Twitter is Dead (a foreshadowing)

Quote of the Day:

There is no danger that Titanic will sink. The boat is unsinkable and nothing but inconvenience will be suffered by the passengers.”     -Phillip Franklin, White Star Line Vice-President

In all the TBU, there are only six known users of Twitter–TB, TDW, Mac, Irv, Barista and RockStar. TD has an account, but I don’t know if she uses it. The rest of you, I’ll call you the “Twitless,” probably fall into one of several main categories–disinterested, unaware, or convinced it’s just another passing internet fad, like Facebook. Well friends, if you fall into categories two or three, it’s time for you to sign up and start chirping. Twitter is here to stay. It is awesome. It is addictive. It will soon be essential. It is only going to get better and it will be with us forever. For-Ev-er.

TB was late to the Tweet party and I cannot even say I’ve yet wholly embraced it. Unequivocally, I can assert I do not yet fully understand it. Oh, a complete imbecile I am not. I get the whole 140 characters thing and I even now know what “smh” means. I know what a #hashtag is. But there is plenty of shorthand and some stylistic techniques and some basic etiquette I have yet to grasp–sort of like TB in the physical universe. Ironically, “the real” TB is a list-making fiend while the Twitterati TB cannot seem to figure that skill out. (Little help Wit?)

No matter. If you fancy yourself an aficionado of the “bon mot” you must Tweet. A punnist, you say? Then Tweet. Get bored in waiting rooms? Not if you Tweet. Want news in real time? The best bargains on the web? Near-celebrity-interaction? Participate in a revolution? Tweet, dammit! How else are you gonna find out where I have coffee each day? Alas, Tweet. It is the future.

Seriously, I am calling you out TBU. Twitter is great. You are going to have to join eventually, so might as well get on with it. And I’ll follow you if you’ll follow me. Really, that’s not weird in the Twitterverse.

Posted in current events, Life | Tagged , , | 23 Comments

Oh, Mama, Could This Really Be the End?

Quote of the Day:

We don’t need to talk about it anymore…The world has been warned – my it has been warned. We have done our share and the media picked it up. The world has been warned that it is under judgment.”      –Entrepreneur, Harold Camping

Seldom is there an event, uh, check that–a non-event more suited to ironic, sarcastic and downright comical commentary more perfect than Harold Camping and his “Family Christian Radio” sponsored Day of Judgement, previously scheduled for May 21, now postponed until October. So “why?” TB asked myself. “Why did I let this momentous (non) occasion pass by the blog unmocked?” The sad truth is, I just didn’t find it all that damn funny.

This conclusion bothered me for several days. I have been struggling lately to find topics I cared enough about, or that I found interesting or funny enough, over which to fire an essay off into the oblivion that is the TBU. This was the perfect subject–idiotic, corrupt, publicized and derided across the American political spectrum, uniting us all in a way even the elimination of Public Enemy number one could not. The quotes given to the media were priceless–not only from the diabolical leader of the doomsday cult, Mr. Camping, but especially those of his “flabbergasted”, “dumbfounded”, and “like a cream pie to the face” followers.

Finally it dawned on me. Hordes of shame-faced Americans believed in Camping’s false prophecy, including many fundamentalists who silently hoped he was right and privately gave it better than even odds of truth. (A hundred-million dollar media empire ain’t built on the backs of (only) a dozen nut-cases my friends.) How can so many be so….so….downright stupid? I cannot answer that part. I can only say they are little different than the rest of us.

If there is one thing that virtually all of us agree with in this strange time and place we share, it is that the train is off the rails. America, probably the whole world, is really screwed up. More than usual, I mean. Many liberals like myself blame this primarily on the actions taken during the George Bush Presidency. Oh, that wasn’t the only thing, but some huge powder kegs were lit by that gang. We rose up and helped elect the most unlikely new leader in, possibly, world history. Barack Obama was going to lead us in a new and hopeful direction, regulating and controlling the huge financial interests that brought our economy to ruins. We were stupid for thinking that. Republicans sent us thousands of chain emails to warn us–and lately to mock us for our hope. ‘Course, every damn one of those emails was wrong in its premise. Just not its conclusion.

