Travellinbaen

Thursday Pickin Season II, Week 10

November 5, 2009 · 61 Comments

Quote of the Day:

This is for FF, when the power rears its evil head around 2:00 Saturday.” –Coach TeaJay

As you may have guessed, FF won his POTW again, now 8-0 on the season. Known far and wide as the South’s preeminent “Gentleman of Leisure”, the question is, is he feeling the pressure. The other question is, will it get to him? I also wonder, are Waldo and Sweet on this train yet? Another question is, to be or not to be? TB has lots of questions actually. For instance….uh-oh, I feel a digression coming on. Better just skip ahead to the results.

Last week saw 12 POTW winners and 11 losers.  As always, the 12 winners appear first, bonus picks in parentheses. SOTW was divided up with a point apiece to Coach TJ, S&M, Sweet and Larry. A point was left over so I’ll give it to Mac for voting for his post 12 times and giving everybody else one star. Theme points are split between Irv and Smily 2 apiece and I’ll give Zeek my point since he really wanted to vote for himself anyway. Smily’s extra bonus point vaulted him to his first weekly win in a quietly successful overall campaign.

  1. SmilyJ  (4-2, plus bonus) 64
  2. Sweet (all-in plus makeup points plus bonus) 63
  3. Mac  63
  4. Zeek 63
  5. BR  62
  6. Greeg (2-1)  56  (Is this Greeg’s first ever winning record?)
  7. BW Buzz (2-2)  50  (Should BW Buzz change his moniker to Even Steven?)
  8. Irv (1-2, plus bonus)  46
  9. S&M  (0-1, plus bonus  45
  10. Feidt’s Follies (2-3)  44
  11. TB  (2-3)  44
  12. CTJ  (1-4, plus bonus)  33
  13. JLM (3-1) 32
  14. TKH (2-1)  26
  15. Q (1-0)  26
  16. Larry  (2-3)  14
  17. Face  10  (Should the all-in penalty for losers have been harsher?)
  18. Special Guest Picker Doc Scoop  10
  19. MD  10
  20. RSR  10  (Is RSR unfairly handicapped in tuneage bonuses?)
  21. Fish  10
  22. TDW  (1-4)  8
  23. Harmony  (kept a spot on the bench nice and warm)

Season Standings

  1. Sweet  453  (Will TB “let” Sweet win?)
  2. RSR  453
  3. Mac  441  (Will Mac think he got screwed on the tunes again?)
  4. Feidt’s Follies   436
  5. SmilyJ  422
  6. Zeek  407
  7. TB  364
  8. BW Buzz  360 (Should we call you “Even Steven”)
  9. CTJ  352
  10. Irv  339  (Can he adequately service both his love of music, the TBU and his girlfriend?)
  11. Lazy Larry   316 (Will he chant at the end of Dixie?)
  12. Fig E  310  (Is Jimmy Johnson the greatest driver ever?)
  13. TKH  308  (Navy again?)
  14. Face  304
  15. S&M  292  (Does she like us, really really like us, or is she just being nice?)
  16. JLM  262  (Does she like us, really really like us, or is she just being cruel?)
  17. Fish  260  (A Notre Dame alum or what?)
  18. MD  246  (Any record highs today?)
  19. BR  227
  20. TDW  224
  21. Greeg  214
  22. Special Guest Picker Doc Scoop  170  (Do they have internet in Rocky Creek?)
  23. Q  160

TB’s record on the season is now 5-3-1 on POTW’s and 24-20-1 on the bonus. Here’s the link to Sheridan’s Odds.

My Week 10 picks:

  • LSU  +7′
  • Oklahoma  -5′
  • Illinois  +7
  • Syracuse  +21′  (Why do I EVER take the ‘cuse?)
  • Connecticut +16′

POTW–Houston +1

Some tunes:

  • So This is Love?–Van Halen
  • Can I Sit Next to You Girl?–AC/DC
  • Should I Stay or Should I Go?–Clash
  • Is This Love?–Bob Marley
  • Where Do You Go To My Lovely–Peter Sarstedt (from the Darjeeling Limited Soundtrack)

→ 61 CommentsCategories: Music · Sports
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The Free State of Jones

November 4, 2009 · 12 Comments

Quote of the Day:

I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell.” –General William Tecumseh Sherman, USA

TB, like most Mississippians has long known of “the Free State of Jones.” Also like most Mississippians, I didn’t know much. But I’ve always heard about how Jones County was “different” and part of that was because the county seceded from the state of Mississippi during the Civil War. In the version I heard most, they didn’t secede to rejoin the USA, they just seceded to be on their own. So when I saw the book, “The State of Jones” by Sally Jenkins and John Stauffer sitting in my local bookstore I had to pick it up. After reading the first few pages I was hooked. I learned while standing there in the store that the story of the Free State had been well documented. In fact the primary source for the book was an interview with the partisan leader Newton Knight conducted by a newspaper reporter in 1921, just before Knight’s death. As I read through the book I continued to be impressed with the first hand sources unearthed by the authors and their documentation of them in the endnotes. I also learned that the Free State’s so-called secession from the Confederacy was absolutely true in fact, though the men who led the revolt probably never considered using such a word for their deeds, and certainly issued nothing so frivolous as a proclamation.

