Quote of the Day: “Filmgoers are starved for new ideas, voices and visions.” Robert Redford
It’s amazing how funny happens when you are tuned in to the possibility even if you are not consciously looking for it. Case in point–the weekend of TB:
- I had a man date Friday night with a guy I’d met through his brother (who said I’d like him) and with whom I’d only spoken once. I was a bit nervous about it, but it went really well. In fact we’ll probably see each other again. And let me take this opportunity to endorse the recent flick “I Love You Man” starring Paul Rudd and Jon Favreau.
- Somebody de-friended me on Facebook. A couple of times before I’ve suspected the number on my friend list had decreased, so I took note of it Friday night for future reference–124. Sure enough, come Saturday it was 123. I’ve spent the last two days trying to figure out this latest person to make it so clear they dislike me and to determine whether they requested me as friend or I them. I’m already plotting my revenge.
- JLM refused to countenance my taking the hero the TB world’s collaborative storytelling effort in a direction away from the way she originally sent him in the first place. Dream sequence. Brilliant. Diabolical. I’m already plotting my revenge.
- I went to a birthday party tonight for a black friend given by her friends and relations. A guy comes up to a girl I know and starts huggin up on her, smilin at her, just generally flirtin. As soon as he moved away for a moment a girl about his age came up to the girl I know and deadpanned “he likes white women,” then walked away without waiting for a reaction. Flirt boy and deadpan girl are six.
- Finally, a little bathroom humor. Let me disclaim this by making it clear–TB disdains bathroom humor. I find it disgusting and inappropriate in most all situations and the coarsest form of the art of funny. What follows is a pause from the usual PG 13 restraint of the blog and I’m ashamed for you to be exposed to such filth. You probably won’t see this on the blog again. So you better be sure and read close the first time. First, I give you a direct cut and paste from S&M’s blog, Raising Stink, linked to your right. It’s the funniest thing I saw all weekend: I’ll leave you with a little gem from my husband. We were out on the motorcycle last week. It was hot, and we’d been sitting at a red light forever. I started to feel a little exposed, and thought to myself how much it would suck if a bird flew over and pooped on me. I asked my husband if he’d ever been shit on while riding. Without missing a beat, he asked, “No, why? Do you need to go?” And while I’m at it, I might as well share a bit of dialogue that The Daily Wit and I will be using in our upcoming screenplay. Like S&M’s story, it is really quite disgusting and I urge you to quit reading the post starting………….now. For you sickos still with me, some of you will recognize the person who inspired this, but any similarity to any person, living or dead, fictional or non, is purely coincidental. Plus he gave me permission last time I saw him. But he may not want his name used so if you have a guess, keep it under your hat.
Gondorff wakes up and walks through the living room to get a drink.
Hooker is lying on the couch with an untied robe on and boxers with
his hands between his legs, unmoved from where he slept with the TV
on, empty cheez-it box on the floor beside him and half a beer on
the coffee table.
H-You shit yet?
H-you shit yet?
G-Are you asking me if I’ve shit yet?
G-(incredulously) what difference does it make?
H-(angrily) it’s a simple question! Why can’t you just answer?!
G–yes, I’ve shit.
approximately 10 seconds elapse, Gondorff is pouring some orange juice. The room is otherwise silent.
H–was it good?
G– (loudly) Dude, why are you asking me this?!
H–I just wanna know.
G–You’re are a weird sonofabitch, you know that?
H–(accusingly) it WAS good wasn’t it. You feel all cleaned out?
G–yeah, it was fine
H–Man…….I haven’t been in like three days. I’m all clogged up. I think I need to drink some beer today. Sometimes that helps.
G–Well I tried to get you to go out with me last night but you wouldn’t get off your ass.
H–You get laid?
G–No. Laid some good foundation though.
H–Man, you got foundation laid all over this town. You need to be laying some pipe for a change.
G–yeah, I know.
H–come scratch my back.
G–Are you out of your fucking mind?
H–Dude, my back itches.
G–You’re out of your fucking mind.
