Buy The Farm?

Quote of the Day:

Ohhh, Moma. Could this really be the end?” –Bob Dylan, Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again

The Oilpocalypse is upon us. War rages in Afghanistan. Terrorism and piracy fester and threaten. Hurricane season is coming. Europe’s economy is imploding. Again. And the market is gonna crash again, I just know it. TB read this dire warning yesterday on from Paul Farrell, titled Crash is Dead Ahead–Sell. Get Liquid, Now. Paul Farrell is an alarmist. He has been for a long time. Like, right before the last big crash. Farrell has harsh words for Bush and the Republicans for “driving us into the ditch” and even harsher words for Obama and the Democrats for digging it deeper by passing half-measures and refusing to bust up the banks. It’s hard to argue with either of those conclusions.

But on a lighter note, he quotes Barton Biggs, adviser to the multi-millionaire set from his book “Wealth, War and Wisdom.” In the book Biggs advises to buy a farm and “prepare for the breakdown of civilization.” Continuing, “Your safe haven must be self-sufficient and capable of growing some kind of food…It should be well-stocked with seed, fertilizer, canned food, wine, medicine, clothes, etc. Think Swiss Family Robinson.” Hmmm. I was getting alarmed until that Swiss Family Robinson part. Sounds like fun.

Our family already has a farm where we can retreat–a tree farm, but still–and so long as out of date canned goods won’t kill you, my pantry is ready on that count. Let’s see, I have a couple of bottles of two-buck chuck–need to hit a Trader Joe’s and buy another case. Clothes, we’re good. But seed, fertilizer….capable of growing food? Uh-oh. When we sober up after polishing off the vino and vienna sausages, there could be a problem. I’m afraid I couldn’t grow a bean if my life depended on it; I sure hope the Little Scamp has a green thumb. We have plenty of deer, a few turkeys and a nearby river with all sorts of probably-edible creatures, but I don’t have a gun and wouldn’t know what to do with one. We’ll also need hammer and nails and some lumber to make a killer treehouse….man, this is getting ugly fast. Plus there’s no cable out there and the cell coverage is terrible. Oh, moma, I ain’t cut out to be a farmer at all. At least all of y’all down on the Gulf Coast will be able to subsist on fish–oh, wait, check that.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just bust up the damn banks?

About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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13 Responses to Buy The Farm?

  1. Madd Dawg says:

    My mom has been on that breakdown of civilization bandwagen for about a year now after reading some books on the topic.

    True story: After opening standard Christmas gifts a few months ago, my mother gave my brother, my sister and I all of the following: three bags of various types of beans, a tarp, water purification tablets, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a flashlight, batteries, etc.

  2. I’m thinking you can probably figure out the flashlight and that’s about it.

    I have a relative who is hoarding ammo. But he probably won’t help me since I voted for the black guy.

  3. Jessie Lou says:

    My inlaws have property up in the country with a house (read “shack”) on it so I think I could handle it. I could do without cable as long as I have books to read but it would be hard to not have a phone capability. My green thumb has improved the older I’ve gotten in fact I’ve got some little maters turning red on the vine now. When I was kid we had a fairly large garden every year so perhaps I could channel that. Other than the fact that I’d be living in the sticks of either Wayne or Jones County I’d be ok.

    McGyver, my husband, has been hoarding ammo and guns – maybe if I moved to the country I’d become more proficient in the shooting dept for lack of anything else to do.

  4. Harmony says:

    “When we sober up after polishing off the vino and vienna sausages, there could be a problem. ~ This made me laugh so hard that I teared up. Thank you for that.

    Ant’s new hobby is to hunt. Because of that our freezer is full of duck. I hate duck…but Ant and the kids love it. I know that we can grow zucchini, pumpkins, tomatoes and spices as we did the last year. I wouldn’t call that farming though.

  5. Jessie Lou says:

    Harmony – I could not post on your page but your blog on cussing was FANTASTIC! I am champion F-word cusser myself. It was my one child raising flaw – my little boy wonder – IR – could cuss better than anyone else I knew (besides me). Hey- no one is perfect in the child rearing dept.

    OMG – I’m hearing “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” on American Idol – ok, that is just FU%KING WRONG!

  6. Mac says:

    Yes. +1 to Harmony for the cussing blog. And giving me a chance to applaud my favorite TV character of all time. He truly elevated cussin’ to its proper level. I give you, Al Swearengen. (and if you haven’t watched Deadwood, I highly recommend it)

  7. Barista says:

    Glad to know I have a place to go when it all breaks down. I’ll bring my hammock and chill in the trees. But dude – I’ll probably drink most of your wine, so get more, m’k? You can have the sausages.

  8. Harmony says:

    JL and Mac ~ Thanks for stopping by my place, I really appreciate it. Now excuse me while I add Deadwood to my Netflix queue.

  9. Yeah, we’ll need more wine. Actually, I’ve not had a vienna sausage since about 1978, and then only once. But it was the funniest canned food I could think of, other than possibly Spam, which I also consumed once, in 1978. That was a hard year. But Spam would’ve cost me the alliteration I sought.

  10. Jessie Lou says:

    Harmony – not my first trip – I stop by periodically, although that was the first time in a while. BTW – I’m still singing that Poison song from last night and I hate it!

  11. Smilyj says:

    There is a guy at my fire dept. that is on the whole “hoarding ammo-guns-canned food-getting chickens for eggs-raising rabbits for meat-growing sh@t in F*@k’d up ways-because civilization is ending” trip. I came into work one day and the truck bay looked like a high end meth lab. We had a sh#tload of milk jugs connected with pvc pipe and crap growing in them. Also, he bought a bunch of chickens and got pissed when they wouldn’t lay eggs. Turns out he bought a bunch of roosters. I think the rabbits are working out for him but it sounds like a pain in the ass. Man, I hope he is wrong. Way too much work. But he is rather amusing, I guess.

  12. Mac says:

    The funny thing is though, as much fun as it is to laugh at such people, if they are ever right we will all be lining up at their front door begging for food. That’s one reason I envy hunters and fishers both. They really could survive if it all went to shit. You turn off the electricity and I start freaking out.


    I’m laughing. If it turns out they are right, this blog will be dark and they’ll never know. In the meantime, they can never take away all the fun I’ll have had at their expense.

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