The story told by Jenkins and Stauffer is fascinating to a Civil War aficionado, illuminating the experience from the foot soldier’s perspective and from that of the families left behind on the farm. It indirectly tells more of the slave experience during the war than anything I’ve ever read. But its scope encompasses bigger themes of Mississippi, Southern and even National political divisions that remain to this day, and that I’m not completely certain the authors even recognized. One thing they did recognize and develop was the idea that the men who led the South to war and who survived the war–some in spite of great peril at numerous battles and some because of the Twenty Negro Law that exempted large slaveholders and their sons from service–essentially “won” their cause. Using the example of Newton Knight, the authors traced the political domination of Jones County in a direct line from the men who ran the place in 1860 to the men who ran it in 1865, with the tacit blessing of their recent Union Army vanquishers. And they showed how the causes of the planter class of continuing free labor and social control of both the black race and poor whites were won.

Knight was of the yeoman farmer class who typically owned no slaves and who opposed the war in large numbers from its outset. I was surprised to learn that Jones County voted to send its delegate to Mississippi’s Secession Convention with instructions to vote “no” to secession. Upon his arrival in Jackson, the delegate was by turns wined and dined, then threatened of his life in order to change his vote to “yes.” He did, and he was given a plum job in the new government. The dirt farmers of Jones County and their neighboring south Mississippi counties were initially livid with the act of their delegate and the convention as a whole.

However, most of their opinions changed at the onset of hostilities and many from Jones and thereabouts signed up to fight for the South. The rest were drafted, save the few Jones families with large slaveholdings. Knight was drafted along with most everyone he knew and resigned himself to service in the Confederate Army. In the Civil War, men from communities typically served together and Knight was in a company of Jones and Jaspar County men he knew well. They suffered mightily in battles around Corinth and eventually down to Vicksburg where they endured the entire siege of the western bastion and suffered all of the privations brought on by General Grant. Knight and his friends were eventually taken prisoner, then paroled to go home and fight no more, which suited the company just fine. It did not, however, suit the Confederate government who needed men.

After arriving home Knight found his home country in a desolate state. Without its men, the area farms had been insufficiently tended by the women and children left home alone. Worse, the Confederates were constantly imposing levies on crops and stock and even when the levies ended, corrupt local politicians, the men exempt from the front line suffering, continued to take. Between the hunger, the insults inflicted on his home and family and before long the attempt by authorities to impress him back into military service, Knight, along with hundreds of his neighbors rebelled. The authors speculated there were thousands of similarly situated ex-soldiers taking the same course of action throughout southeast Mississippi and along the coast–the part of the state without a plantation culture. Along with the entire state of West Virginia, much of east Tennessee and several other enclaves aroun the south, not only Jones but most of south and east Mississippi were in open rebellion by 1864 against the Confederacy.

While it clearly wasn’t the original impetus, as Knight and his men caused more trouble for the Confederacy and drew more troops into their pursuit, he eventually came around to the point of view he held less emphatically before the war–that he was a Union man and opposed to slavery. As his band swelled with deserters and parolees, they began to undertake missions of sabotage to the Confederate war effort. Most of these acts served the dual purpose of hurting the Confederacy and feeding the local populace, white and black. Knight’s gang relied heavily upon the “invisible” black population of the area to hide them from pursuing cavalry, to warn them of troop movements and to feed them in the swamps where they hid. Before long, Knight had fallen in love with a former slave and taken her on as a second wife. Quickly thereafter came children. As his relationships with the former slave class increased, his dedication to the espoused Union principles of freedom and equality likewise grew. And it was this idealism, grown of suffering and fear, that set up what was to me the central point of the entire tale.

When the war ended Knight expected to be rewarded by the Union and to see changes to the antebellum social and political order. He had been commended to higher political authority by several of the Union officers he’d assisted during the war. The Confederate armies had been soundly defeated in the field and he had contributed to the result. To his astonishment and disappointment, within months of the war’s end he was a forgotten pawn. Forgotten to the Union at least–the planter class remembered him well. Knight was driven by the ex-Rebels to the backwoods compound of his dual family farm. The black equality he’d thought he had helped earn was wiped out by the Black Codes, precursors to Jim Crow. The old Confederate Generals and Colonels were back in charge of the government. Even the school he’d built for his white and black children to attend, under the teacher whose salary he paid, was burned to the ground. Still formidable as a fighting man, even feared, he was able to maintain a redoubt on his family land, but it is unlikely that Knight slept soundly even once between 1866-1921, and the reason had nothing to do with his maintenance of two wives.

It all made me wonder, what was the Union fighting for? It wasn’t to free the slaves. That was but a slogan. The men behind the bayonets may have believed that was their cause, but did Lincoln? We’ll never know as a consequence of his assassination. What we do know is that former slaves gained little or nothing from the outcome for a hundred years out from Appomattox. Beyond that, the slaveholding class was allowed to take back political power in the South without Yankee opposition in the decade following the cessation of hostilities. Was it money? Lincoln was a railroad man after all, and it was via the transport of southern agricultural produce in large part that the railroad men became tycoons. Anyone who studies history knows that in almost all wars from the beginning of recorded history, you must determine where the money leads in order to understand the conflict. I’m sure the issue has been addressed among the innumerable texts about the Civil War, but I’ve not seen it. Maybe the Federals thought they could simply impose their will through military might but found, like modern armies and nations do, that no amount of military strength was enough to change hearts and minds. For me its an open question, but at least now I know the story of The Free State of Jones, of Newton Knight, and of his unfulfilled idealism. As someone who considers himself a student of history and particularly of Mississippi history, the telling filled a gaping hole in my understanding of how my home state has come to be the place it is today.