H–Man, I’m fat, I can’t shit, my back itches. I can’t sleep. I gotta get some exercise or something.
G–How many cheez-it’s did you eat last night.
H–(laughing) I think the whole box.
G–(marvelling) You are one screwed up sumbitch.
H–Seriously….come scratch my back
Oh how I wish there was a prize for knowing who these folks are because I would win as the first person to say it!
Indeed, you know me so well. I have/had high hopes for the story that goes on forever. And it was going smoothly until….. I will not say. Perhaps you will be able to guess. So the dream was my revenge – you know what we grew up saying……I don’t get mad, I just get even. I know what you are thinking – the truth is I like to do both. It must be the hair.
I’m dying to know who doesn’t want to be your friend any longer. I saw your friend list this weekend and I could see one I would cut out immediately 🙂 – Just kiddin!
I think I figured out my FB traitor….a friend up here in Jackson who ASKED ME. The de-listing is unaccountable however so I suspect there is an innocuous reason. But I am keeping my eye on things from now on.
Man-Date??? I still don’t get it. I suppose that my main question would be “Why?”, but maybe we should just leave it alone.
Unfortunatley, lots of people have had pretty much that same conversation with H—-he or she is obviously not a sane person.
MD, see below
Sorry JL and TB….i couldn’t resist
Man dates, male hookers, I’m still pretty new here. Am I missing something major? NTTAWWT.
If you are short a FB friend and can’t figure out who, that should tell ya something. They obviously weren’t very memorable. I’ll be glad to fill the position. I’m fiercely loyal and tend to “like” everything people post. I’m fiercely lame.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the little nugget from my husband. I really hate to refer to a poop story as a “nugget”.
I knew y’all were gonna turn the man date business in to something gay (nttawwt).
S&M, I received my first google search leading to the blog today thanks to your monicker–“S&M funny”–you should use that as a tag, it fits and you can laugh at the poor saps who think they are gonna get some kinky action from your blog. Well, they will get a little, I guess, but probably not what they are hoping for.
AND “Hooker” and “Gondorff” FYI, are the names of the lead characters of The Sting, played by the great, and totally hetero, Paul Newman and Robert Redford. But funny that you connected the name with man date–I totally missed that as I was writing and had to re-read my post twice to get where you were coming from. I doff my cap to you madam.
Q–The story is cracking me up. I’m tempted to thwart JLM again, but I’m gonna let it go for a bit. Funny how the agendas on where the plot should go are being fought over so hard. My expectations for “the story” have been exceeded.
I haven’t read past the first bullet, but I had to share this IMMEDIATELY. I de-friended someone on facebook as a joke, and she won’t ever talk to me again. That is some serious power. Seriously.
LMFAO! That was beeeyoutiful. Thank you for sharing your disgusting stories. I’m secretly a 12 y/o boy and love potty humor. But you knew that, right?
Also? How old was the girl you knew?
Isn’t it nice when your expectations are exceeded? Imagination is not an area where I am lacking, in fact, I’ve had to hold back! I am liking the story that never ends quite a bit.
I don’t remember the reason why, but we watched The Sting as an assignment in high school. I remember it being an excellent movie, but honestly haven’t seen it since. And I would have no problem eating an entire box of Cheez-its.
JessO–42; an important detail to bring things together I neglected. You are now the official focus group for all humor targeted at 12 year old boys–If JessO don’t laugh, it goes into the, um, the toilet.
JLou, the only thing that could make the story better would be if we all dropped out and let you run with it. But then again, its good for you to be challenged.
S&M–rent it again, post haste. One of the top 10 movies of all time, easily, if for nothing else but the nicknames given to all the bit players. Add a box of cheez-its and a sixer of yoo-hoo and you’ve got yourself a night to remember.
I’m gonna have to be honest, I’m liking where this screenplay is going. I demand a finished copy. So far it’s like if Tarantino and Larry David had a baby, which, I state for the record, would be a good thing.
The exchange is a bit exaggerated because Hooker wasn’t fat back then