Quote of the Day:
“Get a haircut and get a real job.” –George Thorogood
TB turns 40 this year. I always thought that by the time I was 40 I would no longer be constrained by childish behavior and concerns. I thought I would stop cussin by now. Fear of needles? Not for a 40 year old man. I never imagined myself still wearing t-shirts and tennis shoes at this age or still dreading my morning shave. And though I never really considered this one, if I had, I would have thought I’d be over hating to get a haircut.
A haircut is painless. It takes fifteen minutes, tops, out of my day. For that matter it only takes fifteen minutes out of my quarter–I go three months in between usually. But I hate it. I don’t like the way I look when I come out, I don’t like the way the hairs get stuck in the back of my shirt and I really don’t like the ever-increasing proportion of grays that come tumbling down while I sit helplessly and watch. The twenty bucks it costs to endure this galls me. The smells. The buzz. The questions. It’s all too much. How the hell do I know what you should do? Just trim it so I don’t need to come back for two months, can stretch it to three and I don’t look too ridiculous!
I am not certain of the root cause of my strange animosity toward barberism. Maybe its the memory of my brother being cut behind the ear when I was but a tot. Perhaps in a prior and more interesting existence I was offed by a scissor wielding assassin. I think the bowl cuts administered in childhood by my otherwise saintly Mother probably played a role.
There is another factor at play here. You see, TB has one of the most vicious cowlicks in history. Even Alfalfa would look upon it with pity, his saucer-sized eyes peeled wide with wonder. The funny thing is I have come to embrace the cowlick through the years. Barbers came and went and haplessly hacked around the offending spot. Cocky cosmetologists, stylists and hairdressers took their place and each in turn declared war on the cowlick, then inevitably surrendered and paid homage to its power. They hate the cowlick and thus I have come to embrace it. It is, I suppose, a measure of recompense at being subjected by society to the seasonal scissor-work. A silver lining of sorts; eh, I’m an optimist at heart.
You have a cowlick, I have the naps…straight as can be hair with a patch at the bottom of my hairline (luckily hidden while my hair is down) that’s the frizziest mess of shit you could ever see. It doesn’t even grow past a few inches. And every hairstylist thinks they have the solution. Nobody has in my 33 years, so now I refuse to let anyone touch the naps. They’re mine and they’ll be there forever.
I loathe tremendously the act of getting a hair cut. I recently tried to explain my hair cut angst to my girlfriend who just shook her head and laughed at my ridiculousness. I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one. She will now be forced to read thisk.
Cowlick? Now you know you have to post a picture of that. My dad’s hair is really wavy and the only person on the planet that can cut it without it looking all jacked up is my mom. She mastered the wave, maybe there’s hope for your ‘lick. 🙂
I’m far too insecure to post a photo of it Calico! Well, I’ll think about it. Maybe a gem from my 7th grade yearbook.
Irv, glad I’m not alone too.
Barista, I hide mine mainly by waiting 3 months between trims.
BTW, surely there is a fellow pun connoisseur out there???
The 7th grade picture! Yikes – surely I showed you mine and the hair was quite Bozo like. You could do a post on the 7th grade look all by itself. I’m not sure how many of us would be brave enough to post a picture of ourselves at that point in life.
The root of the problem is the root and the direction it grows, my dear. Nothing a razor blade could not fix – you could join SmilyJ in the bald but beautiful nation.
I hate to spend that much on a haircut – I’ve gotten to where I might go twice a year.
I finally found a hairstylist, well, “barber lady” in D.C. that keeps the hair off of my back, shoulders, ears…you get it! The secret is she has a small vacuum cleaner she uses during and after the cut. It is amazing! Scares the shit out of you the first time but man it sure does make the cut easier. And I can go during the day and not have to go take a shower!
I hated haircuts before her.
I’ve had the same barber for 35 years and I just hang my head out of the window like a dog until the hair blows out of my ears
I dont have a picture of the cowlick. But I do have a picture of a very young TB with the bowl cut and he is dressed in something that looks like a brownie outfit for boys. I think it was his going-to-birthday-party suit cause its my bday party at approximately 5 yrs old (give or take a year).
All I can do is laugh at all of these mental images!
I wish I had hair..
I’ll be donating mine in a few months – perhaps we can have you a wig made.