—————————-

If anybody made it through all that, which is of great interest to me but perhaps not to one who reads a blog for a moment of mild amusement or escape from the daily grind, there are a couple of more notes I would’ve like to have worked in to my essay.

First, it is natural I believe, that southerners engage in mental gymnastics to justify our ancestors’ actions with regard to secession. After all, nobody believes in slavery any more, and it is difficult to imagine folks with near identical DNA as ours supporting it. It is a tenet of southern popular history that the war was fought over love of the Constitution and states rights. But deep down, most of us know that’s a lie. I’ll admit to ascribing to that orally taught history for many years and even still wanting to believe there was some just cause for which the South fought. I had never heard of the Declaration of Secession until I read this book. I’m not going to link it but if you google the term you will find it easy enough. It destroys the myth that the South fought for anything but slavery. It is likewise broadly accepted that the North fought for the noble purpose to preserve the Union and to stamp out slavery. Considering their post-war actions, there must’ve been some other motives too.

Finally, it was but a side note in the narrative but one I found interesting. Many of the partisans who fought under the command of Knight and alongside him against the Union developed selective memories in the years following the war and particularly after the restoration of the old boy network. Whether from racism, personal preservation or psychosis, they almost all came to embrace the mythology of the “Lost Cause” and their roles in furthering the interests of the Confederacy. Knight had kept detailed records of his men and their activities so we know who fought with him. But in their public dealings and their oral family traditions many completely rejected their role in the “Free State” in favor of their imagined role as heroic men in Gray. I’d be interested to know how their descendants view the facts illuminated by Jenkins and Stauffer. Many of the names from this book, both patrician and yeoman, are still well known in that part of the state.

→ 12 CommentsCategories: History · Mississippi
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Gumbo

November 2, 2009 · 26 Comments

Quote of the Day:

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.” –Jane Austen

The perfect recipe for a great Monday morning: the Bulldogs won this weekend, Halloween and the smiles it brought my little girl, and bright, crisp fall weather suitable for doing without the air conditioner, the heater and the bug spray. On top of that TB successfully executed Sweet’s red beans and rice recipe to add an essential new dish to my limited, but high quality kitchen repertoire. As if all that weren’t enough, the extra hour of sleep on Saturday/Sunday is still paying benefits. Some of you might think that the loss of the Rebels seasoned the cosmic dish a little, but you’d be wrong to thusly pigeonhole me. The truth is, as long as the Bullies win, I’m cool with Rebel success. However, when my team is losing, I want nothing more than to have you Rebs down in the dumps alongside me. Of course, I long for the day neither of those teams’ outcomes is part of the happiness recipe, but I’ve come to accept I’ll never outgrow it. One thing I have outgrown is using the extra hour with the time change for mischief instead of rest. But I’m not too old to recognize the poor judgment used by the powers that be in having the time change and the resulting 25 hour day occur on Halloween. I was more than a bit relieved to awaken to a TP/egg free house Sunday morn.

Speaking of Ole Miss, I thought the back who was involved in the collision that almost paralyzed an Auburn player made the play of the day Saturday. When the players collided the Auburn defender did not move, nor did the Ole Miss player. Replays showed nothing that made it look like the Reb should’ve been hurt. He wasn’t. He laid on the bottom of the pile virtually motionless for probably five minutes or more so as not to risk exacerbating the injury to the Tiger. When they finally moved the Auburn player, the guy hopped up and ran off the field unhurt. I don’t know his name, but he deserves a “well done” for his good sense and sportsmanship.

There was some commentary here last week about the new “Old South” controversy brewing up in Oxford. Specifically, the school administration is threatening to do away with Ole Miss’ treasured and inspiring “From Dixie With Love” fight song in order to stop the chants of “the south will rise again” at its conclusion. As a rival fan and as a radical, let me just say emphatically that I don’t give a damn one way or the other about this. I think its a little silly to be wrapped up in the mythology of the “lost cause” and equally silly to be offended by it. It was downright stupid for the school to attempt to change the chant to “go to hell LSU” or whatever. But TB is a solution suggester. How about “Ole Miss will rise again?” It evokes the old south slogan without the racial strife overtones, and is hopeful, positive and reminiscent of the glory days. Or do something else, what do I care. It’s amazing that this kind of thing makes news in Mississippi no matter what one thinks. PS, I think it is silly that Col Reb got canned too, but its not so bad because I see that suit around more now than I ever did back in the day.

I always thought Sweet should get into the bar and grill biz and have a menu that was original and inspired by our Saturdays watching football on Del Norte, then Scoop’s pads and finally over to Gautier. As I chopped up “the trinity” of onion, celery and bell pepper last week, in preparation for my effort at one of those well loved dishes, I had flashbacks to those days. Cooking isn’t a passion of mine, but when I do it, I like to work on something that doesn’t call for precise measurements, does allow for a beer (both in the recipe and in the hand) and involves a big pot. There used to be a Brit chef that had a travel show where he went around Europe recreating the dishes of the people. He’d throw in a handful of this, a pinch of that, a dash of wine all while drinking heavily and serving up one-liners. That’s the way it used to get done on those long gone football Saturdays and I enjoyed channeling the memories with both the cooking and the eating. It went so well I think I’ll try some other classic coastal fare soon. Hey Sweet, how about sending me your gumbo recipe?

