Quote of the Day:
“Batteries Not Included” –ubiquitous
……THREE triple AAA’s. Are you kidding me? What’s wrong with good old-fashioned all-American AA’s, two or four at a time no matter the product? What is this, some kind of ancient Chinese curse? You do realize, Mr. UBToys, that AAA batteries are only sold in twelve-packs. That means after I pay for four times as much power as I need so little Sally Slutzzz–the new Girlzzz doll that dresses like Kim Kardashian and says things to my precious, innocent, angelic Little Scamp like, “oh. my. god. math totally suxxx” and “uhhh, that is sooo ugggly”–just so Sally can dispense these pearls of wisdom from the minds of the marketing geniuses who brought us MTV without music to the impressionable ears of America’s future–after wasting that money I’m gonna be left with nine AAA’s rolling around in my junk drawer until next Christmas, cloggin’ up the place so I can’t put my hands on our measuring tape or the secret Coke codes that’s gonna win me the lottery or a safety pin or the four of clubs, until I need three more AAA’s for next year’s Sino-lead-coated treasure in which case I’ll find only two AAA’s remain and so another twelve pack will have to be bought ensuring the cycle will continue until the day comes when I need only a single AAA to go in my TV remote in which case the junk drawer will turn up only tape measures and bottle caps and paper clips and matchbox cars but not a single solitary AAA battery. Honestly, can’t we just outlaw AAA’s? And do they even make plain’ ol’ A’s? But I digress…..
…..TWO billing errors. Serenity now. Serenity now. “Yes “Joe” from Mumbai, or “Sven” or “Sahim” or whatever your real name is…..I spoke with “Bruce” last week, or “Jose” or “Rashi” or whatever his real name was. He ASSURED me this would all get straightened out….I ordered ONE Sally Slutzzz and you sent me TWO and charged me for two. I sent one back because that’s what Bruce said to do but then instead of a refund I got charged AGAIN. So I have paid for Sally Slutzzz three times and I only have one doll and that’s bad enough but do you realize I also had to buy twelve batteries to make her talk? But I digress. What’s that? Yes, I know she only requires three. Yes, I’ll save the rest for another toy. Just credit my account and we’re all good. No. I would not like to speak with someone about refinancing my house. I want my forty-seven dollars and twenty-three cents back. No-no-no. I do not want to order Barbara Boooty. So what if I have nine extra batteries! Don’t put that in the computer Joe! Joe, if I get a Barbara Boooty I’m comin’ over there and kickin’ your ass. I saw Slum Dog Millionaire Joe. I know what’s up in Mumbai Joe. No, I am not interested in subscribing to “Field and Stream.” Joe, PAY ME MY MONEY! Joe, don’t hang up! JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..”……
and a lounge in a mall ain’t no lounge.
Bonus Quote of the Day:
“Made in China” –ubiquitous