Quote of the Day:
“It is better to be quotable than to be honest.” –Tom Stoppard
I thought for this weekend’s questions I’d give you readers a break and let TB address some of those I’ve asked lately to the foremost liberal and conservative Presidents of the last century. So I fired up the TB time machine, grabbed a case of beer and set off to pick up Roosevelt and Reagan for a casual conversation. All the quotes are real. Here’s how it went:
TB–Mr. President (nodding), Mr. President (nodding) thanks for joining me here today. By coin toss, Mr. Reagan won the right to choose the century and Mr. Roosevelt chose the spot. FDR chose , inexplicably to me, Warm Springs, Georgia, while Mr. Reagan selected 10,000 B.C. so he could revel in the loving arms of anarchy. Score one for the Gipper. Welcome gentlemen.
RR: Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
TB: Um, there’s no cameras here Ronnie. It’s just us. I’m gonna write everything down on my blog.
FDR: Are you laboring under the impression I read these memoranda of yours?
TB: Nevertheless, you have both agreed to answer these questions, previously put to the denizens of the TB Universe, so here we go.
TB asked: God grants you the power to cure cancer, establish world peace, or eliminate hunger–choose one (this question sponsored by the Miss South Carolina Pageant Commission).
RR: People free to choose always choose peace.
FDR: More than an end to war, we want an end to the beginning of all wars – yes, an end to this brutal, inhuman and thoroughly impractical method of settling the differences between governments.
TB asked: You are going to sea for a three hour tour. Instead of returning to port you will be stranded for a year (or six seasons maybe) on a deserted island. You have a feeling this might happen but instead of skipping the trip you simply place five important things in your beach bag before you leave the house. What are they?
RR: We cannot play innocents abroad in a world that is not innocent.
TB: Lighten up dude, it’s just a game. Let me try and help. I said I’d bring my Ipod.
RR: Life is one grand sweet song. So start the music.
FDR: To reach a port, we must sail–sail, not tie at anchor–sail, not drift.
TB: But the point is, we’re stranded. We can’t sail.
FDR: (laughing heartily) It is fun to be in the same decade with you.
TB: (staring blankly at both)
TB: Ok, this isn’t going so well. We have just a little more time, so I’ll go off script and ask you about some of the questions I’m wrestling with right now. I could really use some guidance.
I’m taking vacation in a week to Maine. Is Acadia National Park worth spending three days in?
FDR: A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people.
TB: I’m putting that down as a “yes.” Ronnie, wake up! What do you think about my trip to the Maine woods?
RR: A tree’s a tree. How many more do you need to look at?
TB: One yes, one no. Moving on, Mississippi State is going to run the spread this year. Thoughts?
FDR: It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
TB: Well, one good thing about it is if we fall way behind we will still have a chance to catch up.
RR: I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.
TB: Yeah, deficits are a way of life for Bulldog fans.
TB: Last one, this post, I fear, is taking on the characteristics of a late segment skit on Saturday Night Live–long and boring.
FDR: We have nothing to fea–
TB: STOP IT!
RR: Mr. Gorbachev, tear dow–
TB: STOP IT! That doesn’t even make sense!
TB: I was going to say, MD hasn’t been around in a long time. Any ideas why he left or if he’ll return for Thursday pickin? Did I abuse him too much?
RR: I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph.
TB: Oh, I knew you’d take up for him. But you gotta admit, he probably left because he kept losing debates with me.
RR: Facts are stubborn things.
TB: Damn right.
FDR: Remember, you are just an extra in everyone else’s play.
TB: Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side! This interview is over!
Staring blankly at both of them was the absolutely right thing to do. Those two are off their rockers.
And, ya, what happened to MD?