→ 26 CommentsCategories: Food · Life · Sports
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Thursday Pickin Season II, Week 9

October 29, 2009 · 49 Comments

Quote of the Day:

Why don’t y’all just make some picks already?”     –Greeg

Is anybody paying attention yet? Another solid week by the TBU, 12 POTW winners against only 8 defeats and one tie. S&M forgot to post but I still put her down as opposite of Sweet and Q as opposite of S&M. If you add these standing picks in that makes it 13-9 for the TBU-POTW’s. TB took the prize this week with a POTW winner and a nice 4-1 bonus record to run my ledger on the year to 4-3-1 on POTW’s and 22-17-1 on bonus picks. Very Swami-esque numbers. Feidt’s Follies drew from the genius that is a Saturday mornin coming-down-but-getting-ready-to-go-back-up gentleman of leisure once again. Friends, if you like to be entertained only by college football games you need to tune in on Saturdays and get FF’s last minute selections. He is now an astounding, astounding I tell you, 7-0 on POTW’s and would be leading this little game if he’d played in Week 1 instead of giving “everybody a head start.” For your further entertainment, I checked on FF’s bonus record. He is 21-14-1 on those picks.  Feidt’s Follies, you know what’s coming. Let us know how it feels carrying around the two go-rillas Sweet and Waldo on your back this week. RSR resumes the lead running her all-in record to 6-2. To the scoreboard, the top 14 won their POTW’s, Larry tied and everybody else lost. Irv busted the curve for the losers going 0-4 on bonus picks while winning the all important POTW. SOTW to Sweet for his excellent find from the blues vault and Theme/List to Irv and/or his girlfriend.

Week 8 Results (bonus picks in parentheses)

  1. TB  (4-1) 68
  2. Zeek (all in, plus make up points) 68
  3. RSR  68
  4. Fig is Back 68
  5. SmilyJ 68
  6. S&M  68
  7. Mac (3-1) 62
  8. Feidt’s Follies (4-2)  62
  9. BW Buzz (2-2)  50
  10. TDW (2-3)  44
  11. TKH (1-2)  44
  12. Irv (0-4 plus Theme/List bonus) 41
  13. CTJ (1-3)  38
  14. Larry (2-3) plus make up points to stay even with POTW top loser MD)  26
  15. MD (2-1)  26
  16. Fish (2-2) 20
  17. JLM (2-2)  20 A shout out to JLM for taking Kansas as POTW and Oklahoma as a bonus bet
  18. Sweet (all in plus SOTW bonus)  15
  19. BR  10
  20. Special Guest Picker Doc Scoop 10
  21. Face 10
  22. Q (opposite S&M opposite Sweet) 10
  23. Greeg (0-2)  8

Season Standings

  1. RSR  443
  2. Feidt’s Follies 392
  3. Sweet  390
  4. Mac  378
  5. SmilyJ 358
  6. Zeek  344
  7. TB  320
  8. CTJ  314
  9. BW Buzz 310
  10. Lucky Larry 302
  11. Fig E  300
  12. Face 294
  13. Irv  293
  14. TKH  282
  15. Fish  250
  16. S&M  247
  17. MD  236
  18. JLM  230
  19. TDW  216
  20. BR  165
  21. Special Guest Picker Doc Scoop 160
  22. Greeg  158
  23. Q  134

My Picks for this week:

Link to Sheridan’s Odds

  • Boston College  -6
  • Ole Miss  -4
  • Georgia  +15
  • Navy  -6′
  • Kansas State  +28

POTW

  • Texas  -9

My Guy Fawkes Tunes

  • Penny Lane–The Beatles
  • Light It on Fire–Cowboy Mouth
  • A Conspiracy–Black Crowes
  • Give Up the Funk–Parliament

SOTW

  • Remember–John Lennon

→ 49 CommentsCategories: Music · Sports
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Cookie Monster, Revisited

October 28, 2009 · 19 Comments

Quote of the Day:

Confess and be hanged.” –Christopher Marlowe

This morning TB left home a little earlier than usual. I had a long drive and needed some extra time. There was a chocolate chip cookie left over from last night in the microwave. It wasn’t mine but I took it. I figured I could just make more tonight if anyone missed it. As I walked out the door I started to take a bite but stopped myself. “I’ll save it for after breakfast so I can savor it,” I told myself. Before I got in the car it was gone. The act was completely involuntary. I was powerless to stop it.

That cookie was dang good too. So good in fact that I rerouted in order to get breakfast at Fresh Market on the way out of town. At Fresh Market I picked up three more chocolate chip cookies, one to savor after breakfast as originally planned and two for lunch. It was going to be a long drive after all.

There is nothing like a long drive for reflecting on one’s life. Complex political issues, the origins of the universe, awesome blog topics…in the car all alone eternal questions like these get within a hair’s breadth of resolution, the threads of logic interrupted only by an overwhelming urge to self examine one’s own life and come to profound realizations. And so it was, as I devoured a stray crumb rescued from the crease in my shirt, that I thought of my childhood friend Cookie Monster and the great controversy that has always stood between us.