Republicans? Stupid. A lot of them voted for George Bush. Twice. Most conservatives begrudgingly realize how bad those eight years were. That’s why now they call themselves “tea partiers” or “libertarians.” They are no less stupid than than they were as Republicans though. Their champions’ answers–cutting taxes on the only people who can afford to pay them, unceasing military spending increases, ever-advancing corporate power and Sarah-freakin’-Palin? Trump? Santorum? Gingrich? If there is one thing I now know for certain, it is that four years from now, no matter whether we are led by Obama or one of the TP’ers we are going to all still be stupid for believing our guy is any better than their guy and that the ones who vote the other way are the only stupid ones. That goes for you Ron Paul backers too.

What I am trying to say is, the doomsday chumps are just like us, except, perhaps, they have gained enough wisdom to see that in this F’d up world of ours, there is no earthly answer in sight. Like angry liberals and apoplectic tea partiers and sneering libertarians, they know something is wrong and just like the rest of us, with available answers ranging from the subliminal to the ridiculous, they thought they’d found the answer. Instead of being merely angry, they are hopeless. So they hope for the end, grasping for an answer. Meanwhile, Exxon and Goldman Sachs and Blue Cross executives all grow fabulously, grotesquely wealthy. Harold Camping hasn’t done to bad for himself either.

Bonus Quote of the Day:

Now the preacher looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
With twenty pounds of headlines
Stapled to his chest
But he cursed me when I proved it to him
Then I whispered, “Not even you can hide
You see, you’re just like me
I hope you’re satisfied

–Bob Dylan, Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again


Posted in current events, Philosobaen, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Bumper crop

Proud of my thrivin’ daylillies. We share an identical lineage, on Daddy’s side.
Image posted by MobyPicture.com
- Posted using MobyPicture.com

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Modern Man

Quote of the Day:

Can you help me occupy my brain?”     –Black Sabbath, Paranoid, released October, 1970

Contemplating the at once ascendant and yet deteriorating state of the world we live in and TB’s ten-twenty on the celestial spectrum lately…..

I was born in 1970. Coincidentally, perhaps, I view that year as year one of the modern era. There is abundant evidence for the proposition in the changes that came about over the surrounding years.

In 1969, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon (said none of these things by the way, sadly), and by 1970 Bewitched, Andy Griffith and I Dream of Jeannie were all airing in the full glory of Technicolor. Beverly Hillbillies too. But these shows, that all started as black and whites and depicted American life in an idyllic, delightful and zany light were in their last days, being overcome by a new type of sitcom–All In The Family, The Brady Bunch, and MASH–still funny, still zany, but with hippies and mixed families and people who hated the Army. We began to acknowledge and laugh at American dysfunctionality. The transition from the ancient world to the modern in entertainment was distinct.

The turbulent sixties (a federal law was passed in 1978 requiring use of “turbulent” in any publication discussing that decade in any way) featured civil rights battles in the streets and the passage of Medicare, changing American politics forever; and Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays retired in 1969 and 1973, respectively (though many baseball fans refuse to acknowledge Mays’ two years with the Mets beginning in ’72.) Their departures symbolized a changing of the guard in the pastime. In 1970 Curt Flood challenged baseball’s reserve clause and set in motion the concept of free agency as it is now practiced in all professional sports. The seventies would begin the era of mortality for our sporting heroes–Reggie Jackson, Steve Garvey, Pete Rose–little different than their often belligerent, hard-drinkin’, womanizin’ and gamblin’ predecessors, but publicized now. Even the Presidency was de-pedestalized in the new age with the exposure and fall of Nixon.

