I Ain’t Right, Never Have Been

Quote of the Day:

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

TB’s gettin’ a little overwhelmed what with the holidays, the end of the work year and whatnot. Mostly its the “whatnot.” But the denizens of the TBU shouldn’t be made to suffer on that account. You SHOULDN’T be made to suffer, that is, not that you WON’T be. So without further ado, here are some things that have amused me lately and I hope you will get a mild chuckle too.

These blank stare moments were all witnessed by TB in the last month:

  • A man walks in to a 7-11 and trips over a “slippery when wet” sign.
  • Two ladies are talking at the courthouse in Woodville, MS, population 1,192. First lady says “Girl, I heard you moved back out in the county.” Second lady says, “I tried movin to town, but they’s just too much hustle and bustle here.”
  • At the grocery store produce section recently: First old lady–“Oh, these vegetables is organic. I don’t need none of that fancy stuff. I just want some plain ol’ vegetables.” Second old lady, in agreement?– “I don’t know why they can’t just grow plain ol’ vegetables like we always have in our back yard.”
  • While waiting to fill a prescription at Walgreen’s a man comes in and says “Hi, I’m Richard Bender….” Though maintaining my blank stare to outward appearances, the silent laughter was deafening inside my sophomoric brain and I didn’t catch the rest.

As part of the ongoing blank stare project please add (in addition to any regular comments you may have) your own blank stare experiences as we go through the Christmas season. This is one of the best months of all for collecting them.

And finally, this little bon mot occurred to me while writing an essay for the blog last week:

Trying to think of a good simile is, like, hard.

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About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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15 Responses to I Ain’t Right, Never Have Been

  1. Madd Dawg says:

    I am calling BS on the Dick Bender story. No way that happened.

    I was watching the news one night this week and the Tiger Woods story came up (which I was sick of hearing about on day one of that coverage), and they played a voicemail from Tiger to one of his pieces of “side action” which said, “Please remove your name from your phone number. My wife got my phone and saw your number, so she may be calling you.”

    Now, let’s think about this. How does her name get attached to her number in Tiger’s phone? Um, he enters it in there!! So, he is the one who put her name with her number in his phone and he is the only one who can change that. I could not stop laughing at that.

  2. sweet says:

    He meant for her to change her voice message, dumbass

    • Yasoo says:

      maybe it’s title this because from the presice moment she was attacked it will be forever Inevitable that she will question her every move, look over her shoulder at every sound, fear every stranger who comes near her, it will be Inevitable that she will live her entire life in fear of the unknown.

    • This shows real expertise. Thanks for the answer.

  3. Smilyj says:

    Dumbass.

  4. Brian says:

    The old James Food Center in Oxford ran a home made (of course) customer testimonial commercial in which one of the customers exclaimed, “They got fresh canned goods!”

  5. Jessie Lou says:

    I could see where MD is coming from but I do think Sweet is correct. But as he can tell you when you are caught you will sometimes try anything to deflect the attention! I’m just sayin and laughin…..

  6. sweet says:

    Knew that was coming

  7. Jessie Lou says:

    Have I ever let you down? 🙂 At least I didn’t hit you with a golf club!

  8. sweet says:

    You didn’t need one

  9. Madd Dawg says:

    I dont know JL and Brad. He was under a tremendous amount of stress (speculation is that he would lose hundreds of millions of dollars to her and in endorsement money in a nasty divorce) and probably wasn’t thinking clearly.

    Either way, i like where y’all took the story as the history/current tension between you two is always a source of entertainment to the rest of us.

  10. Jessie Louise says:

    So many thoughts but I have had enough wine not to feel a bit of tension. We should have a sitcom, we’ve already had the reality show!

    Now about that Tiger……..

  11. Samsmama says:

    “He meant for her to change her voice message, dumbass.”

    This made me laugh entirely too hard! And I agree with Sweet. Tiger wanted her voice mail to be something like, “You’ve reached 555-SLUT” rather than, “Hey, this is the whore your husband is banging.” Can’t blame him.

    And I can totally believe the Richard Bender story. A local Mexican restaurant is owned by Richard Nutt, and he willingly goes by Dick.

  12. Jessie Louise says:

    SM – that was great! However, I really think he wanted her VM to say “You have reached Our Lady Of Lords Church, Services are Sunday 8 am and 10am, Confession every Saturday at 5pm, BEEEEEEP.”

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