In 1979, Citizens National Bank fielded one of the greatest T-ball teams in the history of Pascagoula, probably the world. Our centerfielder was a heavy hitter, the only kid on the team bigger than me. After running roughshod over the eleven opponents available to us and winning every title we competed for, we convened for the final time at Beach Park for a team party. I don’t recall much about the party except that everyone got a game ball from the season and I happened to get stuck with a crummy one from a blowout of one of the worst teams, probably Toulme Tire or some such, if you were wondering. Undoubtedly there were hot dogs and chips and of course there were cookies.

I honestly have no recollection of what happened that day. What I know for sure is that my friend was accused by the coaches of pilfering the cookies, not only before they were to be served, but in numbers so great he left the plate near empty. He was immediately convicted in the court of public opinion and christened the Cookie Monster, a name that has stuck with him for all his years.

Cookie Monster and I went our separate ways after that season and it was several years before I saw him again. I happily greeted my old CNB comrade and eagerly raised the topic of our 8 year old greatness. To my shock and confusion Cookie Monster did not want to rehash the good ol’ days. Instead he wanted something I could not provide–evidence of his innocence in the cookie stealing matter, moreover, an alibi. The issue was so settled in my mind that I did not even consider his accusation of me as the guilty party plausible, much less credible. I laughed off the incident while CM seethed. As we passed through our teens and entered our twenties I saw CM regularly. Never, not once, did he fail to accost me about the matter of the cookies and never did he fail to demand my confession. The man would not release the grudge. I always laughed.

Then today I ate cookies until I was almost ill. I love cookies. I love the buy 5 get one free at the mall. Did you know if you buy ten they give you two? It’s a sweet deal. As I drove, my subconscious mind worked over the old faded memories of childhood, turning over every shred of the summer of ‘79 it could find. A definitive memory of the incident just doesn’t exist. But how can a dude hold a grudge about something he’s guilty of against another who is innocent for thirty years if he doesn’t truly believe he is expressing the truth? How do I explain my inability to keep the cookie I stole from my child out of my mouth for even thirty seconds? When the juxtaposition of my undeniable cookie love and CM’s enduring recriminations against me is considered, what does it prove? The case is circumstantial for sure, but it feels right. It is a burden lifted off my shoulders, a renewal of my spirit, a cleansing of the soul. I will never recapture the memory in my mind, but in my–in my taste buds–the knowledge is true. You’ve gotta be right Cookie Monster. You were wrongly convicted. It had to have been me.

→ 19 CommentsCategories: Humor · Life
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The TBU Political Consultants Get a Car

October 27, 2009 · 4 Comments

Quotes of the Day:

When your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a bitch an anvil”     –James Carville

What we see and what we all do on cable TV is not what people in the real world want to hear.” –Mary Matalin

The recession busted TBU political consultants are back. You first met them as marriage counselors, then they rewrote the rulebook for football. Now they are talking cars.

TB (8 years ago)–Jaycee, Emmsquare, here’s a car. It’s yours. To share. In 8 years I’ll want to hear your thoughts so I can post them on the blog I will undoubtedly start in the future.

MM–Thanks TB. I already love it. It’s the greatest car God could’ve ever given anyone in the whole world.

TB–But I gave it to you.

MM–<blank stare>

JC–I know you won’t believe this, but I think its the greatest car in the whole world too.

TB–I finally found something you two could agree on. Let’s hold hands and sing God Bless America.

—–8 years later—–

TB–Ok guys, how has the car been? Still think its the greatest car in the whole world?

MM and JC (together)–Absolutely.

JC–I do have a few, um, suggestions though. Emm had the car first and put a lot of miles on it even though she promised she wouldn’t if I would just give her control first. And by the time it was my turn to drive it there were a few scratches on it. She didn’t take very good care of it frankly.

MM–Well, let’s tell him the whole story shall we? The first thing you did when you got to drive was start whining about how it could do so much more. First you added speakers. Then you had to install a cell phone. Then a DVD player for the back seat so the little people could enjoy the car a little more. It was starting to get really expensive to operate.

JC–Now that’s just a matter of perspective. Since I didn’t drive the wheels off on ill conceived expeditions away from town the actual cost of the car while I was in charge was even lower than it had been when you had it. Plus, I improved it.

MM–So you say, but you fail to take into account that these so-called improvements will cost money in perpetuity. The little people aren’t going to be satisfied with only one DVD. This expense alone will grow exponentially through the years.

TB–Hmmmm. Interesting. So who’s driving the car now?

JC–I am. And the car is in really bad shape, but its not my fault. She thought it was just fine to keep driving the car even though there was an oil leak. “I’ll just add more” she kept saying. Then the oil ran out one time when the price was really high and there was a ton of damage done. So you might not like how the car is running now, but remember, I inherited this mess.

MM–Oh please. How much longer are you going to keep using that excuse. You’ve had the car long enough to make repairs and just haven’t gotten around to it.

JC–Repairs are on my agenda. But the first thing I had to do when I got the keys back was add a satellite radio to bring us into the modern age. And you had neglected the little ones’ DVD collection so I had to update that. I’ve gone to the bank to get a loan for the major repairs and the money should be here any day.