The first mideast oil crisis was in 1973. Resulting gas lines were a deceptively gruesome foreshadowing of America’s future. Monday Night Football debuted in 1970 too, and the New York Jets set football on its modern course when they won Super Bowl III in 1969. The Beatles split up in 1970. Black Sabbath debuted. The first Earth Day was proclaimed in San Francisco, asbestos insulation was banned, and eighteen year olds were given the right to vote. Astroturf. Old Elvis. Hurricane Camille.

Am I right? When did the modern era begin? With America’s victory in World War II? With the explosion of the PC and the Internet Age? Sometime else?

I still say around 1970.

“What difference does it make?”, you might ask, or possibly “how does one punctuate a question within a sentence?”

I don’t know. Probably none. Just something I was thinkin’ about.

Posted in History, Life | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

TB Goes to Memphis in May

Quote of the Day:

“I’m a rompin’, stompin’, piano playing son of a bitch. A mean son of a bitch.”     –Jerry Lee Lewis

A few observations and some grainy iphone snapshots of TB’s Saturday at Tom Lee Park in Memphis, Tennessee, attending the Beale Street Music Festival……

We saw Paul Thorn of Tupelo first. I’ve blogged about him before. The guy has a good act–doesn’t blow you away, but the songs are solid and he’s got good stage presence and a decent stable of jokes.

After Thorn we had time to catch about thirty minutes of The New Pornographers at a different stage before we had to go stake out a place for Mumford and Sons, the band we were mainly looking forward to seeing. The Pornographers have been around awhile, and I’ve heard some of their stuff on XM, but I am not really familiar with them. They were great in concert though and I wish we could have seen more. It’s a sort of old school college rock sound (and when I say college rock I mean from my era ’88-95) but with really good musicians and a lot of harmonies. Hated to leave them early, but it was a good thing we did because we got a good spot for Mumford, et al, and I got to see a true Rock and Roll Hall of Famer for the first time, plus, enjoy the day’s bloggin’ highlight.

Jerry Lee Lewis’ old decrepit ass was on stage and the mean old man can still tickle the ivories, I must say. His voice is still strong as hell too, even if he can’t move the body too much. What was funny about Jerry Lee was, well, that he’s a mean old man. The folks were batting around a beach ball, in typical festival-fashion, and ol’ Jerry didn’t cotton to that. Not a-tall. He stopped playing in the middle of a song and carefully, slowly turned his ancient head to eyeball the young whippersnappers in his midst–mostly a bunch of punkass fifty somethings gathered up close to the stage where the ball was frollickin’. “I din’t come here ta……see no bawllllll gittin’ toss’d aroun,” he growled. He looked over the throng as the ball continued to bounce, givin’ out the stink-eye to any and all who dared face him. “If one-a-y’all don’t catch that bawll and put it down, I’m stoppin’ the show.” Somebody grabbed the ball but Jerry didn’t let it go quite yet. He glared out, hopin’ maybe somebody wanted to fight I guess. “And stay the hell off my lawn!” Ok, I made that last line up, but I really think he had something like that on the tip of his tongue.

Satisfied with himself, Jerry returned to wailin’ away on the piano, and I gotta say, seeing the octogenarian Jerry Lee do “Great Balls of Fire” and “Whole Lotta Shakin‘” was not bad. Not bad a-tall. The man is a legend for a reason.

We also got to see John Mellencamp and Lucinda Williams. Lucinda was ok. She had the lyrics to her own songs in front of her which was really strange. And it was a little on the mellow side for an evening slot, but it was cool to see her live. She’s got some sultry pipes and I like her. Mellencamp is going grizzled. His new stuff is pretty good. Very different from the 80′s anthems, but good. It’s just not what most of us want to hear at his shows. Fortunately, he still does most of the old hits and “Pink Houses” was a lot of fun.

