Quote of the Day “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.” –Groucho Marx
TB dreads the inevitable. As a kid, my times of greatest stress were sitting in a classroom on poetry recital day and waiting for my name to get called. I was fine once I stood up. I hate the days before a dental or doctor appointment, but find that I get through them just fine once I’m in the office. And I hate the days before a birthday. I’m always, so far, happy with the age I currently am but I don’t want to advance. I start thinking about all the things I should’ve known earlier in life and the time wasted in ignorance. I recalculate the statistical probability of years until death.
At 38 there are several things with which one must come to grips. Your contemporaries in professional sports are retiring because they are too old to be effective any more. If you’re not already there or at least on the fast track, you’re probably not going to be either rich or famous. You’re getting real close to annual checkups including such procedures as blood tests, blood pressure readings, and anal probes, or so I’ve heard. All these things and more make the approach of another birthday as unwelcome as TB at a country club.
Then the day arrives and I must grudgingly admit, I like it just fine. I get gifts these days, which is a lot of fun, but still hard to get used to after 20 years of relying only on the yearly check from Mom. I have nieces call and sing to me. I eat cake, or this year, air delivery frozen chocolate covered key lime pies on a stick! And I block out all those worries and realizations from earlier in the week. I can deal with those next year, just before I turn 39. Might as well, because 39 for TB is gonna be worse than 40–that anticipation thing again. So I’m enjoying today. I just don’t want to go any further. But as I always say, getting older sure beats the alternative.
TB – you got it all wrong! I’ve never understood people that dreaded getting older or birthdays. I love birthdays, perhaps I am in the minority. But it is a day to celebrate you! My 40th birthday was great – one for the record books. 33 was pretty great too – I got carded at the Treasure Bay – I think you may have even been there – it was the year of the Macarena. I got carded at the ripe old age of 45 a few weeks ago at Walmart buying beer and also at the drive up window of Thunders. I asked the girl was she kidding and she said absolutely not and when she saw my date of birth she was shocked. One thing about getting older is how great it is to look back and see how far you have come. Sure, not every birthday is fun or wonderful but that makes those great ones even more special or memorable. You’ve got some great memories out there and they make really good stories for someone like you who is so adept at telling them. In the poker game of life it looks like you’ve been given some nice cards – play them well my friend and have a great birthday!
Happy Birthday. Man, your life is going to suck from here on out. Well, except for that anal probe part. Because my GI doctor was not part of my HMO, I got abducted by aliens for my anal probe. I then signed a HIPPA release to allow the aliens to consult with a doctor within my HMO. The freakin’ lengths one has to go to nowadays to make insurance companies happy, huh?
And then wait until you have to tell your daughter, “Daddy can’t play that game, sweetheart. His back has turn into the letter ‘C.’ Let’s just sit here and watch this thing called NASCAR. Hannah Montana is in car no. 23.”
Seriously, you’re just now turning 38? Ah, you’re just a baby. As I once said (made it up myself), “Youth is wasted on the young.”
39!!! man, that’s just plain old.