MM–All of that is a waste of time. What we need to do is park this car in the garage and quit using it at all.

JC–That is completely asinine. A car is a tool and must be used and maintained. If you had been a little more concerned with keeping it good shape when you were driving we wouldn’t be having this discussion. It’s only due to my constant tinkering that the car will even run any more. Besides, when you are driving you never want it parked.

MM–You hate our car. TB, I have it on good authority he asked a panel of mechanics down at the union hall if we should kill the car.

JC–YOU LIE! TB, you wanna know who she’s associating with now? I saw her at a tea party at the country club just the other day. One of her best friends stated publicly that Emm should get her own car and completely disassociate herself with this car.

MM–Look TB, Im’ma let you talk in just a minute, but I just wanna say, this car was a lot better in the beginning, everybody knows that. I hardly recognize the thing any more. He doesn’t use it at all like you intended. And you remember where the car was when we first got it? In the garage. Where it needs to stay. The best cars are the ones used least.

TB–I’m guessing neither of you think this is the best car in the world any more?

JC–Of course not. It’s the greatest car in the world.

MM–To suggest otherwise is patently absurd.

→ 4 CommentsCategories: Humor · Politics
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The Unvarnished Truth About How I (not TB) Got Famous One Time

October 22, 2009 · 19 Comments

Quote of the Day:

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” –Napoleon Bonaparte

From the age of 6 up through 16, this guy …..

….was a pretty dang good baseball player. After that, well, lets just say I needed my education. But that’s not the point.

Like any former athlete, be they a Hall of Famer or simply a neighborhood menace, TB loves to relive the glory days. Hell, I even like to relive my asshole runnin’ buddies’ glory days; we have to like each others’ old tales of courage and heroism because no one else really wants to hear them. And what’s a story without the tellin’?

And so it happened that one night a long, long time ago that TB, BR, Smily, Rob and maybe somebody else were out ridin’ around with the windows down one summer night. We were talking about how good Perk’s Juco baseball team was that several of my ARB’s, including BR and Rob, were playing for. At some point in the conversation somebody decided to make ol’ TB feel good and said something of my childhood exploits on the diamond, comparing me favorably to some other really good ballplayers who were still on the ascending side of “the hill”. I was pretty much sittin’ back by the cooler with a grin on my mug thinkin ’bout how much I loved these guys, especially when pretty much all of them chimed in sincerely with something good. Of course, there was a small undercurrent of discomfiture because as anyone knows ARB’s don’t make a habit out of saying nice things about one another. We’d come all the way down Beach Boulevard, turned around at the Point and were heading back up Market when I decided to join in, cut things off and agree that, you know, they were right. I’d been damn good back in the day.

At the precise moment I spoke a car passed us on Market and as luck would have it their windows were down too. Must’ve been a nice night. We all heard, clear as day, one of them call out “You’re DAMNNNNNNNNNNNN RIGHT!” Of course, the dude wasn’t talking to us, probably didn’t even notice us. TB, to lighten the mood and to get everyone to laugh off the emotional awkwardness of such a heartfelt ARB conversation, said, “Did you hear that? I AM Famous. That guy just said “there goes BENNNNNNNNNNNN WHITE!” Well, that lightened the mood alright. Everybody “thought” (I’ll never be sure if they really did/do or not) that I really believed this stranger said “Ben White” instead of “Damn Right”. After a good quarter hour of TB love, my ARB’s made up for it by laughing and mocking me unfairly and mercilessly for the next hour over my poor hearing and inflated ego. So be it, it was worth it to hear all those nice things. And that was the end of it.

Except that was not the end of it. When I next came home from college for a night out with the boys I was introduced to one of their buddies from some other town on the Coast. His eyes lit up when we met. “You’re BEN DAMN WHITE!” I was confused. Everybody else was laughing their ass off. As we moved around that night from bar to bar I got the same reaction. Then I started hearing people across the room who’d not even known I was there saying it. At the pool table somebody asked their opponent if they wanted to bet a beer on the next game. “You’re Ben Damn White,” came the reply. A dude asked a girl if she wanted to go out to the car to look for something he left and she said “you’rebendamnwhite.” On and on it went. My friends, lifelong pals, bosom buddies, ARB’s, had turned our moment of genuine male bonding into a catchphrase that had taken hold over a radius of two hundred miles outward from Perkinston, Mississippi. For years I heard “you’rebendamnwhite” all across the coast and north to Hattiesburg, from people who had no idea why they were saying it, still do occasionally, all because I tried to be a stand up guy and get everyone to move on by injecting a little reverse self deprecating humor. In fact, that’s what inspired me to tell the tale, I got a “Bendamnwhite” on Facebook today. And you’ve been wondering, I bet, why I call them my asshole runnin buddies. I hate those dudes.

But they could all play some dang good ball, I ain’t gonna lie.