As I said, we were there to see Mumford and Sons. Let me put it this way–we got our money’s worth. RSR has been tuned in to them for a long time and I hear them on XM a lot and we’ve got some of their album on the ipod. I like their stuff and I liked them even more after seeing their Grammy performance. But man, after seeing the live show, count me as an official fan. Those guys are up there having fun. You don’t feel like you’re being suckered by a band who can’t believe you are paying to hear them go through the motions. Not a-tall. They are smiling and making eye contact with people and singin’ at the top of their lungs. They all play multiple instruments–it may be the only band I’ve ever seen where no one starts the show on the drums, but during it the lead man takes over for a song, the bass player does a couple and a fill-in even has to jump in for a tune or two. I can’t recall seeing a show where a band plays unreleased songs from it’s next album and the crowd reaction is almost as good for them as it is for the established hits. And most of all, man those guys play the hell out of their instruments. Fast. Loud. Long. When you are watching a Mumford and Sons show you feel Good. Everyone around you feels good. There sound is nothing alike, but it reminds me of how you feel at a Cowboy Mouth show. If they come around, you need to see them.

This Saturday–free tickets to Jazz Fest. Tune in here for a full report.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Bonus QOTD:

Hippies? Why, I’m the original.”     –Jerry Lee Lewis, who if he ever gives TB the stink-eye in person, I’ll take him on. I ain’t scared of no 80 some year old SOB. Not sayin’ I could beat him, understand, but you can’t go backin’ down to a bunch’a damn 80 year olds, right?

Posted in Entertainment, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Reflecting Upon a Bloated Carcass

Quote of the Day:

And so shortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al Qaeda. Even as we continued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle and defeat his network. Then last August, after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden. It was far from certain. And it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we could locate bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside Pakistan. And finally, last week, I determined that we had enough intelligence to take action and authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice. 

Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.     –President Barack Obama, May 1, 2011

On September 11, 2001, TB stepped off a delayed, as usual, Delta Airlines jet in Mobile, Alabama around 12:30 am. I went home and straight to bed, rose the next morning and stumbled in to the shower, powering my television in route. When I got out and finished shaving I stepped in to my bedroom to see the day’s headlines. What I saw instead was a preview from some outlandish new movie with an unnecessarily violent preview, but admittedly impressive special effects. Not my thing. I turned the tv off immediately and finished dressing.

Only when I got in the car and turned on the radio did I learn that I had been watching actual events–recorded or live, I still don’t know. But I could not process that what I saw was real at first. The news, many of you will recall, was at first unable to keep up with the story. In the fifteen minutes it took me to drive to work, I heard about the World Trade Center and the Pentagon attacks. The Pennsylvania flight was unaccounted for. A report came in that dozens of planes were unaccounted for. It was wrongly reported that the U.S. Capitol had been hit. Two of my best friends were still in the air at that hour. We would not know they were safe for several hours more.

Last night’s killin’ was a long time coming. It figures the sumbitch was holed up not in a dusty cave, but in a custom-built mansion, a “fortified compound.” Hiding in plain sight. I wonder if he got a kick out of all those incredibly inaccurate news reports providing visualizations of him receiving dialysis treatments in the field or the SNL skits or the political pronouncements of his irrelevancy? No matter. He may have laughed for awhile, but today America laughs last, and best.

The Navy Seals. Bunch of badasses. I hope they protect the dudes that took him down, because they’ll never be able to use their shakin’ hands again once they become known. Can you imagine the charge that went through the cat who pulled the money trigger just as he realized who was in his sights? Wasn’t any hand-shakin’ of any sort going on in that moment.

What does it all mean? Too soon. We’ll see.  I do know one thing. My daughter will grow up knowing about the carcass as much as the man. Just another dead evil dude from history. That makes me smile.

And one last thing. If the first thing someone did upon hearing this news was run to their laptop and fire up Facebook or Twitter and write about how much they hate President Obama….and I don’t mean if someone hates him politically which is perfectly normal, but hates him so much–because he is half-black I guess–that they resent he gave the order to unleash the Seals and would just as soon have let the carcass stay alive in his mansion for a couple more years…..to those people I just want to say as eloquently as I know how, from the bottom of my heart……Fuck. You.

