Quote of the Day “My attitude is that if the economy’s good for folks from the bottom up, it’s gonna be good for everybody. If you’ve got a plumbing business, you’re gonna be better off if you’ve got a whole bunch of customers who can afford to hire you, and right now everybody’s so pinched that business is bad for everybody and I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.” –Barack Obama to Joe the Plumber
Only one more week to go before the Presidential election and it seems we’re down to just a few talking points. For Obama, its “vote for me or get four more years of Bush.” And for McCain, it’s “Obama wants to spread the wealth”, “ACORN” sux, and “Joe the Plumber knows as much about the economy as me and that diva backstabbing bitch Sarah.” I don’t think the Obama campaign really needs Travellinbaen’s advice. In a year that saw possibly the worst campaigns in history run by Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giulliani, only to be topped by the McCain debacle, I think they’ve been magnificent. (Yes, I’ve mentally chalked it up, and yes, I realize how “the Power” might react.) But I’ll advise them anyway. As for McCain, I don’t even know where to start–maybe get a time machine and go back to 2000 to remember who you really are, then jump back ahead to August 2008. Short of that, hell maybe your race baiting will carry the day. Anyway, I’m ignoring plumberjoe because I don’t think people are falling for that gimmick, but here’s TB’s easy solutions to the ACORN and Wealth Spreading issues.
It seems ACORN pays the otherwise unemployable contractors to go around signing people up to vote. These folks get paid for each registration form they submit. It is apparently difficult to get strangers to write down their personal information and hand it back to you, so these guys just go find a phone book and start copying names. The more enterprising contractors have found that by watching football and cartoons you can kill two birds with one stone–enjoy some quality entertainment and get ideas for names to write in to registration forms. Unfortunately, this freaks some people out. I did not know this, but apparantly the USA has been plagued for many years by people electing liberals by voting numerous times under such names as Mickey Mouse, Roger Staubach and Smily, without ever being suspected of such perfidy by our crack poll volunteer staffs. It’s a real problem, and once again, TB’s PCS has a simple solution. Outlaw voter registration altogether. Seriously. If you are a citizen of the United States, you vote and your social security number is noted in some great computer in a bunker in Nebraska and you can’t vote again. It’s done. What’s the point of registration anyway? We all ostensibly believe in democracy and we all ostensibly want voter turnout to be high. So just make everybody eligible. I’ll take it one step further, let them vote online and do it anytime within a couple of weeks of the election. This should be especially popular with conservatives because it will obviate the raison d’etre of ACORN (blank stare–French thrown in just to offend the freedom fry crowd).
As for spreading the wealth, TB doesn’t understand the uproar mild public discourse this issue has caused. All politics is about spreading the wealth. Generally liberals want it spread more evenly, like a peanut butter sandwich that is tasty from first to last bite, while conservatives want all their peanut butter straight off the spoon so it doesn’t get sullied by the proletariat favoring white bread. Obama campaign, you need your pithy talking point. TB’s peanut butter sandwich is all made up and ready for you to savor. Warn the people that if you eat all that peanut butter straight off the spoon, its hard to swallow and they will probably have to bail out their mouth with a big jug of milk that’s liable to spill everywhere when you rush to prevent yourself from choking. You could even offer a bite your sensible tasty sandwich to Joe the idiot plumber out on the campaign trail. Maybe then he’d understand what you’re advocating….that what this whole campaign really boils down to how you like your peanut butter.