Bonus QOTD

When you are young you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you get old you get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.” Casey Stengel

→ 19 CommentsCategories: Humor · Life
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Thursday Pickin Season II, Week 8

October 22, 2009 · 56 Comments

Quote of the Day:

I haven’t gotten to spank anyone in a long time.” –Jessie Lou McFall

Also worth repeatin’:

I’m corn-fused. Is this football-ese? –Calicobebop

The highlight of the game was when Millimeter somehow got into the suite and almost rallied the team to victory with his dancing Homer impression.” –Undefeated, Untied, Feidt’s Follies

If any of you are gamblers, and I hope none of you are unless you are in Vegas, because its illegal otherwise, I hope you are paying attention to the Picks of the Week coming out of the Travellinbaen Universe. Last week was the best yet with seventeen winners against only 4 losses and a tie. TB, for the record, won my POTW and went 3-1-1 on bonus picks. This put me just over the Mendoza line for the year with the record standing now at an even 3-3-1 on POTW’s and now 18-16-1 on bonus picks. Mac’s reign at the top was a brief one as he lost his POTW and came in dead last for the week, while Sweet won his and went 2-0 on bonus picks to assume a tie for the lead with RSR who regained the other half of that lofty perch at the midway point of season two. Notably, BR won his second POTW in a row after starting the season 0-5. Song of the week goes to Larry’s Charlie Mars pick and list goes to Jessie Lou. Here are the numbers.

Week 7 Results (top 17 POTW winners, Greeg Tied, the rest lost; bonus record in parentheses)

  1. Fish (4-1) 68
  2. Sweet (2-0) 68
  3. Smily  68
  4. Face  68
  5. Special Guest Picker, Doc Scoop 68
  6. RSR  68
  7. Q  68
  8. Feidt’s Follies (3-1-1) 62
  9. TB (3-1-1)  62
  10. Larry (3-2 plus SOTW) 61
  11. TDW (3-2) 56
  12. Zeek (3-2)  56
  13. Fig E (3-3)  50
  14. Coach TJ (2-2-1)  50
  15. BR (0-1)  44
  16. BW Buzz (1-3)  43
  17. TKH (1-3 )  43
  18. Greeg (1-3)  43
  19. JLM (4-1 plus bonus 43)
  20. MD (2-1)  26
  21. S&M  10
  22. Mac  (1-3)  8
  23. Irv (distracted by his girlfriend a la Tony Romo) 0

Season Standings

  1. Sweet  375
  2. RSR  375
  3. Feidt’s Follies  330
  4. Mac  316
  5. Smily J  290
  6. Face  284
  7. Zeek  276
  8. CTJ  276
  9. Leapin Larry 276
  10. BW Buzz 260
  11. Irv  252
  12. TB 252
  13. TKH  238
  14. Fig E 232
  15. Fish  230
  16. MD  210
  17. JLM 210
  18. S&M 179
  19. TDW  172
  20. BR  155
  21. Greeg 150
  22. Special Guest Picker Doc Scoop 150
  23. Quail  124

Before I make the picks for this week I want to take this one last opportunity to revel in the fact that the Florida Gators have not won a game in Starkville in over twenty years. After beating the Dogs in 1985, the Gators lost there in 1986 when the Wayne Peace led team was upset 16-10, in 1992 when the Dogs crushed Shane Matthews’ Heisman hopes 30-6 on Thursday night, in 2000 when the Bullies rolled 47-35 (remember that one Smily?) and the Gators faced the infamous 3rd and 57 from their own goal line and finally 2004 when the Ron Zook-led Gators got Croomed 38-31. These games all had one thing in common–TB didn’t think we had a chance in any of ‘em. No chance this week either, and so, I gloat. One last time. But we will cover the number, so we’ll have that going for us. Which is nice.

Link to Sheridan’s Odds

  • Vanderbilt  +13
  • Tennessee  +14
  • Kentucky  -14′
  • Mississippi State +22′
  • Auburn  +7

POTW–Oklahoma  -7′

My Weekend Tunage

  • You Give Love a Bad Name–Bon Jovi (1986)
  • Teen Angst (What the World Needs Now)–Cracker (1992)
  • Kryptonite–3 Doors Down (2000)
  • Cold Hard Bitch–Jet  (2004)
  • Do It Again–The Beach Boys

  • Do It Again–Steely Dan

→ 56 CommentsCategories: Music · Sports
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What Is There To Be Ashamed Of?

October 21, 2009 · 14 Comments

Quote of the Day:

Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion. –Jack Kerouac

It came to my attention today that another decade is almost come and gone. It has been an eventful one, like most of them are, I suppose. But a question was posed to me earlier today–won’t we wonder, twenty years hence, what in the heck we were thinking as a culture when clips of a show like “Dancing With the Stars” gets showed  on VHocho (and mocked as if she remembered it by some little hipster who is at this moment probably still in diapers)? Yep, I thought. We’ll be wondering. TB’ll be denying he ever watched the show, save under duress, but as a group, we’ll deserve the hazing. So I got to thinkin’, what else should we be ashamed of?

Looking back on the 80’s it was the mullets, the big bow-headed chicks and the Talibanesque clothing that seems so bad now. The 90’s still seem too fresh to be terribly embarrassed, but I already laugh at the giant cordless phones you see on shows like Seinfeld. There was that Billy Ray Cyrus song too. I can’t think of too much else on the 90’s that was so bad, at least not yet. Oh yeah, Zima, but I never drunk that crap.

Anyway, try to put yourself in that yet to be invented time machine and fast forward a couple of decades. What should we, the cosmic we that is, have thought the better of over the last 9 1/2 in the world of pop culture? “Dancin” is just one of many reality shows and I think we’ll be sorry for that genre altogether. Computers are getting smaller so I imagine this sleek, beautiful, lightnin’ quick Mac will be just another grotesque paperweight to the next generation. I hope we are laughing at ourselves by then that we ever drove cars that got 18 miles per gallon of gas, better yet that we are laughing at our use of the internal combustion engine at all. I definitely think we will be unable to explain why Paris Hilton became a household name–same goes for Brittany Spears and Jessica Simpson. This ain’t a politics thread (MD) but I think it stands to reason a bunch of us are gonna have egg on our faces over the debate on global warming come 2029. I’m not saying here which side, but by then there ought not be much left to discuss on that issue. We guys will have to try and explain to the kids why there was no college football playoff in addition to what in the hell the “BCS” was. In the tech world I think we’ll laugh at the My Space/Facebook/Twitter fads, and undoubtedly, some of us will be at a loss as to why we thought having a blog was such a damn good idea. But TB’s forte is looking to the past, not forward. My crystal ball is cloudy, so how about a little help on this one. Honestly, right now, I’m not that embarrassed by anything I’ve thought about, except maybe the bloggin, but then again, I thought that mullet in my tenth grade picture was pretty dang sweet too. At the time.

→ 14 CommentsCategories: Life · Lists
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Don’t Believe Anything in this Essay (but its all true)

October 19, 2009 · 17 Comments

Quote of the Day:

“I have learned the art of the pitch.” –Sidd Finch

A few days ago I opened AOL and saw the news that caused a lump in my throat. A tear began to form in my eye. A young boy was trapped in a balloon soaring out of control 10,000 feet above the Earth. The authorities were on the case and trying to figure a way to save him, but it looked bad for the little tike. The nation was glued to their TV screens, taking a break only to check on our own children, say a brief prayer, or maybe to post a Facebook update of concern and of the balloon’s latest coordinates. A few hours later we found out the boy was safe at home. We cheered. We hugged children close. We thanked God for the answered prayers, and updated our Facebook statuses. A few minutes later the cynics began to speculate the whole story seemed damned dubious and the whole episode had probably been a hoax. “Impossible”, many of us said, staring blankly at our televisions, and hoped against hope we were right. Our collective ire began to rise, like a bird, bubbles or maybe something else that rises into the sky, like inert gases or maybe something else that would fit here better, I don’t know, I’m off on a tangent now. The point is we slowly began to realize we’d been had and we were pissed. Yes, TB was pissed too, yesterday. Not today though. Maybe its just because I tend to the contrarian point of view or maybe its my exceptional, dry, twisted? sense of humor. Whatever. Today I laugh.

I might be the only one though. Folks don’t like to be “had”, especially folks who shape opinions. There is an outpouring of pitchfork wielding villagers calling for the head of the mad scientist, or at least for hard time. All the networks and most of the blogs want this man in jail too. And why? Well, as far as I can tell, its for pulling one over on us, for leading us to needlessly expend from our apparently limited reservoir of human compassion and for using up some precious prayer equity perhaps. Oh sure, a lot of time and money was wasted, public and private. Sending the balloon daddy to jail won’t recapture it though. Wouldn’t this work out better if he got his crummy reality show but had civil judgments that collected all his money? Maybe the government agencies could even come out ahead on the deal. Other than some sort of visceral relief, it seems to me the time, effort and money that is and will be spent on prosecuting this eccentric are not justified.

Really, I have only one problem with the whole hoax after a bit of reflection on the matter, and that is that he involved his kids. It’s not even that he claimed a kid was in the balloon–this story wouldn’t have gone viral if it was his pet hamster in the sky after all–but that he had the kids in on the game and then subjected them to media scrutiny. If not for that, I’d really give him two thumbs up for the whole caper.

Can some good come of this? Probably not. Of course, probably no long term harm either, setting aside the costs of convictions. If some good could come of it, if TB had his own show and could shape a few opinions, of course I have enough trouble shaping opinions here in the TBU, but then I’m off on another tangent now, I forgot what I was going to say.

What I meant to say was that collectively, maybe we should lighten up a little.

Here’s a link to my favorite hoax of all time. Read the first letters of all the words in the introductory sentence. I was 14 when George Plimpton told us about Sidd Finch and his 200 mph fastball, his french horn and his Harvard background in Sports Illustrated, and I bought the tale hook, line and slider. My old man didn’t. And I was hacked when he laughed at me when the truth came out. But I learned something I’ve never forgotten from the episode–not to accept anything without question, even from a trusted media source. Within a few more days I came to another profound realization–that a well executed hoax should be appreciated, and that the embarrassment over having been had is best alleviated by joining in with the laughter.

There were a few more profundities I intended to share when I began this, but I have other things to do. I have to go forward an email ten times so I can get my share of Bill Gates’ money, I must determine what action to take upon learning of a certain illegal alien residing in Washington DC, and I have to debunk the contention that the Northwest Passage was ever impossible, and I need to investigate Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s possible involvement with the Piltdown Man. And time is short. According to Mayan prophecy there’s only 2 and half years left. That’s why I need to get my Bill Gates money asap, so I can travel to Africa and the Yukon and England to look for….but I’m off on another tangent it seems….

Bonus Quote of the Day:

I’ll have to see it to believe it.” –Peter Ueberroth, in the last sentence of the Sidd Finch article

→ 17 CommentsCategories: Humor · Philosobaen · current events
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