Posted in current events | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution (this is what we’ve come to, America)

Quote of the Day:

“Here we are in the land of the free and I can’t even talk to a child about what he eats everyday. …As Americans, that should make you furious.”     –Jamie Oliver, at the conclusion of tonight’s show

TB bumped in to Jamie Oliver’s reality show, Food Revolution, last spring while channel surfing. I was immediately engrossed with his televised attempt to improve the health of West Virginians, particularly the kids of the Huntington school district. When I heard there would be a follow-up season from Los Angeles I made sure to plan ahead to watch the show.

What I have seen after two episodes is this–America, as exemplified by the Los Angeles public school system, is hopelessly lost.

The school board and it’s mutely evil superintendent, having obviously seen how Jamie exposed the garbage being fed to students in West Virginia schools, steadfastly refused to allow the acclaimed chef on it’s campuses. That’s arguably–weakly arguably, but arguably–defensible. But their purpose was not to protect students. Clearly it was to protect themselves from humiliation, because they also have refused to discuss the nutritional content of the food they provide in any way whatsoever. They are treating their food service practices like a state secret. Here’s a guy trying to replace chicken nuggets made from soylent green with grilled strips from a chicken never pumped full of chemicals and steroids. He’s trying to find out why french fries are classified as a vegetable by the government. He believes education is not only about what’s in books but on what we ingest. They view this person as a threat. A revolutionary.

Are these ideas that far out?

But America is a democracy right? The greatest country on Earth, the land of the free, yada yada yada…..We can just elect the other party and everything will be fine. The problem is clearly the liberals who run L.A. politics. Government does nothing right, after all, including this. It’s a prime example. Sooooo……we should just close the damn schools–easy conservative, libertarian answer. The whole thing’s a waste–unfixable–get the gubment outta my kid’s book learnin’.

Nah, clearly the problem is conservatives. If only they would throw more money at the menus they could provide better food. Except Jamie’s already shown he can take the existing budgets and provide high quality food without chemicals, less sugar and fat, and God forbid, less French fries.

A grassroots movement, that’s the ticket! When Jamie appealed to the parents of L.A., it generated (almost) a thousand, um, emails. Hmm. That’s how we express outrage here in the land that invented government of, by and for the people.

What about the political party that just wants to try to fix government without tearing it down and without adding more layers of red tape. Not pass a book of new regulations or throw out all of them, but to identify and strengthen the ones that are effective and shitcan the idiotic ones. The party that sees clearly–and acts on the vision–that we need government, but that there is far too much waste. The party that believes in private enterprise and fair competition and opposes monopolies and oligopolies and the cable company and calling french fries a vegetable and that sometimes the government should act and other times it shouldn’t and that simply pluggin’ a square problem in to a circular philosophy at all times is irrational. Oh, wait. We don’t have that party, do we?

After a couple of days, the obstinacy of the LA school board will all be forgotten, just like every other outrage inflicted upon us. It is one thing after another and we, as a people, are desensitized to it. Spend more money on the military than the rest of the world combined–we cheer it. Run the government so poorly a large part of the population has decided we are better off casting our lots with the corporations–we accept it. Refuse to allow the public a view of what goes on inside a public school cafeteria kitchen–we email about it. Just as long as my enormously grotesque chicken wing has enough sauce on it to mask the taste, I’ll stay compliant.

Food Revolution is not just about the schools either. It is about what is in our grocery stores. It is about our national obesity epidemic, diabetes, and heart disease and all the economic and emotional havoc they wreak. It is about ignorance and complacency and hopelessness, and no matter how hopeful and positive the host, and no matter how reasonable and doable his proposals, an American viewer knows what, perhaps the affable Brit host does not. We had our Revolution. We aren’t having another.

Maybe I am reading too much into what Food Revolution depicts. I don’t think so, but maybe. What I see when I watch is another straw dropped on the already crushed to smithereens spine of the camel that was our national spirit, our identity, long ago. Ultimately, Jamie’s show is a snapshot of America, the absolute failure of our political system to address problems that are crippling us, and the impotence of we, the people.

Posted in current events, Entertainment, Politics | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments