A Week in the Life, TB and Corporate America

Quote of the Day:

Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.” –Mahatma Gandhi

It’s been awhile since TB mentioned how I feel about Corporate America. I need to vent.

In March, 2008, I purchased a three year subscription to XM Satellite Radio. I love that product. Sirius/XM programming is possibly the greatest thing since toasted bread. However I hate the freakin company. For the past week I’ve been putting up with mail, email, and at least a dozen phone messages telling me that my account is past due and my service is set to be interrupted. Number one, I better not have far to drive when they cut me off. Number two, by my math three years won’t run from March 2008 until March 2011. The New Dehlian collections rep I was routed to with the thick English accent can’t get that salient factoid through his thick ass skull. Allow me to recount our conversation (much of his part I was forced to piece together based on my experience viewing Slum Dog Millionaire and The Simpsons and my past history with Corporate American customer service):

  • TB–Hi, this is TB. I keep getting these notices that my account is overdue. It’s not.
  • Mahatma–Yes Sir. Thank you sir. I can help you with that. Ok, pulling up your account. Ah! It’s overdue. If you will just provide me with your credit card number I will take care of it.
  • TB–I don’t think you understood me. I don’t owe you any money.
  • Mahatma–Yes Sir! Thank you for that Sir! And that account number issssss?
  • [it goes on like this for quite awhile–I’ll spare you]
  • TB–Listen, I’m not giving you any money. What I need from you is a copy of my account going back three years. Find all my payments and orders and we’ll sort this out.
  • Mahatma–Yes Sir!!!! I can do that for you Sir! Right away, I’m putting in a request for that right now. And if you’ll just provide me with your…
  • [Dial tone–or maybe just silence, depends on what kind of phone he was using I guess]

I still haven’t gotten that damn email. And did you notice, Mahatma was a COLLECTIONS rep. A quick search of this problem on the Google revealed people who claim when their subscriptions expire–expire, not become delinquent–Sirius/XM immediately refer them to collections. God help me if that’s what they’ve done to me.

Here’s the thing. I do my part. I pay my freakin bills. On time. Always. In return I expect to get the mother freakin’ service I am promised, nothing more, nothing less. What I also have come, sadly, to expect is that if the company operates on more than a local basis, they will continually attempt to screw me out of an extra dollar, or more likely a hundred dollars, in diabolically ingenius ways. Every freakin’ company I deal with is like Wil-E-Coyote and I’m the sheep dog, clocking in each morning to try to protect myself, my family and my clients. And be assured &*^%$, that this XM &^%*^* is just the straw that made me mother ^&%$#’n snap. Allstate, who I have sent money to for 24 years without making a single claim is holding about $75 they owe me when I cancelled my prepaid policy to combine my coverage with my wife’s. My former agent was Jenny Conn of Gautier, MS. Her staff kept me on the phone for half an hour trying to talk me out of canceling and then made me fax them confirmation. I did it and even though she has collected a commission off of me for 24 long years without doing a ^%#$& bit of work, she is part of Allstate and together they can’t get by without returning my unused premium.

Oh, that ain’t all, one of our health insurers started several years ago denying a dollar or two from periodic checkup payments and sticking them on me because the doctor’s bills were “above reasonable and customary.” Each year that nuisance amount I’ve had to pay has gone up a couple of bucks until this year when the denied part has suddenly become almost one-third of the entire cost.

The chain that services my air conditioner came out three times last summer. I spent about $800 on repairs and I was assured the problem was finally solved. Lo and %&$#ing behold. I turn on the AC for the first time and there is no cool air. Wising up, I called in a local independent guy who tells me there’s a leak and a major part needs to be repaired. It will cost about $1200. Except that for ME it will cost $2000 because I spent $800 on &^%*’n nothin last year.

Believe me, there’s more.

And so I ask you, am I the only mother %$#&ing one? Because from what I can tell, about half the country is apeshit crazy to defend Corporate America to the last drop of blood and the other half claims to be on to the scam but steadfastly refuse to act. A little help? Really, I want to know. Am I the only one?

About travellinbaen

I'm a 40 year old lawyer living in Ridgeland, Mississippi. I'm several years and a couple hundred miles removed from most of my old running buddies so I started the blog to provide an outlet for many of the observations and ideas that used to be the subjects of our late night/happy hour/halftime conversations and arguments.
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6 Responses to A Week in the Life, TB and Corporate America

  1. Madd Dawg says:

    you are the only one.

  2. kathy parker says:

    No, Ben- you’re not alone. I’ve been sent to collections for a magazine that I never ordered, and apparently dealt with this same guy trying to get it straightened out. Whatever you do, don’t try to call BellSouth about a problem because that will be what finally pushes you over the edge!

  3. Workinbaen says:

    Thank you for the validation Kathy.

    MD I should’ve specified that I was only inquiring of those who yet retain full ownership of their eternal souls.

  4. Madd Dawg says:

    you really must be more specific in your inquiries.

  5. irvineredd says:

    I just had a collections agency, a national one, call my store 3 times in 5 minutes, and ask to speak to a person who has never worked for me and I’ve never met. Literally 3 times in 5 minutes. The last person hung up on me. I will unleash hell next time they call.

    Not all corporations are shady. But all of them care about one thing only, dollar dollar bills ya’ll. That’s why they do everything possible to not pay taxes and squeeze every last cent out of anyone who is unlucky enough to come into to contact with them: employees included.

  6. Jessie Lou says:

    Why don’t you just answer the phone like you are Abu from the Simpson’s – that used to work for you.

    I know you are running business now so it is not quite as feasible but……

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