ago would have been perfect for that line and moment. I can picture him in a DUI school after he has had enough of the BS peer pressure lectures and as his turn comes to answer the self deprecating question of why he drinks? He has sat and listened to all the other Deweys give political correct answers until he can’t stand the BS anymore. Then his turn comes. Mr White, why do you drink? TO GET DRUNK! he exclaims. Why do you drink? TB in response. Then he sat there red-faced and angry and vowing to become an attorney one day and set things straight.

    I might add, I thought Bush getting booed was sometimwes funny too. I don’t think they are above being called out on S@*t when they deserve it.

  9. workinbaen says:

    TB, young or old, would have at least had the decency to have been right. Joe’s behavior was inexcusable and factually wrong.

  10. smilyj says:

    You LIE ! And probably drunk.

  11. sweet says:

    I wish I would have been in y’alls class

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